Would you request a change?

[Callie]

I live in a college dorm that is a two bedroom apartment.
Ever since the start of the semester, my roommate and I never really got along. We live two TOTALLY different lifestyles.

I study a lot, go to bed at a decent hour, sleep in, like it colder, and am more outgoing

She stays up til 5am, gets up at 7am, loves to talk on the phone, and loves it HOT.

Well its gotten to the point now where her boyfriend is threatening to beat up my friends and I, as well as her calling me names I can't even repeat on the DIS.
I don't want to look weak, but I just can't live with someone like her, keeping me up all night, calling me crazy names, and having her psycho boyfriend coming after me, should I pursue either moving out, or having her kicked out?
I have reported this to the RA, and such, but no action has been taken

 

[golfgal]

I would look into moving out vs having her move out just because you never know what the psycho boyfriend will do. IF the RA hasn't done anything you need to move up the chain to the staff resident or the director of housing. You shouldn't have to put up with physical threats in your own apartment.

 

[SaraJayne]

Time to go above the RA to the Hall Director.

 

[figment52]

Not every random dorm assignment is going to be perfect. Go to the housing office and request a reassignment ASAP.

 

[mamacatnv]

Request a new room and don't back down, the threatening behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Get our parents involved as a last resort. You are paying good money for your room and board, don't be miserable.

DS's current roomie had a similar situation in her dorm last year, she was so happy that she (and her Mother) insisted she get a new housing assignment. They didn't even wait for the semester break, the situation peaked a few weeks prior to the break. Like you, her situation was ugly, sorry this is happening, no one should have to put up with that.

Good luck!

 

[skater]

You absolutely need to request a new roommate. It happens and its not your fault. I lasted one semester with my first college roommate and did much better after that. Do it as soon as you can!

 

[HugsForEeyore]

Yes, do something!! I know often on the DIS when these issues come up, the usual answers are comments like "you have to learn to deal with getting along with people", or "suck it up and work it out" or the "put on your big girl panties" line. Then there are comments on how kid's today always want an easy way out, or need their parents to fix their problems, blah blah blah. But sometimes you need to act and end a bad situation.

Back in college, I also had a freshman roommate who I did not get along with. She basically wanted to move her creepy drug-using boyfriend (who was 26 years old and not even a student) into the dorm room and kick me out, like 3 nights a week. And this was an all-girl's dorm, too!! The RA couldn't care less, and my parents didn't want to hear it and absolutely refused to even listen to me - my problem, not theirs. I had nobody to help, nada.

So basically the roommate won - I ended up sleeping at the library or in the stairwells or in the hall, or finally on a friend's floor. The boyfriend threatened to mess up or steal my stuff if I didn't go along with their plans to be alone in the room. I felt homeless and it's a horrible feeling to have absolutely nowhere to go or sleep. I paid for this room but couldn't use it. The only good thing was my roommate flunked the semester and left school and I never heard of her ever since.

In retrospect, it was a horrible situation to put up with. I needed help and didn't get it, and the situation just got worse and worse. I still have a huge paralyzing fear of becoming homeless, I kid you not. And not surprisingly, I see college as the absolutely worst years of my life, the roommate fiasco jinxed the whole experience.

So OP - yes, do something, anything!! This situation isn't going to get better. Good luck!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yes. If you are being threatened you need to moved into a new room with a new roommate. Put in writing WHY you need this (including when threats took place to the best of your memory) and give it to the RA and whoever is above that. Depending on how safe you feel you may want to request being moved into an entirely different dorm building as well.


General not being best buddies and having to work things out is one thing--being threatened is quite another.


Hopefully you can get your belongings moved into a new room as soon as your current roommate leaves for the holiday break (so as to avoid issues while you are moving things around).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Like yesterday. Seriously, do everything in your power to make things change for you. Move heaven and earth and don't back down.


Good Luck!

 

[deegack]

Yes request a new room. If your rm's bf is threatening you it should be automatic. I you don't get satisfaction from the head if the dorm keep moving up the chain. Keep a record of everything.
Good luck. I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a bad roommate situation in college and it really messed up my semester

 

[onelilspark]

Agree with the rest. Move up the chain, get a new assignment ASAP. There's a time to work things out or just deal, this is not that time. There is nothing more important than your safety.

 

[Rora]

Absolutely request a change. Seriously, go talk to someone right now.

My DCousin had a terrible time with her roommate (no violence was threatened however) and I asked the DIS what they thought and got a resounding: go get the room changed! type answer.

The same answer applies here: go request a room change. If you have to get your parents involved, do so. In our experience, DCousin got an immediate room change when her mom called the housing office furious about what was happening in her room (roommate's boyfriend was living with them, etc).

s as this sitution really sucks. Keep us updated!

 

[mjkacmom]

Okay, I'm really old (in my 40's), but back in the day, there were no changes during the year, but you could absolutely change after the year was over. We had real dorms (cynderblock walls, 2 little beds, bathroom down the hall), and I remember my friends having insane roommates (guys sleeping over every night, drunken peeing in the garbage can...), and they had to tough it out. Why is this guy threatening you? Maybe you can have him not allowed in the room?

 

[HM]

My roommate moved out of our room mid-semester my freshman year, to move into a room with someone from her town....she had terrible homesickness. I got a new roommate from another dorm who I just loved. Please do request a change and do all you can to see it gets done. Good luck to you!!!!

 

[dismom2]

Definitely, and ASAP. I would also let them know that the RA did nothing to help you (not sure what she can do, but she should have done something).
I would report the threats and move as soon as possible.
I was like you and had to move once myself due to a conflict of lifestyles with a roommate. You'll be much happier if you move, and the sooner the better. Good luck.

 

[disykat]

Request a new room and don't back down, the threatening behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Get our parents involved as a last resort. You are paying good money for your room and board, don't be miserable.

Yes. If you are being threatened you need to moved into a new room with a new roommate. Put in writing WHY you need this (including when threats took place to the best of your memory) and give it to the RA and whoever is above that. Depending on how safe you feel you may want to request being moved into an entirely different dorm building as well.


General not being best buddies and having to work things out is one thing--being threatened is quite another.

I agree. Do not try to get moved based on sleeping habits, temperature preferences, etc. Those aren't good enough reasons. Their behavior with the threats,etc. IS a good reason. Make it clear exactly what is going on and insist on getting moved for your safety.

 

[mhsjax]

Okay, I'm really old (in my 40's), but back in the day, there were no changes during the year, but you could absolutely change after the year was over. We had real dorms (cynderblock walls, 2 little beds, bathroom down the hall), and I remember my friends having insane roommates (guys sleeping over every night, drunken peeing in the garbage can...), and they had to tough it out. Why is this guy threatening you? Maybe you can have him not allowed in the room?

Gee, don't let him be allowed in the room, what a great idea. Yep she should just go with it, I mean there should be no changes since this is what you experienced.

She said she has gone to the RA and nothing has bee done. Guys sleeping over peeing on stuff isn't the same as being threatened.

 

[Aneille]

Ask to move to a different room.

No need to worry about appearing weak or that you should "pull up your big girl panties and suck it up", you are an adult. And as an adult if you moved into an shared apartment with someone and then it didn't work out, as an adult you have the right to choose to move out and change your living arrangements.

You are paying for this room and have every right to enjoy your own space.

No need to suffer or feel bad. Some people just don't get along as roommates.

 

[ilovejack02]

If her boyfriend is threatening you , I think it is she, who needs to be removed. Go above the RA immediately .