WWYD? I had a bridesmaid "quit"

[paintnolish]

I have this "friend" who is prone to drama, but I have known her for 15 years. It has kind of been on again, off again. I asked her to be in my wedding, thinking there was a chance she'd say no. She accepted and has been taking charge, wanting to do things her way (ex- horrified that we are using paper plates at the reception). Well, she called me and told me her heart wasn't in our friendship anymore and she wanted to bow out. I could go on and on about all that, but what do I do now about bridesmaids? I am one short, 3 monthes from the wedding? Should I ask someone else, explaining what happened? Would that offend you, to be a backup? Should I let one groomsman walk by himself?
Needless to say, this friendship is over.

 

[disneynutt1225]

I think this close to the wedding you're probably out of luck. Unless you have someone you've become close to since you asked this other bridesmaid - and she's a similar size (because at this point it's probably too late to order a new dress). There's nothing wrong with having one of the groomsmen walk down alone. They aren't really partnered for very long anyway - walking into or out of the church/ceremony hall and the first dance. I think my bridal party spent more time apart than together (and 3 couples were married! ).

Sorry you're having a hard time.

 

[bethie]

I would not worry about it. I think you will be fine one bridesmaid short. It sounds like the wedding will be less stressful now that she is gone. Don't blink an eye and keeping making your plans and enjoy your day!

 

[cinmell]

I wouldn't ask someone else to replace her. I have seen 2 groomsmen escort one bridesmaid at a couple of weddings. Can you do that?

 

[java]

How many bridesmaids do you have? Could 2 groomsmen walk the last girl down? I have seen that done. You are better off without her. Congratulations!

 

[Tazicket]

First -

Second - At this point, I don't think I'd ask someone else. Unless, like PP mentioned, you know someone you've become close to recently that wears the same size dress. As for having one more groomsmen than bridesmaids, can you have the 1 girl walk with 2 guys? If not, just have him walk by himself. No biggie at all. It's your wedding and you can do whatever you want.

 

[Angelhalo]

I am getting married in 18 days and I nearly was a bridesmaid short due to a flaky unreliable bridesmaid. She did finally come through but if she hadn't, I wasn't going to replace her. It's too short of notice to expect someone else to buy the dress, the shoes, etc etc plus it's just kind of offensive that they would be a backup. So when I thought I was going to be short, I went to a bunch of wedding websites and they all say that it is perfectly acceptable to not have a matching number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. You can send someone alone, or you can send some as a set of 3 down the aisle instead of two. Or, you can actually have one of your groomsmen escort someone to the front and then come back for another. It's completely normal these days to have something like that happen.

I will NOT tell you to calm down or chill out etc etc as I KNOW first hand how frustrating that can be. But I hope it eases your concern!

Congratulations on your new life together!

 

[rgf207]

I had a groomsman back out 2 days before my wedding because he had a death in the family. I didn't ask anyone else. Basically I had 1 groomsman walk down with 2 bridesmaides (1 on each arm).

I would suggest not getting someone else.

 

[720L]

I wouldn't get anyone else eithier. These days you can do whatever you want at weddings.

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

I think it would be nice for two groomsmen to walk one girl down as well.

 

[Barb D]

DH was an usher at a wedding where a bridesmaid died in a car accident a few weeks before the wedding. They went on with the wedding, and had an extra usher. When the ushers danced with the bridesmaids at the reception, DH danced with me.

 

[paintnolish]

I actually do think the backup could fit into the ex bridesmaid's dress, but I'd like her to be stuck with it.
Just because I want to vent..."friend" came down to visit me last weekend. Evrything was great, or so I thought. She calls me yesterday, as I am leaving for school, and tells me things felt awkward and forced, and her heart just wasn't in it anymore. I deserve to have someone by my side who wants to be there for me. I was so shocked and blindsided. I started to cry, which is unlike me, but I couldn't believe this! I asked if she was "breaking up" with me, she said she'd like to keep in touch. So, I seethed about this all day, came home and emailed her. Basically, I told her to consider the email a break up...never to call me again.
I know it seems harsh, but she has done similar things over the past few years and I am done. We're adults. I am too busy to play these games.
And, you are right, I think once the initial details get worked out, things will go much smoother. She was starting to make me feel not good enough. That's not what friends should do.

 

[Disney Doll]

When we got married, we did not have the bridal party walk in as couples. The groomsmen walked in first, in a line, then the bridesmaids walked in, again in a line.

They walked out as couples and I think it would be perfectly acceptable to have one bridesmaid escorted by 2 groomsmen.

If you are doing a bridal dance, where the whole bridal party dances with their respective partners, does the lone groomsmen have a girlfriend or wife who could step in to dance for him?

Truthfully, if I had a friend who was in this kind of situation and she asked me kind of last minute to fill in, it wouldn't offend me. But I tend to be pretty casual about these sort of things. Of course, if I was the bride, I would be offering to pay for her dress. And 3 months out is plenty of time to get a dress. People throw weddings together in a month, and nobody's naked when they're walking down the aisle. The bridal stores tell you that 3 month thing for their own convenience.

 

[anniemae]

I would not replace her. Don't stress over it, in the long run it's probably better off she isn't in your wedding party since she will forever be in all your photos and she does not seem like a real close friend anyway. Just look forward to your wedding and enjoy! Don't let this cast a shadow on YOUR special day. YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3 MONTHS!!! YEAH!!!! CONGRATS!!!!

Seriously, don't stress. This will be such a small inconvienence in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Laura]

When we got married, we did not have the bridal party walk in as couples. The groomsmen walked in first, in a line, then the bridesmaids walked in, again in a line.

They walked out as couples and I think it would be perfectly acceptable to have one bridesmaid escorted by 2 groomsmen.

I agree with that. Nobody'll notice, they'll be watching the bride and groom as you exit. And if they notice, they won't care.

 

[froglady]

When we got married, we did not have the bridal party walk in as couples. The groomsmen walked in first, in a line, then the bridesmaids walked in, again in a line.

They walked out as couples and I think it would be perfectly acceptable to have one bridesmaid escorted by 2 groomsmen.

If you are doing a bridal dance, where the whole bridal party dances with their respective partners, does the lone groomsmen have a girlfriend or wife who could step in to dance for him?

.

If not, perhaps one of the other ushers/groomsmen has a wife/girlfriend he can dance with?

I can't remember if we even had the whole wedding party dance together. I think we only had the bride/groom, and the father/daughter dance, (DH's mother was deceased) then everyone just danced.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You can have the groomsman wait with your groom at the altar if you do not want a bridesmaid to walk with 2 groomsmen as another option.

I would not replace her.

 

[tiggger1]

I had a bridesmaid bow out. She was one of my best friends in middle school and part of high school. I was in her wedding, was there when her DD was born..the whole nine yards. She said was thrilled about being in my wedding and was so excited about the dress. She didnt have the $$ for the dress so my MOH paid for it (the 3 of us were bf). about 2 months before the wedding she calls me and tells me she cant afford it and wants out. ( not sure what else she needed to pay for because my MOH paid for all of it for her..although I didnt know that at the time..) I ended up asking my brother's girl friend to be a bridesmaid...( she is a good friend and my riding instructor/trainer) I explained the situation told her I would pay for everything. It turned out great because she walked down with my brother and got to spend the meal with him instead of at the table with my parents.

 

[rgf207]

I actually do think the backup could fit into the ex bridesmaid's dress, but I'd like her to be stuck with it.
Just because I want to vent..."friend" came down to visit me last weekend. Evrything was great, or so I thought. She calls me yesterday, as I am leaving for school, and tells me things felt awkward and forced, and her heart just wasn't in it anymore. I deserve to have someone by my side who wants to be there for me. I was so shocked and blindsided. I started to cry, which is unlike me, but I couldn't believe this! I asked if she was "breaking up" with me, she said she'd like to keep in touch. So, I seethed about this all day, came home and emailed her. Basically, I told her to consider the email a break up...never to call me again.
I know it seems harsh, but she has done similar things over the past few years and I am done. We're adults. I am too busy to play these games.
And, you are right, I think once the initial details get worked out, things will go much smoother. She was starting to make me feel not good enough. That's not what friends should do.

You did the right thing. I wold not consider her a friend anymore. It sounds like you have other great friends. There is no need to keep in touch with someone who does this to you.

 

[paintnolish]

Thanks for all the replies! My other bridesmaids are being great- only one is about to give birth and the other is so busy (toddler and a son with Asperger's)! I might be kind of throwing my own shower and bachelorette party. At least I'll get what I want, right?!?
There is a case to be made for eloping, right?