You Won't Believe What My MIL Wrote!

[2MuchOhana]

DH and I have had problems or issues with his parents since before we were married. We celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary this September. We have been trying very hard to come to some kind of resolution with them. We have shared discussed and done everything we could to make things better. In return they purposely do all the things they know we don't like or bother us.

Today we get an email from his mother telling us that I am bipolar! The nerve of that woman! Her side is the one that has mental heath issues. No trace of it in my family tree that I am aware of! Her mother was bipolar. His parents want to go to counseling with DH but I was not welcome! I have tried very hard for the sake of DH and now DD sake to do my best to get along with them. I am guilty of telling them off when it is called for! They have never liked me and they tried their best to ruin or wedding! When are they ever going to grow up or get over it?

Sorry if this is long I just needed to vent!

 

[shortbun]

They sound selfish and unapproachable. I'd quit telling them
anything and simply spend those few hours in silence. Doesn't
sound like they want to hear what you have to say anyway.
It's not their business how you live either so stay out of those
arguments. Leave the room, suddenly remember you have to
do something, get a code going between DH and you that it's
time for another topic-movies, books, games, whatever it takes
to stop the conversation.
Also, I woundn't let my child know what was going on. I'd
sheild her from them until she was older if it was me. She can
maybe make a relationship with them then without you.
Sorry it's so hard.

 

[olena]

Life is much too short for that......


Don't let them ruin the good things like your marriage and relationship with your DD. If they're getting help, then maybe it will be good for them. Feel free to vent. There are many sympathetics souls here. Some have even been down the same road.

 

[kaylajr]

My DH and i had issues with his parents too for years
and we would try and "fix" things for the sake of our kids finally we decided well we can't change them we can only change the way we react to them
so we went about our life
when they wanted to be aound and be nice great but we stopped seeking them out
Finally they realized they couldn't get under our skin as we were aunited front and they relaxed
Things were never perfect but they were better

I would say do the same stop trying to please them and enjoy your family and life

good luck

 

[2MuchOhana]

Thanks everyone!

kaylajr:

It is funny but DH and I came to the same conclusion recently. That they were never going to change and truthfully neither were we. There is just no pleasing some people. That is the way it is.



I just can't understand that after 14 years of being married and a child together that she would want to try to break up our marriage! Oh well she is just setting herself up for a major fall! DH and I are planning on having another baby (hopefully). I would say that our marriage is on pretty solid ground. Bring on the rain! Let her try her worst. In the long run she will end up losing her only son. That's okay though she still has her two girls!
Wouldn't wish this woman on anybody! Not only did she accuse me of being bipolar but suggested that I would harm either myself and or my child.

Wonder when she went back for her degree in Psychology?

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I would just stay out of it and let your husband take care of it. He may need to go with them to counseling to set them straight. You know anything you say will be used against you. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.

Lori

 

[eeyore kelly]

I have a MIL from the land of flames. She has tried everything to get my DH to realize he made a mistake in marrying me,and to get him to correct that mistake. My MIL used to pull the same kind of stunts as the OP, not coming to kids B-Days, give me mental disorders, etc. What worked for me is to cut back on time we spent with them. MIL lives 15 miles from the house; we see them maybe 4 x's a year. Since they don't come to B-Day parties, I quit wasting an invitation on them.

If it was me, I would reply with "ROTFL, LMBO, LOL, Good one! Thanks for making my day. "

Send her an internet joke the next day!! I would not give fuel to her thoughts by DH going to counseling with them. Treat it as a joke.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just stopping by to pass on a

 

[browneyes]

I think I'd email her back and ask her if she was schizophrenic.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They are NEVER NEVER going to "get over it"...It is YOUR reaction to their behavior that needs to change.

Frankly if my IL's were that destructive they would be cut off from my life completely.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I didnt read it becuase of the long post thing but it sure looked intresting

 

[RadioNate]

Do we have the same MIL?? I will say mine has sorta become resigned to the fact I'm not going anywhere.

She actually BEGGED DH not to marry me. They needed plane tickets to our wedding and waited until 8 days before they needed to leave to buy them. I think she was hoping it would be canceled.

DH and I have had our share of ups and downs but we are doing pretty well considering we've lived in 4 states during the 5 year's we've been married.

The too forget my son's birthday (and mine). After DH pleaded with them, they came for christmas last year. His teenaged sister came along. The favortism they showed her was insane! She got hundreds of dollars worth of gifts from them (iPod, casmire sweater, designer purse - d&b i think). DH got a book and a level, I got the christmas house I bullied them into buying for me while we were shopping christmas eve, ds got a nightlight and a book he already had.

We gave up trying to make them like us years ago. We talk to them maybe once every six weeks and see them about every 18 months.

Early in our marrage I pushed dh to try to get them more involved in our lives. We had numerious "talks" with them that only upset us and made them push back.

Once we gave up and accepted the fact that it was THEIR problem and that they weren't going to change things got better.

Right now the fact that their grandson doesn't know who they are doesn't bother them so why should it bother me.

Good luck, sorry I've hijacked you thread, I just wanted to let you know your not alone.

 

[2MuchOhana]

Sorry Pop Daddy! I know you don't like long posts! Here's the short of it. MIL accused me of being bipolar! DH and I have difficulties with them to put it mildly. They want DH to go to counseling with them; but I am not welcome to join them for it.

 

[2MuchOhana]

Radionate:

If my Dh had a brother I would say they are one and the same. Though maybe she lives a double life that we just don't know about! My Dh had nothing to do with his parents when we met. Being a family person I encouraged the reunion. Regretting it ever since. Now I know why he didn't. LOL! Too late now!

The Mystery Machine:

I also know that you are right. That is one of the reasons I have not personally respond to it. Nor do I intend to give them their satisfaction. I know that this is their problem; and you are right they are never going to get over it. The never forgive or forget anything DH has done. Why would they start now!

Honestly as sad as it is I think DH is finally ready to call it quits. They have caused him so much pain already. I am just grateful that he has a loving and supportive family that accepts him for who he is! My parents treat him as if he was their own son. I am grateful that I have been blessed with the family I have!

My parents are the best! They are joining us on our WDW vacation!

 

[chager]

My DH's parents are divorced. I get along fine with FIL and his wife. MIL HATES me! My DH basically told her to get lost and we haven't seen her since our 1st anniversary. (Our 14th is coming up while we are in WDW!!) I never did anything to disrespect her, she just felt I was a snob because of where I grew up Ok, I did not grow up anywhere special and my parents aren't well to do or anything. I have tried over the years to encourage my DH to rebuild a relationship with her but he won't. His brother recently told me she still hates me and talks bad about me. (She can't give him any real reason either. He asked her.) She is the one missing out. She has NEVER seen Ds other then a picture. I even sent her a picture and our address and such just after Nick was born. NOTHING!! Nick doesn't miss her since he doesn't know her. As far as DH is concerned his stepmom is his mom. She calls him her son and he calls her mom. She didn't raise him, in fact she has only been in his life a couple years longer then I have. Of course it took a while for his dad to warm up to me too. I think I am a little too outgoing for him I didn't realize how much he cared for me until I overheard him telling someone else how happy he was I had met his son. If it wasn't for me his son may be in jail now because he was heading down a bad path. I was the best thing to ever happen to him!
I was really shocked considering how much I thought he disliked me too.
Although I feel we should all try to have good relatioships with family, sometimes it just isn't possible. Nick learned of the other grandma a couple years ago. It irritates me sometimes that DH refuses to have her see Nick because it has meant missing my neice and nephew's parties the last couple years because she was there. I guess I'm glad we aren't dealing with her and the chaos she brings. I no longer try to encourage bring her back into our life.

 

[mt2]

mt2

 

[chrissyk]

My in-laws are winners too Well, actually my FIL is OK (a doormat, but an nice one). My MIL is completely under the control of her mentally ill/abusive daughter. DH has never wanted anything to do with his sister, and MIL can't accept that. She'll never accept that (her words). DH has stopped having anything to do with his parents as a result of this.

His crazy sister called me up to tell me how this was all my fault (???), and then to rant on about how my DH is "mentally ill" and "needs medication" She actually threatened to come here and have her boyfriend "kick his ***" amongst other things. Then, she wanted to have a "family intervention" for my husband, LOL! She makes up all kinds of stuff about my DH and about her own father. She is so nuts! Her mother buys right into it, too.

I still have a hard time with the fact that my kids will never know their grandparents, but it's for the best. Some people will never change, and you need to protect yourself from them if they are abusive. Of course, they always blame the spouse for the fact that their child no longer wants anything to do with them, too. They can never take a look inside and see what they have done to cause the situation.

You are not alone in this situation, that's for sure. If your DH wants to cut these people out of his life, be supportive. I'm quite supportive of my DH's desire to never have contact with his parents or sister again.

 

[2MuchOhana]

I will support him no matter what he decides. If he wants to go to counseling with them without me that's fine. I am secure in our love and relationship. If he wants to cut them off I will be his shoulder to cry on and offer whatever support he needs.

I hate all the pain they have caused him. Through it all I have stood by his side. The relationship with them has been mostly bad. It has taken them 14 years of telling us lies to finally admit the truth. I am sorry but I don't think that is any way to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Certainly does nothing to promote trust.

I get the blame because I don't bow to their every whim. MIL is a control freak. She tries to dictate how we should live our lives. LOL! I am not listening! She hates it! Dh doesn't listen either!

 

[missypie]

Don't let those people be a part of your life. I feel your pain. It's our kids that MIL is always trying to diagnose. I'm fortunate to live about 1000 miles away from my inlaws.

I often wonder how such terrible people could have raised such a great son.

I find it that it works best not to talk about the inlaws with my husband. He know when something they do is off base. But if I bring anything up, he feels like he has to defend them.