Would you contact an old boyfriend?

[kpm76]

At this point in my life, I would not contact an ex out of the blue just to see how he was doing etc. I harbor no ill feelings toward any of my ex boyfriends so if I ran into them, I would be pleasant etc. However, I am married now and it just doesn't seem right. In addition, I would have to assume that an ex might be married or in a committed relationship and I would not want my out of the blue contact to cause unnecessary tension between he and his SO. I wish all of my former boyfriends well, I learned something from all of them and the experience of dating them brought me closer to realizing who and what I wanted in a lifelong partner and I found that with DH. As for contacting someone who you have had no relationship with in many years, it just seems odd to me.

 

[daisyduck123]

No....that's what class reunions are for.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

Sure i would e-mail a quick hello. I actually run into a few of my ex's because our children go to the same school so i see them at school events. We are friendsly and laugh about old times. We are all married and respect that. I would have no problems contacting anyone from my past. It's in the past and as long as things were ended amicably, i see no reason not too.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I will also add that my DH is still very good friends with an ex-girlfriend of his.

I also kept in touch for many years with my old girlfriend (from high school). We lost touch a few years ago, but she was at my wedding and my DW and I were at hers a couple years after that. Heck, the first time my DW and my ex met, they spent the whole time picking on me, so I guess they got along pretty well.

 

[CinderellaIam]

Seriously, this guy had some fairly major issues in his young adult years (parents and illness), and I was just so pleased to see that not only was he doing well, but he was doing what he always wanted and made a great success at it. I was happy for him, and considered telling him so. But then thought of all the "what ifs" depending on his personal situation (of which I have no clue) and decided not to. I have no desire to cause him any problems and wish him continued success and happiness.

I think it would be great to say Hi and all of this to him.

I see nothing wrong with with it AT ALL. Just like a previous poster said, if you bumped into him on the street you would say hi and hear all his news. As long as you are upfront with your SO that you did this, I see no problems.

It's not like you want to send him a note telling him you are so glad you found him because the flame is still burning! lol

 

[Todd&Copper]

I have friends who avoid class reunions like the plague, and seeing as how my HS boyfriend lives over 1000 miles away and I have no interest in rekindling any feelings, I'd send an email to just say that his name came up when you were doing a Google search and you are glad to see he is doing so well. If he answers, you don't have to write anything back. Now, my "college boyfriend" lives only about 200 miles away, and I have no desire to know how he is doing at all. I have no fond memories of our time together.

 

[jcsbama]

Another suggestion that has not been given. Look on myspace for him. If he has a webpage there you can just drop him a note saying hi.

I think there are factors to consider before contacting an ex. In your case, I think it would be perfectly fine. Heck, since you found him the way you did, other people from his past may have done the same thing. He could be used to it by now.

 

[T1130]

Who wants to admit that after reading this thread they goggled an ex-flame?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Who wants to admit that after reading this thread they goggled an ex-flame?

 

[becky_AK]

It looks like you already made a decision but as I was reading your post it sounded very familiar. I recently had an ex-bf from h.s. come into contact with me and we said hi and caught up. But as someone else mentioned it is not something I would do without my dh being aware. I'm not at all interested in rekindling some type of romance as I am totally in love with my husband but it was fun hearing about how the ex-bf and friends from h.s. were doing.

 

[helenabear]

I think you made a wise decision.

Normally I wouldn't say no, but this involved you looking him up like that. I do believe it is one thing to stumble into someone and say hi & keep in touch. I really believe it is a whole other ballgame if you actively seek them out.

I know it wasn't done in a true serious manner, but that kind of contact reeks of bad qualities that I am not keen on.

This is someone who has had awesome friendships with ex's and doesn't mind when DH talks to his either. If it weren't a google thing, I would definitely be okay with it.

 

[binny]

Ive asked this question before too

Yeah I think I would. I have a very similar situation. Old friend has become very successful and our paths crossed ( not in person he lives in another country) through an odd circle but anyway, I was going to email him but didnt wind up doing it. I asked DH how he felt about it though and he was fine with it.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Probably wouldn't do it.

Not because I thought it would ruin my marriage, but I just leave the past in the past. I'd be interested to hear about how old boyfriends are doing, but don't care enough to seek out the info.

If someone sent me an email, I'd wonder why they were doing it and how they found me.

 

[Laura]

Who wants to admit that after reading this thread they goggled an ex-flame?

OMG, I just googled someone I had a crush on in high school (not an ex or anything, just the first name that popped into my head) and I found him. How did I find him? An obituary! His wife was killed last summer in a car accident while riding her bike to work!

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

If I was just contacting him to say hi and not for some other reason, why not?

I guess you need to examine your motive, if any, for contacting him. 20 years out from a HS romance you may just be feeling nostalgic, which is fine. I have bumped into old HS BFs from time to time, and have had a pleasant exchange with them..."Hi, how you doing, what are you up to, are you married, any kids"...you know, just general interest stuff.

However, if I was having difficulty in my marriage, or was seeking to reinsert myself into their life because they were now wealthy and successful, I might think twice about my motive for contacting them.

My response exactly.

 

[Buckalew11]

Out of respect for DH I wouldn't do it. But I have ran into an old flame in a store and talked their ear off.
When we first got married there were several phone calls from DH's old flames and it was a weird feeling being on the other end of it. Personally, I'd love to know how the guys in my life are all doing (some I do know) because I was very lucky to date some really nice guys and really cared about them. But, I know DH wouldn't appreciate it (because he has said it in the past) and I'll just respect that.

 

[T1130]

OMG, I just googled someone I had a crush on in high school (not an ex or anything, just the first name that popped into my head) and I found him. How did I find him? An obituary! His wife was killed last summer in a car accident while riding her bike to work!

How horrible. Now if I were you I might e-mail him to say how sorry I am. You never know somebody who is going through a hard time might appriciate an old friend whom they can talk too.

 

[Laura]

How horrible. Now if I were you I might e-mail him to say how sorry I am. You never know somebody who is going through a hard time might appriciate an old friend whom they can talk too.

Well, I don't have his e-mail or any way to contact him, I just read an obituary notice. I don't know if I'd bother him about it, anyway, it's been a year since her death. She was only 28, and she had done so much to help people. It's so horrible!

 

[Disney Doll]

I also kept in touch for many years with my old girlfriend (from high school). We lost touch a few years ago, but she was at my wedding and my DW and I were at hers a couple years after that. Heck, the first time my DW and my ex met, they spent the whole time picking on me, so I guess they got along pretty well.

I went to my first boyfriend's wedding too!!!
We dated when I was 15 and he was 17. We stayed friendly after we broke up. When I was 21 and he was 23, he got married, and invited me to his wedding. I had a nice time too, and his wife didn't seem to mind.