Would this hurt your feelings? or am I too sensitive?

[pat fan]

Okay, this has been bothering me for 2 days now. My BIL works for a car dealership as a mechanic. My DS has a car of that make and he needed a part so he called BIL and asked if he could get it for him and how much it would be. BIL said he didn't know but he would pick it up.

We called every day for 3 days after he got home from work (because he said he'd have it that day) but he kept having excuses as to why he didn't get the part (DS couldn't drive the car til it was fixed). When he gets the part, he has my DN bring it up (8 yrs. old) and we were not home. We get home 1/2 hour later and see the part with the slip on it. I walk down to their house with the money and they and other neighbors are all sitting outside together. As I approach them my DN says "You got the money you owe us?" and they all laugh.

Now, I've had the part in my house maybe 45 minutes and the money was in the house since we asked him to get the part and would have pre-payed but he said he didn't know how much it was! I just felt like they had all been sitting around badmouthing us in front of my DN and he was repeating what they said.

It would not be the first time my SIL has said rotten stuff about me in front of her kids. My older DN asked me once why I was such a b*tch, and he was 5 at the time. Please, a 5 yr. old doesn't come up with that on his own and for what it's worth, I am not a b*tch. I used to do tons of stuff for her kids but have slacked off the last few years because of the way I get treated (long story). So, am I overreacting/paranoid or what? BTW, thanks for listening.

 

[SC Minnie]

IMO- from what you have said here sounds like they were talking about you. I would have been hurt too.

 

[720L]

I've learned to avoid family members like that. Why waste your time on them if they are like that to you? I would be polite to them but nothing more. I used to go out of my way to be nice to people like that but now I'm much happier not speaking to them.

 

[Southern4sure]

My first thought was the parents told their child that you would be sending some money with him. I would have told my child not to drop it, loose it and etc. Kids do come up with things to say own their own so I wouldnt think they were bad mouthing you on this one.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't think you're overreacting but I do think you should find another dealership. Try not to put people like that in a position of doing you a favor because they'll hold it over you.

 

[pat fan]

I've learned to avoid family members like that. Why waste your time on them if they are like that to you? I would be polite to them but nothing more.

I know, but my DH's family is so small, I hate to give up completely on it. My family is so different that it just boggles my mind how these people are. DH only sees/talks to them when I make him as I think family is important, but maybe he really is right about them. I just hate to give up on family connections.

I don't think you're overreacting but I do think you should find another dealership. Try not to put people like that in a position of doing you a favor because they'll hold it over you.

Yup, lesson learned by my DS. He's the one who called his uncle to see if he could get him the part. We'll just handle parts and dealers from now on somewhere else.

It just bothers me so much that family can be so nasty behind your back! No one in my family would ever do that and I keep hoping it's a misunderstanding and not true

 

[disneylizzy]

I don't think you're overreacting but I do think you should find another dealership. Try not to put people like that in a position of doing you a favor because they'll hold it over you.

Besides you could probably get it cheaper at ADAP than a dealership, even with a discount. Not worth the aggravation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like you live too close and need to seperate yourselves from your family.
Also if you have a "history" try not to call on your brother for help, unless of course it was necessary.
It is like the old joke..."Doc, my arm hurts when I do this. Then the Doc says..."don't do that."

Heal yourself up and be able to handle them before engaging them again. They do not sound like the nicest people.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I know, but my DH's family is so small, I hate to give up completely on it. My family is so different that it just boggles my mind how these people are. DH only sees/talks to them when I make him as I think family is important, but maybe he really is right about them. I just hate to give up on family connections.

First of all, sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for your immediate family is cut off ties with certain family members that are being a negative influence.

Second, you can still have a relationship with these people if you wish, just do it on your terms and have less than zero expectations. From personal experience, I can say it's best to never ask for anything (favors or otherwise) from people like this. Keep your interactions strictly social. You can't change people. You can only change how you react/interact to/with them.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Personally I could care less. I have walked away from family members like this and life is so much better now. Just don't ask them for any favors and all will be better. They probably told the 8 year old to get their money when she dropped off the part. She was only repeating what she was told.

 

[phorsenuf]

My first thought was the parents told their child that you would be sending some money with him. I would have told my child not to drop it, loose it and etc. Kids do come up with things to say own their own so I wouldnt think they were bad mouthing you on this one.

That was my thought too. He was told to bring the money back with him but you were'nt home so when you showed up he asked. Seems innocent enogh to me.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Yes my feelings would have been hurt. Also, if that was my son, who said what he did to you, I would have asked him to shut his mouth. He had no right discussing the money part of this transaction with you, your brother should have..and I hate the embarrassing way they put you on the spot, they were definitely talking about it as a group because they all laughed...People are so mean sometimes.

I hear what you are saying about small families...but I will say this if this is not the first time you have been hurt like this, it will not be the last. Sometimes you just have to step away, not in anger, but to save yourself from any more hurt. I have done this myself, I had to let go of a family member, there were no harsh words, I just stepped back. No conversation anymore, no picking at me, no hurting me and I am better for it. I still love this person, I think of him, but I do not communicate with him. I have been hurt too many times.

What is it they say, never do business with family or friends.......

 

[pat fan]

and I hate the embarrassing way they put you on the spot, they were definitely talking about it as a group because they all laughed...

That's what made me feel like it was being discussed, that they were all laughing. And I hate that they said mean things in front of my DN (nephew) because I really love him and I know he loves me too.

He wanted to know (previously) if I would take him to Cars because the first time he asked his parents to take him "mom said she is too busy and dad is too tired". The second time he asked "mom had plans and dad yelled at her and then he left and didn't come home til at night and they yelled and dad left again and came home with a headache".

I try to stay somewhat in touch because of the kids. It is not a happy home. We live next door to each other but do not visit or speak to each other unless they want me to watch the kids. Then she calls me. Other than that it's just holidays and birthdays. And we didn't even get invited to the last b-day party, we had to ask when we could give my niece her present (she's 7). BTW, they haven't come to my kids last parties.

The final straw for me personaly was when my grandmother died (my DH's, but I considered her mine also) 2 years ago this February and the women of the family all got together to make the food for after the funeral. I was told not to come help because the "family" was doing it. I haven't had hardly anything to do with them since.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We live next door to each other but do not visit or speak to each other unless they want me to watch the kids.

OK wait....

Can you move? Seriously....Sounds like a horrible way to live.

 

[Buckalew11]

I agree with Mackey Mouse.

If you all could walk so easily to one another's house, you are too close. I love my family but I don't want to be within walking distance to any of them!!

 

[pat fan]

If you all could walk so easily to one another's house, you are too close. I love my family but I don't want to be within walking distance to any of them!!

I completely agree! But, sometimes things are what they are. We bought this house from my DH's mother (it was his maternal grandparents) years ago. I suppose we could sell it and move somewhere else, but the cost of a house nowadays is crazy! Plus, my DH was extremely close to his grandpa who built this house. It was the only relative who really gave a crap about him when he was growing up and I don't think he would ever want to leave it.

Like I said before, we may be in walking distance, but we rarely see each other. She only calls when she has a problem or needs something.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would still consider a move... Seriously!!!!

How did these horrible people end up living next door to you?
Is there any way that they could be moving anytime soon???

I see that you feel 'connected' to the house. But, is it worth it to resign yourself to living out your entire life there. I know it has meaning... But, I am one of those people who feel that physical objects are just that... objects. (My MIL is the complete opposit EVERYTHING has meaning to her that is way beyond what is really there.)

You owe them nothing.
They hurt you (and others) because you let them.
People can only hurt you like this if you allow them to.

Just like I have been posting in the other relative (MIL) thread. You need to take control. Who cares what they say or do. Take control and rise above.

If there is no chance that they are moving anytime soon. I would move.

 

[hlbtimes2]

I'd let it go. You are not going to get anything out of being upset about it. So, they talk about you. They do it because of their own low self esteem.

Not to mention, you are now bad about them.

 

[Stitchfans]

Nope you are not too sensitive. It looks like they where talking about you. I've also experienced situations like that. Try to ignore it and move on.

 

[pat fan]

People can only hurt you like this if you allow them to.

You are right. I just talked to my DH and told him that I want to back off even more from his family and he is 100% behind me.
I also feel better after venting here. Thanks to everyone for the support that I'm not nuts (at least about this!) and reminding me that they can only use/hurt me if I allow it.

How did these horrible people end up living next door to you?

Because they are family and also bought a house that belonged to my DH's grandparents. No they will not be moving any time soon, their house is mortgaged to the hilt and they could never get what they owe on it.

As for us moving, this is our home and I don't want to leave. There is a big field between us so it really isn't that bad. I just need to remember that even though they are family, they are not family and to not ask for anything or get in touch with them unless I'm willing to pay the price. I just forget after a while

Not to mention, you are now bad about them.

Hmmmmmm.......