Would you make your child have surgery??

[phorsenuf]

My sons friend and neighbors boy is 12. Last year he broke his eardrum and it never healed up right. He has a severe loss of hearing in that ear now. The Drs can perform surgery to fix it and restore his hearing but the boy does not want surgery. His mom is letting him make that decision.

If it was me I would make him have that surgery. I think by him losing the hearing in one ear (when it can be fixed) is irresponsible. It can have a huge impact on his life as an adult as it will prevent him from getting certain jobs or even entering the military. SAfter all, he's only 12 so who knows what he may decide he wants to do as an adult.

I'm curious what everyone thinks? I really want to discuss this with my neighbor (yes, she and I are very close). I think she is wrong in letting him decide.

Thoughts.........

 

[MosMom]

I would make him have it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Nope, not a choice when it comes to proper health care.

 

[SnowAngel]

I agree. I would make my child. I would tell them because I love them and am resonsible to help guide the. 12 isn't old enough to make a serious decision like that. He is likely scared of the surgey. Maybe the mom could take him to hospital and such and show him it's really not that bad. Compromise by doing something he really wants afterwards.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

That's a tough call, but I guess I would say that he should have the surgery. DS has had 4 surgeries, and I know that it can be extremely frightening. We declined one surgery. When he smiles, one corner of his mouth is a little droopy, can't even really notice it so much now, When he was little the DR mentioned we could do some nerve reconstruction if we wanted it fixed, but that wasn't worth it to us, because there were no guarantees, and it was purley cosmetic. Hearing is different. He already has hearing loss, so it could only benefit him. And Heaven forbid something happen to the other ear.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i know my mom would make me have it...
im 20 now, but i have had a few surgeries in the past...the one was my choice, but i was 16 at the time and elected to have it..when i was younger, they would have just had me get it

 

[LisaZoe]

I would definitely make sure he had the surgery. As you said, this is something that will affect his life. Even if he could have the surgery later in life and recover his hearing, I'd think he'd be better off doing it now.

I have 3 friends with little or no hearing in one ear. They can function normally in most situations but all have said that they feel at a real disadvantage in crowds or other noisier places. Also, they must always make sure people are on their "good side" when conversation must be quiet.

Obviously people can adapt to partial or full hearing loss but why deal with those limitations if it isn't needed? Perhaps his parents should sit down with the boy and the doctor to discuss it so he knows more what happens. He might be just frightened by his imagined version of the procedure.

 

[danacara]

I don't think this would've been an option with my mother.

I suspect that the kid's mom is scared of the surgery herself, and/or the costs involved, but has passed the buck to her child, whom she knows is scared and will say no. In other words, I think the mother is rationalizing this to herself.

 

[Hillbeans]

This is a very interesting thread.

When I was 11 or 12, my mom let me decide if I wanted braces. I said no. I had about 3 retainers, so my teeth were/are relatively straight, except for two. To this day, I wish she just made me do it. What 11 year old would say they want braces?

I say get the surgery.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Yes, he should have it. I already have had to deal with only hearing in one ear since birth. If there was some surgery to help me I would have it. He might not like it now, but he will thank his parents later. I had many surgeries when I was little and my parents didnt give me a choice. Its not fun, sometimes it was nightmarish but its just life and we have to deal with it.

 

[CRB#33]

12 year old children have no concept of "the rest of their lives." They live in the "here and now." That's why they have parents

At this age the parent must make the decision as to what is best for the child's life. If they honestly think that it is not in the best interest of the child to have this surgery, then okay. But to let him make this decision is irresponsible parenting IMO.

 

[KarenC]

I don't know what the risks are of the particular surgery or how likely it is that it will be successful. I agree that 12 year old kids may make decisions that their adult selves would wish they didn't, so I tend to think she should encourage him to have the surgery. But not knowing all the facts it's hard to say for sure that she should make him have it.

 

[snoopy]

I remember being 12 and begging my mother to let me go to public school. I was so tired of wearing Catholic girl uniforms. She nixed the idea and told me she knew best.

Parents have to make life altering decisions for kids at 12, whether it be what school they go to, or whether or not to have surgery. If it were my child, I'd see to it that he had the surgery and pronto.

 

[pkasbohm]

I would make him have the surgery too! Just because he is 12 doesn't mean he can make his own decisions! He will probably regret it if he didn't have it done in the long run

 

[Snowysmom]

I would make him have the surgery. A 12 year old has little concept of the future and what it will mean for him as an adult to have hearing loss. He is not old enough to make an informed decision. That's what parents are for!

 

[Galahad]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
Nope, not a choice when it comes to proper health care.

Yep. Another vote for "making" them have the surgery.

 

[mrsmom]

I would have said yes if you would have asked me this question a month ago, But i would say wait for a little while longer.
the reason is my dd10 had her 60 % of ear drum gone Broken from infections and 6 sets of ear tubes,( Born with a cleft palete)
She had seen the ent and they wanted to go in and fix it but couldn't until she was off of her CPAP machine and resolved sleep apnea. so we waited its been two yrs since she had the eardrum thing, well she went for her check up 6 month check up and her ear repaired itself!! yes they can do this over time. so now i am so happy we waited. I would check with the ent .
Kim

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here's my opinion.

This boy is not 6, he's 12. Forcing him into an ELECTIVE surgery he doesn't want would be a mistake. It happened to me when I was about that age and I had difficulty trusting my mother for a long time afterward. I would think that his first reaction is one based on fear (and completely understandable) but that in time he will most likely come around and see that if the problem can be fixed he might like to do it. But he shouldn't be forced. It's not like it's time sensitve like an appendectomy would be, so if he takes a while to come around it would be ok. And in the meantime Mom can do lots to educate him to lessen his fear.

On the other hand, as a hospital nurse, I personally would not undergo ANY surgery that was not absolutely necessary, so if Mom was choosing not to do it based on her own beliefs, I would support that. How would she feel if something catastrophic happened during surgery and she had forced him into it when he didn't want it? (It does happen. My cousin died during a "simple" elective eye operation).

Food for Thought: Brian Wilson (of the Beach Boys) wrote, composed and produced dozens of musical masterpieces despite hearing in only one ear.

 

[DawnCt1]

He would absolutely have surgery. That is why kids have parents; to prevent the kids from making stupid decisions that will impact their lives down the road. My DS (now 16) had the same surgery. There are two approaches to that surgery and perhaps her son is frightened by the older, traditional approach. The older approach involved cutting behind the external ear and repairing the drum from the "inside". The new approach involves micro surgery through the ear canal. It is successful most of the time and is much, much less invasive. I found a pediatric ENT who performed the newer version. Please discuss this with her. She may only be hearing the traditional approach.

 

[christineann]

I would not have asked a 12 year old if he wanted to have it. That is a decision for a responsible parent, whether the decision is to have it or not to have it.