Your child's school rules: the stupid, weird, or just plain annoying

[DisneyLoverUSA]

First of all, this whole discussion isn't JUST about the lunch but for the sake of brevity I will use that example...


You don't have a problem with this rule because it doesn't "inconvenience you"...that's the point. "Your" kid will manage either because he will take food from his friends, borrow money from someone, or just go hungry for alittle while....and you, and he, are ok with that. That's fine but.....not everyone feels that way. You argument, over and over again is essentailly that because it doesn't inconvience you, it 'shouldn't' inconvenience anyone else. And to use your own words....some people don't see it your way.

And I said nothing about wanting other people to fight 'my battles (but of course this isn't really my battle since we can do drop offs LOL). I said it can be an exercise in futlity to try and fight a rule once it's in place when there aren't enough people to support the change. Given that 1)MOST people are just followers anyway and will do whatever the school says because they say it, and 2) many others won't bother to fight something, no matter how stupid they may think it is, unless it personally effects them....it'd be quite the uphill battle to try and fight such a rule. It would seem you have no idea what it takes to try and change any 'rule', stupid or not.


And please, do not call me sweetie

When I saw that "sweetie" it made me laugh out loud that someone would be so condescending to try to make themselves seem more right. Calling someone you don't know sweetie or darling to me is rude and rednecky.

 

[kaytieeldr]

And I said nothing about wanting other people to fight 'my battles (but of course this isn't really my battle since we can do drop offs LOL). I said it can be an exercise in futlity to try and fight a rule once it's in place when there aren't enough people to support the change. Given that 1)MOST people are just followers anyway and will do whatever the school says because they say it, and 2) many others won't bother to fight something, no matter how stupid they may think it is, unless it personally effects them

The most likely reason there wouldn't be "enough people [to] support the change" is that those people don't feel the rule is unreasonable, or that they understand the need for the rule. When something needs to be changed, people will work for change - on a larger scale: suffrage, civil rights... If a school or school system has a 'no item drop-off' rule, yes, one option is to band together with other parents and work to get the rule changed.

Another is to just make sure the student has everything needed for the day before leaving the house. When most families don't have a problem with a rule, it makes more sense for the family that does have issues amend their own behavior, than to change a rule.

 

[jodifla]

What do you mean you won't blindly follow it? Do you mean you will question those rules you disagree with and if you feel they need to change, you do what you can to change it? Or do you just not follow it at all because you just don't like what it says? If its the latter, its not really something I'd be proud to admit, especially to my own children.

Normally, I speak out. There haven't been many instances with our school, which is quite reasonable -- so far -- compared with what some folks deal with.

There was one incident I started to speak up on -- along with many other parents, but we were shut down and actually threatened that they would take something major away from us -- a bus -- that we needed, so they got us to back down. That's a problem in dealing with schools -- they can extract revenge on your children.

But I haven't forgotten that incident, and will address it in years to come when they have less to threaten us with (as bus circumstances are changing.)

 

[hereyago]

The new "feathers" in the hair rage made me bust out lauging the first time I saw them.

I recall in the 80's, we were allowed to wear feather "clips" in which the clips could be used as drug paraphenalia.

 

[luvmy3]

First of all, this whole discussion isn't JUST about the lunch but for the sake of brevity I will use that example...


You don't have a problem with this rule because it doesn't "inconvenience you"...that's the point. "Your" kid will manage either because he will take food from his friends, borrow money from someone, or just go hungry for alittle while....and you, and he, are ok with that. That's fine but.....not everyone feels that way. You argument, over and over again is essentailly that because it doesn't inconvience you, it 'shouldn't' inconvenience anyone else. And to use your own words....some people don't see it your way.

And I said nothing about wanting other people to fight 'my battles (but of course this isn't really my battle since we can do drop offs LOL). I said it can be an exercise in futlity to try and fight a rule once it's in place when there aren't enough people to support the change. Given that 1)MOST people are just followers anyway and will do whatever the school says because they say it, and 2) many others won't bother to fight something, no matter how stupid they may think it is, unless it personally effects them....it'd be quite the uphill battle to try and fight such a rule. It would seem you have no idea what it takes to try and change any 'rule', stupid or not.


And please, do not call me sweetie

You missed a very important point. Its not about inconvenience, its about actually believing in the "rule" and its consequences.Its about the valuable lesson it can teach, one in which I wholeheartedly agree. Of course, I believe in a tougher approach when it comes to teaching one to be responsible for themselves.
That can be said for the no drop off rule, or any others.

 

[luvmy3]

When I saw that "sweetie" it made me laugh out loud that someone would be so condescending to try to make themselves seem more right. Calling someone you don't know sweetie or darling to me is rude and rednecky.

Rednecky? Sorry don't see the correlation but you were spot on about the condescension.

Normally, I speak out. There haven't been many instances with our school, which is quite reasonable -- so far -- compared with what some folks deal with.

There was one incident I started to speak up on -- along with many other parents, but we were shut down and actually threatened that they would take something major away from us -- a bus -- that we needed, so they got us to back down. That's a problem in dealing with schools -- they can extract revenge on your children.

But I haven't forgotten that incident, and will address it in years to come when they have less to threaten us with (as bus circumstances are changing.)

And that is the right thing to do. I'm specifically talking about parents who feel that because they don't like the rule, or don't think its fair to little Johnny or Suzie that they can just go ahead and not follow them. That attitude is prevalent today, and its a shame.

 

[sweetlovin']

You sat with your class for lunch, and we were frequently punished with "silent lunch" - no speaking. I cannot remember what was done to get us all given "silent lunch," but I remember it happening a lot.

My kids 6,8, & 10 are given silent lunch often. I keep thinking to myself, they are not in Military school. Quite frankly, school is a social setting and it would be considered rude to sit with a group of adults at lunch and not say a word. To top it off, my kids have never once been in trouble at school. So my kids are being punished and taught not to socialize in a social setting for other kids behavoir. I can't stand the silent lunch rule!

 

[DebIreland]

You missed a very important point. Its not about inconvenience, its about actually believing in the "rule" and its consequences.Its about the valuable lesson it can teach, one in which I wholeheartedly agree. Of course, I believe in a tougher approach when it comes to teaching one to be responsible for themselves.
That can be said for the no drop off rule, or any others.

Where my daughter got hers they are 16.00 a feather and she got 4 so it was 64.00. At least it comes with lifetime "maintenance". You just go back and they will take them out and move them where ever you want them moved to. If they fall out they put them back in for free. Hers fell out less than a day after getting it- we went back and they redid them and they haven't fallen out since and its about 3 months now.

Thank you. I had no idea they'd need to be put in in a salon. I just know she'd like colourful frilly things in her hair. I might look for some clip on frilly ribbony feathery things.

My kids 6,8, & 10 are given silent lunch often. I keep thinking to myself, they are not in Military school. Quite frankly, school is a social setting and it would be considered rude to sit with a group of adults at lunch and not say a word. To top it off, my kids have never once been in trouble at school. So my kids are being punished and taught not to socialize in a social setting for other kids behavoir. I can't stand the silent lunch rule!

Oh that would upset me, especially a child as young as 6 not being allowed to talk during lunch. I never ever understood punishing a whole class for one or two people's bad behaviour but it seems to be the way of things for so long now.

 

[aprilgail2]

My kids 6,8, & 10 are given silent lunch often. I keep thinking to myself, they are not in Military school. Quite frankly, school is a social setting and it would be considered rude to sit with a group of adults at lunch and not say a word. To top it off, my kids have never once been in trouble at school. So my kids are being punished and taught not to socialize in a social setting for other kids behavoir. I can't stand the silent lunch rule!

Our grade school is totally silent lunch all the time! They want the kids to eat and not talk and then get outside to rec. where they can run yell and talk all thy want.

 

[Talking Hands]

Silent lunches posed no problem to the students I subbed for in elementary school. They and their friends just used sign language. Seemed that a lot of the hearing kids learned sing language form the deaf kids and they all were able to communicate during silent lunch with their hands.

 

[Ceila]

Silent lunches posed no problem to the students I subbed for in elementary school. They and their friends just used sign language. Seemed that a lot of the hearing kids learned sing language form the deaf kids and they all were able to communicate during silent lunch with their hands.

I'm fairly certain that a school where there are enough deaf children to teach hearing children sign language is the exception, not the rule. And what about the kids who didn't know how to sign? I think it would be a "problem" for them.

I absolutely detest the idea of silent lunch. It was done in my middle school (we even had to sit in alphabetical order), and the majority of us were not disruptive. I'm sorry, but if a teacher or lunch room monitor can't figure out who the problems are, then they aren't paying enough attention. As a teacher, I will not punish the class as a whole unless every single child is causing the problem, and I doubt that will ever happen.

 

[marcyinPA]

Our grade school is totally silent lunch all the time! They want the kids to eat and not talk and then get outside to rec. where they can run yell and talk all thy want.

I wouldn't like that. My kids ate, talked, and still went out for recess. I find telling them they can't talk at all (so that they eat) to be very controlling, and not normal. Eating in general is a social activity. Telling them they have to remain silent must be brutal...it would be for me!!

 

[bumbershoot]

The memory of the frustration over the many, many obnoxious rules at my schools stays with me. And those memories are part of the list of reasons that I homeschool DS.


When i started elementary school we had normal rules. Then the principal changed and she came in with all sorts of arbitrary nonsense. I grew up in San Jose, CA, where it can get rather hot. Our classrooms were built for ventilation, but did not have air conditioning. This lady came in from wherever she was from and banned normal shorts. This was the 70s, preppies weren't "in" quite yet, but she wanted us to find bermuda style shorts, which just did not exist in our area, at the time. Let alone for young kids. She also banned flip flops (or "thongs" as well called them). My friends and I were good kids, but some were advanced in knowledge of naughty things, and we would talk about how she must have a weird "thing" for toes, and she wants to hide them from her sight. Sandals were OK, but not thongs/flipflops! And while there might have been some horrid thong/ff incident at her old school, there were no problems at our school...

That was just elementary school, and just two of the rules.

I think the shootings at Columbine really changed how schools have certain rules. In DD"s schools, as soon as you get in the school, go to your locker put your coat away, no coats allowed in class.

I find the two posts really interesting, the ones that were made by people who know the rules at Columbine, that show that the actual school where it happened do NOT have those rules.

Schools that don't allow coats are obviously not like my school, which had outdoor corridors. It's definitely a regional thing. Because even though my part of CA didn't get "cold", for native Californians, 50 degrees IS cold, and requires a coat (and mittens and scarves etc, for some people), and to go without a coat at passing period would have been very unfortunate.


Not to mention that we didn't have homeroom AND didn't have lockers!

Simply ban the consumption of alcohol on school premises. If the problem is alcohol then address the actual problem.

Don't want guns and knives? Then ban guns and knives, not handbags.

I agree. The rules about those things are already in place. Just work with that.

Maybe, I wonder at the judgement of a parent who would allow their child to go out the door without eating something even if its only something small to give their bodies some fuel to start their day.

You *really* do not know people who can't deal with food early in the day. My mom ALWAYS made me eat something before school, and I was nauseated for at least half the day because of it. I just canNOT deal with food in the early morning, and it makes me sick most of the time. And I've always been like this.

Well-as a kid who was always "pushing the rules" we used to take oranges and inject them with vodka--so while we sat at lunch eating our "healthy lunch" we were eating a vodka laced orange!

Oh man, now I'm rethinking all of my "healthy" friends who brought fruit...

My best friend senior year would bring sealed juice bottles. But they weren't sealed. She would drink half of the drink in the morning, replace it with cheap champagne her parents ALWAYS had around, and then sit and drink it through the day. Never once got caught. (and I was always sort of sure she was lying about it, so I just avoided her when she was sipping from it)

My biggest issue is why the kids have to buy the gym uniform. Why aren't reg black nylon shorts and a blue tshirt(with no writing) ok? This is FL- the kids are running the track everyday in 90 degree heat sometimes in 7th or 8th grade-so I'm supposed to wash it nightly?

We had polyester shorts for PE, and no, we didn't wash them every day. We brought the cotton top and those shorts home for the weekend. Gosh, how pleasant!

How about a Performing Arts HS where you MUST practice every night but cannot bring instruments on the bus?

That just hurts my brain....

I haven't read the entire thread only a few posts but allowing me to say this:

Banning bookbags:

I clearly and vividly remember being a teenager. It is physically impossible to carry 5 notebooks, or a huge binder, plus books, pens, pencils and any other crap in your arms all day. Something is bound to get lost, it's not about them not being responsible it's just physically impossible. You can't do it as an adult, never mind as a teenager, not to mention that in the run from classroom to classroom 10 things fall from you.

I find this to be MOST intruiging.

Because my junior/middle school banned normal lockers before I got there, as did my high school. We had lockers for PE, but we were absolutely positively NOT allowed to keep anything but PE stuff in there, and even if we tried to put books in there, we were absolutely positively NOT allowed to go into the gym for ANY reason when it wasn't our PE class.

And backpacks were absolutely positively NOT something that any of us, apart from one weird guy I can think of, were ever going to do at that time.

So we carried our books. ALL of our books. Every day. Throughout the day. Until either you started driving to school or you had a friend who did, and then you'd keep post-lunch books in your car until lunch when you'd swap, and HOPE that no one broke into your car and stole your stuff. (because if they did, you would get to pay for all of your books AND buy another set)

Trapper Keepers with the pencil thing inside of it on the bottom, with peechees etc inside, and books stacked on top. Girls carried them in the girl way, boys carried them in the boy way (though I found the boy way to be more comfy, and occasionally embarrassed my friends by carrying them on my head).

The kids older than me just could not refrain from setting fires in the lockers, hiding drugs in their lockers, and whatever ELSE they might have done, so the school administrations yanked them out.

When - and why - did it become necessary for kids to carry water bottles around in school all day? Are we just talking about schools in year-round warm climates?

It's definitely something I wonder about! But I'm sure you've noticed that people drink more water than they used to. In school I would stop by the drinking fountain for a moment every so often (perhaps for longer if at recess on a hotter day), and I remember drinking a Coke at lunch in high school (back when sweetened with cane sugar of course), and when I got home from my evening jogs-with-the-malamute I would drink some ice water, but my consumption of water was *nothing* like it is now. Kinda weird!

The only one that I thought was petty for this year was the banning of the feathers that the girls are having put into their hair. I mean I don't think a feather in the hair would interfere w/ learning?

Schools have always seemed to think that odd colors in the hair are incredibly distracting. I remember it being so in the early 80s, too.

And my mom got in trouble in the 50s when the swimming she did over the summer turned her hair green, because it was too distracting.

At graduation, we were all warned against throwing our caps. Anyone who threw their cap would not get a diploma.

We had the same rule. We had to show our caps (and we were made to label our caps before the ceremony) to the diploma people after the ceremony, to get our diplomas (we got nothing at actual graduation, this was afterwards).

To top it off, my kids have never once been in trouble at school. So my kids are being punished ....for other kids behavoir.

I can't stand being punished because others have done something wrong. There were 3 boys in my small class through elementary that were "bad", and NOTHING and NO ONE could stop them from it. The teachers just couldn't work out a punishment that worked (these boys lived for detention and would have LOVED to be kicked out, and their parents probably wouldn't have cared much either) so they resorted to punishing all of us, continuing to think that the boys actually cared about us, or that we were powerful enough to control them. A teacher actually had a nervous breakdown towards the end of our 5th grade class because of them and the impossibility of punishing them so they would behave. But the mass punishments continued!

 

[aprilgail2]

When - and why - did it become necessary for kids to carry water bottles around in school all day? Are we just talking about schools in year-round warm climates?

Kids drink way more water than we used to- it is healthier to drink throughout the day! We used to get like a few seconds to gulp water from a nasty water fountain when we were in school- and if you did anything wrong in class or at rec you were not allowed to stop at the water fountain after rec!

 

[C.Ann]

You *really* do not know people who can't deal with food early in the day. My mom ALWAYS made me eat something before school, and I was nauseated for at least half the day because of it. I just canNOT deal with food in the early morning, and it makes me sick most of the time. And I've always been like this.

That was (and is) me.. Since I've been old enough to feed myself I have always eaten my breakfast just before I go to bed at night - still do.. I can't smell - or even look at food until at least 11:30 a.m.. And if I actually ate it? It would (will) come right back up again.. Ugh!


It's definitely something I wonder about! But I'm sure you've noticed that people drink more water than they used to. In school I would stop by the drinking fountain for a moment every so often (perhaps for longer if at recess on a hotter day), and I remember drinking a Coke at lunch in high school (back when sweetened with cane sugar of course), and when I got home from my evening jogs-with-the-malamute I would drink some ice water, but my consumption of water was *nothing* like it is now. Kinda weird!

Well I'm in the northeast and when I went to school, I just waited until lunch and then had my milk.. I didn't get thirsty during the day - hated the taste of water - and never really started drinking much water until 5 years ago when I developed a health issue that requires I drink a lot of water.. I'm finally used to it now - can even drink it warm, if need be..

My kids just drank from the water fountains if they were thirsty - then had milk at lunch time - even in high school..

I think DGD wasn't allowed to bring water to school until either this year or last..

But as I stated previously, I thought maybe it had something to do with living where it's warm/hot all year round - so kids really need to have extra water throughout the day..

Interesting..

 

[Mrs. Chamberlain]

I graduated last year from a public high school, and by the looks of these rules, I sure an lucky to be alive. Haha!

We carried backpacks, we could eat wherever we wanted during lunch, our parents could drop things off, we were allowed to have our hair whatever color and style we chose, we were allowed to have piercings, the dress code wasn't strict at all and was rarely enforced... Things like that. I don't know where you guys are from, but those rules are ridiculously strict.

 

[pacrosby]

The most likely reason there wouldn't be "enough people [to] support the change" is that those people don't feel the rule is unreasonable, or that they understand the need for the rule. When something needs to be changed, people will work for change - on a larger scale: suffrage, civil rights... If a school or school system has a 'no item drop-off' rule, yes, one option is to band together with other parents and work to get the rule changed.

Another is to just make sure the student has everything needed for the day before leaving the house. When most families don't have a problem with a rule, it makes more sense for the family that does have issues amend their own behavior, than to change a rule.

Sorry.....in reference to the bolded above.....we'll just have to agree to disagree.

And yes I agree that everyone should try and make sure that the student has everything needed for the day before leaving the house. I don't think anyone argued against that. But sometimes 'things' happen.

Yup, sometimes 'things' happen. There's really not an argument to that. Sometimes, 'things' happen.

 

[pacrosby]

You missed a very important point. Its not about inconvenience, its about actually believing in the "rule" and its consequences.Its about the valuable lesson it can teach, one in which I wholeheartedly agree. Of course, I believe in a tougher approach when it comes to teaching one to be responsible for themselves.
That can be said for the no drop off rule, or any others.

We are, also, just going to have to agree to disagree because no matter how you try to explain it...I don't agree with you. I honestly believe that if it inconvenienced you, you wouldn't believe in it and it's consequences. It's easy to support something that you believe has no real negative impact on you or those you love

There are lots of ways to teach personal responsiblity and I, as well as a lot of others, don't believe that this is a reasonable way to teach it. That's really the bottom line here.



And I also that it's unfortunate when someone's personal hot buttons get in the way of participating in a reasoned discussion. The reference to all these people who think they should be excluded from the rules while everyone else should have to follow them? Please point out those posts........ because I don't see that here. I just see people doing a lot of venting about the stupidity of some rules and saying that they should not exist for anyone, period.


ETA: and the fact that someone would so proudly admit to being condescending (and with a thumbsup to boot) is really kind of sad. Behavior to be proud of? Yikes I'd be much more concerned about the child of that parent than the child of the parent who wants to be sure he/she eats lunch.

 

[sweetlovin']

As to the "no drop off rule" that just couldn't be in place at our school. (And I am very glad!) When I was younger, we shared lunches with kids that forgot theirs, problem solved. However, my kids are not allowed to share food at all with their classmates. With all of the allergies nowadays, the school doesn't want the liability of telling children to share food only to have a child have an allergic reaction.

Since I have a child with an allergy, I am very glad they don't let kids share lunches. The hungry child may not know all the ingrediants of a gronola bar or a fruit drink and think it is safe to eat. So I don't find that rule arbitrary, but the no drop off rule would be a huge problem if my school had that rule.

 

[kaytieeldr]

The most likely reason there wouldn't be "enough people [to] support the change" is that those people don't feel the rule is unreasonable, or that they understand the need for the rule.

Sorry.....in reference to the bolded above.....we'll just have to agree to disagree.

Well, actually you have me confused. Why do you feel there aren't enough people - parents - to support changing any particular rule?

If the majority of a group doesn't feel a rule needs to be changed, isn't it possible the few who do think it should be changed should stop and question their own motivation?