Would this bother you?

[experiment626mom]

Maybe she just wanted one on one time with her granddaughter. I see this as a great opportunity for you to do something special with the boys. I wouldn't be offended by it.

 

[poohandwendy]

Wouldn't bother me. I would think it's nice for them to spend some one on one time together.

I guess it just depends on the relationship you have with your MIL, is it strained to begin with?

 

[Beth76]

I think it's rude. If you're going together as a group, I think it's rude to plan individual things without consulting others. I know if my mom wanted to do this with my neices she would ask to make sure my boys didn't want to go. Of course, she would already know the answer, but she would still ask.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it's rude. If you're going together as a group, I think it's rude to plan individual things without consulting others.

LOL, that is precisely the reason I wouldn't have a problem with it. When going as a group, ESPECIALLY, I prefer to not be attached at the hip. When going with extended family or friends, I prefer to only plan some things together and let the rest be a free for all. Like "hey we feel like going to the MK today, anyone else up for that?" I never want to vacation with anyone who I feel I need to consult with (unless what I am doing affects their schedule in any way).

 

[aprilgail2]

LOL, that is precisely the reason I wouldn't have a problem with it. When going as a group, ESPECIALLY, I prefer to not be attached at the hip. When going with extended family or friends, I prefer to only plan some things together and let the rest be a free for all. Like "hey we feel like going to the MK today, anyone else up for that?" I never want to vacation with anyone who I feel I need to consult with (unless what I am doing affects their schedule in any way).

I totally agree with that! Even when I vacatio nwith friends we go our own way part of the time and do things together the other part, even when sharing a house/ room whatever...I don't want to be stuck goign at someone elses pace or what they want to do on my vacation...
I wouldn't be offended about the tea since I can't imagine what boy would want to go to a girly tea.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

But it wouldn't have hurt the MIL to have said, "I want a little girly time with her and we'll meet up later". I see no problem splitting up part of the time, but the MIL should have been a better communicator. Either invited them, too, or said that she wanted to plan a special event for the 2 of them, not left her DIL wondering her intent.

 

[poohandwendy]

But it wouldn't have hurt the MIL to have said, "I want a little girly time with her and we'll meet up later". I see no problem splitting up part of the time, but the MIL should have been a better communicator. Either invited them, too, or said that she wanted to plan a special event for the 2 of them, not left her DIL wondering her intent.

To me, it sounds like the MIL did communicate her intent.

She doesn't invite me or the boys, just announces that she is taking my niece for tea because she thinks she would like it.

Sounds like she is taking the niece because 'she thinks she would like it', that gives me the impression that she thinks the boys probably wouldn't like it (I would agree with her on that). It doesn't sound like it would be possible for her to invite the OP along because the boys wouldn't have any supervision if both adults went without them.

I guess I just would assume there must be some tension between the OP and MIL to begin with because if my MIL saiod the exact same thing, I would have responded with "Oh, that sounds great. I'll bet niece will love that! I am going to see if I can find something cool for the boys to do that day while you guys are having girl time"

 

[Stitchfans]

Maybe she didn't mean anything by it she just figured there was no way boys would want to do something like that. I'd just do something with the boys and not give it a second thought.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I guess I just would assume there must be some tension between the OP and MIL to begin with because if my MIL saiod the exact same thing, I would have responded with "Oh, that sounds great. I'll bet niece will love that! I am going to see if I can find something cool for the boys to do that day while you guys are having girl time"

I agree.

I was just thinking. If my MIL did this--she wouldn't mean anything by it. If my step-mother came up with the same thing, I would have been floored by her rudeness b/c the same words coming out of her mouth--would indeed sound rude. She has been this way for so long and even though she doesn't intentionally try to be rude, it is how she comes across and how she says it.

OP--are there issues here. If so, just let it roll off your back, have in mind (and communicate) the things that you desire everyone do together and plan something really really cool with your boys.

Heck--send them on the pirate cruise while you do a spa treatment.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

To me, it sounds like the MIL did communicate her intent.
Sounds like she is taking the niece because 'she thinks she would like it', that gives me the impression that she thinks the boys probably wouldn't like it (I would agree with her on that). It doesn't sound like it would be possible for her to invite the OP along because the boys wouldn't have any supervision if both adults went without them.

I guess I just would assume there must be some tension between the OP and MIL to begin with because if my MIL saiod the exact same thing, I would have responded with "Oh, that sounds great. I'll bet niece will love that! I am going to see if I can find something cool for the boys to do that day while you guys are having girl time"

I agree that there are probably tensions between them. And maybe the MIL did communicate her intent, but I don't think that the OP took it that way. Sometimes people tend to look for issues where there are none and I know that I can be this way, so not a slam on the OP by any means.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would look at is as a opportunity to make my own plans with my own family. I would be happy. MIL heading off with the niece...take advantage of the situation!

 

[Dina]

As a mom of all boys, I don't think taking your niece to tea in itself was rude, but the way she did it was--- definitely. First of all, she could have asked you to join them (for some girl time)-- I wouldn't even think about bringing my boys to tea-- my 5yo response would have been yuck (which is how he responds to all girl activities)-- but you could have gone with them. But, maybe she wants some one on one time with DGD-- and if that's the case, she should have talked to you about it and explained her reasons, and asked if you would mind. IMO-- its just the way it was announced that definitely would have bothered me.

I'm editing this because I just reread the original post, and realize the only adults are you and and MIL. So, you couldn't have gone with them without the boys. Now I don't think I'd be offended, because I really don't think boys would want to go to a tea-- and she's right, her DGD probably would like it. I think that its just the two of you (as adults) changed my opinion. I think she intended well. Do you have any "boy" activities planned-- maybe she wanted to make sure your niece had the opportunity to do some girl things. I think you should let it go (I tend to read into things too, I don't think this was a big deal).

 

[DisneyJules]

I agree with the others, I wouldn't take it personally. Sounds like a fun girly thing for grandma and grand daughter. I would have been nice for her to ask if you would join them just out of courtesy. But I've come to learn that we really can't expect anything from anyone.

 

[lulugirl]

I agree with the others, I wouldn't take it personally. Sounds like a fun girly thing for grandma and grand daughter. I would have been nice for her to ask if you would join them just out of courtesy. But I've come to learn that we really can't expect anything from anyone.

I agree!

 

[Daisy Duck 5]

Are you more upset at the fact that Disney does not have any boys activities or that you were not invited to tea? I know that many people on these boards say their are not as much activities for boys.
Here are some ideas of what you could do with your boys.
Go swimming at your resort.
Go on the Behind the Seeds tour at the Land. Its only $12 each.

 

[disykat]

I have boys and I wouldn't think it was rude. I'm with paw, I think splitting up occasionally when you are with a big group is a good thing!

I would be offended if MIL never spent time with my boys and was constantly doing things with the neice - but it doesn't sound like this is the case.

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

I do intend finding something to do with the boys during that time but unfortunately its at an odd time of the day, 2-4, which means too late for lunch for us and too early for dinner or I would have taken them to a character meal.

I would still plan on lunch somewhere for you and your boys. There is no way your MIL and niece will be able to eat lunch then enjoy the tea, you should tell her to have a late breakfast then use the tea as a late lunch. Then meet up with them at one of the parks or resort. This should give you and your boys the whole afternoon together.

P.S. I tried talking my nephews into joining me for tea niether they nor their mother wanted to attend. (I do make make my DH join me if my neices aren't with me.)

 

[dcgrumpy]

I don't think it's rude, it seems like a girly thing If I'm reading it right your niece's parent's won't be there, maybe she thought it would be nice for you to get to spend some alone time with your boys.

 

[AdventurerKat]

Back to respond.

First off, my MIL and I have had some tensions in the past but we actually get along pretty good these days. If we didn't I would not be going to Disney with her, believe me.

Second, I do not begrudge my MIL taking my niece to tea. I think they will have a very nice time and as I have said already, I doubt my boys would be interested, other than the fact that they might want to do something with their Grandma. To me, it just felt like it would have been the polite thing to do to ask if we wanted to go as well, and I was curious if others thought the same. It appears that many don't agree with that and that's fine.

I do think Disney doesn't have alot of options for boys and it is overrun by Princess/girly themed stuff, but it doesn't mean I can't find something to do with my boys that I know they would enjoy. And I will.

Honestly, this is not going to ruin my trip and I am not sitting here seething at my MIL or anything like that. I just thought that the polite thing to do would have been to ask, whether she thought we would go or not. I can't tell you how many times I have asked people I know would NEVER go to the AC if they wanted to go, in the course of being polite. They decline but I know I at least asked.

Maybe rather than asking if this would bother anyone, I should have asked do you think this is impolite. I am guessing I would have gotten some of the same responses, so the end result is probably going to be similar, but don't think for one second that we aren't going to go and enjoy ourselves because of this. We're going to have a fantastic time, hanging out together, and doing our own thing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't know...I don't think it's that terrible. She probably wants a grandma/granddaughter thing with her granddaughter.

We travel to WDW with a big group every year, and we tend to not get offended if everyone doesn't want to do everything together.

I'd let Grandma and granddaughter go to tea and you do something fun with your boys...pool, mini golf, water park.