would you say anything?

[irishsharon]

My ds(7) just told me that his grandma hurt his feelings, she called him fat. This happened yesterday. This makes me mad and sad, she is SO good to us and I don't know if I should say something or let it go.

 

[Southernmiss]

My ds(7) just told me that his grandma hurt his feelings, she called him fat. This happened yesterday. This makes me mad and sad, she is SO good to us and I don't know if I should say something or let it go.

Are you sure he didn't misunderstand? Tough call. If this is a rare occurrence or one time thing, if she's otherwise good to you, I'd let this one time go.

At abt 8, dd chunked up but she was getting ready for a major growth spurt. When I noticed, I changed what foods I brought into the house. She's now 11 and is several inches taller and at a perfect weight for her height.

 

[alc571]

I would say something. Perhaps she was joking, or didn't mean it the way he heard it, but I know my DS7 is pretty sensitive and takes everything to heart. I wouldn't let anyone hurt his feelings, especially family. Grandma needs to apologize!

 

[BigAlsGal]

My ds(7) just told me that his grandma hurt his feelings, she called him fat. This happened yesterday. This makes me mad and sad, she is SO good to us and I don't know if I should say something or let it go.

Not sure since I don't know the context of the statement. If she's as good as you say she is, she probably said it out of genuine concern for his health. It could be getting to the point of upsetting her. It seems to be a subject that is bringing pain to your family. It might be time to address it for your sons sake.

 

[irishsharon]

Not sure since I don't know the context of the statement. If she's as good as you say she is, she probably said it out of genuine concern for his health. It could be getting to the point of upsetting her. It seems to be a subject that is bringing pain to your family. It might be time to address it for your sons sake.

My mother in law is wonderful but she has major issues with weight. She will say negative things to her husband and grown children about their weight. My ds is super tall for his age and has skinny arms and legs but does have a little belly, his doctor is not worried and neither am I. I do not want any conflict but if she is concerned then she should talk to us and not her 7 year old grandson.

 

[2disneyboys]

I would want to know a little more about the context of the conversation and the way the comment came up. I mean don't get me wrong, even if your 7 year old weighed 1000 pounds it's not her place to make comments to a child so don't think I am excusing her. But I also know that both of my ds's tend to leave out some of the important parts of the conversation at times ( not intentionally, just how it happens). Once they told me grandma said they were too wild to take anywhere. Upon further question, the REST of the statement was I can't take you all out (as in my 2 plus their 4 cousins) because when you all get together, your too wild. This may be a poor example but I hope you get my point. Before I got all hot and heavy about it, I would need some more details. And yes, if once I knew more, if I felt it was inappropriate, I would say something along the lines of jr's feeling were hurt when you said blah blah and I would appreciate you direct all such comments to me or dh rather the the kids, particularly until they are older/more mature. I would also discuss with my sin how I felt he was perfect the way he is and that while we should always make healthy choices, what's inside a person matters more than outside and how sometimes, even people that love and (and we love them) say things that hurt us, even if they didn't mean to hurt us. The people closest to us have the power to hurt us the most.

Makes me want to hug your little guy.

 

[Southernmiss]

My mother in law is wonderful but she has major issues with weight. She will say negative things to her husband and grown children about their weight. My ds is super tall for his age and has skinny arms and legs but does have a little belly, his doctor is not worried and neither am I. I do not want any conflict but if she is concerned then she should talk to us and not her 7 year old grandson.

Then I would reiterate to your ds that he is just fine the way he is and say sometimes grandma just talks to talk or doesnt think before speaking. Or some other blow off comment. My kids have learned what to keep and what to let go of with my mom.

 

[BigAlsGal]

My mother in law is wonderful but she has major issues with weight. She will say negative things to her husband and grown children about their weight. My ds is super tall for his age and has skinny arms and legs but does have a little belly, his doctor is not worried and neither am I. I do not want any conflict but if she is concerned then she should talk to us and not her 7 year old grandson.

Agree. It is pretty harsh to say that period. I can't imagine saying it to a 7 year old. Some people just suck at tact.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

I would ask casually what grandma said and see how your child puts it before you do anything else. Then you can make a decision if you want to pursue it but even then, if you do decide to say something to her you can keep it casual and bring it up in a "I don't know how it happened but my little one was just a bit thrown off about that conversation", that way you can see what she says and maybe she'll apologize and say she didn't realize how it came across or maybe she tells you she did straight up call him fat and then you discuss what you feel is appropriate for her to say to your kid.

Frankly my grandparents pretty much all called me fat at some point and all in different ways, and stuff that like that can stick in a kids mind. That might even be another way to put it to grandma, "I would just hate to see him think differently of you because of a small comment so lets nip it in the bud"

 

[ThisIsTheYear]

I would ask her about it. I'd be curious as to why she said that to him and mention that his doctor is not concerned.

 

[mandy14]

Yes, I would definitely say something. It should not matter how good she is to you. There was a time in my childhood when I was chunky and I remember EVERY comment made to me and it hurt. Family members do NOT need to be making children feel bad. As a parent I choose healthy foods for my kids and talk to them about healthy choices so they won't be in that position but I would never tolerate that from other family members.

 

[bumbershoot]

My mother in law is wonderful but she has major issues with weight. She will say negative things to her husband and grown children about their weight.

Then she isn't being that good to everyone. She's got her own problems and she's putting them on others. I wonder if there's ever a child in the world who can hear such a thing and not have it mess them up on some level? My husband has HUGE problems thanks to a mother who had such problems with weight that she put him on a diet at 3 years old.

My ds is super tall for his age and has skinny arms and legs but does have a little belly, his doctor is not worried and neither am I. I do not want any conflict but if she is concerned then she should talk to us and not her 7 year old grandson.

Having a belly is totally and completely normal for a child of that age! When my son's belly starts to grow, we know that inside of 2 weeks it'll shrink and he'll be taller. If we ever overreacted to his belly and messed with his food, who knows if he would be as tall as he is now? I KNOW he woudln't be as happy as he is now.

My MIL is not-nice in many other ways, but the weight stuff is the one absolute in our relationship with her is if she says something to my son about his weight, or if she says something to DH about his weight in front of DS, we will NOT be seeing her for a LONG, long time.

Frankly my grandparents pretty much all called me fat at some point and all in different ways, and stuff that like that can stick in a kids mind. That might even be another way to put it to grandma, "I would just hate to see him think differently of you because of a small comment so lets nip it in the bud"

That is a GREAT way to put it. Because it does change how kids feel about people, and with many kids it changes the way they feel about themselves.

 

[luvmy3]

I'd get grandma's version of what happened and then go from there.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would definitely want to the know the context of the conversation and EXACTLY what grandma said before I got bent out of shape about this because frankly kids often take things WAY out of context or one small part of an entire conversations sticks out to them. It might not have been anything at all like the child remembers it.

 

[hsmamato2]

no.

 

[mrsklamc]

Would it be better if your DH said "DS says you said ____" and I wanted to clarify with you?

 

[rosemerry]

My ds(7) just told me that his grandma hurt his feelings, she called him fat. This happened yesterday. This makes me mad and sad, she is SO good to us and I don't know if I should say something or let it go.

Come on tell him that she is old and also his granny. There should be no heart feelings even if she said something harsh. We do ignore many things just to keep good relationship in tact. My granny some time even say many harsh words and slapped me couple of times when i were 13 or 15. But i never kept any grudge because she is like my mother and she punished me for good. So let it go and try to reduce weight so next time she should not say him fat

 

[kymom99]

I suggest you delve a little deeper into the situation. By the time I was 6, all but one of my grandparents died. I do not have pleasant memories of the grandma that lived until I was 19. I can recall when I was little and my grandfather was still alive, her making some mean comments about me right in front of me and my grandpa defending me. Grandma was old as long as I can remember. She was 92 when she passed and I was 19, so she always seemed old, but I think it was her senility issues that made her act as she did. Either way, it was pretty damaging.

I guess what I am saying is, if you let this fester with your son, you may think he blew it off, but maybe he didn't. And maybe he never will. Get it out in the open.

 

[mrsklamc]

. So let it go and try to reduce weight so next time she should not say him fat

Except he doesn't need to lose any weight per his DOCTOR.

 

[irishsharon]

Would it be better if your DH said "DS says you said ____" and I wanted to clarify with you?

This is exactly what dh and I agreed on. The only reason we cant drop the whole thing is because we don't want her to make these comments again.The story I got was from ds7 and ds11, Ds showed grandma his arm muscles and she said you need to work on your fat belly. No matter the exact words the bottom line is ds's feelings where still hurt enough to tell me about it the next day Let me just say again to others reading. ds is not fat.