Would you feel bad about this?

[HeyIt'sMe]

OK, I’m just curious what other DIS’ers think of this situation. I have to say I feel bad but I don’t know if I should.

One of my DD’s friends rode the school bus home with DD today; they are both going to a mutual friend’s house tonight and I am driving them there. They are both in 7th Grade (DD is 12 and her friend is 13).

When the bus pulled up in front of my house I greeted the girls at the door. They came in, dropped off their book bags, grabbed a quick snack and headed outside since the weather is gorgeous here today. About an hour later I heard my cell phone chime indicating I had a VM message (I missed the call because I was in the bathroom, sorry TMI). It was the Director of Transportation of our school district asking if I had a student at my house. DD has had friends ride the bus home before and I’d never gotten a call so I was curious about what this was about. Before I called him back I wanted to first make sure that DD’s friend had given the bus driver the required permission note from her parents so I went outside and asked her. Yes, she had given the bus driver the note.

When I went back in the house DD’s friend came in too, got her cell phone and then went back outside. As I was dialing the DoT’s number my cell phone rang. I accepted the call and it was DD’s friend’s father. He was in a panic because he hadn’t heard from his daughter; she was supposed to call or text both her mom & dad when she got to my house. He had been trying to call her cell phone (and DD’s cell phone). I told him she was fine and the girls were outside, that's why they didn’t hear their phones. I told him I’d put his daughter on the phone but when I went outside DD’s friend was already on her cell phone with her mom. DD’s friend’s father and I chatted for a while and he was relieved. He put me on hold at one point because the DoT called him back while we were talking and he told him everything was OK. (The father had called the DoT to confirm that his DD was on my DD's bus that afternoon before he called me). I told him I’d tell his DD to keep her cell phone with her.

After I hung up I felt terrible. Was I supposed to proactively tell DD’s friend to text/call her parents when she got to my house? I haven't done that before with other friends that have ridden the bus home with DD. Part of me says “she’s 13 and has a cell phone and needs to be responsible about using it” but another part of me says “she IS only 13……”.

I looked at my cell phone after the call and I see a text message that’s addressed to me AND my DH - - all caps that included “URGENT we cannot reach “DD” or “DD’s friend”!!”. It was a text from DD's friend's father that he obviously sent before we chatted. Well, when DH got the text – that he thought was from ME (he didn't even realize DD's friend's father had his cell phone number) – he calls me in a panic. I had to tell him the whole story.

UGH! What an afternoon! DH says I shouldn’t feel bad about it but I do. What do you think? I'm sure some posters will agree with my DH and others will flame me. But that's whatcha get when you post questions like this, huh?

 

[mumom95]

I don't think you should feel bad. At that age, the girl should be responsible enough to remember to do what her parents asked. And unless you spoke to the parents beforehand and agreed to have her contact them, then I really don't think it was your responsibility.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No, I would not feel bad. Perhaps this is the first time this girl has done this? She needs practice.

And yes, my dd is 13 also.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Wow. How long had they been home? It seems like a bit of an overreaction.

 

[DizBelle]

Nope - don't feel bad. DD's friend dropped the ball.

 

[LilyLake]

I don't think you should feel bad. The girl needs to learn to be responsible. She was the one that was supposed to contact her parents, not you.

 

[Minnesota!]

I wouldn't feel bad. The girl knew she was supposed to call.

But I really think the dad overreacted, too.

 

[iwrbnd]

You shouldn't feel bad. Your daughter's friend should!

 

[NHdisneylover]

You did nothing wrong. Don't feel bad about this.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I wouldn't feel bad. (Easier said than done, I know)

I think at that age, they are responsible enough to get on the bus together. I have a daughter in 6th AND 8th grade. I would never worry for a minute about either of them taking the bus home with a friend.

 

[JessicaR]

I have a soon to be 13 year old. The kid should have texted/called her parents when she got to your house. She forgot - kids do that sometimes. I think her parents overreacted drastically. I also have no idea if they have a reason for over-reacting.

Sounds like it was a little crazy - glad its all calmed down now. I wouldnt feel bad.

 

[hereyago]

DD11's friend 11 is like this all the time!!!!!!! she will put the phone on vibrate and then not answer.

She lives a few houses down and her DM will yet out her name, as we live on a cul de sac to answer her phone-lol.

But, this is the same friend who: if DD has her cell off and my home phone is being used, will call my cell phone to track dd down, when dd is home.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

Thanks for the replies.

I think when I went outside to ask her about the permission note for the bus driver that reminded her that "Ooops! I forgot to contact my parents!".

My DH & I tell DD all the time that her cell phone is not a fashion accessory or just a hotline to her friends - - it's an important way for her father & I to keep in touch with her and she needs to be responsible about it.

 

[JessicaR]

Thanks for the replies.

I think when I went outside to ask her about the permission note for the bus driver that reminded her that "Ooops! I forgot to contact my parents!".

My DH & I tell DD all the time that her cell phone is not a fashion accessory or just a hotline to her friends - - it's an important way for her father & I to keep in touch with her and she needs to be responsible about it.

We tell our son the same thing and if we can't reach him or he forgets to call us there are consequences. He is pretty good about it but sometimes they get caught up in playing and just forget.

 

[dislaney]

You shouldn't feel bad about this and if I were the other parents I would be talking to my daughter about this when she gets home. She is a kid but she needs to learn to be responsible. Not your fault at all.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd13 goes somewhere after school every single day, and yes, sometimes she forgets to call or text me. And yes, there are times she doesn't hear her phone when I call, or it's in another room, or she forgot to turn it in after school. Just yesterday, I texted all of her friends in a group text, telling them to tell dd to call me.

I've never panicked, but I've been annoyed, for sure. I'd never expect another parent to tell her to call me, and if she told me before school that she was going somewhere after school (rarely happens), I wouldn't even expect a call. I think that dad overreated with the URGENT message!

 

[Heidict]

I can understand you feeling bad. As a parent you are imagining what you would be feeling if you were his shoes. It's only natural for you to feel bad.

You don't have anything to feel bad about though. YOU did nothing wrong. I is not your responsibilities to make sure that your DD's friends are checking in with their parents when they get to your house. These girls are at an age where they are old enough to accept the responsibility of something that simple.

I can't blame the father for doing what he did. He attempted to reach everyone involved before contacting the transportation people, all though he should have tried to call you and your DH instead of just texting you.

I'm sure this will be a learning lesson for your DD's friend because I'm sure she is getting an ear full at home tonight.

 

[LuvLDM]

I wouldn't feel bad. The girl knew she was supposed to call.

But I really think the dad overreacted, too.

Agreed

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think you did anything wrong at all and wouldn't feel bad about it.

Why on earth did he call the dept. of transportation BEFORE calling you? Wouldn't it have made more sense to call you first?

He definitely overreacted

 

[dis-happy]

Don't feel bad. It may be the first time, but it probably won't be the last time that either girl forgets to call home some time. Just wait until they're driving and forget to call you. BTDT too often!!!