Would this offend you?

[jenrose66]

It's offensive. You shouldn't invite someone to a shower if you have no intention of having them at the wedding. It just comes off as a greedy way to acquire more gifts.

However, I wouldn't personally be offended, I'd be happy that I'm now not on the hook for a wedding gift because times are tough

 

[Carlyzmom]

Very tacky!

 

[cm8]

It's offensive. You shouldn't invite someone to a shower if you have no intention of having them at the wedding. It just comes off as a greedy way to acquire more gifts.

However, I wouldn't personally be offended, I'd be happy that I'm now not on the hook for a wedding gift because times are tough

Agreed! The nerve of some people

 

[Nancyg56]

If the coworkers planned the shower as a surprise and then were not invited to the wedding, then I wouldn't be offended.

To be invited to a "family" shower outside of work and then not be invited to the wedding screams out RUDE. Yes, it was very inappropriate.

This

LOL---yea thats what they are---just showers with men invited, not something you sell ticekts to. I have never ever heard of a party where you buy tickets or pay money to go to!

Not around here, they are big parties and tickets are sold, like a stag but not just for men.

Now I am old fashioned so when my son got married I hosted a jack and Jill (yes, ( I know..............I am DIS tacky but in my family the parents host showers) but it was like a couples shower but more fun. I really wanted to opportunity to have my family all meet my future DDIL and entertain them at teh same time.

 

[msjprincess]

How else does the shower-giver know who to invite? Unless it's a mom throwing it, but then that's not right with etiquette, either.




Some people define Jack and Jill as being a shower where men are invited.

Others define it as the ticket-selling sort of thing, which is how the party is funded (instead of the shower-givers funding it themselves as a gift).

There's no SET definition for it, which is why it causes such confusion!




Showers thrown AT work BY work typically have nothing to do with the guest list. But when it's not at work, then it gets more complicated...

Whenever I've thrown a shower I got the guest list from either the groom or the mother of the bride.

 

[Melmac]

As others of stated, if it was a co-worker putting together a surprise shower for co-workers, at work, I would not be offended if I wasn't invited to the wedding.

If it was a family member/bridesmaid-thrown shower, you betcha I would have been expecting an invite to the wedding.

I've never heard of a shower that wasn't a surprise.

I have never been to a shower that was a surprise (including my own). My aunt planned my bridal shower but told me she was doing it so I could save the date. She got the guest list from my finace and mom. About 50% of my guests were from out-of-town so she needed help selecting those in-town to invite.

Wait a minute, people sell tickets to the shower?

What the heck is that about? I have never heard of such a thing. Around here jack and Jill shower just means that men are invited.

Jack and Jills (or Stag and Does) here are held in lieu of a shower. It is inappropriate to have both (especially if the shower is known to the bride). Basically, the couple throws these themselves. They rent a legion hall or something and sell tickets to the party. The last one I went to was $30/couple. They had a buffet spread and beer that was included in the price of the ticket and liquor drinks were cheap (usually $1 or $2). The buffet is usually put on by the parents. There are usually tons of games and raffles, solely for the purpose of making money to help the couple pay for the wedding (or whatever). Games might include poker (half the pot to the couple, half to the winner), 50/50, that type of thing. One stag and doe I went to, the couple made over $10,000 which went to a down payment for a house! The intention for these is to make as much money as possible.

I don't like these kinds of parties and would prefer to attend a wedding shower. The excuse I have heard for holding a stag and doe is that the couple have been living together already and don't need anything for the house.

Oh, and those that buy a ticket and attend, are not necessarily invited to the wedding - people are encouraged to tell their friends to bring friends.

 

[ohlas]

I see fireman mickey on your profile... maybe it was done to keep the lound, sometimes rude firemen out of her wedding day.

If the groom is a fireman i feel srry for him. lol

 

[aprilgail2]

Jack and Jills (or Stag and Does) here are held in lieu of a shower. It is inappropriate to have both (especially if the shower is known to the bride). Basically, the couple throws these themselves. They rent a legion hall or something and sell tickets to the party. The last one I went to was $30/couple. They had a buffet spread and beer that was included in the price of the ticket and liquor drinks were cheap (usually $1 or $2). The buffet is usually put on by the parents. There are usually tons of games and raffles, solely for the purpose of making money to help the couple pay for the wedding (or whatever). Games might include poker (half the pot to the couple, half to the winner), 50/50, that type of thing. One stag and doe I went to, the couple made over $10,000 which went to a down payment for a house! The intention for these is to make as much money as possible.

I don't like these kinds of parties and would prefer to attend a wedding shower. The excuse I have heard for holding a stag and doe is that the couple have been living together already and don't need anything for the house.

Oh, and those that buy a ticket and attend, are not necessarily invited to the wedding - people are encouraged to tell their friends to bring friends.

Wow I am sorry to you that do those but I think that is just about the tackiest thing I have ever heard of and no way in heck wold I attend one nor give one of those!!! If you can not afford a wedding then have one you can afford!! Get married by a judge and go to burger king but don't think others should buy tickets and raffles to fund a wedding you clearly can not afford!!! And save money for your house-wow this is what we have come to--people thinking that others owe them handouts!!

 

[Gigi22]

Agreed with Melmac. I've attended a number of Stag and Does, they tend to be a lot less formal than traditional wedding showers--a large part of the motivation for the S and D is to raise money for the couple. You don't have both an S and D and a shower, too much like double-dipping. On the other hand if you are invited to an S and D, you can purchase tickets and not attend.
What I find truly tacky is a wishing well at a wedding/reception. Now that's a blatant money grab.