Would you tell?

[Marseeya]

If you heard from a very unreliable source that your friend's teenage daughter got high, would you tell your friend?

 

[Hillbeans]

I would, yes - and would expect my friend to tell me if it were my child even if the source may not be the most reliable.

 

[dmslush]

Absolutely!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I would, with the caveat that the source may be unreliable, but I cared too much to not say something.

 

[zalansky]

Yes I would too...wouldn't you want to know?

 

[FroggyinArk]

yup and explain the sourse to her, i would expect anyone tyhat heard dd was high to contact me. altho with my network of eyes andears i would probably already know,,,

 

[SillyMe]

I think I might do a little digging first to see if I could verify it with someone else. I would tell though, because I certainly would want someone to tell me.

That is the problem most of the time. When kids do something they're not supposed to, you hear so many people blame the parents. Maybe the parents do not know. If no one tells them, how are they supposed to know (if they can't figure it out themselves)? I certainly would not want people talking behind my back and my dd's back about something she did and I have no idea she did it. You can't help the child or reprimand the child if you're not aware of what is going on.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Yes. I would appreciate the same honesty if it were the other way around.

 

[mom2boys]

I would, with the caveat that the source may be unreliable, but I cared too much to not say something.

If it were your daughter & your friend heard this rumor about your daughter wouldn't you want to know? I would make it clear that you don't have any concrete evidence - only gossip at this point. If I were the child's mother, I would aprreciate such info & I would thank you for telling me.

 

[JimB.]

If the source is "unreliable", absolutely not.

If it is confirmed by a "reliable" person, yes.

But G-O-S-S-I-P can be very damaging, & that may be what it is...........

ETA: I have a teenage daughter, & the amount of "stuff" she comes home & says she has heard that turns out to be false is staggering. Most of what she tells us turns out to be crap.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I would definitely tell them what I had heard.

 

[Keli]

No way would I tell a casual friend under those circumstances. My best friend? Maybe.

 

[mbw12]

Yes, I would.

 

[pattyT]

I would be asking some serious questions first...

then I would start that conversation of in a 'rumors are ridiculous manner...'
but I would have to mention it subtly

 

[KarenAylwood]

If the source is "very unreliable", absolutely NOT.

I too was in high school once, and rumors abound... and most aren't true. I'd do some digging to see if it true or not. Also take into account the type of kid she is- good grades? well liked? adjusted? And if it was one time I wouldn't tell. If you hear more rumors and it seems like this is turning into a habit or a regular thing, DEFINITELY tell.

Could be just a nasty rumor. I'd be so hurt if my mom thought I had gotten high because she heard some stupid rumor that wasn't true.

 

[Pam]

If the source is "unreliable", absolutely not.

If it is confirmed by a "reliable" person, yes.

But G-O-S-S-I-P can be very damaging, & that may be what it is...........

ETA: I have a teenage daughter, & the amount of "stuff" she comes home & says she has heard that turns out to be false is staggering. Most of what she tells us turns out to be crap.

I agree with what Jim and Keli both have stated.

If it's not a proven fact, I would not tell.

 

[disneylizzy]

No, I wouldn't tell and I have teenagers. I agree that the amount of gossip and crap that this age group pass around is astounding. It amounts to gossip.

This is when I would tell:
- First hand accounts from my son or daughter.
- The parent in question is one of my best friends.
- Anytime if the drug was crack or heroin or something like that.

You can't just go around calling people up saying that I heard from someone who heard from someone else that your child is doing drugs.

Yes, this is hard to believe if you have a child that is in elementary school, but kids can have a lot of issues in high school and generally the parents are aware of the kid's problem and sometimes they don't even care.

 

[disneylizzy]

I think that you can help your friend more by being there to listen if, indeed, the daughter turns out to have a drug problem. You won't get any medals coming to her with rumors and she will be embarrassed or resentful and you will have lost a friend.

 

[Marseeya]

Thanks for all the various replies! I'll give you a little more detail. Basically this girl used to be friends with my friend's DD, but they aren't anymore. I think she told me this to get my DD's friend in trouble, knowing I'd probably tell my friend the whole story.

So I called my friend just to feel her out a bit over it and as soon as I mentioned this girl's name, my friend blurted out, "Don't believe a word out of that girl's mouth, she's a pathological liar!" Well, that did it for me, so I didn't say anything. Plus, I know that my friend is extremely vigilant with her DD and they spend a lot of time together. My friend would recognize the signs if her DD were high.

Oh the drama of teenagers! I barely survived my own teen years, how am I going to get through my own kids'?

As for rumors, I definitely have first hand knowledge of them. My life was torn apart by rumors, and they completely ruined my relationship with my mother. When I was a kid, something pretty bad happened to me (you can probably guess). The boys involved told all their friends, only the story was twisted to make me a willing and active participant. One of my mother's friends got wind of the twisted version and told my mother. My mother, not being a reasonable or rational person, made my life a living hell for many years.

Because of that, I wouldn't make a decision like this lightly.

 

[justhat]

Yes, it is amazing how kids can twist information and believe such incredible stories. Good for you for checking into things more before just telling the mom what you heard. My BIL is a senior is high school and at the start of the school year one of the kids in his class killed himself. Very tragic and clearly the boy had many underlying issues. My BIL (and all his friends) told us the reason he killed himself was because the school is mean. It's a Catholic school and all the boys have to wear uniforms, have certain haircuts, etc. Well supposedly this boy's hair was too long so the school told him to cut it, then they said he didn't cut enough, so he cut it again, then it was too short so he killed himself. Now any logical person(i.e. not a teenager) would know that the haircut was not the cause of his suicide, but that other things were going on (his parents were in the middle of a very nasty divorce, among other things, but my BIL insists this could not have anything to do with it). The crazy thing is that my in-laws kinda believed this (that the haircut caused his suicide) until my husband convinced them otherwise. Imagine if they went around telling parents all the rumors my BIL brings home!?!