Scurvy
Kungaloosh!
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2005
- Messages
- 4,282
OP, I really can understand why you are feeling hurt. I probably would have taken it a little bit personally if my son hadn't been included in my sister's wedding. But I think you are too focused on looking at this only from your point of view and you aren't considering the bride and groom's points of view.
I'm really confused by the quotes above. In one, you say your daughter would be the only family member not included. In the other, you say there is another niece or nephew and some cousins. Aren't they family, too? I see that cousins are different in your book, but maybe they aren't different in the bride or groom's book. And maybe they really don't want to include the other niece/nephew and so they feel it would not be appropriate to include your daughter while excluding the other child. Maybe they think your daughter, the other niece/nephew and even the cousins are all equal members of the family - but they still are having an adults-only party, so that's the only reason the kids aren't included. It has nothing to do with them not being "equal" and everything to do with them not being adults. Just like your husband is probably an equal member of the family, but wouldn't be invited to a women-only shower. Some events are intended for particular groups of people, and those who aren't in those particular groups won't be included even if the hosts like them even more than some of the people who are included.
I'm also not getting the "choosing one person over another" aspect of this. I don't understand why there's a choice at all. If I went to an adults-only function without my son, it would never occur to him that I was choosing the host over him, or even choosing the function over him. He knows that there are some things that are for adults and not kids. If I told him someone's reception was for adults only, he'd take that at face value and understand that he wasn't being included because he wasn't an adult yet. No drama, no hurt feelings.
In my opinion, the bride is making an effort to make her niece feel included in the important part of the day. No one needs a child to hand out booklets at their wedding. Most people either leave them in a basket for people to take or they have an adult hand them out. I assume she wants her niece to do that at her wedding because she wants to include the child in her wedding day. She wants the child to be present when she gets married. I think that's a very nice thing for her to do. The fact that she is throwing an adults-only party afterward shouldn't negate the fact that she is including the child in the wedding.
(there is only 1 other niece/nephew-others would be cousins/friends so different in my book).
I told my mother & later my sister that I was really upset by this & didn't think it was right that she be the only family member not included. There was no yelling, arguing etc. I stated my feelings and my reasoning behind it that was it.
I DO NOT plan on attending the wedding to bash, crash or grind any ax. I personally don't think I will be attending because I feel so strongly that my daughter is an equal member of our family and should be included.
I'm really confused by the quotes above. In one, you say your daughter would be the only family member not included. In the other, you say there is another niece or nephew and some cousins. Aren't they family, too? I see that cousins are different in your book, but maybe they aren't different in the bride or groom's book. And maybe they really don't want to include the other niece/nephew and so they feel it would not be appropriate to include your daughter while excluding the other child. Maybe they think your daughter, the other niece/nephew and even the cousins are all equal members of the family - but they still are having an adults-only party, so that's the only reason the kids aren't included. It has nothing to do with them not being "equal" and everything to do with them not being adults. Just like your husband is probably an equal member of the family, but wouldn't be invited to a women-only shower. Some events are intended for particular groups of people, and those who aren't in those particular groups won't be included even if the hosts like them even more than some of the people who are included.
And 'choosing' your daughter over your sis?? Over a 9 year old not being invited to an adult reception? My goodness, if my kids ever felt that I was choosing someone else over them for attending an adult event - well, let's just say that it's likely a good thing that they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them -especially for someone else's wedding! My kids know I would never choose anyone else over them....but attending an adult reception does not fall inot that category IMO and in theirs either.
I'm also not getting the "choosing one person over another" aspect of this. I don't understand why there's a choice at all. If I went to an adults-only function without my son, it would never occur to him that I was choosing the host over him, or even choosing the function over him. He knows that there are some things that are for adults and not kids. If I told him someone's reception was for adults only, he'd take that at face value and understand that he wasn't being included because he wasn't an adult yet. No drama, no hurt feelings.
In my opinion, the bride is making an effort to make her niece feel included in the important part of the day. No one needs a child to hand out booklets at their wedding. Most people either leave them in a basket for people to take or they have an adult hand them out. I assume she wants her niece to do that at her wedding because she wants to include the child in her wedding day. She wants the child to be present when she gets married. I think that's a very nice thing for her to do. The fact that she is throwing an adults-only party afterward shouldn't negate the fact that she is including the child in the wedding.