X-mas was not fun at my house last night...

[clh2]

I just need to vent a little...

X-mas was at our house last night, a total of 12 of us, 4 families total. This is my husband's side of the family. The kids involoved were DD, 9; 2 nephews who are 6 and 8 and a niece who is 4.

All the kids are only kids.

I'm also going to through in - I grew up with 2 sisters, but no brothers.

I'm also going to through in a historical moment (from last year at Christmas which was hosted by a different sibling last year.) Last year, this boy did a flying leap and landed standing up in a glider chair, and knocked it over backward, and missed the glass doors on a cabinet by inches.

Fast forward to last night - my 6yo nephew was driving me nuts last night. He is a very big, solid guy, who I think just doesn't think. Maybe its his parents not thinking/taking action that was driving me nuts. This kid was running wild in my home last night. He was standing/walking on my couches. His parents would occasionally notice him - and ask him not to do "whatever".

He was running in circles - from the kitchen to the front hall, jumping down the step to the living room, then into the family room and up the step into the kitchen. At one point, he took a pillow from the couch and placed it before the step into the kitchen so they could bounce on it before going into the kitchen.

So occasionally 3 kids (4, 6 and 8) were making this loop. Lucky for my daughter's sake, she wasn't participating. Then the direction would change, and they would go the other way. To be honest - I am surprised that no one got hurt. But no one got hurt because I had to be the bad guy. Please don't do this, please don't do that. Please don't go upstairs. Please don't do a running dive close to the tree. Please don't stand on the couch, please don't walk on the couch. (My couches do not sit next the wall, so YES, they could tip over if my nephew would barrel into one.) I wouldn't have minded the horsing around, however, one of my nieces on my side of the family slipped on the wood floor in the front hall and broke a bone in her wrist several years ago. My nagging was totally a safety concern. My little 4yo niece is a petite little thing. I could just see my nephew barrelling into her and knocking the **** out of her.

At a certain point, I told my nephew, lets go talk to your mom. This nephew just wasn't getting the settle down message from me. My SIL politely got her son, and shortly after that they left.
I don't know the exact reason they left.

My husband was furious with me for chasing them out last night - eventhough one of my other SIL's pointed out that I wasn't out of line (she is the 4-yo's mom) based on the running & jumping that was going on. And, when the family left - it was about the same time they would need to leave to go to church since SIL sings in the choir.

So my question for those with 6 YO boys - do you tolerate this type of behavior in your own home? Do you tolerate this behavior in someone else's home.

My 8 yr old nephew was never like this. Or maybe I should say the 8 yr old's parents never let him act this wild before at our house.

Ahhh, I feel much better for venting.
Today, its once again quite in our home. DD is playing nicely with her toys...

Merry Christmas!

 

[Talking Hands]

You were totally in the right. No my children were not allowed to behave that way at home or at others. Remember that even if it is family if someone is injured in your home it is your insurance that will have to pay and you who can be sued. Not worth the hassle. Children need limits and you have the right to set those limits in your home. IF SIL did not like it. Tough Luck.
Shame on your husband for being angry with you can not supporting you.

 

[C.Ann]

You were 100% correct..

Your home - your rules.. 'Nuff said..

Sorry it put a damper on your evening though..

 

[myjulybabes]

Oh, man, that stinks! I have a 7 yr old ds, and dh has a 10 yr old nephew, and when they get together, they go NUTS. And no, I absolutely do not allow it. OTOH, SIL pretty much ignores it. So I always have to be the bad guy. I gave up. I do not invite them to my house any more period, because her girls aren't much better than the 10 yr old wildman. I just can't take it. Kids will be kids, and run and jump and be loud. That's fine. When they are ignoring repeated directives to STOP IT NOW!!!!............ that's NOT fine in my book.

 

[believe]

My DD is 6 and she did not behave like that at my aunt's house. No way!

 

[HappyMommy2]

Sorry things were so crazy at your house! I'm glad no one got hurt!

I do have to say that at Christmastime my extended family (30+ of us) gets together for several days and the house is MUCH wilder than what you described! I have to admit that most of the things you described your nephew as doing (running in circles, walking on the couches, etc.) go on quite often during our reunions if the weather is such that the kids can't play outside. Of course we make sure nothing gets broken, and there are places that are off-limits, and the hosts are respected 100%when they set rules (don't get on Grandpa's recliner, etc.) but we are all really (maybe TOO) laid back. We all have a great time, though, and it works for us since we're all kind of on the same wavelength and no one objects.
On the other hand, the kids have all been raised to be able to go into "quiet" mode (at least for a reasonable amount of time) if we go out to a restaurant or a museum or a neighbor's house or whatever. They know where they're allowed to be rambunctious and where they're not and we make that clear to them; maybe your SIL just hasn't realized that she needs to make clear to her 6yo that your house is not a place to roughhouse?

I have two boys; my 2-year-old is Mr. Rambunctious---he just runs headlong (literally) into EVERYTHING! My 4-year-old is a bit more mellow but the two of them together can get pretty crazy! I do let them run around quite a bit in our house to blow off steam when they can't go outside. We work hard to raise them to be respectful and mannerly but sometimes we do just have to leave situations (as your SIL did) when the boys just aren't able to behave as they should---maybe they haven't had enough exercise that day, or they're overtired and wound up, etc.

I hope the rest of your holiday is calmer and more comfortable for you than last evening was. It was YOUR house and you certainly had the right to request that the kids behave in a calmer/safer manner; the parents should have realized what was going on and stepped in instead of making you be the "bad guy."

 

[Traveliz]

It does get wild at Christmas and it is hard for the kids to contain themselves...also parents get distracted and aren't on their toes often leaving the homeowner as the bad guy.

My problem was a bit the opposite as I expected the kids to be a bit wild and their parents were expecting them to sit quietly and well that just isn't totally possible when you are awaiting presents etc.

So here is what I did...several years ago after Christmas I started buying stockings marked down as much as possible in the 75-90% off range....then through the year checking Walgreens sales and their carts of super marked down things...or clearance racks in any store buy little but fun and distracting toys for the kids. I even buy Christmas Pez marked way down and save it. I fill the stockings and then when the kids come in the stocking is theirs to open and play with right away. I put in charge one of the teens -- -helps is you have one about that age to coordinate things. That buys some time while the kids are occupied.

It costs abit to do this - but not much really and it does seem to help. Another idea would be to have a new age appropriate game ready for the kids to play.

I always look at kids in an age appropriate manner - and although it might not be appropriate age appropriate behavior - meaning they need to learn to tone it down - it truly is expected for kids to be wound up with their cousins over the holidays. Cutting them off at the pass with some activities planned might help.

Liz

 

[clh2]

Traveliz - Nice ideas, don't think it would work though with this nephew...We started eating as soon as they got to our house, and presents were opened about 20 minutes later. This family was only at our house for about 2 1/2 hours total. All of his running/jumping around was after the presents were opened.

 

[luvmydogs]

I would NEVER let my ds8 act like that in our own home (except for the back yard), and I'd certainly NEVER allow it in someone else's. You were 100% correct.

 

[disykat]

When we get together with friends all our kids get pretty wild. What you described sounds pretty par for the course. However, If ANY adult asks them to settle down they are expected to comply. ( I think my kids tend to take cues from the host's kids as to what's acceptable).

Your house, your rules.

I do have to add though that I had a brother growing up and have two sons now. A good friend of mine grew up with sisters only and has two daughters. She is not used to the activity level that sometimes happens when boys are mixed in! There IS a definate difference in what comes naturally for many boys vs. girls. In my experience, while the girls are very willing to join the rowdy games, they aren't as often the instigators.

 

[Melora]

Nope..would never happen with my boys.. I'd grab hold of them and make them sit until they calmed down. No way would they be so loud or out of control as to disturb other people. Its what parents allow their kids to do... what they pay attention to. Girls are very capable of doing the same things, but as said before are not as often the instigators, but I think thats because people thinks its OK for boys but not for girls so they stop girls and dont stop boys.

 

[Alex]

I have always expected DD to behave BETTER in someone else's home than in my own. At that age if she wouldn't calm down I would have just taken her outside and had a father-daughter talk with her. Being the bright girl she is it never took two of those to get the message across

 

[Lucky4me]

You could be my sister... Last night was wild. Well, wild was not the word. Chaotic is more like it. I had a headache after 15 minutes. Unfortunately my 8yo daughter was one of the ruffians. They were all having so much fun. When it got to the point when my husband was on all fours chasing them around the 'kitchlivdinhall' and the two year olds were crying, I stepped in and said ENOUGH. He's more of a kid than any of them...

Their safety is the most important thing, but I hate being the enforcer. Why does Mom always have to be the bad guy?

 

[Pooh93]

You were 100% right, imo. I would have done the same thing.

I have always expected DD to behave BETTER in someone else's home than in my own

Exactly. Our kids get a talking to before we go to someone's house on what is expected of them and how they are to behave. Even today we went to my cousin's and I knew there would not be any other kids there for them to play with, but there were 3 dogs. Being Christmas I knew they would naturally be more excited than usual,but they were very good and when I use this "expectations talk," we usually have no problem with them. I always tell them afterwards they were very good and I appreciated them being on good behavior.