WWYD - DD's classmate is nice... but her mother is nasty?

[busyshrew]

I guess this is mostly a vent....

DD6 is a just finishing up her kindergarten year, and will be heading into Grade 1 . She's got lots of friends outside of school (I am a SAHM), several good friendships in her class, and is very happy and doing well.

She has a classmate who also lives on the same street. This little girl is a real sweetheart. Kind, helpful, polite... I like her. She likes my DD and plays with her at school, and is always asking to get together.

But her mother ! I get such nasty vibes from her.

Some examples:
She had a birthday party for her daughter, but my DD was the only SK girl in her class not to get invited.
The neighbour girl is constantly asking to play with DD... the mother will say "okay, later". It never happens.
Most recently, DD went bike-riding toward their house (the kids were all out front playing). The mother caught sight of my DD, immediately hustled her kids inside and then closed the garage door, pretty much right in my DD's face.

Clearly, she doesn't want our children to become friends. That's fine, to each his own, the two girls only got to know each other 10 months ago and we don't run in the same circles. BUT. How do I help my DD in this case? How can I explain that essentially, the two little girls might want to be friends... but the mother clearly does NOT?



I am really not keen on the girls becoming friends either, with the mother behaving that way.... but any advice on what to tell my DD?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Maybe before talking to your DD you should address the Mom directly to find out what the issues are. Maybe a lot of it is just misunderstanding, but better to know upfront rather than explaining something you don't understand yourself with your DD.

 

[Disneyrsh]

.

 

[kwelch10377]

I would also take the time to talk to the mom before you talk to your DD. Simply ask her that you get the feeling she doesn't want her daughter becoming friends with your daughter and that is correct what her concerns are about them becoming friends. For all you know it could be a mis-understanding with the mom, you never know until you ask.

 

[Disneyrsh]

.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Yeah, but, do you care? What possible justification is there for the other mom's behavior?

"Oh, sorry, I'm glad we had this talk, I thought you were a white supremacist!"

Time better spent on finding opportunities for your kid to make other friends.

Because if it is a misunderstanding or perceived wrongs, then it doesn't have to be an issue. Maybe the invitation was an oversight, maybe the Mom had plans and the kids were going in at that point anyway and it had nothing to do with the OP's DD. If it isn't and the Mom is just a witch, then, no -- the reasons wouldn't matter to me. But, I would rather know the truth than go based on my possibly faulty perceptions.

 

[Magpie]

Me, I'd like to know what kind of rumours might be going around about me in my neighbourhood. So I'd ask!

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok

 

[Disneyrsh]

Me, I'd like to know what kind of rumours might be going around about me in my neighbourhood. So I'd ask!

Like she's going to tell you?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

See, there's the difference. I wouldn't assume my perception was faulty.

I'd just assume she's an uptight ***** and move on.

Yep, that is a difference, I am not one to assume that I am always right. What a world that would be if everyone was that sure. And, for my daughter's sake, I would rather just know the truth. I thought the woman that is now my best friend hated me from the beginning. She would always just walk right by and never bother saying hello. I though she was an enormous snot. Turns out, she was too vain to wear her glasses in public, so everyone around was just a blur to her. LOL, perception is not always truth.

 

[busyshrew]

Thank you for the suggestions, please keep them coming.

Just to clarify:
I am not friends with the other mom. I couldn't really imagine being friends with her (we don't have much in common other than being mothers of classmates). And that doesn't bother me.
The behaviour & incidents are pretty pointed, and clear, and deliberate.

I will not bother talking to the other mom. To me, confronting her would only be of use if we had a relationship to fix (we don't), or if I thought it was a single incident/misunderstanding that needed to be addressed to get things on track. It's not, it's a series of things- noticed by both myself and my DH over the last school year.

What does bother me is that my DD is the subject of this underhanded meanness (from the mom, NOT the daughter), and comes to ask me "why?", and I don't really have any idea of what to tell her.

(And I laughed my head off at the "white supremacist" comment - because I am Asian, I was almost starting to wonder..... but then again, in this day and age?)

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok

 

[trip]

Some examples:
She had a birthday party for her daughter, but my DD was the only SK girl in her class not to get invited.

Forgive me for asking but what is an SK girl?

 

[AshleyW]

Let me make this vewy, vewy simple:

Attempting to talk to this woman will not give you the truth.

Somebody not saying hello to you because they're nearsighted is fundamentally different than the nasty behavior the OP has repeatedly witnessed.

Even if it was all a "big mistake", who would want to be friends with a woman that would do that to other people? Seriously!

Are you always this rude, or is this just a special treat for today? Seriously, it's okay to have differing opinions, but there's no need to be a snot about it.

 

[tiggger1]

Forgive me for asking but what is an SK girl?

same here!

 

[Darsa]

Forgive me for asking but what is an SK girl?

This was my question as well...

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok

 

[gabrismom]

I would have to agree that talking to her probably wont fix it. It's unfortunate that she is on your street so you have to see her regularly. If your daughter ends up in a different class for grade one next year there is a pretty good chance they will drift as friends anyway so your problem will be solved. I have found with my two girls that as the classes change so do most of the friends (with the exception of a few) Good luck to you and hopefully your daughter doesn't get her feelings hurt anymore.

 

[Magpie]

Like she's going to tell you?

How do you know she won't, unless you ask?

I've always asked, and you'd be amazed some of the things I've heard. I wanted my daughter to be friends with one little girl in kindy, because they both knew how to read and liked the same things. Her mother did some of the same things here - excluding me from parent get-togethers, giving me the cold shoulder on the playground. So finally, I walked up and asked her, "What's up?"

Turns out the issue was that she'd heard through the grapevine that my daughter was going into a program for "profoundly gifted" students in Grade 1, and her daughter wasn't. Not that she wanted her daughter in the program. Oh no. "My daughter's not into all that math stuff," she said. "My daughter has friends."

So I had a good laugh and went on my merry way.

I always tell my kids that it never hurts to ask. Whether or not you like the answer, at least you've tried!

 

[gabrismom]

This was my question as well...

I think OP is referring to Senior Kindergarten. In Canada kids do two years. Junior and Senior.