Would you help a niece with getting birth control..........

[princesspumpkin]

without her parents' knowing it?

Years ago, I found out that my niece was having unprotected sex as a teen. I took her to a class at a clinic that talked to teens about sex, diseases and birth control stuff. Plus, it gave each teen a take home packet of OTC birth control stuff. My sister found out and was pretty livid. She has since gotten over it and my niece is now a newly married 34 year old with no children yet.

Fast forward - DH's niece just turned 16. I gave her my cell number and told to call me if she needed anything at all. Just in case she found that she couldn't come to her parents, I wanted her to know that I would be there for her. If she does come to me about the same sex issue, I'm now wondering what I should do.

Would you tell the parents, refuse to help and encourage the niece to tell the parents, or assist the niece in the way that she wanted?

Thanks


***Please note - birth control does not necessarily means BC pills. Birth control means any method to control the possibility of giving birth: ie: condoms, cervical cap, diaphragm, gels, etc. *****

 

[amyhughes]

While I am not sure I would directly take the niece to Planned Parenthood. I would be very frank about the dangers associated with having sex at a young age.

Also, I would ENCOURAGE, more like DEMAND, they discuss this issue with their parent. I discounted my Father quite a bit on the same issue. I thought he would rant and rave and carry on. He wasn't OVERJOYED, but he was smart enough to take me to the doc and get me on BC as a precaution. I was expecting to be grounded for life, and my life made a living hell. It's amazing how much children fear their parents with issues like this and she may not be giving them a fair shot with it.

Best of luck. It's a sticky wicket no matter how you look at it. If you get involved the parent's could see it as you aiding and abeting behavior they abhor. If you ignore or tell the parents they may wonder (if she ends up pregnant or worse) why you didn't help her. I can see the frustration. Maybe if the situation arises, ask if she would like you to go along when she discusses it with her parents as a backup and more importantly a MODERATOR.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Depends on the parents.

If my niece came to me from my Christian homeschooled (controlling people) kicked out their gay son out at 17 and have no contact with him at all family.....yes I would help her.

If it was my niece from my Italian SIL, I would encourage her to speak with her parents as they are loving people and would come to terms with things.
It would be the "right thing" in that situation.

 

[koalababy]

Yes I would help. I don't believe that teens need to discuss their sex lives with their parents if they don't want.

 

[loco4dis]

I'm a pretty conservative mom, so I'd really try to get her to talk with her parents, and I'd try to "broker" the sit-down. But if she refused, yeah, I would probably help her get what she needs, and as I think about it, I guess I would hope a caring woman in my family would help my daughter in the same situation if it ever arose.

 

[KristaTX]

Maybe if the situation arises, ask if she would like you to go along when she discusses it with her parents as a backup and more importantly a MODERATOR.

The moderators do that ?

 

[HelenePA]

Yep! I hope my girls come to me, if not they can go to my best friend and ask her for help..

 

[amyhughes]

The moderators do that ?

That would be a service!

 

["Got Disney"]

My niece came to live with me and my family 2 years ago...she was 15 had sex with 36 men and had already gotten gonorrhea, Herpes, HPV and one other but can't remember what it was.

Her mother did not want her on BCP because she sis not want her daughter to think she was given her permission to have sex...ummm DUH

I not only got her on BCP but fed them to her because she wants to get pregnant and still does. She moved home this summer and her mom has made no effort to be sure that she is taking them...just that she says she is so her mom believes her. My experience is if you dont feed them to her she will not take them.

So yes I would. But stay on top of her and be sure to check for signs of health problems on them.

Have her talk to her mom and if she cant than look out for her. You can talk to teens about not having sex and that's important but if she is thinking about having intercourse at all better to be safe than sorry.

Good luck

 

[emer95]

No way!!! I would demand that she discuss it with her parents, and go with her if she wanted. I would be livid if my sister did that with one of my girls behind my back.

 

[lovemygoofy]

My niece came to me earlier this year with this issue. No, I wouldn't do it without she at least talking to one of her parents. I just couldn't imagine taking such a big step without them knowing especially with health risks of birth control pills.

 

[Keli]

I would do only what I would want someone else to do if the teenager in question were my daughter...talk to the parent about the situation.
Because the truth is, no other adult in this world besides possibly my husband, love my daughter with the depth and width of my love for her. Not one well-meaning aunt could even hold a candle to me when it comes to wanting the best for my child.
And an issue as important as this one? Yeah, I should be in the know.

 

[smartestnumber5]

I don't have any nieces/nephews but have second cousins I am somewhat close to who are in their teen years.

Yes I would in a heartbeat. I would strongly encourage them to talk to their mother because I think she would handle it okay after the initial freak out, but if they outright refused to do it I could not break their confidence nor could I send them off to go have unprotected sex.

I do wonder in situations like these what it is that teens are usually looking for. Do they need a ride to Planned Parenthood? Do they need someone to pay for the pill? Do they just need the emotional support and someone to come to the appointment with them? Do they need information about how they even get birth control or what birth control to use?

As far as I know teens don't need any parental permission to get birth control and PP has sliding scale rates which should be pretty reasonable for a high school student. So I guess I wouldn't even feel like I was really "helping" if all I did was provide emotional support. After all, it wouldn't matter if I were there or not--she could still do exactly the same thing without me.

In high school/very early college I went to PP with a friend who needed the morning after pill/STD testing after they had unprotected sex their first time. Around the same time another friend also began having regular sexual activity and was relying on the guy to have condoms (which he didn't always have). After PP I insisted that we go to the drugstore and that they each purchase their own pack of condoms. I was amazed at their embarrassment about it and I thought, "gee if only you weren't so embarrassed to buy these, maybe you wouldn't need the STD test and morning after pill." So if one of my cousins needed b.c. I would also do "let's go get you condoms--you pick them out, bring them to the counter, and pay for them" thing with her too; and I'd try to probe where the embarrassment stems from and advise her that the best thing she can do in terms of protecting her sexual health and setting herself up for a satisfying sex life is to get over the embarassment.

 

[All American]

Absolutely not. That's not my place as the aunt. I'd either encourage her to tell them and be moral support, otherwise, I'd break the news and let the girl know I was going to. Either way, the parents have a right to know.

 

[HelenePA]

Either way, the parents have a right to know.

That they are having sex or are BC? and why do the parents need to know?

 

[Becky2005]

I really have no idea what I would do but I do know there is no way I would help someone get on prescription medicine without their parents permission. I could drive them to the store to get condoms (which would be better *anyway* when talking about STD's!) but I'm not messing with the prescriptions.

My DD is going to have surgery next year which will include having pain killers, I don't know what I would do if they were asking about medication so they don't mix things they aren't supposed to -- I would be livid to find out another relative went and got her a prescription yet I had no idea about it. That just doesn't sound too healthy to me. I know technically she could do it on her own but with the gazillion appointments we have already gone to for her, she is always looking to me for her medical history/family history.

I just know when I did go on the pill, I had breakthrough bleeding for 3 solid weeks and had some complications, so they had to adjust the medicine, etc... it was awful and I was an adult. Would have really stunk to have to go to HS dealing with the complications.

 

[Cool-Beans]

without her parents' knowing it?

Years ago, I found out that my niece was having unprotected sex as a teen. I took her to a class at a clinic that talked to teens about sex, diseases and birth control stuff. Plus, it gave each teen a take home packet of OTC birth control stuff. My sister found out and was pretty livid. She has since gotten over it and my niece is now a newly married 34 year old with no children yet.

Fast forward - DH's niece just turned 16. I gave her my cell number and told to call me if she needed anything at all. Just in case she found that she couldn't come to her parents, I wanted her to know that I would be there for her. If she does come to me about the same sex issue, I'm now wondering what I should do?

Would you tell the parents, refuse to help and encourage the niece to tell the parents, or assist the niece in the way that she wanted?

Thanks

Give her your niece's phone number. She owes you one!!

For the love of God, can girls today not go get their own birth control? Everyone I knew went to Planned Parenthood. Those who couldn't drive got their friends to drive them.

If I knew it would piss the mom off, I wouldn't do it. But I wouldn't tattle on her, either.

 

[JessicaR]

I have many nieces. I have in the past and would in the future be there to help and guide if they ask me to. Some girls do not have a mother they are able to talk to or turn to.

 

[Robindianne]

I would take her straight to planned parenthood. And I would talk to her about unprotected sex and sexually transmitted diseases and love and happiness. But, then I'd just have to tolerate my sister's wrath. That's OK. Small price to pay for my neice's health and future And I'd hope my child would go to another adult if he didn't feel he could talk to me. If I can't put aside my feelings of "he doesn't feel like he can talk to me," then that's my problem. My son's health comes before my feelings or beliefs any day.

 

[Tink & Goofy]

That they are having sex or are BC? and why do the parents need to know?

Because they are their parents. With a minor parents should know if they're on birth control or are having sex.
I would be livid if my sister took my son (who is 7 months old so that's not going to happen ) to get BC without my knowledge. And if I did that with my niece or nephew my sis would have my head and I wouldn't blame her.

Teenagers are not short adults. No matter how mature they may seem they lack the capacity to make those kinds of decisions.
What if I helped my niece get bc without her mother's permission and then later found out she was sleeping with a 30 year old?

While I love my family I would never undermine a parent's authority. Should my niece ask me to help her clandestinely get BC, I would suggest that she talk to her mom and I would mediate if need be (although I would prefer to wait until marriage). But I wouldn't go behind a parent's back.
Just my $.02