Here's a WWYD? See #89

[branv]

Frankly, if someone is truly your BFF, a person should be able to tell them their troubles and they can come to a resolution together. And If I really care about someone, I would never have allowed them to go into painful debt for the sake of my wedding. How joyful is a wedding if someone has to suffer because of it? If I wanted them there that badly and I had the money, I would have covered a wedding members (or perhaps a guest that couldn't afford to travel) costs. If I the bride/groom couldn't afford that AND my friend couldn't afford that, then we would just have to accept that we were both in the same place and give each other an out. It would be sad, but being a friend means being compassionate and understanding on both sides. If the groom is really his BFF, and this person can swing renting the tux without a big loan, then the groom should be understanding and happy to have them simply be a part of the wedding without all the added extras of the bachelor party/gift.

So no, I wouldn't take a loan if it was attached to this much stress. And anyone I call a BF would never want me to do so.

I also agree that option #4 is AWFUL. What kind of person would take a loan from someone then cop such resentment? They don't deserve any help if that's their attitude.

 

[MaumeeMom]

Frankly, if someone is truly your BFF, a person should be able to tell them their troubles and they can come to a resolution together. And If I really care about someone, I would never have allowed them to go into painful debt for the sake of my wedding. How joyful is a wedding if someone has to suffer because of it? If I wanted them there that badly and I had the money, I would have covered a wedding members (or perhaps a guest that couldn't afford to travel) costs. If I the bride/groom couldn't afford that AND my friend couldn't afford that, then we would just have to accept that we were both in the same place and give each other an out. It would be sad, but being a friend means being compassionate and understanding on both sides. If the groom is really his BFF, and this person can swing renting the tux without a big loan, then the groom should be understanding and happy to have them simply be a part of the wedding without all the added extras of the bachelor party/gift.

So no, I wouldn't take a loan if it was attached to this much stress. And anyone I call a BF would never want me to do so.

I also agree that option #4 is AWFUL. What kind of person would take a loan from someone then cop such resentment? They don't deserve any help if that's their attitude.

Well said!

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I interpreted that the loan was $500 and not for wedding stuff (it was for a "serious financial emergency"). By skipping the wedding, the friend will "save" $300 which can go towards re-paying the loan.

It was for $500.

The emergency was the persons car died. The loan was for half of a downpayment on a new car.

Yes, by skipping the wedding stuff, the person can save up to $300 depending on what they bow out of.

 

[wdwfan16]

It was for $500.

The emergency was the persons car died. The loan was for half of a downpayment on a new car.

Yes, by skipping the wedding stuff, the person can save up to $300 depending on what they bow out of.

The loan was on a car downpayment. Why did they not borrow more on the car loan and not get this loan? IMHO this is not a reason to pull out of the wedding or any other wedding stuff.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

The loan was on a car downpayment. Why did they not borrow more on the car loan and not get this loan? IMHO this is not a reason to pull out of the wedding or any other wedding stuff.

He had to keep his payments w/in a specific amount to be able to pay it per month. Putting down $1K instead of the $500 he had helped lower the monthly payments and get the deal on the car. When I say this person has no other means to cut corners and pay the friend back, I mean he really does not have much left after bills are paid each month, to the point that an extra $20-$30 on the car payment per month makes a difference.

IMO, having yourself a car that runs (this person is not in a public trans area), esp. when you are living paycheck to paycheck, is more important than being in someone's wedding.

I am also stressing, I am not 100% sure what was going on in the borrowers mind since I am neither a man or this person. It was just a scenario that came up and I wanted opinions on it to try and give this person the best advice possible.

 

[uva185]

It was for $500.

The emergency was the persons car died. The loan was for half of a downpayment on a new car.

Yes, by skipping the wedding stuff, the person can save up to $300 depending on what they bow out of.

What did he do with the dead car? At a bare minimum he should have been able to get a couple hundred bucks for scrap metal. Maybe some more for the tires if they were not too old.

 

[MiniGirl]

I think there are too many variables. Does the loan holder want their money back so quickly because s/he is now facing a financial crisis or do they just want it back? I will say that I would try to keep the commitment I made first which is to be in the wedding. If the loan holder went over the borrowers finances, then he knew this was on the horizon and it should be a non-issue. If it was offered (and taken) with dropping out of the wedding as a specific condition, then that's what you need to do. Like I said... too many variables and things we do really know.

Also, I do have friends that have borrowed money from family and regret it terribly. The loan holder made life miserable -- even after the loan had been paid back.

 

[mjkacmom]

If he is this broke, he should've said no to the wedding. As of now, he has made a committment to the bride and groom. Maybe he can work something else out with the groom, instead of backing out.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

The person who gave the loan gave this person specific requirements that they expected the loan taker to cancel any and all unnecessary things to pay her back quickly. I do not think there is any emergency on her end but she just wants her money back asap as she is not a wealthy person by any means.

I believe she asked the borrower to cut back on the wedding stuff, but not drop out (ie. she asked him to do option 2). The borrower is refusing which is leading to some angst because the person who gave the loan is telling the borrower that if he had the money to go party with the boys at a bachelor party, and give his bff a hefty cash wedding gift, he probably didn't really need this loan.

The person who borrowed apparently doesn't see any of the wedding related stuff as things he has a choice about.

I don't really know the bff/groom. From what I understand, he has money and at least 6 other groomsmen. This is supposedly going to be a gala wedding.

 

[robinb]

I voted for Option 2. It's too late to back out of the wedding, but the groom should understand that your friend needs to cut back on his monetary obligation. A real BFF would understand about cutting back but may not understand backing out of his wedding.

The only question is: what did he promise the lender? Did he promise the lender than he would skip the wedding when the lender went over his finances? Or do you just assume that the lender would consider the wedding "unnecessary"? IMO, a BEST FRIEND'S wedding is necessary and it is rude and greedy to request that the borrower back out.

 

[uva185]

If the loan holder went over the borrowers finances, then he knew this was on the horizon and it should be a non-issue. If it was offered (and taken) with dropping out of the wedding as a specific condition, then that's what you need to do.

Very good point.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

What did he do with the dead car? At a bare minimum he should have been able to get a couple hundred bucks for scrap metal. Maybe some more for the tires if they were not too old.

I know this one because I know cars (for work) and asked him about it/helped him find some cars. He got $2000 for it at trade in. The car he got was something like $7K. He didn't want to get a total clunker and end up with another dead car in 6 months. So he financed around $4500 after the trade and d/p.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I voted for Option 2. It's too late to back out of the wedding, but the groom should understand that your friend needs to cut back on his monetary obligation. A real BFF would understand about cutting back but may not understand backing out of his wedding.

The only question is: what did he promise the lender? Did he promise the lender than he would skip the wedding when the lender went over his finances? Or do you just assume that the lender would consider the wedding "unnecessary"? IMO, a BEST FRIEND'S wedding is necessary and it is rude and greedy to request that the borrower back out.

I think the scenario is he promised he would cut back on all unecessary things. The lender made it clear to him that this included all wedding related events save for the actual wedding. He now does not want to back out of the bachelor party and still wants to give a large gift. The lender does not agree that being in a wedding is necessary thing but also doesn't want to see his friend get stuck with one less person in their party and gave the person the money with the understanding that he would not attend the other events and would use that money to start to pay her back.

 

[BeenHereB4]

I think the scenario is he promised he would cut back on all unecessary things. The lender made it clear to him that this included all wedding related events save for the actual wedding. He now does not want to back out of the bachelor party and still wants to give a large gift. The lender does not agree that being in a wedding is necessary thing but also doesn't want to see his friend get stuck with one less person in their party and gave the person the money with the understanding that he would not attend the other events and would use that money to start to pay her back.

Seems the question has been answered then. A condition of the loan was that he do the wedding only and give either a small or no gift. He really should stick with what he promised the lender IMO.

 

[angwill]

Frankly, if someone is truly your BFF, a person should be able to tell them their troubles and they can come to a resolution together. And If I really care about someone, I would never have allowed them to go into painful debt for the sake of my wedding. How joyful is a wedding if someone has to suffer because of it? If I wanted them there that badly and I had the money, I would have covered a wedding members (or perhaps a guest that couldn't afford to travel) costs. If I the bride/groom couldn't afford that AND my friend couldn't afford that, then we would just have to accept that we were both in the same place and give each other an out. It would be sad, but being a friend means being compassionate and understanding on both sides. If the groom is really his BFF, and this person can swing renting the tux without a big loan, then the groom should be understanding and happy to have them simply be a part of the wedding without all the added extras of the bachelor party/gift.

So no, I wouldn't take a loan if it was attached to this much stress. And anyone I call a BF would never want me to do so.

I also agree that option #4 is AWFUL. What kind of person would take a loan from someone then cop such resentment? They don't deserve any help if that's their attitude.

I agree with this completely.

If I were the bride and a wedding party memeber came to me in this situation I would either pay for his tux, since the grooms is usually free if everyone else rents, and tell him to please not give us any gifts with no need to feel guilty. Life is not about gifts a friend gives it is about the companionship and emotional support in my opinion. Or I would let him back out and find a family member or other close friend to fill in. 1 1/2 months is plenty of time to find a replacement groom. No hard feelings would go with that we all get in a jam from time to time and it is nobody's business how we chose to spend our hard earned money.

PS. I did pay for two bridesmaids dress at our wedding because I could afford to seeing that I found beautiful dresses for $75 or so on clearance and didn't pick a never can be worn again go into hock for dress. I took into account everyones financial situation who stood up since we were all young and struggling and I felt that was my responsibility as a good friend.

 

[robinb]

I think the scenario is he promised he would cut back on all unecessary things. The lender made it clear to him that this included all wedding related events save for the actual wedding. He now does not want to back out of the bachelor party and still wants to give a large gift. The lender does not agree that being in a wedding is necessary thing but also doesn't want to see his friend get stuck with one less person in their party and gave the person the money with the understanding that he would not attend the other events and would use that money to start to pay her back.

Well ... if the borrower promised the lender that he would back out on the party and cut back on the gift in order to receive the loan then he should probably keep his promise. However, I think that the lender overstepped her bounds in requiring the borrower to do either one of those things. The loan should have been based on equal payments (say, $100 per month for 5 months) instead of dictating what the borrower can or cannot spend money on.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

1 1/2 months is plenty of time to find a replacement groom.

I know you meant to type "groomsman" but this made me

 

[angwill]

Hey if he promised the lender he has to stand up on his end of the bargain or obviously the lender wouldn't have lent the money to him. It sounds like the lender is putting their own financial well being on a limb for him.

That said he should have talked to the bride and groom first before he took the money and he wouldn't be in the situation he is in.

Good luck to him.

 

[wdwfan16]

He had to keep his payments w/in a specific amount to be able to pay it per month. Putting down $1K instead of the $500 he had helped lower the monthly payments and get the deal on the car. When I say this person has no other means to cut corners and pay the friend back, I mean he really does not have much left after bills are paid each month, to the point that an extra $20-$30 on the car payment per month makes a difference.

IMO, having yourself a car that runs (this person is not in a public trans area), esp. when you are living paycheck to paycheck, is more important than being in someone's wedding.

I am also stressing, I am not 100% sure what was going on in the borrowers mind since I am neither a man or this person. It was just a scenario that came up and I wanted opinions on it to try and give this person the best advice possible.

Either way he borrowed that $500.

By borrowing from a person he has to pay the $500 off quicker than he would have with the loan.

Is the new car BRAND new or a used car?

The best senario was to buy a car that cost $500 or better yet $1K less. Then he would have had the $500 and not the extra loan.

 

[angwill]

I know you meant to type "groomsman" but this made me

LOL I am leaving it that way because it is funny and might give a laugh to others. Dang, that would be some quick thinking to replace a groom in a month and a half.