WWYD - Playground Altercation

[kirstenb1]

Paying for the zipper is fair. Anything else is unreasonable. How expensive is this coat anyway? Both dd's have North Face 3 in 1 coats. The most expensive one was originally $140, but I bought it at the end of last year for $64. Is this something like Patagonia or Marmot?

 

[jgreco]

Something tells me a child young enough to still be playing on the playground is going to do a lot more harm & dirt to that jacket than a "mismatched" zipper. I'd be delighted if a parent offered to pay to get it fixed.

Reminds me recently, we were at a friend's house who asked us to remove our shoes, their dog destroyed one my husband's expensive shoes. I was really peeved, and the owner just laughed it off. We declined any future invitations to their house, and I am sure they know why because they gave the dog away and said "you guys can come over now".

 

[Marionnette]

There are three sides to every story, your child's side, the other child's side, and the truth. I would look at it as 'boys being boys' and not take a penny from the other family.

I totally agree with this. And I would not be sending my child to school in an expensive coat if I wasn't willing to accept that there is a very real possibility of it being damaged. Get it fixed OP, and just write it off as the cost of raising an active boy.

 

[FigmentChick]

I'm going to have to say: be lucky that they offered to pay for half. Vanity or not, expensvie coats do not belong on the playground with rough-housing boys (and girls). I cannot afford to dress my kids in clothes like that, but if I did, they would not be wearing it on the playground. I'd send them to school in nice, but significanly cheaper coats.

I'm a klutz myself and can't tell you how many times in my youth I tore, damaged, or dirtied my coat and clothes.

 

[okeydokey]

I think your offer to pay to repair the zipper and then for half of a new coat was fair.

 

[littlezar]

What would you do in this scenario? Your child is playing tag with a group of boys during school recess. He tags one of the kids and the other kid gets angry. Your son is grabbed and shoved to the ground. In the altercation, his quite new, very expensive jacket has the zipper torn.

You contact the other parent and they offer to pay for repairs to the zipper. You've already decided that out of simple vanity that you'd rather purchase a new jacket than have it repaired. There's a chance the new zipper won't match exactly and this was a REALLY expensieve jacket.

So, they offer to pay for half of the new jacket.

But, you think they should pay for the whole thing. Their kid basically attacked yours. Shouldn't they pay for a new jacket?

Paying for the zipper to be repaired was offered and should have been accepted and I assume the kid got in trouble at school (as well as home) since it happened there. Paying for half of a new jacket is ridiculous just because the zipper might not match perfectly.

When my oldest was a freshman, someone grabbed him by the hood of his jacket, at school, and ripped the collar and zipper (the hood zipped on/off.) Nothing happened to the kid at school and I got to foot the repair bill on a brand new, second time he was wearing it jacket. The $12 I paid was way cheaper than buying a new one and it looked fine. Amazing what a good seamstress can do!

 

[thebeesknees]

I agree that asking for them to foot the cost of a new coat is not reasonable. They offered to pay for the repair, and that, IMHO, is fair. Charging them for 1/2 or all of a new coat for vanity's sake (your own words) just seems like you are out to get something for nothing. I liked the car analogy someone posted earlier. Kids are kids, you weren't there to see it when it happened, so chances are the truth is somewhere between your son's story and the other kid's story. And I'd stop sending my child to school in something that is so expensive it would upset you this much if it were to be damaged. Stuff gets lost and damaged at school all the time - keep the expensive clothing for times you can be around to supervise him.

 

[dsneprincess]

There are three sides to every story, your child's side, the other child's side, and the truth. I would look at it as 'boys being boys' and not take a penny from the other family.

Exactly!!! Why not repair the jacket & let him wear it to school so there are no future recess problems. If you don't think the coat will look perfect, get him another to wear around you. Let the boys enjoy the playground; it gets taken away soon enough!

 

[jensen]

The way the OP is written, I'm guessing the poster is being asked to pay for the whole jacket.

Pay for zipper repair and that's all. You pay to fix your mistakes but victims don't get to cash in as a result.

You caught me. It was my son who did the knocking down. He feels absolutely terrible about what happened.

Their mutual friend said the other boy was mouthing off about how the jacket cost $50 and my son was going to have to pay for it. So, my son came to me with $50 of his own money and told me to offer it to the mom (I didn't even know my son had that much saved up). It broke my heart, but also made me really proud.

When I called other mother back, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she didn't want to fix the zipper because she wasn't sure it would be an exact match. So, I said we'd pay for half of a new jacket.

THEN she said it was $110. So, I said that her son told someone else it was $50 and that my son had $50 to give him. Then she just kept insisting that it was all my son's fault and her son was just playing the game and it wasn't their fault the jacket was wrecked.

Thank you for helping me know I wasn't in the wrong here and this really is just a shake down. I'm going to call her back and tell her I'll send a check for $30 to cover a new zipper, anything else is up to her.

 

[pigletto]

I think the zipper replacement is fair. That is what was damaged. And to be honest I am kind of impressed the parents took that much responsibility. Don't get me wrong.. I think they should and it was the right thing to do, but it seems that happens less and less these days.

And really .. how hard is it to find a zipper that matches? I am sure by going to a large fabric store something very similar can be found.

 

[luvmy3]

You caught me. It was my son who did the knocking down. He feels absolutely terrible about what happened.

Their mutual friend said the other boy was mouthing off about how the jacket cost $50 and my son was going to have to pay for it. So, my son came to me with $50 of his own money and told me to offer it to the mom (I didn't even know my son had that much saved up). It broke my heart, but also made me really proud.

When I called other mother back, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she didn't want to fix the zipper because she wasn't sure it would be an exact match. So, I said we'd pay for half of a new jacket.

THEN she said it was $110. So, I said that her son told someone else it was $50 and that my son had $50 to give him. Then she just kept insisting that it was all my son's fault and her son was just playing the game and it wasn't their fault the jacket was wrecked.

Thank you for helping me know I wasn't in the wrong here and this really is just a shake down. I'm going to call her back and tell her I'll send a check for $30 to cover a new zipper, anything else is up to her.

Your ds was responsible for breaking the zipper, it can be repaired, so I don't think he should offer anything more. He should not have to pay for the mother's vanity, he didn't ruin that

And kudos to your ds, he sounds like a great kid by taking responsibility for his actions.

 

[nsmith]

Asking another mom to pay for your sons broken zipper is committing social suicide for you and your son. The other moms are going to talk, children are going to be warned NOT to play with your son. Some talk will be done in front of his peers and those children will talk to other children about your "insert rude name here" son.

It is not fair but the Mommy Mafia is a strong and powerful entity, it's membership includes all those mean girls from middle school, high school and college.

Boys are physical, they get in fights and go too far but then they make up and go back to being friends again. UNLESS their parents get involved and make a mess of things.

 

[kaytieeldr]

You caught me. It was my son who did the knocking down. He feels absolutely terrible about what happened.

Their mutual friend said the other boy was mouthing off about how the jacket cost $50 and my son was going to have to pay for it. So, my son came to me with $50 of his own money and told me to offer it to the mom (I didn't even know my son had that much saved up). It broke my heart, but also made me really proud.

When I called other mother back, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she didn't want to fix the zipper because she wasn't sure it would be an exact match. So, I said we'd pay for half of a new jacket.

THEN she said it was $110. So, I said that her son told someone else it was $50 and that my son had $50 to give him. Then she just kept insisting that it was all my son's fault and her son was just playing the game and it wasn't their fault the jacket was wrecked.

Thank you for helping me know I wasn't in the wrong here and this really is just a shake down. I'm going to call her back and tell her I'll send a check for $30 to cover a new zipper, anything else is up to her.

I think the offer to replace the zipper is fair and reasonable as well. And I think Judge Judy and all the other television judges would agree.

Your son's offer to pay for any portion of a new jacket is now rescinded. You/he will pay for zipper replacement, or nothing. Tell her you presented the issue town independent panel.

 

[ccgirl]

What would you do in this scenario? Your child is playing tag with a group of boys during school recess. He tags one of the kids and the other kid gets angry. Your son is grabbed and shoved to the ground. In the altercation, his quite new, very expensive jacket has the zipper torn.

You contact the other parent and they offer to pay for repairs to the zipper. You've already decided that out of simple vanity that you'd rather purchase a new jacket than have it repaired. There's a chance the new zipper won't match exactly and this was a REALLY expensieve jacket.

So, they offer to pay for half of the new jacket.

But, you think they should pay for the whole thing. Their kid basically attacked yours. Shouldn't they pay for a new jacket?

Haven't read all the replies, just the original post. Did you get this story from one of the teachers? IMHO, the other parent is being generous. I do not send my children with expensive things. Things break, kids will be kids.

ETA:

Just read it was your son that did the pushing. I still feel the same...only the zipper should need to be repaired. I think the $30 is more than generous and, personally, I would take the $30 from my son to teach a lesson that we do not "pay back" words with being physical.

Good luck.

 

[Disneychix]

Can ask how old the boys are? I think it's crazy that you'd even have to pay $30. Judge Judy wouldn't even make you pay for a whole new jacket!

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd ask for nothing. Kids are playing, things get broken. Whatever I send them to school with, I know there is a risk they will be ruined or lost. I think this other parent is being more than generous!

 

[threecrazykids]

Who cares if the zipper isn't an EXACT match? For cryin' out loud...I mean really...the person who looks at another child's jacket and says "Oh WOW...everyone LOOK QUICK - Jimmy has a knock off zipper for his expensive jacket" really has serious issues. No one but HER is going to know.

 

[momz]

What a wonderful opportunity to teach your son about taking responsibility for his actions.

I imagine this conflict between the parents could result in the ending of a friendship between the two kids. The mother that insisted the coat be replaced took things way too far and, unfortunately her son may find himself being excluded from the game next time.

My kids have "play clothes" and "good clothes". Sometimes the good ones get damaged so they become play. It happens...

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Asking another mom to pay for your sons broken zipper is committing social suicide for you and your son. The other moms are going to talk, children are going to be warned NOT to play with your son. Some talk will be done in front of his peers and those children will talk to other children about your "insert rude name here" son.

It is not fair but the Mommy Mafia is a strong and powerful entity, it's membership includes all those mean girls from middle school, high school and college.

Boys are physical, they get in fights and go too far but then they make up and go back to being friends again. UNLESS their parents get involved and make a mess of things.

I think this depends what area you live in.

OP, I think $30 is generous, I doubt it will even cost that much, and the boy may have been hoping that your son would give HIM the $50 instead of you handling it with his mom. I would definitely only pay for the zipper repair and wash my hands of it.

 

[Hannathy]

Honestly I wouldn't have offered anything. Kids play, clothes get ripped. Unless your son stood there and purposefully ripped the zipper out or took scissors to the coat it was an accident of playing. I wouldn't send her anything.