Wwyd

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Are you adding up everything your mom is paying so you can pay her back?

I am ashamed to say I am not however I wish I did because I know it is the right thing to do

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

I agree. My daughter and her husband live in a rental house that his parents own. She's in her last year of pharmacy school, and when they got married, his parents offered them their choice of the two rental houses that they own. DD and DSiL put $4000 of their own money into renovating the house.

I can promise you that there is NO way they would deal with anything like this. If they were told that they had to let someone live with them, they would move out. It would be very difficult since they have to live on one salary, but they wouldn't deal with any of this madness.

I doubt very seriously that your mother will put up with them long. Where they'll go then - , but I wouldn't be surprised to see them back with you unless you make some choices on your own.

That is one flow I have is putting up with everything I cant seem to help it though but I have to find a place to draw the line just don't know how

 

[horseshowmom]

I am only 3 classes away from graduating and getting a job and paying my own bills there for I will be the one that has a say in who stays with me however i am taking the summer off so i can focus on the wedding

Why don't you take them during the spring semester or during one of the short intersession courses?

 

[Magic Mom]

I am ashamed to say I am not however I wish I did because I know it is the right thing to do

Maybe you could cut out the wedding and just elope. That would give you some extra money to pay her back (and speed up your schooling). Weddings are nice, but family is better. It would be really hard for me to have fun planning a wedding if I knew my mom was sacrificing to pay for my living expenses.

 

[horseshowmom]

That is one flow I have is putting up with everything I cant seem to help it though but I have to find a place to draw the line just don't know how

I don't mean this disrespectfully, but your problem isn't in finding a place to draw the line. It's in giving up the free ride IMHO.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Why don't you take them during the spring semester or during one of the short intersession courses?

All I have to say is that I am a mommas girl and I do as she ask and she asked that I take a light load so she can have my attention to plan for the wedding and I am sure she has a good reason to ask that of me

 

[horseshowmom]

Maybe you could cut out the wedding and just elope. That would give you some extra money to pay her back (and speed up your schooling). Weddings are nice, but family is better. It would be really hard for me to have fun planning a wedding if I knew my mom was sacrificing to pay for my living expenses.

Absolutely...

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Absolutely...

That is what I wanted to do from the beginning however my mom did not like the idea and like I said earlier I am a mommas girl so I try to please her and listen to her even as an adult because for the most part she has my best interest at heart

 

[horseshowmom]

All I have to say is that I am a mommas girl and I do as she ask and she asked that I take a light load so she can have my attention to plan for the wedding and I am sure she has a good reason to ask that of me

My daughter was a full time pharmacy school student who graduated with her B.S. with highest honors and planned her wedding at the same time (married the month after she graduated with the B.S. and continued working on her Pharm.D. that August). She did pretty much all of the wedding planning herself.

As I mentioned before, you said you were taking off this summer to plan for a wedding. What are you doing between now and then?

 

[hambirg]

My daughter was a full time pharmacy school student who graduated with her B.S. with highest honors and planned her wedding at the same time (married the month after she graduated with the B.S. and continued working on her Pharm.D. that August). She did pretty much all of the wedding planning herself.

As I mentioned before, you said you were taking off this summer to plan for a wedding. What are you doing between now and then?

Yep. . .I was substitute teaching on an emergency cert full time. .going to grad school for my post prof cert. and still managing to pay all my own bills while I was planning my wedding. But what really makes me curious is why on God's green earth would you want to marry a grown man that was living off your Mom?

 

[horseshowmom]

Yep. . .I was substitute teaching on an emergency cert full time. .going to grad school for my post prof cert. and still managing to pay all my own bills while I was planning my wedding. But what really makes me curious is why on God's green earth would you want to marry a grown man that was living off your Mom?

Very good question...

 

[Disneyadore]

Very good question...

Very sad question.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

If I could turn back the clock I would I would have waited until i was working before I moved my DFi in however when i moved him in i was very attached to him and he was living with his parents and the house was going into foreclosure and i was worried he would not have a place to live so I took him in and I know it was wrong however like I said cant go back in time however I don't know what I would have done differently other then pray for the best for him

 

[Agri]

I'm just curious -
After living off his parents, and now living off of your mom - do you really think your "dear fiancee" is going to want to do anything on his own? It doesn't sound like *you* know how to do anything on your own, either. Or make decisions for yourself.

So just how is this supposed to work out? What are you going to do, if god forbid, your mom has a tragic accident and can no longer provide for you or tell you what you should be doing with your life?

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I don't want to reread all the previous posts so I'll just ask, does anyone in the household have any source of income(not counting your mother)

 

[DawnM]

Please let us know today when they have left!

Hoping they don't drag their heels and stick around.

Dawn

the roommates are leaving at some point tomorrow

 

[DawnM]

It doesn't really sound like this arrangement is "free" if it comes with strings and the mom actually WANTS it this way.

However....

I will also say that my parents paid for my full undergrad, including living on campus.

I asked my Dad if I could pay him back and his reply was, "YES! You can pay me back by paying for your own children to get a college education!"

I plan to do exactly that.

Dawn

Are you adding up everything your mom is paying so you can pay her back?

 

[crashbb]

All I have to say is that I am a mommas girl and I do as she ask and she asked that I take a light load so she can have my attention to plan for the wedding and I am sure she has a good reason to ask that of me

Of course you are a momma's girl - it means that you don't actually have to take any responsibility for your own life, like having a job, paying rent, taking any responsibility for your actions (you always have an excuse that "momma" decided that I should do this, or "momma" decided that they should do that).

 

[DawnM]

I am going to say this and please do not read any snark or rudeness into it....I am not meaning it to sound that way.....but IMHO, I don't see that you are really ready to get married. You do whatever your mom wants (moms do tend to have our best interest in mind, but doing whatever she wants and not having your own opinions at all is my concern) ,and the boyfriend doesn't have a steady job. That sounds more like a girl than a woman. If I were in your shoes, I would take a few years off to just be alone and advance my career and live a bit. BTW: I didn't get married until age 29. I had worked for 7 years as a teacher already when we got married.

Dawn

All I have to say is that I am a mommas girl and I do as she ask and she asked that I take a light load so she can have my attention to plan for the wedding and I am sure she has a good reason to ask that of me

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm just curious -
After living off his parents, and now living off of your mom - do you really think your "dear fiancee" is going to want to do anything on his own? It doesn't sound like *you* know how to do anything on your own, either. Or make decisions for yourself.

So just how is this supposed to work out? What are you going to do, if god forbid, your mom has a tragic accident and can no longer provide for you or tell you what you should be doing with your life?

Of course you are a momma's girl - it means that you don't actually have to take any responsibility for your own life, like having a job, paying rent, taking any responsibility for your actions (you always have an excuse that "momma" decided that I should do this, or "momma" decided that they should do that).

OP, I am not trying to be sarcastic or ugly at all, but your marriage is a disaster waiting to happen. Neither of you are in a place where you could be even remotely considered ready to be married. I can only imagine how the situation would get even worse if you bring a child into it.

He's lived off his parents and is now willing to live off your mother (through you). You're willing to allow your mother to support the two of you (after all, he lives there too). There doesn't seem to be an effort to expedite things so you can become self-sustaining.