Would this bother you?

[kdibattista]

Wow, this one went all over the place...possibly not his child? regrets her pregnancy? Unless she has specifically told you that she regrets the pregnancy or there is some evidence that the child may not be your brothers, I think it is sort of cruel to entertain those ideas. (not so much for someone here to ask if that is a possibility, but as the person who knows her IRL the OP should knock that theory away quickly unless she has proof that it could be an issue)

I really don't want to get into it but I honestly never thought about the possibility until it was brought up here however there are things in her past that could put the suspicion there. I will leave it at that.

 

[poohandwendy]

I really don't want to get into it but I honestly never thought about the possibility until it was brought up here however there are things in her past that could put the suspicion there. I will leave it at that.

From your posts it sounds like you have some problems with her, maybe you don't trust and/or like her. I don't know what it is. But, I highly doubt she isn't able to pick up on it. If that is the case, I really think you would be better off not watching her child 3 days a week. Yes, it will be your neice or nephew and I am sure you will love the child, but if there are issues between you and the baby's mother it is really unlikely to be a good thing.

TiggerandBelle mentioned it on the first or second page, situations like this (family watching family) can be pretty stressful for all involved and can get ugly really easily. It just sounds to me like your relationship is one where your 'helping' would likely cause more problems than be helpful.

 

[cardaway]

Oh yeah... that's me

Hey, here's an idea. If you don't like my posts, how about you stay out of them? For whatever reason, you don't like me and I couldn't give a crap. If you have something contructive to add (whether I agree with it or not) it is appreciated but please keep your snide remarks to yourself... or is that what makes you feel like a "big" man?

I see a snide remark now, but it didn't come from me.

 

[kdibattista]

I see a snide remark now, but it didn't come from me.

Oh nooooo, not you. You haven't said anything rude in the least

 

[MNmom2]

and it would be good for our soon to be adopted daughter to have a cousin around to help her catch up developmentally.

Did you happen to mention this to your bil? Maybe they think you're 'using' them somehow or have an ulterior motive of some sort?? Or maybe they are concerned that once you get your daughter you won't be as attentive or as 'into' their child??

 

[cardaway]

Oh nooooo, not you. You haven't said anything rude in the least

Thanks, I wasn't thinking I had, but that crack about the memo made wonder if I had said somehting wrong.

and it would be good for our soon to be adopted daughter to have a cousin around to help her catch up developmentally.

Back to how this will help you.

It just sounds to me like your relationship is one where your 'helping' would likely cause more problems than be helpful.

I agree with Wendy.

 

[va32h]

and it would be good for our soon to be adopted daughter to have a cousin around to help her catch up developmentally.

I thought the baby you are going to adopt wasn't born yet. How do you know she will need catching up?

Anyway, it would not bother me if someone turned down my offer of free childcare. I know that as a mom, it is hard for me to ask friends to watch my kids as a favor. I would much rather pay someone and know that if I was late one day, or I had an issue with the way they handled something, we could deal with it as customer/client not risk spoiling our friendship.

 

[justhat]

I agree that I'd rather pay someone too. If you don't like something they're doing it's much easier to tell them when it's not a family member volunteering their time. You sorta feel bad telling a volunteer that you're not happy with their service, ya know?

 

[kdibattista]

I thought the baby you are going to adopt wasn't born yet. How do you know she will need catching up?

She's not... she will be approximately 6 - 8 months old when she comes home. Being institutionalized for those critical early months will have some consequences developmentally. According to all the information I have gathered, they are pretty much caught up by age 2, providing there are no additional medical issues.

 

[kdibattista]

I agree that I'd rather pay someone too. If you don't like something they're doing it's much easier to tell them when it's not a family member volunteering their time. You sorta feel bad telling a volunteer that you're not happy with their service, ya know?

I hear ya... I actually would probably feel funny too.

P.S. Your daughter is sooooo adorable!!!!

 

[kdibattista]

Back to how this will help you.

Your right... I'm sooooo incredibly selfish. How horrible of me

 

[justhat]

I hear ya... I actually would probably feel funny too.

P.S. Your daughter is sooooo adorable!!!!

Thanks! FWIW, I'm sure you did not offer for your own benefit. As I'm sure you know, caring for an infant is a lot of work, so I'm sure you're not just offering to 'look good'. With that said, and what I said earlier about preferring a paid worker, I do think that family is best for a child cause you're out for their best interests. Sure, childcare workers are too (I was one before my daughter was born) but as a relative you really have a vested interest in the kid. So I would love to have family to watch my daughter, but it is hard cause then when they do things their own way it's hard to tell them not too. My example, my mom babysat for my daughter for 2 days when we went to Nashville for an interview. My mom obviously loves my daughter very much, but let her do so many things that we don't allow, so when we came home the smallest things like brushing her teeth were a battle. I know my mom loves her, and she worked for free, so I couldn't really complain. But a regular babysitter you can be more firm with.