Would you rent your marital home from your ex?

[TheLittleRoo]

We owe more on the house than it's worth (when you factor in realtor fees) so we can't really afford to sell right now. Well, we could but we'd have to incur short term debt to pay the realtor fees of approx $16K.

My STBX thinks if he holds on to the house for a couple of years, and then relocates and his employer picks up the tab (this is a given), that would get a better price for the house and skip the realtor fees out of our pocket.

The mortgage payment is $3200/mo. Realistic rent is probably $2200 for our house. I can really only afford $1800, $2000 tops before I start to get too tight for comfort budget-wise.

Would you ever rent from your ex, especially if he's been controlling and with the deed to the house in both our names, I expect he would let himself in when I'm not there. I would only consider it because it would keep the kids in their same environment and I know he's not going to foreclose, unlike renting from a stranger who may be renting as a dying attempt to avoid foreclosure. And I guess if I got behind, he wouldn't kick us out?

It might even just be for a period of 6 mos or a year, while the kids get adjusted to the divorce, and then I could move into a neighborhood house in the same school district without any encumberments to my ex.

Thoughts? Pitfalls? Legal aspects? Thanks!

 

[Just Jan]

NO WAY! My ex was and is controlling and I do not ever want to answer to him again.

 

[Kath2003]

I would, providing I got a lawyer to make sure the contract was WATERTIGHT.

 

[minkydog]

Hmmm, I guess I'd have to think hard about that. On the positive side you and the kids could stay in your home while all the details fall out. In fact, you could even to it "Jon & Kate Plus 8" style, where you share custody and your ex lives there part-time and you live there part-time.

On the negative side, your ex would still be heavily entwined in your life. Only you can decide if this would be a good thing for you and the kids. You say he is controlling--that's not going to change. You say he would most likely let himself into the house whenever he likes. If you are totally fine with having him call the shots, go for it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Nope, I would not rent from an EX.

And, first I want to suggest that you really need legal/financial advice. Not just advice from a chat board.

I know that housing costs can still be scary high in some areas (not here) but I can hardly imagine a $3200.00 a month mortgage.

If the houses financial situation is 'upside-down' as you describe, then I would be looking into alternatives. Aren't there programs now for houses in this situation with the crazy housing crisis of the last few years? Or, I would simply work (thru your lawyers) with your soon to be ex to let the house go to the lender.

Sounds like it is time to re-organize and find options to live within your means.

If I were your EX, then I have to wonder why I would want to pay a several hundred dollar a month share on mortgage on a property that somebody else will live in. And, of course, he will then have is own housing costs to pay as well.

Whatever the case may be, things are not adding up financially or figuratively.

Just from what I am hearing, I am questioning his motives.

He could easily take YOUR monthly mortgage checks, default on making the mortgage payments, and you are then still left with your half of the legal/financial responsibilities. And, he has thousands of dollars of your money in his pockets.

I would suggest that you dig deeper to explore all your options. Even if it means that you do not live in the style that you have become accustomed. (for a while anyway)

Best Wishes

 

[lizanne]

Definitely a situation for a lawyer.

I'm confused, if the house is in both your names shouldn't he be buying out your half if you're going to rent from him. Then he pays the mortgage and you pay him rent.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP is calling it 'rent', but if the property remains in both names, it is NOT rent. It would be an agreement making them both co-responsible for the mortgage payment, until such time the property is sold. (then assuming a 50/50 split of any profit/proceeds)

My guess is that the soon-to-be-EX, who the OP has admitted can be controlling, is setting up a situation that is very much in HIS best interest.

OP, Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, under any circumstances, ever give money to your EX that is to be applied to the mortgage, or any other debt. Make any payments directly to the debtor. And, retain proof of any and all monies paid.

My advice to you is, there is no equity in the house, so what you do not want to do is to remain co-responsible for a debt with an EX.

Proceed with caution.

 

[Christine]

Wishing on a Star has good advice. You could seriously get into trouble over this depending on what he does with the "rent" money.

Quite honestly, I'd sell the house and split the $16,000 debt (as long as I was working). It's just not worth the aggravation you might get into with this situation.

 

[a*lil*bit*goofy]

Depending on what MY Lawyer said, and what his was proposing, and if I knew I could back out, and well there are too many what if's.

And yet if we were talking about *MY* ex? Uh H to the ell no!

 

[TheLittleRoo]

I would definitely talk to a lawyer before I even broach the topic with my STBX. It's more of a philosophical question right now... would the benefit my kids derive outweigh the sacrifice of "renting" from him and him being intertwined in my life, as a PP aptly put it.

As for the ridiculous mortgage payment of $3200, we bought a starter home in VA (outside DC) in 2004. As in, the smallest home in the neighborhood, a toss up whether it's nicer than a similarly priced (but loaded) townhouse. I wish things were reasonably priced here, then or now, but that's the status quo for this marketplace.

My attorney has advised me that if I do rent or move, to get a home that allows each child their own bedroom (as it is now) or risk my ex doing that and prevailing in a custody battle. So, that means unless I move to a small town in the western edge of the county (30 mins further out than I live now), I will be paying about $1500-$2000 in rent on a small house or townhouse to get 4 bdrms. I could make do with 3 bdrms, and sleep on the couch (which my atty has said would also be okay) and maybe find a lower rent, or at least more options, but there's no getting around the floor of about $1500 in this market.

 

[minkydog]

Is there some reason that a couple of the kids can't bunk together? How old are your kids anyway? I'm just thinking perhaps a 3 bedroom would be more affordable. And frankly, a 30 minute drive to get away from the ex sounds like a positive thing.

 

[kellyg403]

My ex wanted to do the same. My advise to you is not just no but He double hockey sticks NO! If you do decide to do it I would make darn sure that I had a legal paper that said that I was paying so much portion of the 'mortgage' not rent to ex and that when you do sell you will get so much back. All you are doing by giving him rent is making the mortgage more affordable for him. That is it. It will never be YOUR house again. He will think he can come and go as he pleases, and dear lord..don't let something break down. He will tell you to fix it yourself.

I got a letter after I refused announcing he was taking steps to 'evict' me from MY home because I refused to pay HIM rent. Guess what, go ahead and try. By the time the divorce was through ex had an empty house that he paid the mortgage on for 2 years because he had to have it. Well, he got it and never found a renter. My thoughts were I would live there until I could get financed and buy him out. He had to have it his way and boy did he.

Don't do it without speaking to a lawyer and getting all the information you need to make a responsible and wise decision regarding this.

Kelly

 

[wall*e2008]

We owe more on the house than it's worth (when you factor in realtor fees) so we can't really afford to sell right now. Well, we could but we'd have to incur short term debt to pay the realtor fees of approx $16K.

My STBX thinks if he holds on to the house for a couple of years, and then relocates and his employer picks up the tab (this is a given), that would get a better price for the house and skip the realtor fees out of our pocket.

The mortgage payment is $3200/mo. Realistic rent is probably $2200 for our house. I can really only afford $1800, $2000 tops before I start to get too tight for comfort budget-wise.

Would you ever rent from your ex, especially if he's been controlling and with the deed to the house in both our names, I expect he would let himself in when I'm not there. I would only consider it because it would keep the kids in their same environment and I know he's not going to foreclose, unlike renting from a stranger who may be renting as a dying attempt to avoid foreclosure. And I guess if I got behind, he wouldn't kick us out?

It might even just be for a period of 6 mos or a year, while the kids get adjusted to the divorce, and then I could move into a neighborhood house in the same school district without any encumberments to my ex.

Thoughts? Pitfalls? Legal aspects? Thanks!

Absolutely not!!!! Have him buy you out and there will not be any Realtor fees.

 

[Imzadi]

Well, we could but we'd have to incur short term debt to pay the realtor fees of approx $16K.

My STBX thinks if he holds on to the house for a couple of years, and then relocates and his employer picks up the tab (this is a given), that would get a better price for the house and skip the realtor fees out of our pocket.

The mortgage payment is $3200/mo. Realistic rent is probably $2200 for our house. I can really only afford $1800, $2000 tops before I start to get too tight for comfort budget-wise. Thoughts? Pitfalls? Legal aspects?

Financially this does not make sense.

Mortgage is $3200/mo.

You can really only afford $1800, $2000 tops.

You want to rent for about 6 months at $1200 - $1400 less per month than the mortgage. That means your STBX will pitch in and pay:

$1200 - $1400 x 6 months = $7200 - $8400.

$1200 - $1400 x 12 months = $14,400 - $16,000.

Now, how is this "a better price for the house and skip the realtor fees out of our pocket?"

It sounds like your STBX may be willing to pitch in the extra $7200 - $16,000 for the right to continue to control you, invade your privacy and decide how you live. $1200 is probably cheap to a controlling person to win those rights.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Well, if the house is in your name too you have every right to be there without paying your ex

 

[disbridemimi]

NO WAY! Not a chance. This is in no way a good idea. DONT DO IT. I know its hard to see from where you are right now, there is too much emotion involved. Listen to us! We are looking out for your best interests! Your ex is looking out for his.

And I honestly think this wouild be more confusing for your kids. You are just dragging out their time of having to deal with this. Get a new place and let them get settled in. How confusing will it be to them with him coming and all of the fighting that will come from this?

Get your own place! It is worth the extra 30 minute commute to establish your independence and make a clean break. Get yourself and your family settled away from him. You might get lucky and find a place that works for you closer, and if not try to find one that has a shorter lease term.

Take a look at what is avail you may find something you can live with in your price range. It does not make any sense to pay RENT to live in a home that YOU own.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

Financially this does not make sense.

Mortgage is $3200/mo.

You can really only afford $1800, $2000 tops.

You want to rent for about 6 months at $1200 - $1400 less per month than the mortgage. That means your STBX will pitch in and pay:

$1200 - $1400 x 6 months = $7200 - $8400.

$1200 - $1400 x 12 months = $14,400 - $16,000.

Now, how is this "a better price for the house and skip the realtor fees out of our pocket?"

It sounds like your STBX may be willing to pitch in the extra $7200 - $16,000 for the right to continue to control you, invade your privacy and decide how you live. $1200 is probably cheap to a controlling person to win those rights.

Thank you for taking the time to write this out in black and white to see it compared to forking over the realtor fee upfront. I am in a fog right now and trying really hard to FOCUS and see things from every angle. From this perspective above, it doesn't serve any purpose for him to keep the house and rent for $1000 less than the mortgage payment, OTHER THAN it allows him to avoid an upfront lump sum at closing, and stretch it over time instead.

Just now, he's offering for me to sign a quit claim to the house and not be any part of further loss or gain. I pitched in half of the $25K we put down (back in the days of 5% down). We bought for $450K, and it's now appraising at $385K, so we're down $65K. In a couple of years it might come up by 3-4%/year, which would be $408-416K. If he made the payment for the next two years, his equity would increase by about $12K. If he had no realtor commission to pay, he could sell for ~$412K and pull out ~$40K, but it would "cost" him $3200 x 24 mos. = $76,800.

Would you sign a quit claim then? I read locally that some think my market has plateaued and other think it has another 10-15% to fall yet. I think a 3-4% recovery rate is pretty ambitious, personally.

And, again not from a lawyers' perspective, but just from the hip: doesn't it seem to work against me for him to keep the house re: custody? I definitely plan to talk to my attorney this week, but just as food for thought...

Edited to add:

I *NEVER* trust him to be anything other than a predator, so all of his "suggestions" run through about 50 different filters (family, friends, counselor, and lawyer) before I even respond to him. "Don't DO IT" is honking on a 4 point alarm siren in my head!! But. I would like to hear people who think it's okay to leave him with the home, and me in a rental = I will still win primary physical custody of 2 young children (who are half sibs to my 14 y/o son, so I think that's in my favor too, since pulling them away from their big brother would be very traumatic vs. keeping them with me). Thanks!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You cannot afford the house debt so you cannot afford the house. Put it on the market and have your ex shoulder the loss along side you!

He is trying to screw you over to put it simply.

 

[EthansMom]

Just now, he's offering for me to sign a quit claim to the house and not be any part of further loss or gain. I pitched in half of the $25K we put down (back in the days of 5% down). We bought for $450K, and it's now appraising at $385K, so we're down $65K. In a couple of years it might come up by 3-4%/year, which would be $408-416K. If he made the payment for the next two years, his equity would increase by about $12K. If he had no realtor commission to pay, he could sell for ~$412K and pull out ~$40K, but it would "cost" him $3200 x 24 mos. = $76,800.

DON'T Quit claim the house to him. Your name would still be on the mortgage, but you would have no financial interest in the house.

The house should be taken care of in your divorce decree. If I were you, I'd ask for the ex to have to refinance the house in his name. Once he refinances completely in his name, you can change the deed on the house. I'm sure your lawyer can work out the best way to do it. But don't give over your interest in the house without his taking on all financial responsibilities.

Also, I would not want to keep the house and would never rent from someone who I already knew was controlling. Get your own place. Rent a safe place that you can afford. Unless you're doing stuff that is immoral or illegal, it should be hard for a court to give you less than joint legal custody of the kids.

Good Luck!

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would talk to a lawyer. The house should be dealt with in your divorce settlement. Do not sign the quit claim deed until the house is totally in his name!
Personally, I would want to get out from under the house and all the expenses that go with it besides the mortgage--paint, lawn care, inside maintenance (furnace, water heater, appliances, paint, etc).
When you look at it that way, the extra debt for realtor fee may not be so bad or he gets the house in the settlement and all the expenses associated with it.
Then you can get a reasonably priced place of your own and start over fresh without having to worrry about your credit being damaged if he doesn't make mortgage payments, goes into foreclosure on the house with your name still on the mortgage.