Would your limit your child's time with a "Bad Seed" neighbor?

[Sandy V.]

Tinkim, I'm so sorry that you, your son, and your family had to go through that nightmare. I hope that your son has fully recovered.

You are so right about that "mother's instinct" and how we need to listen to it.

I guess that's what troubles me about this whole situation, because there seems to be a "don't make waves"/"peace at all costs" theme with the "bad seed" mother and daughter.

For me, no one is as important as my immediate family - and if my daughter didn't want to play with someone and could articulate good reasons why she didn't, I wouldn't force her to, no matter how angry someone would get at me. Who cares?

I realize we don't have all the facts here, but I wouldn't risk my child being hurt physically or emotionally by this girl.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm also not sure why friendship with the Bad Seed's mother is worth risking her child's physical or emotional health for the OP.

I wouldn't allow someone to bully my child. I would send the Bad seed home immediately when misbehavior occurred, and if it continued, I would make it clear why my child was not going to be playing the Bad Seed anymore.

If the mother's and my friendship ended over this, so be it.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Your daughter is only 7 years old--still young enough IMO to have control over who her friends are.

Frankly, if you go against your mother's instincts now and allow them to continue playing together, what's going to happen when your DD is 13 and wants to be friendly with a girl who's smoking, drinking and into boys? And yes, 13 year-old girls do this stuff; they did when I was 13 and I don't think the world has gotten any more innocent.

And honestly, your daughter's well-being is far more important than your relationship with this child's mother.

 

[clh2]

With respect to PopDaddy - I will try to be brief:

My house - my rules.
If my daughter is disrespectful while a friend is over - the friend goes home. If the friend is disresectful - she will need to go home. Luckily - the person my DD plays with the most has parents that absolutely agree with the house rules.

And never, never, never will one particular neighbor be allowed in my house/on my property. Never, Never, never, never.

 

[LScot]

I had to play with my next door neighbor who was a bad seed. (Never thought of him like that though!) My mother made me because she was friends with his mom. Finally, my parents saw through him and I didn't have to play over there or have him over anymore. I'm 39 and I still remember that day so long ago...
Do your child a favor....

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I happen to agree with everyone else here. Your child depends on you to protect her, and that should take priority over your friendship with her mother.

My ds had a friend who turned on him in 7th grade because he didn't want my ds to hang around other kids. This boy's mom was the daycare provider (school was 1-8 grade), and she tends to protect her son, or make excuses when he does something wrong. This person and I are friends, and we were on several committees together. It took my ds w/tears in his eyes asking me if I wanted him to choose between these other boys and this one to give me a wake-up call. My relationship w/her can be strained at times, but I'll never make my kids befriend those who are not good to them -- they have to be polite, but I do not force friendships on them.

Good luck. I know this is a tough situation to be in.

 

[princesspumpkin]

Thanks everyone for your advice. Just to be clear, I would never put my friendship with TBS's mom over DD's safety. My question was should I try to keep them apart because of her behavior or let them work out their differences, like DH suggests. I have never forced DD to play with TBS against her will, but whenever they're together, there is so much bad behavior from TBS that I feel DD should not have to be subjected to it. I realize that as the parents, DH and I make the decisions for her. What I want to know is should we break up this friendship or let DD work it out on her own. I added that the mom and I are friends to give additional info about the situation and the ramifications of our possible actions.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by princesspumpkin
Thanks everyone for your advice. Just to be clear, I would never put my friendship with TBS's mom over DD's safety. My question was should I try to keep them apart because of her behavior or let them work out their differences, like DH suggests.

You can let them work out their differences only to a point, IMO. I always hate it when adults say that's what they are doing when kids are being mean. Kids need to be taught how to work things out sometimes or they will never learn. For instance, if they were playing in my house and I heard any kind of commotion I'd poke my head in and ask what was going on. If things were not going well I'd suggest play time was over.

You probably don't need to end the friendship with the kid or the mom. But I do think you need to speak up when things happen that you don't approve of. Get in the kid's face. Let her know that's not acceptable behavior. Then, if the mom get's bent out of shape, the friendship will probably run it's course on it's own. Best case scenario -- the kid learns, from you, how to behave!

I sound like a know it all, I suppose, but after 20 years of being a mom, a room mother, a lunch mom, a classroom tutor, a brownie leader, a PRS teacher, a playground monitor (blah, blah, blah blah you get the idea) - I have a few opinions on the subject!!!!!

 

[Piglet]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to thank you for asking your question. We (my 7 yo DD and myself) are having the exact same problem with my friends DD. I am very interested in the replies you are getting.

Melinda

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Yes i would and I do limit the amount of time my DD spends with "TBS". And when the time is spent together I make sure that it is done at my house where I can see exactly what is going on.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by floridafam
WOW.

She would not be allowed to play with my kids. No question.

Your child is witnessing all of her bad behavior and picking up on her bad attitude. By letting your child continue to play with her your sending the signal that it's alright to act like that.

I have to agree with floridafam on this one. As hard as it might be, I would put an end to this right away. What if your child starts picking up all TBS's (I love that nickname!) bad habits and character flaws? Wouldn't you be mortified if your DD repeated the comment about sitting next to a black child? And it could just be an innocent "not-thinking about what it means" comment, but OMG, how would that make you look??

My kids have a great little friend who is very sweet and fun to be around, but he is wild. And my boys are wild when they are around him. When they are together, it's mayhem..(ages 4,5 &6).
His mother (my good friend) and I agree that it is best to limit their playdates right now to McDonald's (playground), and the zoo. Anything inside would just be crazy..And we both are glad that he falls in between grades of my kids, so they will never be in the same class together.