would you lend this person money?

[ez]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

 

[wvjules]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

"No" Easy decision.

HOWEVER, if his DD needs something for school or anything reasonable, I would help HER out some. It is not her fault.

 

[happygirl]

I never let anyone borrow money, unless I can afford not to get it back.

 

[Hannathy]

"sorry things are really tight for us to right now" If you and your DD would like to come to dinner every Thursday or when you would like just let me know"

And if you are worried about the little girl not having things for winter I would say "Oh I saw an adorable winter jacket that looked just like Susie what size is she wearing I would love to buy it for her?"

You can help the little girl without enabling him. I would not hand him cash.

 

[Acklander]

I never let anyone borrow money, unless I can afford not to get it back.

This. And if it's going to cause resentment if I don't get it back I don't loan it either.

 

[Rora]

I would've said no.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Absolutely not. People like that drive me nutts.

 

[Hoodie]

A family member just called asking to borrow money. He is in his 30's. We have lent him money before (maybe 5 years ago)and were never paid back, even after mentioning it several times. I always felt that he could have offered to "work it off" by helping us with our yard or something, but he never even offered to do that, he just blew it off. He lost a good job 2 months ago due to non attendance. He is awaiting an appeal for unemployment. I said there are jobs around, my 16 year old is working over 20 hours a week in addition to attending high school. He said he will get more in unemployment if it goes thru, so working anywhere would sabotage that. I told him sorry, things are tight for us too.
He has custody of his daughter and that is the part that makes me feel bad, but still I said no. I told him I have a roofer friend that might need some help, he said it would have to be off the books.
Judging by the info I have provided, what would you have said?

Sounds a lot like my sister (without the kid).

I would have said no as well.

 

[SC Minnie]

Only if I could afford to give it as a gift because it would never be seen again. And only if I could afford to continue to gift him money. Since I can't do either my answer would be 'No'.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Nope. Not a dime to enable him.
I would offer to have the DD over for dinner and maybe even take her shopping, etc. but I would not even include him on those thing unless it was something I would normally include him on anyway.
I have a cousin like this and his mom has enabled him for years because she does not want to see his boys lose out. He has never worked longer than 6 months in his life, takes advantage of all kinds of public assistance and manages to attend lots of concerts and collect lots of (costly) junk all on his mom's dime. She won't leave him to fend for himself because of the boys but the example he has set for them the past 15 years is terrible. Even she says now that she wished early on she had simply offered to let him leave the boys with her if he could not raise them but told him he could not come along for the free ride.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I agree, I would have said no as well. But I would offer an occasional treat to his dd or have them to dinner once in a while.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'd say "Sure, I'll be happy to loan you some money. The problem is, I already loaned some to a family member, and I can't afford to give you any money until he pays me back."

 

[MIGrandma]

He sounds like a lazy bum if he doesn't want to work because it would mess up his unemployment. What a loser. I don't blame you one bit for not loaning...or I should say gifting since he never paid you back from before...him any $$$. He doesn't deserve it.

Now his daughter, on the other hand, I would definitely try to help out. Maybe take her shopping for some school clothes, winter clothes, shoes, etc. Take her out to eat occasionally, depending on her age maybe buy her some new toys, or cool things for her room, take her out to a movie, etc. etc. But to help him? No way.

 

[DWGal210]

Absolutely not! He's made his decision. He is choosing not to work. You are NOT responsible to give him money. It's called a job - ugh!

 

[bettymae1121]

Nope. If the girl needs clothes or school suplies, I'd get her those things to help out (if it was within my means) but I wouldn't give Dad anything.

 

[agnes!]

I'd say "Sure, I'll be happy to loan you some money. The problem is, I already loaned some to a family member, and I can't afford to give you any money until he pays me back."

Oh my word, funniest retort EVER.
agnes!

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

We don't lend people money unless we can afford to never see it again but we also don't lend money to the same person twice if they have not payed back the first loan.

If you really feel bad for the daughter you can do stuff such as go to her school and put money in her lunch account (assuming she is school age), that way he won't be able to spend it on something else. Or drop off some clothing essentials and/or a meal occasionally. Or invite them to dinner once a week.

 

[jbear'smommy]

No freakin way would I lend them money.

 

[Liberty Belle]

"sorry things are really tight for us to right now" If you and your DD would like to come to dinner every Thursday or when you would like just let me know"

And if you are worried about the little girl not having things for winter I would say "Oh I saw an adorable winter jacket that looked just like Susie what size is she wearing I would love to buy it for her?"

You can help the little girl without enabling him. I would not hand him cash.

Sounds good. And if you could do more for his daughter I'd offer to do that.

 

[eliza61]

Nope.
Fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.
Didn't pay you back once, why do you think he'll pay you back now.