Blondie
~*~*~*~<br><font color=blue>This TF always enjoys
- Joined
- Aug 18, 1999
- Messages
- 17,306
Jungle Gym: There comes a time in the life of every 35-year-old woman when she takes a long, hard look in the mirror and asks herself, "Am I too old to get away with wearing an open-sided, cutout tank with a gold lamé bikini top, leopard print bra and matching stilettos?" For Gwen Stefani, the answer obviously came back a resounding "no" as she turns up at the Teen Choice Awards looking like she's just a whistle away from becoming the hottest gym teacher in history. And while the platinum-coiffed, conductor cap-topped pop star has made it abundantly clear that she "ain't no hollaback girl" (so much so that we get a twitch whenever we hear the song's refrain), in this oddball ensemble, she appears ready to holla for you to drop and give her 20.
Red Alert: We've always thought Hilary Duff was as cute as a bug's ear, but in recent months, the scandal-free starlet, 17, has unnecessarily slimmed down (well, everywhere but her much-discussed teeth) and glammed up, sometimes with mixed results. At the Teen Choice Awards, co-host Hil hits the red carpet in a scarlet J. Mendel empire-waist number that's just a few inches away from success. This frock looked fabulous when worn on the runway by a 6-foot model, but on the itty-bitty, doll-like Duff, it tragically rides up and poufs out at the bottom and fails to make much of an impact on top. On the plus side, her long blond locks are lovely, as is her makeup, but we're still on the fence about that ginormous wrist cuff, which should probably be returned to Wonder Woman as soon as possible.
Hippie Ick: Remember a time long, long ago when Minnie Driver was hailed for her fashion savvy? It was right around the time she received that Oscar nomination for "Good Will Hunting." Alas, it's unlikely either honor will be repeated if she continues to dress like Rainbow Bright's hard-living older sister. The actress is a cacophony of color as she drains the little remaining juice out of the boho chic trend in a tie-dye tunic and floor-sweeping peasant skirt that would be perfect for wiggle-dancing during a second encore of "Casey Jones" at a Grateful Dead show, but for photo op is just dead on arrival.
Diss Me Kate: It seems like Kate Hudson is always one step ahead of the fashion curve. At the "Skeleton Key" after-party, she styles a creation from the brand spankin' new "Pretty in Pink" couture line, a collection inspired by the figure-destroying pink monstrosity Molly Ringwald so proudly sported in the flick's climactic prom scene. The fat-free actress swims in this black floral fiasco, which unwisely mixes an unflattering sweetheart neckline with elbow coverlets, the lowest form of all sleeve incarnations. Judging by the look on Kate's face, she's just caught a glimpse of herself in this misguided get-up, which would make even devoted Ducky back away in horror.
Kimono No-No: There's so much for a celebrity to do in preparation for a red carpet appearance that little things are bound to fall through the cracks. Take Beyoncé. It seems she was so busy styling her hair into a Brigitte Bardot homage and shilling for that odiferous Tommy Hilfiger product that she completely forget to take off her multi-colored robe and put on an actual shirt. Someone really should have told the chanteuse to slip into something a whole lot less comfortable than this precipitously plunging oversized silk wrap, which might be perfect after a relaxing bubble bath but at a photo op is simply all wet.
Black Peep: For those of you who have lain awake many a long, lonely night wondering what became of M.C. Hammer's stash of parachute pants, we finally have your answer: Nicollette Sheridan has them, and she's not afraid to sew them into a really big wrinkly, crinkly skirt. Too bad the "Desperate Housewives" vixen didn't have enough material left over for her shirt, 'cause beneath those modesty-providing bars is definitive proof that nothing comes between Nicollette and her tank top (take our word for it). While the actress is unfettered above, she's ultra-secure down below as she binds her apparently misbehaving calves in circulation-stopping shoes stolen from the feet of Russell "Maximus Jerkus" Crowe in "Gladiator."
Pitt Stains: There's nothing wrong with suffering for one's art, but that doesn't mean those within sniffing distance need to suffer as well. Michael Pitt has trouble letting go of his "Last Days" rocker character as he hits the premiere's red carpet in a ripped, yellowed and stained T-shirt that puts the "ug" in grunge. The painfully hip actor styles the tattered tee with slouchy black pants and scuffed, dirt-covered shoes that we're guessing could stand a healthy spray of Febreze. To achieve his derelict-chic look, Pitt probably avoided soap, water, a razor and a good night's sleep for days in order to ensure that his eyes would be just the right shade of red, his stubble would be perfectly patchy and his hair would reach maximum grease level.
The Happiest Lace on Earth: Black lace has gotten a bad rap over the years thanks to the fingerless gloves and see-through tops Madonna once favored and the Frederick's of Hollywood-heavy late night programming on Cinemax (uh, so we hear). Unfortunately, neither Charlize Theron nor Anne Hathaway is doing much to turn the fabric's bad reputation around. On the left, Theron gives the fan boys at the San Diego Comic-Con a thrill as she gets dolled up in a high-collared black shirt and teddy-esque black lace underlay from Dracula's new Transylvania-chic couture line. On the right, we can see London, France and Anne's underpants as she poses in a disastrous diaphanous black lace dress. Is this simply a case of accidental flashbulb flashing, or is the "Princess Diaries" star trying to do away with her goody-goody Disney image by playing peek-a-boo at a photo op?
Unhappily Eva After: Anyone up for a game of canasta? How about some shuffleboard? Eva Mendes does her best impression of the sexiest septuagenarian ever in a printed halter dress seemingly lifted from the wardrobe department of "Austin Powers." The usually shagadelic actress gets in touch with her inner retiree with these dated duds, which she wears with blah beige wedges our grandma would kill for and an oversized purse perfect for storing hard candies. Eva tops off her outmoded outfit by hiding her bad hair day beneath a baseball cap apparently on loan from her grandson.
The arm pit dude needs to leave. 
I think Kate is cute. 
