Would you allow your high school aged DD/DS to do this?

[Mouse House Mama]

Would you allow your 17 year old to date someone long term? I ask because I think that most HS kids (girls at least) do think in terms of "forever" when they are dating. So in a sense, even without taking that trip they themselves and many of their friends see them that way. (Not married but defintely serious)

Of course they could date someone long term and in their head they can think of their relationship however they would like. They can dream of forever or what have you. That doesn't mean I am going to treat them like an adult married couple/serious adult relationship. No matter how mature they think they are, well, they aren't. I will treat them with respect but there will be no sleepovers and vacations. When they are grown and on their own they can do as they please. Until then it's a no.

 

[Momvic5]

When we vacation as a family we all sleep in one room together--once in a while we splurge and have an adult room and kids room. Often we rent a place with my in-laws. No one expect that the kids will room together after that at home. If the kids bring a friend no one expects that the friend will suddenly start spending a lot more time with us after we return. Isn't it NORMAL to spend more time together and in closer quarters when you travel? I don't know anyone who then translates that into thinking it should continue after traveling. If my teen was immature enough to think that then they WOULD be too immature to travel without an adult along.

That is not what I mean at all.....

I am just wondering if you risk sending mixed messages by allowing your high schooler to go off on a romantic weekend with their SO if you are not willing to let them have those same type moments at home. It is not the vacation itself or the sleeping arrangements, it is the whole idea of the intimacy involved in this particular situation. If you are OK with the idea, then I am assuming that you are OK with them having alone time in their bedrooms at home because what is the difference. I feel that you are opening the door to those type battles or situations because why is one situation ok and the other not. We all know our teenagers know how to use our words and actions against us, and I can see the writing on the wall...."but mom, we spent the whole weekend together behind closed doors at the beach so why do I have to leave the door open to my bedroom."

 

[luvmy3]

That is not what I mean at all.....

I am just wondering if you risk sending mixed messages by allowing your high schooler to go off on a romantic weekend with their SO if you are not willing to let them have those same type moments at home. It is not the vacation itself or the sleeping arrangements, it is the whole idea of the intimacy involved in this particular situation. If you are OK with the idea, then I am assuming that you are OK with them having alone time in their bedrooms at home because what is the difference. I feel that you are opening the door to those type battles or situations because why is one situation ok and the other not. We all know our teenagers know how to use our words and actions against us, and I can see the writing on the wall...."but mom, we spent the whole weekend together behind closed doors at the beach so why do I have to leave the door open to my bedroom."

If I was to let my 17 year old go off on a weekend trip and that would be because I thought they were mature enough to do so. Which would most likely mean that my 17 year old was mature enough and never had a problem respecting the rules of our house.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

Not here, so YMMV.

Going away, going out in groups, no big deal. Our area is more like what Hannathy described.

Frankly I find your area of MN to be on the odd side.

 

[Jennasis]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

Sounds like maybe people need to mind their business. How horribly judgmental. I know people talk and gossip about others (heck the church ladies around here are atrocious!), but still. Ewww.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That is not what I mean at all.....

I am just wondering if you risk sending mixed messages by allowing your high schooler to go off on a romantic weekend with their SO if you are not willing to let them have those same type moments at home. It is not the vacation itself or the sleeping arrangements, it is the whole idea of the intimacy involved in this particular situation. If you are OK with the idea, then I am assuming that you are OK with them having alone time in their bedrooms at home because what is the difference. I feel that you are opening the door to those type battles or situations because why is one situation ok and the other not. We all know our teenagers know how to use our words and actions against us, and I can see the writing on the wall...."but mom, we spent the whole weekend together behind closed doors at the beach so why do I have to leave the door open to my bedroom."

Well, when travelling your bedroom is generally also your living room, etc. I would respond that I am not comfortable with them being alone, with the door closed, in the bedroom at home--it indicates they NEED privacy--whereas travelling just means that is the accommodation that makes financial or logistical sense. Hanging out in the bedroom with the door open, or being at the house when I am not there, etc is fine with me. So, I would see it as they do not have to be chaperoned all the time when home or travelling.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

Is Minnesota that backwards with regards to reputations?
Wow I had no idea.

 

[allison443]

I disagree but it might be that we live in MN . A girl that would go away alone for a weekend with a boy, long term relationship or not, would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids and adults). While it is sort of a double standard the "good" girls would probably not date this boy knowing what he "expects".

Ewww, now I am picturing a circle of adults sitting around gossiping about teenagers and discussing which high school girls are "sluts"

 

[disykat]

Ewww, now I am picturing a circle of adults sitting around gossiping about teenagers and discussing which high school girls are "sluts"

Seriously? I have opinions about what girls I would/wouldn't want my boys dating and I'm sure parents of girls have opinions about my boys.

I'm amazed at anyone who thinks parents DON'T form opinions about their children's peers. While it doesn't mean we sit around and gossip about them, name call, or write slurs on their lockers - they are opinions just the same.

 

[luvmy3]

Ewww, now I am picturing a circle of adults sitting around gossiping about teenagers and discussing which high school girls are "sluts"

Apparently any girl who has had sex is one. I imagine they would have alot of discussions then

 

[Momvic5]

If I was to let my 17 year old go off on a weekend trip and that would be because I thought they were mature enough to do so. Which would most likely mean that my 17 year old was mature enough and never had a problem respecting the rules of our house.

I understand, and I think it would be wonderful to have such a mature 17yr old. It would so nice to be able to trust that your teenager would be applying the same rules they respect in your home to their weekend trip with their SO.

Most teenagers do not have a problem with the rules until the rules are confused or inconsistent.....I think this situation has the possiblity of confusing the rules.

 

[MELSMICE]

Haven't read any response, but in short.........NO!

 

[allison443]

Seriously? I have opinions about what girls I would/wouldn't want my boys dating and I'm sure parents of girls have opinions about my boys.

I'm amazed at anyone who thinks parents DON'T form opinions about their children's peers. While it doesn't mean we sit around and gossip about them, name call, or write slurs on their lockers - they are opinions just the same.

Who said parents don't form opinions about their children's peers? You quoted my post, but I never said that.

 

[Momvic5]

Well, when travelling your bedroom is generally also your living room, etc. I would respond that I am not comfortable with them being alone, with the door closed, in the bedroom at home--it indicates they NEED privacy--whereas travelling just means that is the accommodation that makes financial or logistical sense. Hanging out in the bedroom with the door open, or being at the house when I am not there, etc is fine with me. So, I would see it as they do not have to be chaperoned all the time when home or travelling.

I understand....however, I think that if a teenage couple is taking a weekend trip together, it probably indicates that they WANT privacy.

 

[disykat]

Who said parents don't form opinions about their children's peers? You quoted my post, but I never said that.

You equated adults forming negative opinions about a teen by their actions as sitting around and gossiping - as if it was a very juvenile action.

 

[luvmy3]

I understand....however, I think that if a teenage couple is taking a weekend trip together, it probably indicates that they WANT privacy.

Maybe, or it could be that they just want to go and do something together (beach, amusement park, camping). Wanting to spend time together that involves an overnight stay doesn't always have to mean they want to be alone so they can be intimate. I think teens find plenty of time for privacy at home (if they didn't alot less would be having sex and the pregnancy rate would be much lower).

 

[luvmy3]

You equated adults forming negative opinions about a teen by their actions as sitting around and gossiping - as if it was a very juvenile action.

Sitting around gossiping about teenage girls is very juvenile. Forming opinions and discussing them with your teen son is not.

 

[allison443]

You equated adults forming negative opinions about a teen by their actions as sitting around and gossiping - as if it was a very juvenile action.

No, I didn't. I was responding to the poster who said that a girl who went away with her long term boyfriend "would be considered a slut in most circles here (kids or adults)". That to me sounded like a group mentality. I guess you read it differently. How would someone know what the others in their "circle" would think unless it was discussed?

 

[allison443]

Sitting around gossiping about teenage girls is very juvenile. Forming opinions and discussing them with your teen son is not.

Agreed. That's what I was saying, don't know why it wasn't clear.

 

[bicker]

I understand....however, I think that if a teenage couple is taking a weekend trip together, it probably indicates that they WANT privacy.

They can have privacy by renting a motel room in your local town, on an afternoon that you think they're going to the movies. Going through all the planning and expense of going somewhere special means that they want to enjoy something that they can't do locally.