Would you (or your DH) be annoyed by this?

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My son is asking for a basketball party for his 8th birthday. Our local NBA team often has specials where you can buy kids tickets for really cheap (nosebleed of course), and I thought it would be fun to take a group of his friends out for icecream and then to a game.

My concern, however, is the bathroom. I'm a single mother and I don't hesitate to take my son into a women's bathroom if I feel unsafe about the men's, but I think that asking the women in the bathroom to put up with me coming in with 5-10 8 and 9 year old boys is maybe pushing it. OK, I think it's definitley "over the line".

So, my thought is that I'd call a couple of the fathers of his friends that we also get together with as whole families, and ask them if they'd be willing to come and help out.

I'd rather not invite all the families just because the adult tickets aren't usually discounted.

So, if you got an invite like that (or a request) would you (or your DH) be offended or annoyed or would you think -- cool, a free basketball ticket, even if it is nosebleed and I have to make a couple of bathroom stops. If your DH and one kid got an invite but you and your other kids didn't -- would you be hurt?

Also, I was thinking that I'd just drive the kids home afterwards, or maybe set up carpools, but he has one good friend who lives in a not so safe area where I really wouldn't want to go after dark. If I invite just that one kid for a sleepover do you think the other kids would get their feelings hurt. He also lives the farthest so I can just blame it on that.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Not only would my DH and I not be offended by your asking him to come along, we would actually be releived. I also take DS8 to the ladies room with me when DH is not out with us - he is much too young to stand outside and wait for my DD and I when we use the restroom, and there is no way DH or I send him into the men's room alone. Especially in a place as crowded as a sports arena. (When I do take him in with me, he either enters the stall with us and stands facing the door, or he goes into his own stall and stays there until we are ready to go. That way nobody has to feel uncomfortable with a boy standing around the ladies room.)

I was thinking about doing a hockey party like this for my DS's next birthday, if he's interested. If I do, we'll invite not only some of his friends and but also a parent of each to come along, too, thus paying for 2 tickets per child.

As for the friend who lives in a bad neighborhood, that's a tough call. I would probably just have everyone's parent pick them up from my house when it is over, as they would if it was an at-home party.

BTW, I've seen and participated in a huge debate on the restroom subject, so you may get some very passionate responses. Be prepared!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks!

To clarify, I don't have a problem taking one eight year old boy in, but I think a whole pack is asking for trouble. For example, if I'm alone with 5 boys and one has to go, I'd have to take all 5 into the ladies -- hard to make them all stare at one door. Especially when some of those 5 might not be "trained" on how to behave in the ladies.

As for the child spending the night -- they don't have a car, and if I don't feel safe driving there there's no way I'm going to expect her to come get him on public transportation with a younger siblings in tow. I know if I tell mom he's invited but he needs to be picked up in the late evening she'll just say she's sorry but he can't come. He's slept over here before, and he's a really sweet kid. I think I can just tell the other kids it's something we worked out with his mom.

Would you DH be willing to take other people's kids to the restroom?

The reason I'm not inviting an adult per child is because the price difference is HUGE. I've seen $10 tickets per kid with the adult tickets at $48. I can't really justify paying $58 total for each kid I invite, plus ice cream and maybe a goody bag, whereas if I do say 7 kids and invite 2 dads, plus my mom will want to come it's still expensive but not outrageous.

 

[disnutt]

It's your party design it your way!

I wouldn't be offended. I would feel better knowing that my kid was going to be well-supervised in a large arena.

We've also done the single sleepover thing many times. You just need to make sure the kids are discrete about talking about it. The distance reason is as good as any other. We usually just let the kids pick someone to stay over. I can't do big group sleepovers. Tried it and almost lost a kid who was an insomniac sleep-walker. Isn't that something you would tell someone when your kid went for a sleepover? I guess her parents were just so glad to get a night's sleep that they forgot!

Also, my DH would be willing to take the kids to the restroom especially at a big event. They can just do it like the ladies and schedule it as much as possible. Once before you sit down, at half-time and at the end. If there are emergencies in between that's OK but you'll be able to keep most kid's bladders safely contained for that amount of time even if someone gets a drink.

 

[java]

Do you have a brother? Or some other Male relative or good trustworthy friend that you could bring with you? It would avoid the "why did that parent get invited and not me..kind of stuff" although I for one wouldn't be offended in the least. Just thinking you would have more fun too going with someone You knew! and could they drive into the less than desirable neighborhood at night- are there any day games left? like a saturday afternoon?
Oh and check to see if the arena has any companion restroom options. Some around here actually have "family" restrooms where you can go in with your boys or girls-
Have fun!

 

[fan_of_small_world]

LOL at the idea of a big bunch of boys in the ladies room - can you just imagine what they'd do? ("Hey Ms. Smith...why can you buy napkins in the girls bathroom?")

Don't worry - you were totally clear in your original post...I knew you meant how to deal with a group of them. And my DH wouldn't mind taking someone else's child to go. DS would probably want to go too anyway (what is it about public restrooms that so facinates kids?)!

I didn't realize that the one friend's mom doesn't have a car. In that case I agree with the other posters who said to just do the single sleepover thing. That sounds like a lot better way to go.

Have fun!

 

[Stephres]

I think with the buddy system it would be ok to let 8 and 9 year olds go to the men's bathroom, but you are the adult and need to do what will make you feel comfortable.

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

I think with the buddy system it would be ok to let 8 and 9 year olds go to the men's bathroom, but you are the adult and need to do what will make you feel comfortable.

I have to agree. The buddy system would probably work well if you scheduled your bathroom breaks so that you could be outside the door when they came out. Take them all before the game and most 8 or 9 year olds will last the game.

 

[emma'smom]

I know that when I plan parties for my girls, I regularly ask a "mom-friend" or two to stay and help out. Technically, they aren't invited "guests" of the party, they are my adult friends doing me a favor by serving as party assistants (even though they happen to have a child present). That's what the one or two Dads would be- adult friends of your family helping you out as the adult in charge of the party.

Any other parents of the invited children wouldn't need to be offended because you asked a few of YOUR adult friends to help you with the party (even if they are dads of child guests).

As for the sleepover issue, just tell you son and his friend not to talk about it much at the party and when you are doing the drop-offs, most kids will assume he is just being dropped of last- and he is, at your house!

 

[DawnMarie]

With a group of boys I'd let them go to the mens room as a group. Make sure they understand to stay togehter and wait until everyone is done then they can leave together. I would wait outside the mens room for them to exit.

Depending on the number of kids you are inviting I would seriously consider taking at least one more adult. It can be hard to track of ten boys by yourself. The arena's are large and children can easliy be distracted. I think an extra set of eyes would be helpful.

 

[Colinsmom]

I'd be reluctant to send my child to a party like that unless there were at least two adults (total) present. Then one can do potty runs while the other stays with the group. There are two sets of hands in case a child gets sick or injured. And it sounds like you'd need two vehicles to get the group safely there and home (everyone seated in the back seat with their own seat belt) anyways. It sounds like a great time and a fun party - and having that extra pair of adult hands will make it that much more fun for all!

 

[horseshowmom]

Do you have a brother? Or some other Male relative or good trustworthy friend that you could bring with you? It would avoid the "why did that parent get invited and not me..kind of stuff" although I for one wouldn't be offended in the least. Just thinking you would have more fun too going with someone You knew! and could they drive into the less than desirable neighborhood at night- are there any day games left? like a saturday afternoon?

This was my first thought too. Other than this option, I agree that they should be old enough to go in the men's room as a group. I'd have them go in before the game started and during breaks. If somebody has to go during the game, just take them all.

Good luck!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

OK, more clarification -- my mom will definitely come. If it weren't for the bathroom factor I think we could probably handle 5 kids by ourselves, and we'll have 2 cars and 6 back seat seatbelts. However, in my experience with little boys bathroom needs are contagious!

I will send my son in to the mens with a buddy (or even alone) depending on where -- but the bathrooms at the arena have multiple entrance/exits and are very big -- they also usually have lines so the kids would be there a long time. Also there's a big range of maturity among these kids. If this were Chucky Cheese or the bowling alley, for example, I wouldn't have the same concerns.

There are no afternoon games -- they all start at 7 at night.

The 2 people I'm thinking of asking are fathers of kids that my son went to daycare with, and who have stayed close friends since then. We've gone on vacation with both families etc . . . There are actually three kids in that boat, but one has two moms so they can't help with the bathroom problem. We'll also have one child with pretty significant special needs and they'll probably send dad. All the other kids are kids from his school who've we only known for a year or so, and while we're friendly I wouldn't say we're friends.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think that you for sure need at least one more adult two woule be much better . I too would ask a male friend or relative instead of one of the dad's but if that is not an option, ask a dad for his help. I would choose one without a second child and I would invite the wife too. Two extra adults with a dad for bathroom runs. I am not too sure how I feel about them all in the men's together but they really would probley be fine. I like the family bathroom idea and reality is that often at basket ball games, the women's bathroom are often empty. You might could just stand at the door while all the boys went and ask any women to wait just a few minutes. I would count on mulitpal trips to the bathroom during the game. That is just a fact with little boys.

I would have the friend in question stay over but ask the boys to keep it quite.

Another thought is with food. I know that you mentioned icecream before the game but be prepared for lots of request for snacks at the game. That is what little boys like to do at games!!! If you do ice cream before, be sure parents have fed the boys dinner before coming or you will have a bunch of hungry boys and very expensive snacks!!!!!

It will be hard not to buy anything but decide before hand and make sure they all know the rules. Also set safety rules such as staying together and the like.

It can be a great party. We have done a baseball game for a June b-day and it was so easy and fun.

Good luck.
MsSandra

 

[LuvOrlando]

I think your original idea sounds just fine. In our area there are always a few (myself included) parents who prefer to accompany their kids and will pay our own way to do so. Because of this I usually ask if I can pay for myself when I RSVP the invitation and have never been told no.

As for my own parties, I also habitually invite extra hands (or dads to go in the pool last year) and pay their way. I've never had trouble with other parents saying "what about me". If anyone mentions it invite them to join you by providing the seat rows & numbers with the phone number for tickets.

HAve fun

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think that you for sure need at least one more adult two woule be much better .

Just to clarify -- when you say 1 or 2 more adults do you mean 1 or 2 more than my mom and me (in which case I agree that would be best) or 1 or 2 more than I'm actually inviting (my mom, me, 2 dads, and the parent of the child with special needs who will most likely be dad). I'm figuring maximum 10 kids -- 9 boys and 1 girl, so we'd have a hand to hold on to each child as we negotiated our way through the stadium.

Good point about the food. I was thinking of doing it one of 2 ways -- 1 is getting pizza beforehand, and the other is doing a "backwards" dinner with ice cream before and a choice of hot dog or chicken tenders at half time. My son always gets a kick out of the backwards thing.

Also each 3 of the kids who will be bringing parents have 1 sibling. 1 12 year old brother, and 2 3 year old sisters. I can't really see inviting a 3 year old girl to a late game (or a 3 year old boy). Would it be bad manners for me to invite just the 12 year old? All are from 2 parent families so I'm not expecting parents to have to hire a babysitter.

 

[KristiKelly]

I would not be offended nor would my DH. He would love it and would pay his own way. Also, parking at sports events can often be bad and lots of walking, I thinking having a couple of additional adults would be a good idea.

We are thinking of doing something similar, not sports related, but doing a camp out for DS's 10th b'day in May. We have a friend that has land on a lake. DH wants to take DS & some of his friends camping for 1 night but also would like a couple of the Dad's to come along to help keep an eye on a group of rambuncious boys in the woods. DH is good friends with some of the Dad's and my brother has volunteered.

Have a great time.

 

[sgmom]

My DH is such a sports nut, that he would jump at the idea of going if needed - he'd probably invite himself anyway! As a parent, I would feel safer knowing that more adults are going, if you are having that many kids. If it's only a couple of extra kids, then I would feel 2 adults would be able to handle things. But, kids tend to wander when walking in groups! Depending on what you decide for the bathrooms, I personally would not have a problem walking into the men's room if it had been a while and I needed to check on a kid, or to corral them. I know there may be grief for that one!

For the kid that will be sleeping over, simply tell the others that it was arranged with the parents and that they are going to be away for the evening and the family asked if he could stay at your house...

Good Luck!

 

[FourBoysMom]

Having 4 sons and a husband who works nights....I run into this problem often.

I think you'll find that the women in the Ladies room aren't going to mind....It's going to be the boys you're taking!

My older sons, at around age 7, began balking at going into the women's room.

I make them use the buddy system and neither is allowed to leave the men's room without the other. And yes!! I am a basket case waiting for them.

Good luck!

Trixie

 

[Whosemom]

I'd want extra help for navigating the crowds, but I'd let two at a time that age go to the bathroom. I think a lone kid is a target.