Wwyd?

[debbi801]

In addition of my 6 yr old Aspie, I have 2 other kids, a 13 yr old DD and a 15 yr old DS. Both are NT.

DD is in the 8th grade at a magnet middle school. There is a boy in quite a few of her classes that is on the spectrum. HFA or Asperger's, not sure which. The child is very sweet and his parents are too (we've seen them at a couple school fund raiser fuctions). Recently the child was suspended from school for hitting a teacher during a meltdown.

DD says that a couple of the teachers, but one in particular, are very mean to this child, bordering on verbally abusive. That this one in particular seems to go out of her way to egg on this child until he has a meltdown so that she can then discipline him, send him to the office, etc. Today, for example, the teacher was asking if anyone in the class knew the answer to something. He raised his hand (very politely according to DD) and she immediately started berrating him and continued to do so for quite a while. He started to cry today but managed to hold it together short of totally melting down. The teacher then starting on him for crying, almost as if she was trying to get him to lose the little bit of control he had. DD has tried to speak up on his behalf and gets repremanded. DD has tried to complain to the office and they're not interested in hearing from her. This teacher is chairperson for the department and well respected by the office, apparently.

This is breaking my DD's heart, she's taking it very personally having a little brother with similar behaviors. For DH and I, it is doing the same.

I asked DD to ask the boy for his phone number tomorrow so that I can call his parents and let them know what is going on in this class. But, at the same time, I'm wondering if they'd be angry that I'm butting into something that isn't any of my business. If my child had a teacher bullying him, I would hope that someone would tell me, because DS quite possibly wouldn't.

What do you think?

 

[KirstenB]

Do it. As the parent of an ASD child, I'd appreciate knowing someone had her back. Actually, even if you remove the special needs part altogether, I'd still want to know if an adult was bullying either of my children. Your very kind to stick your neck out like this.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Do it. As the parent of an ASD child, I'd appreciate knowing someone had her back. Actually, even if you remove the special needs part altogether, I'd still want to know if an adult was bullying either of my children. Your very kind to stick your neck out like this.

I agree. No matter what I would appreciate your telling me. We can't be in the school or with our children all the time and if a parent has information that my child is being bullied or in this case it almost sounds like verbal abuse from an adult I would so appreciate that information.

I had a parent tell me once about my daughter crying in school. I never knew it. Come to find out she was so stressed out because a teacher was using peer pressure in the first grade to try and control the class. If one child missed recess they all missed recess, etc. I was very appreciative to the parent who told me so I could put a stop to it.

If they tell you to buzz off and mind your own business know you tried to help and you were not in the wrong, you were doing it for all the right reasons.

 

[bookwormde]

This is both bullying and abuse and should be reported to the principal in a formal letter by your daughter. Of course she has to be comfortable with this. If you want to contact the family that is OK but not necessary.

bookwormde

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I agree...call the parents and let them know what's going on.

 

[BeckyScott]

Call them.

 

[debbi801]

DD talked to some other kids in the class last night and they are going to try to talk to the VP again today. She's hoping with multiple people, they might listen. She's also going to get the boy's phone number today so that I can call.

 

[jodifla]

This is also affecting YOUR daughter. I'd have myself and my daughter in the principal's office pronto. You could be there while your daughter describes the behavior. It's not acceptable. It's worse than despicable...bullying by a teacher.

 

[jamesmommy]

This is also affecting YOUR daughter. I'd have myself and my daughter in the principal's office pronto. You could be there while your daughter describes the behavior. It's not acceptable. It's worse than despicable...bullying by a teacher.

I agree with Jodi, I would go with my daughter as well. I hope it goes well, your daughter sounds like a beautiful soul, you should (and I know you are ) be proud. Her rallying of her classmates is a wonderful idea.

Definitely make sure his family is aware, I would surely want to know.

Amie

 

[mechurchlady]

The boy may be so scared or traumatized that all his parents see when he comes home is a frazzled and nonrepsonsive child. Your daughter has a sound mind and is a good witness who is seeing things that are abusive. I would say that you contact his parent and have your daughter explain everything. Any child that is bullied by an authority figure could shut down and not tell parents.

You got a good daughter there and hopefully she will stop the abuse through your actions. Failure to act can mean that some time in the future another child will be bullied but that time they will not have moral support of your daughter.

Big hugs
laurie

 

[DisDreaminMom]

I'm with all the rest of you guys. Call the kid's parents and then make an appointment with the principal of the school. Don't be threatening, just a concerned parent. Ask if the teacher needs better training. Maybe parents of kid don't know he's ASD? Even if that is so, making a child cry on purpose isn't acceptable either.

When I was in 3rd grade (a long time ago) we had a girl in our class who was being bullied by the teacher. Almost same type of behavior you are describing. Mrs. Machin- I will always remember her name- called this girl "Poor Pitiful Pearl" because it was a private school and the little girl was always a mess and tired all the time (I guess that was a rag doll from the 50's or 60's). Her father was a prominent attorney in town and her mother had mental problems. In the middle of the year, "Pearl's" mother flung herself out the third story window of the local hospital while visiting a family member. She was paralyzed from the neck down and so the little girl went from bad to worse. She had no mother figure at home and her father was a wreck- trying to divorce this paraplegic woman and raise two little girls.

My best friend and I spent the entire year in trouble for trying to defend this child and befriend her- because the teacher bullying you automatically marks you as a target by your peers. I told my parents, I told the school counselor, I told everybody. The next year she didn't come back. In college, I was at the gym while on Christmas Break and this gorgeous tall glamorous woman walks in and I realize it it's "Pearl" (her name was Julie). It turns out she became a model and was on home for a visit but lived in NY. I gave her a big hug and told her that I hope she would someday bump into Mrs. Machin. I was so happy for her. Later that same break, I saw an ad for the city (in KY) that featured Julie, and I pray that that mean old Mrs. Machin saw it and felt bad.

Tell your daughter she's a good girl for being worried, and know how much we would appreciate this if it happened to us.

 

[LindaBabe]

Debbi, can you give us an update, please?

 

[LauraVV]

I believe I saw a report on TV recently where parent put a recorder in the pocket of their child when he complained of the teacher being "mean" to him.

 

[sl_underwood]

I would want someone to tell me if they knew my child was being abused in school. I would not see it as interferring at all. As for your daughter, I applaud her for standing up for this boy. She must be quite an amazing teenager.

 

[debbi801]

Hi guys...

Here's an update. The parents weren't too thrilled to hear from me (at least that was the impression got). They were pretty curt.

But, the vice principal seemed to listen to my dd. And, whether the parents were thrilled to hear from me or not, they must have contacted the school. The boy has been moved to a different teacher (still same gt level) for that class. No idea what, if anything, has been said to the teacher.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Thanks for the update. Maybe what you interpret as curt is just them being tired of hearing things "wrong" with DS. I know sometimes I catch myself sounding annoyed with teachers, doctors who call me about my DS. I appreciate their concern, but sometimes it would be nice to not get any calls at all. And it is so hard for anyone to move a child, make teacher angry, deal with administration, etc.

Karma is on your side, anyway, and we are too...

 

[bookwormde]

I am reasonably sure that the call was appreciated, especially now that their child has a now teacher who will hopefully not be abusive. There is about a 50/50 chance that you talked to the parent with some spectrum characteristics so being “short” particularly the first time we talk to someone where we are not “prepared” is to be expected. Again thank for raising such a wonderful child.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

It might not have been curt so much, as it was "I need to get off the phone, I have a call to make". Because it would be one of two things-- either they had no idea their son was being handled that way, the type of parents who believe the school is looking out for the best interest of their son without question and they had nothing to worry about, so it was very surprising. Or, they suspected he wasn't being treated right, maybe had a history of it, and were like "here we go again". Either one of which could lead to a very short phone conversation.

We had something similar happen two years ago. We were in the doctor's waiting room, and there was a little girl there that DS goes to school with. She kept going to her mom and saying "that's the one I was telling you about". The mom came over to us and said the girl had come home from school the day before really upset. Apparantly in the lunch room, a staff member had been mean to Justin, he wasn't eating fast enough or lunch was over and he wasn't moving, something like that, and she was physically pulling him out of the seat and yelling at him. The little girl, and apparantly a couple other kids, told their teacher. (different class) The girl was still so upset when she got home that the mom had called the school. Of course, we hadn't heard any of it. But you betcha we were in the office the next morning. They plead ignorance of it, as the principal had been gone that day so the counselor would have been the one told, and the counselor wasn't there yet so the principal would have to get back to us, which she never did. I kinda got the attitude that this was their "warning", if you know what I mean. As in, you mess with our kid, and we will find out about it somehow even if you don't tell us and we will be in your face about it, so somebody better start making sure it doesn't happen again. One of those times when you definately take DH with you. It was just a fluke that this little girl ended up in the doctor waiting room with us that day, and we would have known nothing. It made me wonder what else had happened in the past- and it made me trust them even less- like I trusted them to begin with.

 

[mom_2a_sept_princess]

I am glad you called the parents. I am glad the boy is out of that teacher's classroom.

If a teacher was being mean to my daughter, I would want to know. I am a believer of speaking to the principal, her boss, the Mayor of the town or anyone I think would listen to help me with the situation.

Good for you and Good for your daughter.

The world needs more good people!

Amy

 

[mechurchlady]

The important thing is that a child has been spared being bullied by a teacher and hopefully that teacher will be watched or even fired. From conception to adulthood the child is influenced by many things and we must do our part to make sure them kids do not end up dead, insane, self abusing, addicts, or criminals. I have reported twice a girl who was a self abuser who at the age of 12 fell in love with an online pervert. Her school said they would take care of it. I lost a classmate to suicide because of bullying and us kids not saving him. In high school he latched onto, shutter, Robby, someone that creeped out everyone in school. Eventually that sweet little boy ended up dead in the county jail accused of crimes unthinkable. What if us kids had been his friend and stopped the abuse?

You and your dear daughter may have saved a life. Don't matter what others say as long as a kid is not being abused and walking the right path of life. The apple does not fall far from the tree and you are blessed to have such a good daughter. She was raised by a great mom.