Young middle schooler and grades

[noodleknitter]

That might be true but if the extracurricular is getting in the way of school, the extracurricular might have to go.

My DD always understood that school came first - she knew that if her grades dropped she'd have to drop out of her sports until her grades came back up. This never happened, because I believe it was great motivation. And it wasn't a punishement -- it was just, school came first and if everything was going right there she could use extra time for extra things.

Well, I could definitely be wrong, but i suspect the young lady is not spending all of her free time dancing. Excelling at dance or a sport is showing responsibility, and the ability to follow thru. It just needs to extend to the classroom. This is a hard age for a mulititude of reasons. This young lady seems to be trying to find her way, and many here have suggested great ideas to improve organization, and to help her get her wits gathered.

I suspect, however, that we will just have to disagree. Life's like that sometimes!

eta: I was wondering, though, just how much there is to grade in 2 weeks?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sometimes in 2 weeks there can be one grade for an assignment that they didn't understand or just plain messed up on. Or maybe one that they did ok on and another one that they forgot to hand in. Happens a lot as the kids get older. All of our grades are now online, which is wonderful since we can check the progress easily.

The only child that I would pull from a sport is the child with a, well, I can't say it here on the DIS. Uh, you know the really screw the world attitude, who really is not trying at all. But that's me and not everyone agrees.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Running out the door here and saw this so no time to read all of the replies but wanted to respond real quick. My DD11 is in 6th grade. Has always been mostly A a couple of B student. First report card she misses the B honor roll by 2 points. Her teacher says she is completely unorganized, seems harried and flustered all the time. She has never, ever been like this before. Long story short, and I'm not making excuses for her at all, but her hormones are going wild. She started her period for the first time last month. Her teacher agrees that she sees a lot of the "disorganization" at this age.

We make her bring her assignment notebook home everynight and we mark off everything to make sure it is done. She was rushing through her homework and this was what was suffering, not her test scores, so we also go over it with her.

So I don't know if this is something that your dd could be going through too? Who knows. I do know that it is a tough age.

Good luck.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

Sixth grade by far has been the most difficult grade for me. The adjustment from an elementary level to junior high is difficult. Having a lot of homework just wore me down at the time. I also danced, played piano and clarinet. I was also in my dance company's production to The Nutcracker that year. I just had way too much extra curricular activity. My grades, fortunately, did not take a toll. (Eventually, that same year, I dropped out of dance to continue my studies with music.)

I reccomend, from my perspective, that you should talk to your daughter, and her teacher. But, talking to your daughter should come first. Ask her why she's in this slump. If she's starting to stress out, then talk to her teacher. (I've learned, especially this year, teachers love to help their students.) Also, when talking to her, don't sound like you're going to tear her down by asking her. Listen with an open mind. (I'm sure you knew that. )

Don't ground her for not completing her assignments. First, she'll me really angry at you. Second, maybe she's actually having problems with the homework, over laziness. I'm pretty sure that if her school has a website, certain teachers might post what homework and project assignments need to be completed, and when they're due. Instead of grounding her, make a schedule of times that she needs to complete her homework. Let her know that she can come to you or your husband if she has any questions. And, most importantly, check her homework for right answers. Don't correct the wrong ones for her, but instead tell her that she might need to check it over again.

Sorry this post was long. I hope I helped you. Best wishes to a good report card grade. ​

 

[auntpolly]

Well, I could definitely be wrong, but i suspect the young lady is not spending all of her free time dancing. Excelling at dance or a sport is showing responsibility, and the ability to follow thru. It just needs to extend to the classroom. This is a hard age for a mulititude of reasons. This young lady seems to be trying to find her way, and many here have suggested great ideas to improve organization, and to help her get her wits gathered.

I suspect, however, that we will just have to disagree. Life's like that sometimes!

eta: I was wondering, though, just how much there is to grade in 2 weeks?

Maybe we aren't talking about the same thing. I'm not talking about taking the dance or sport away for a few Cs and Ds, but consistant Cs and Ds -- unless that really is the best the kid can do --yes, for sure we'd take a break.

I don't think a responsible coach or instructor would let a kid come to practice if they aren't keeping their grades up. Like I said, not as a punishment. I wouldn't hold it over the kid's head as a threat for every bad grade (oops! you got a D! no dance for you! -- wouldn't do that). But if there was a constant problem -- we'd have to focus on the books for awhile -- don't you think? You'd really let your kid go the whole way through school with bad grades and let them keep doing their sports.

And again, the OP is not at this point IMO -- the DD is still getting used to middle school I'm sure.

 

[noodleknitter]

Aunt Polly, I have to say, first and foremost that I hate all sports...kind of funny I'm in this argument!

But, that said, unless the sport was the undeniable reason the grades were falling, I would not cut the sport. My kids are expected to know their school material, and past that, their time is their own... (Aside from helping out around the house.)

In our house it is music that is the calling. 5 of the 7 are musicians. Don't know about the 7 year old yet... I would never hold music lessons over my kid's heads, nor cancel them for poor grades. I've never had to make that choice, but I do know that my daughter put far more effort into her music than she ever put into her schoolwork. She still managed to make it thru a great college, and is doing her graduate studies in music, in France.

For some, academia is a pursuit, but for most it is a means to an end.

 

[charabby]

There's some great advice here and I am planning on working with her to get back on track. It's funny that someone above mentioned being in the Nutcracker, b/c she is as well. Perhaps when this is over, she will not find it so difficult to stay on top of things. I did not even put that piece in the puzzle.

Today, she did well. Planner filled out the way I suggested - more of a 'to do' list than a report, although she did need help prioritizing b/c she was going in order rather than doing the items that need to be finished for tomorrow first. She had a good attitude, so I do think the threat to dance helped. She also brought home a math test that she scored 100% on and just casually put it on the fridge to be found. Yes, we congratulated and praised.

I do agree that taking away dance is a last resort. Dh is talking about the end of the quarter, not this week or anything. Meanwhile, I am working with her to help her succeed. I didn't think of scheduling a conference. I already sent a note to the teacher reporting a D, so when I hear from her I may request a meeting, depending upon how the call goes.

Thanks for all the advice and support. I appreciate it!

J

 

[bsnyder]

We had similar problems with DD in 6th grade last year (and she's also a dancer). Middle school is a big transition for a lot of kids. They change teachers, and have much more expected of them in terms of independent work. Add in the social pressures and physical changes. It's a bewildering time...

If it's not an aptitude problem, then she may just need some extra follow up on your part to make sure she gets the self-discipline piece neccessary to do her best in school. With my older two, at this age, I was able to back off from checking up on them and they made the important transition to "owning" their work. With DD, I finally realized she needed more time developmentally. The planner is a huge help - I went back to checking it daily, as I did in elementary school. And lots of contact with the teachers. If you can do this daily and weekly, you will help her catch the problems early. Relying on her assessment that everything is fine can end up with big problems by the time the report card comes.

FWIW, 7th grade has been a complete turnaround. Everything seems to have settled into a good routine for her - socially, physically, and with her school work.

 

[barkley]

i think middle school (or junior high as they called it in my day) is a big adjustment for some kids. they are for (mostly) the first time being held more accountable for managing their own study loads-they don't have one teacher overseeing all their coursework and constantly reminding them about overdue or impending assignments. they may also be taking classes that grade on much fewer assignments-so a missed one can make a huge impact on a final grade. in my opinion this is a good thing-once they hit college unless they have a helicopter parent who is going to micromanage their classes/assignments it's going to be sink or swim (i remember plenty of semester long classes where the only basis for the final grade was one submitted assignment and the final exam-you missed or blew off one or the other and you could plan on re-taking the class when and IF there was a space available).

my dd is in 6th and has never been a very organized student, but we've worked diligently trying to help her figure out ways to stay organized that work for her (my way of doing it with planners and folders just created more of a paper jungle in her desk and backpack). we discussed with her how she best handles remembering assignments and keeping on top of them-for her it's having an idea of how a class is structured (average number of assignments per week, how often a big project will be due) and getting just a gentle reminder each day of what items we know she needs to bring home (her teacher has been great about giving us an idea of which courses have everyday homework, which ones we can anticipate a monthly assignment in-and how much time is allocated between assigning and submitting a major project). on fridays i go over with her what has/has'nt been done so she can bring home items for any catch-up or (in the case of an upcoming known test) study over the weekend. we've found that we have far less missing assignments.

as for making her drop out of dance-i don't nesc. see it as a punishment. i see it more as teaching her that you have to manage your time, and if the issue is that she either does'nt have enough time to do the work or is wasting the time (with non dance activities) she needs to take that dedicated time slot for dance and dedicate it to school. if it's an issue that she's unable to do the work (not just slacking off) then you need to address that problem and see if dance will still work into the mix (in life we sometimes have to go without the fun stuff while we focus on our work).

btw-i do community theatre and dd and i did a holiday production a few years back-NEVER AGAIN!!! it was way too exhausting trying to juggle rehearsals and school (and for me rehearsals and home). i don't know if it's because of the weather or the time change, but holiday shows just seem to be incredibly draining-and i noticed that dd seemed to have allot more school in the weeks between thanksgiving and christmas (i think the teachers are trying to make up for all the time off). it just got to be too much (and we were a couple of the lucky ones-several kids/adults in the production ended up flat on their backs sick as dogs-too much to do, meals on the run, not enough sleep....). if your daughter has allot on her plate, make sure she's (and you're) keeping an eye on her health-opportunistic viruses are rampant in holiday productions.

 

[golfgal]

Another thing to keep in mind with middle school kids is that the #1 importance in THEIR lives are being social, school just happens to be the best way to accomplish that . If you polled all the middle school teachers around the nation I would venture a guess that 90% or more of their students are having similar problems. I am not saying that you shouldn't expect your DD to do better but understand it is more the norm then not to be unorganized at this stage.

I also agree, a 2 week marking period isn't a good judge of grades. If she forgot to turn in one assignment for 20 points and got 10/10 on the other assignment, she would show an F.

Does your school have an online grade book? If they don't, you might want to suggest they get one. They are a FABULOUS tool and you can track progress easier and see WHY her grades are where they are at.

 

[kellyg403]

Another thing to keep in mind with middle school kids is that the #1 importance in THEIR lives are being social, school just happens to be the best way to accomplish that

I have 5 bio children and 2 dsd who have successfully completed 6th grade. This is undeniably the hardest year for kids. Especially girls. My sons always had issues with organization. My daughters really didn't. What it comes down to is these kids are not being treated like elementary kids at school. They are struggling to find their place in the mad enviornment of clicks. Its not really fun to do homework when you can talk on the phone, write notes etc. My one dsd, during a routine homework check was discovered to have 3 notebooks with just notes being passed back and forth. Basically if you are not listening in class, you are not going to move forward. Step 2, not only does it feel like their social life is crap, the teachers are not holding your hand and home becomes a DAILY struggle. Add in the fact in no way are these kids mature enough to handle one of these things but all 3?

My suggestion is to understand as much as you can making her totally responsible for her grades. Teacher conferences, whatever it takes to help her take on the role. We did the contract between us, teacher and dsd. We agreed to make her ready for class, the teacher agreed to make sure she had the material and helped to understand it and DSD agreed to do her part and pay attention in class, turn in work etc. There was more of a reward system as opposed to a punishment. She already knew that the tv, phone and any movies nights were over until she had an acceptable report card. Each week, her teachers sent home a mini progress report. If all were improvements, no missing assignment she was given the opportunity to have one of those things back. She actually did very well.

Hang in there, I found 6th grade to be worse than 9th grade.

Kelly

 

[Tigger&Belle]

One other thing...don't hesitate to let the teacher know that you are a parent who wants to stay on top of any issues and that you'd like to be contacted if there's anything that you should be aware of. Many parents prefer to be hands-off at this age and the teachers tend to not contact parents until there is a real problem instead of nipping problems in the bud. It's not that they don't want to work with parents, but the fact that a sizable number of parents don't want to be bothered. I always made it clear on the forms that we filled out at back to school night that the teachers could feel free to contact me for any reason.