Would this annoy you?

[DisneyAddict_M]

My dbf has a problem calling me when he says he going to and it's starting to get on my nerves. I spoke with him on Friday and he said we'll spend Saturday together. He showed up on Saturday at 10 p.m. We both have children from previous relationships (I have a 4 yo and he has a 9 yo and 2 yo), so I understand that he was spending the day with his kids since he doesn't get to see them as often as he likes, but couldn't he have at least called me to tell me that? I called him at 1:30 and he said he'll call me in a few hours. At 6:30, I still hadn't heard from him, so I called him back. Anyway, after me calling him a few times, he finally showed up at 10. He was at his mom's house with my brother and his sister (his younger sister is married to my younger brother). He couldn't stay long, because he wasn't feeling well at all (which made me feel guilty for bugging him to come over), but he said he'll call me today and we'll do something together. Sad to say, I'm not going to hold my breath.

I think he thinks that he doesn't have to call me, because I'll call him and he'll be off the hook. He does this all the time. I told this to my sister and she said not to call him at all today to see if he'll actually call me.

I know it's a petty thing to be annoyed about, but I'm annoyed all the same. I love him very much and refuse to kick him to the curb, so don't suggest that. I know he feels the same way about me and he is so wonderful, other than this little problem. He's very laid-back and a procrastinator. Not to mention he's been under a ton of stress lately. However, I hate making excuses for his being inconsiderate.

I just needed to vent. I feel a little better now.

 

[TDC Nala]

Does everyone who's dating someone have this problem? I had it when I was dating. My friends who are dating now have it and they vent, too. I agree it's not the reason to kick anyone anywhere. It just happens.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Don't call him today. Make plans and go about your day without him. If he says anything tell him that since he didn't call you figured he was busy with the kids (or whatever). Maybe he'll get a clue after you don't call him when he was supposed to call you a few times.

 

[Laurajean1014]

It depends on how he treated you in the beginning. I would want a phone call. It's not too much to ask.

 

[crazyme5kids]

That drives me crazy when people do things like that. My husband did it one time to me when we first started dating. He was getting home from being on the road and told me to call him around a certain time. He wasn't there when I called, so I waited about an hour to hear from him. After an hour passed I took off and went out. To his credit he did call and manage to track me down. His plane was late which was why he wasn't there. He's been tracking me down ever since lol! He did learn that day that I was not going to wait around for him or his call. My advice don't wait around, he'll either get it or he won't. If he doesn't, then you need to decide if you can or want to be with someone like that.

 

[Disney Ella]

If he's old enough to have kids, he's old enough to know that this is a pretty inconsiderate way to treat someone. Have you asked him why he feels it's okay to treat you this way? Does he treat his friends like this?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I guess you'll have to accept that he doesn't feel the need to call you as strongly as you need him to call you. (I'm not saying you're wrong)

Maybe you can change your expectations so he doesn't feel pressured to call you, and you can do things without wasting time waiting for him to show up.

When you guys can get together that will be great.

It's really hard when you have little ones and exes in your life that you have to work around, but it seems you & he are committed to your children and to being with each other, so maybe with some attitude adjustment on your part (since it seems he probably won't change), you will be able to enjoy your time w/him more and not worry about him saying he'll be with you or call you and then not show up.

Just a thought - if you're not waiting for him all the time (and I don't know that you are), maybe he will decide that he'd better call you when he says he will, or he will have to wait until you are available.

Good luck.

 

[Cindyluwho]

If he shows up at 10pm on a Saturday night after spending the day with others and not contacting you? That's a "booty call" my friend. You should check out the book "He's Just Not that Into You". Don't make it easy for him. Go out, live your own life. If he's into you he'll start coming around, calling a few days in advance to make sure you're not busy, etc.

 

[canwegosoon]

How do you think he would respond if you did the same thing? I would keep that in mind...it might not be a big deal to him. It is easier if you have things planned for youself and you and your children to do...so that you are not just waiting on him. I think it is important for others to have their own lives and intrests. Good luck.

 

[TDC Nala]

Really, is it just me who thinks this or do men always do this when they're dating? Do they think they don't have to call, or is calling on a regular basis just not as important to them? Do they hate calling women on the phone for some reason? Are they waiting for a "hey, if you want me to stick around you'd damn well better call me when you say you will, because I'm not waiting around for you?" What is it? Are there any guys reading this?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Thanks, everyone. I don't sit around waiting for him at all. I went out today and had fun with my dd. I wouldn't consider it a "booty call." Sure, he was out with someone else, but that someone else was his ds and dd. It would be different if he was hanging out with his friends all day or something.

TDC Nala, I think I agree with you to a point. I'm 26 and have dated 4 men (I got married real young)...this is the 2nd one that does this to me. I've decided not to stress about it and I'll wait for him to call me. I know he will eventually (he always does), but it may take a day or two.

 

[MrsNick]

JMHO, but I don't think men think about this. They just do their thing. Not excusing inconsiderate behavior, but my experience is that they don't put any thought into these things. In the moment, I'm sure they really mean it when they say I'll call at X time. Then, they get sidetracked.

I always feel that the best remedy is the hair of the dog that bit you. Just go about your business, and if you have a chance to call dbf, then you do. If you're too busy having fun, well, you'll call when you can.

I have also found that many men find it a relief not to have to worry about whether their dgf or dw is having fun in their absence. They really do like it when you're having fun. And, if you don't go out of your way to include them, I find that after awhile, they include themselves, since they hate to be left out!

 

[Meezers]

Men just don't think like women do. How much you want to bet he KNEW you would just be there sitting and waiting for him?

If I were you....I would live my life....make plans...go and do things....if he chooses to fit into your life so be it...if not....well you already have a life now don't you!

 

[PatsGirl]

Been there, done that and it only gets worse. You need to make your expectations clear, that if he says he's going to call, he should and if you have plans together, he should follow through. If things don't improve significantly and immediately, you can name it a "booty call" or you can call it arrogance, but I'd run, run, run.... I spent nearly three years listening to explanations and excuses for this same exact behavior before I realized I couldn't live like that. Just for the record, I didn't sit around and wait for calls but it breeds resentment anyways. You wait an extra 30 or 45 minutes each time, lose out on other excursions with friends, and show up to parties,e tc. in a bad mood and having to explain why you are alone. Enough already!

 

[disykat]

Another harsh response, but I agree that if he says you'll "spend the day together" and then doesn't call or show up until 10 - he's just not that into you. It's understandable that his kids are his first priority, but a phone call is just not that hard.

I agree to not call him and wait to see if he steps up to the plate.

 

[LadyyRedd]

This is one of my absolute biggest pet peeves - not calling when you say you will - no matter who it is! People who know me know this about me. When I meet someone new and I'm getting to know them, I make sure they know this. If you're not sure you will call or can call, don't say it!

Kimya

 

[halestrm]

My attitude with my husband when we were dating was this.

If you say you will call, you will, otherwise you are promising me something and you have failed to keep a promise. If you are willing to break this promise, what other promise will you break?

Then, to help him learn, when he would say he would call me at 2 pm, I would ask, "Are you sure? You get off around then, if you have to work late, then you'll be breaking your promise." I did the same for me. I told him I might call around 3ish, but because of work (or whatever) it could be as late as 6.

Now, when he goes out (he is in a band) he says he hopes to be home around 10 but will call me by 12 if there is a delay.

He understands this is important. I don't worry and he feels as if he has some freedom. He understands it isn't about being his Mom, it is about being his partner in life.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

that would drive me nuts!!!!!

 

[graygables]

It's disrespectful. Just like being late to an appointment is disrespectful. My DH calls me when he says he will (always has) and knows if he is not going to be home in time for dinner by 7pm, he is to call and let me know. It's simply a matter of respect. No excuses.

What that means is that you need to have a discussion with him about his disrespecting you by not calling (not all men "get" that), so make the boundaries and expectations clear. Then, if he continues, he has no excuse and you can see that he's not that into you and move on.

 

[Pop Daddy]

your being to anxious to quickly, guys dont like that