WWYD - Babysitter stealing things

[lg3]

We are 100% sure our 15 yr old sitter is stealing little items from our house. Mainly mascara This is not the first time we have had our suspicions, but now it is certain. She sat for us yesterday and two makeup items are gone that were most definitely there before we left. She was seen touching the makeup. She has always been a decent sitter in the past (as far as we could tell - have used her about once a month for 7-8 months). She is supposed to sit for us in a few weeks again. dh thinks I should call her mom and ask about it, and have a heart-to-heart with the sitter. The mom is a very good friend of one of our friends. I don't trust the girl anymore and would rather find a new sitter and not say anything. I hate these situations!

 

[disbridemimi]

How are you 100% sure? Could it have just been moved or rolled off the counter? Did she have friends over while babysitting? Was she the only one in your house the day it went missing? I think it is one of those trust your gut things. You said you were suspicious before, so you must have know something was amiss.

I would however, tread very carefully with the mom, since these are friends of yours.

Maybe you could ask the mom to have a look in her daughters stuff "to see if she picked up the wrong mascara by mistake" and if it turns out that she does have it, I would never use her again. But I would not outright accuse her daughter of stealing if she is a friend of yours. But that way she will know that things are missing and she will get the idea without having to jump to defensive momma bear mode.


If she does steal, even little things, I would never use her again, BUT you better be 100% sure and have proof before you accuse someone of something like that. Good luck!! Sounds awful. I do not think I would use her again either way, just to be safe. Mascara is just a little thing, but in my opinon it is a matter of trust, and you may not notice other things that may have gone missing.

 

[agnes!]

I don't know, this is a hard one. I guess I would find a new sitter and say nothing to the parents. You probably won't be able to change the girl's behavior, she'll deny she took anything from your house and your friendship with your other friend will be affected. On the other hand, you almost *want* to say something to her and her parents like "Some small items are missing from our home, they only go missing when your daughter has been here so we won't be needing her services any more"... I would NOT have a heart-to-heart with the sitter by yourself, things can get too easily misunderstood, it can quickly turn into an ugly "she-said, she-said" situation.

Of all the things in a person's house to steal...make-up? But people can sometimes start with small things and work their way up to other items that have more value. There's a thrill in the act of stealing or shoplifting that makes people risk it.

Just don't recommend her to anybody ...
agnes!

ETA: I think disbridemimi has a great idea...

Maybe you could ask the mom to have a look in her daughters stuff "to see if she picked up the wrong mascara by mistake" and if it turns out that she does have it, I would never use her again.

 

[Micca]

If you don't trust her I think you can discontinue her services with or without an explanation. I'd be concerned that she might decide to help herself to something more valuable--like jewelry.

 

[agnes!]

If you don't trust her I think you can discontinue her services with or without an explanation. I'd be concerned that she might decide to help herself to something more valuable--like jewelry.

Exactly what I had been thinking too...

agnes!

 

[momrek06]

OP, I would NOT call the Mom, just move on. What is the point of turning this into a huge ordeal that would cost friendships left and right (as this gets around the neighborhood). You have NO facts. You cannot say other than you think she is stealing. Like another poster stated, maybe the items rolled off the counter.

I would just start looking for a new sitter.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

the exact same thing happened in my family when I was a little girl and we had a babysitter. I remember vividly my mom asking me if I took her makeup. Years later I asked why the girl never babysat again and mom told me she stole makeup.

They never confronted her, just never used her again. We used her a lot before she stole, so I'm sure she realized why we didn't call her afterwards.

 

[disykat]

As the mom of teens I like to think I'd handle it differently than most here. I think the right thing to do is to mention it to the parents. It would be hard, but if I could get up the nerve I'd cancel it now and say something like "We won't be needing x to babysit again. We've been having some theft issues when babysitters come into our home so we've re-evaluating."

This gives the parents the chance to either recognize that this has been an ungoing problem with their child and they need to get her help, or to assume the issue is with someone else. It will flag it for the future if they notice a pattern of things missing when their dd is around. It also alerts the girl that you are aware of the missing items.

If the parents get offended and freak out that you're accusing their dd of stealing, you deny it and simply repeat that since you're having a theft issue and have to make changes to eliminate or narrow down the problem. You could be protecting their dd by keeping her out of the problem.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

If you don't want to bring it up to the parents, just make sure you find an older sitter, and say you needed someone to be able to drive around your child... even if you never have them take your child anywhere.

 

[Took]

We had a sitter who was the daughter of a friend and she was just not a very good sitter. She was bossy and not very nice, and our DD just didn't like her. I quit asking her after 3 or 4 tries and, occasionally, her mom would ask whether we needed a sitter. I just would politely say "no, not now" and move on. We never explained. I'm sure her mom suspected something, but we just let the whole thing blow over. I'm equally sure her mom "knew" that her daughter was bossy and, at times, hard to really like. But I kept my thoughts to myself, and I'm glad. I'm still friends with the mom, and the daughter lives far away now. No one's feelings got hurt.

I do agree that stealing is more serious than mere "bossiness" BUT the girl may be in "a phase" that she will grow out of and later regret deeply. Obviously, if she steals from a store or something, then she'll have to confront the problem head on, but it would be better, I think, to say nothing to her mom and just find a new sitter.

took

 

[Tink888]

I would however, tread very carefully with the mom, since these are friends of yours.

Maybe you could ask the mom to have a look in her daughters stuff "to see if she picked up the wrong mascara by mistake" and if it turns out that she does have it, I would never use her again. But I would not outright accuse her daughter of stealing if she is a friend of yours. But that way she will know that things are missing and she will get the idea without having to jump to defensive momma bear mode.

I really like this suggestion. You aren't outright accusing the girl or creating a conflict with her Mom but it lets the girl know that you know and gives her a chance to come clean and save face.

I'd probably just find another babysitter. Such a hard situation. If it was just a one time thing I'd probably chalk it up to teenage stupidity and give her another chance, but since there have been several times that it's happened I'd really have to question her character and how well she'd be watching my kids.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Have you considered talking to her about it? If she is a good babysitter, maybe she is taking the make-up because 1) her mom won't buy it for her or 2) she can't afford it. She may not think it's a big deal, especially if you have a lot of make-up.

I'm not condoning her actions, I am just trying to think back to when I was that age, and saw all the make-up on my aunts dresser. I was curious. I never stole anything, but I did "play' with it and tried some out.

 

[Green Tea]

I would likely just call and leave a voice mail or if you catch her tell her your plans have changed for the upcoming night. Then just not call again.

 

[lg3]

If you don't want to bring it up to the parents, just make sure you find an older sitter, and say you needed someone to be able to drive around your child... even if you never have them take your child anywhere.

I like this idea, as it is actually very plausible - we are always searching for a good sitter who can drive too.
If I were the sitter's mom I would probably want to know what was going on, but I am not really comfortable being the one to get it out in the open, especially since it was just little things.........that we know about.

 

[daisax]

If you want to be passive aggressive and mean, you could tell the mom that you've got some disgusting infectious eye condition and you noticed that some of your eye makeup is missing, so if ___ borrowed it or tried it, she should probably watch her very carefully to make sure she's okay.

 

[Mermaid02]

I would just stop using her.

 

[Floridagal23]

Mascara is generally not a costly item. I would just stop using her - you never know when she'll move up to a more expensive thing. No explanation needed! Just don't call her again.

ETA: Just call her and say your plans have changed and you won't be needing her that night. If you can't get another sitter, I'd lock your bedroom/bathroom door.

 

[mrsg00fy]

I would just find a new sitter. This is a no win situation for you. If you confront or question or even hint at stealing, there can be a lot of bad feelings.

I don't think you owe any explanations. It would be very difficult for me to have someone in my home who I thought could be stealing from me....even if I only thought it.

If you have a babysitter in so that you can go out, the idea is that you can go out, relax and have a good time. You can't do that if you have to worry about what the sitter might be getting into.

I would advise to just find a new sitter and not offer any explanations.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would move on. Find someone new. I wouldn't say anything.

 

[dawn1620]

This is just my opinion but if I found out my babysitter was stealing anything from me, even something as small as a mascara then I could not continue to trust her with my children.

You're paying her good money to watch your children but it seems like she is more interested in watching watch she can pocket from your house. And I agree with another poster - today it's a mascara, tomorrow it could be those nice diamond earrings in your jewelry box.