Would you honor last wishes if...

[Dancemom03]

... you knew it would deeply hurt someone close to you?

 

[FergieTCat]

No.

Example: If one of my parents had a last wish that would deeply hurt my brother or sister, there is no way I would carry it out.

 

[Mermaid02]

No.

Example: If one of my parents had a last wish that would deeply hurt my brother or sister, there is no way I would carry it out.

I agree. It seems like it would be one last final passive aggressive maneuver and I would have NO part in it.

 

[autumnpalm]

No, I would not.

Edited: Also I would not tell the person who was requesting the last wishes that I would honour them. I would tell them I disagreed and would be too uncomfortable to do so. From there, I suppose they could do what they wanted but I wouldn't want to be a part of it.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I think it depends on what the wish was, whether there are legal ramifications, etc. For instance, my grandmother had something in her will that hurt one of the children. Legally, there was nothing that could be done about carrying out her wish.

 

[CowboyCO]

Nope.

I read your other thread. Unfortunately, your DB chose to withhold this from you. It's now in the past. I recommend you work towards dealing with your grief over the loss of your father - years ago. Even though he recently died, he left your life years ago. Work on you. Try to not let it affect your relationship with your brother. It was your father that asked him to do it.

I'd be okay with skipping BD party, but just make other plans (real plans) and let them know you can't make it until you have dealt with your grief.

Good Luck

 

[Mimi1965]

Please give details.



Our family is upset that DH and I want to be cremated-I can not stand wakes and viewing a stuffed body..blech

DH's Mother made me promise if he dies before her-she can see his body before cremation...shudder

 

[bettymae1121]

I voted for the 2nd option, mainly because it would simply depend on what exactly the last wish was and the relationships between me an all involved. I'd lean towards "no I wouldn't do it" but without a specific example it's impossible for me to say for sure. Last wishes are important but not at the expense of the living.

 

[MosMom]

Not if it would hurt someone who was going to be living with it for the next however many years. The person with the wish will soon be gone.

 

[FireDancer]

If it was something like a family member wanted to be cremated and have no wake I would honor it even if people really wanted a burial and wake. Personally, once I am dead I don't care what you do with me but apparently some do and I'd honor it.

If it was something will related I'm not sure, it would depend on the circumstances and why the deceased made the request.

I don't think it is an always or never kind of thing, it really depends on the specific circumstances.

 

[hereyago]

It depends and yes I have.

My DF had lung cancer-today is his 6th anniversary of his death. His "sisters" had a problem with him donating his body to science. They wanted me to try to change him mind and even told me that when he died, he wouldn't know if I sent his body to his home state.


I was his POA, on his Advanced Medical Directive, the Executor of his will. I knew what he wanted and set up, I wasn't going to go against it.


They wouldn't come his last week, as one couldn't take off work-works part time and never needed money and the other is just a blank. I had to tell him they weren't going to come. He was trying to hold on til they got here.


He told me not to call them when he died and I didn't. He also told me to ignore any requests for anything in the way of pictures. He passed away, I went to the hospital signed for his body to be release to the school. A few days later ,one of them called and asked how he was, I said he was at peace and hung up.

One of them actually called again and asked for a copy of his military discharge paper so she could get a plaque to put in between their parents graves. That was a big ol nope.

 

[Magic Mom]

It depends on the wish.

 

[DawnCt1]

No, I would not.

Edited: Also I would not tell the person who was requesting the last wishes that I would honour them. I would tell them I disagreed and would be too uncomfortable to do so. From there, I suppose they could do what they wanted but I wouldn't want to be a part of it.

I agree but I would attempt to talk them into behaving "well" so they would be remembered well.

 

[hereyago]

OP= I just finished reading your other post. I am sorry for the loss. But did your DF tell your DB not to tell you? It seems like your DF was out of your life after meeting your step mom and it is a shame when a father or mother "allows" someone to come in between them and their child.


I had seen my aunts maybe 3 times in my life. They had come down when he was first sick and I thought it may be the beginning of a new era- their Mother didnt like my mother, but she was dead then. However, you see me 3 times in my life and you want me to just do what you want with my Df's body? And even if they were in my life alot, DF put things into place and I was responsible for carrying them out.



Years ago, my then BIL was supposed to tell us that my DH's grandfather passed away. Well, he didn't. About a week or so later, his grandmother-who had no phone-wrote us and was wondering why we didn't come? We were hot, but his DB was 1) irresponsible 2) couldn't himself grasp the loss.

 

[themilesfamily]

I think I would honor their last wishes, despite my own personal feelings about them. Of course I would never agree to do something criminal, (for example spreading ashes someplace that it's illegal to do so.)

Where I may think something is wrong or hurtful, perhaps they had a good reason for the end-of-life choices they made.

 

[C.Ann]

It would depend.. When my late DH was in his final days, I honored wishes of his that not all concerned were comfortable with - and I would do it again without hesitation.. If a husband can't count on his wife, who can he count on?

However, I have a feeling you may be talking about something else.. I haven't read any other threads that you have started recently..

 

[creativeamanda]

I've honored someone's last wishes knowing it would hurt someone else. My father had good reason for his last wishes and I would do it again, regardless of the drama. It was the only thing I had left to give to him. Time has changed the anger towards me the other person had, but time was out for my dad and I knew it.

 

[hereyago]

Your anger should be at your DF-which it probably is, but you redirected it to your DB. He could have called you even in hospital. Your DB may think he is in the will so that is why he was not telling you to look good for the SM or he could just be a complete jerk.

 

[Aristomommy]

My mom has told me her last wishes (and she is very healthy so her mind might change many times still) and I know my brothers would be upset. I told her I would honor one request, but the others I couldn't promise. Also, with her assets, she wants it divided very unequally. I feel that if I want to give a "gift" based on the inheritance, that is my right once it's mine, so I would honor the original arrangement somewhat

 

[NotUrsula]

Depends on what the wish is.

Instructions for burial and funeral arrangements? Yes, as long as there was sufficient money in the estate to carry them out. Probably not if I had to incur significant expense out of my own pocket (or especially that of other survivors) in order to do it. I know this one from experience: I kept my brothers ashes in my house for 3 years until we had reason to visit family near where he wanted them scattered. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have done that -- I would have just picked a nice spot nearby instead.

Informal "wishes" regarding disposition of the estate? No. If you want to say who gets what, then write it down and have it witnessed. If no will exists I'm going to go with the state rules for those who die intestate.

Excluding someone from a funeral? Not unless I had very good reason to believe that the person was likely to make some kind of ugly scene. Normally funerals are public occasions; when you publish an obit with details you are essentially issuing an open invitation.