Would men rather be the chaser or the chasee?

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm just trying to understand relationships, since I'm really bad at them. My last b/f described me as "aggressive," because I know what I want and I will do anything to get it. I prefer to think of it as "determined." Anyway, that was one of the reasons he broke up with me and he basically accused me of stalking him. (which isn't true, no matter what anyone says! ) I did date a guy once who liked the woman to make the first move, but I'm seriously starting to think he was in the minority.

I think women on the whole would rather be the one who is being chased. Me included. However, I have absolutely no problem going after what I want (as stated previously) and I usually have to do that because the men I meet are chickens.

Someone please enlighten me.

 

[RyMickey]

It would sure make it a lot easier for me if you ladies did some of the chasing.

But, I think you're right in your stance that guys tend to want to "get" the girls, and girls tend to want to be "gotten" (totally not trying to sound sexist there by any means).

Like I said, though, I'm not the least bit offended if the gal makes the first move.

 

[Charade]

 

[swilphil]

There's a difference between being aggressive and being a stalker (not saying you were one), but some women won't take no for an answer, they call all the time, and constantly rearrange their schedule to be with a guy. There needs to be a happy medium between being too aggressive and playing hard to get.

 

[LoveWDW]

I let the guy chase me. I just provided plenty of opportunity for him to get the idea of chasing me. My favorite guy did "catch" me, and he thought it was all his idea. Heh!

 

[grinningghost]

Well, in the case of my DH, I think he was the "chaser", but I always preferred to be the "chaser", as I dislike the feeling of being stalked, or under someone else's magnifying glass.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree with LoveWDW. I know it's not politically correct, but men are wired to be the "hunter". There is an art to making yourself available without the guy realizing it. I know that all sounds ridiculous, but that's the way it is. Men appreciate something they have to work to get a lot more than something that they don't.

As DD got to dating age, that's how I explained it to her (and her father backs me up). Her boyfriend thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world to actually have gotten her to date him (he was a little on the shy side). She just kept dropping into the feed store where he works part-time. She would stop in about once a week or two weeks. He started "helping" her find what she needed (they've been dating over a year, and we just got around to using the cat wormer she bought on one of those visits! LOL).

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Nothing says budding romance like cat wormer...

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Here's the scenario. He was (is) my SIL's brother. SIL is my friend. Ex-b/f had a real tough time returning my phone calls. It wasn't personal, he was like that with everyone. Anyway, I'd call him and leave a message. Then since I didn't feel like waiting around for him to call me back, I'd call SIL on her cell to see what she was up to. She happened to be at her mom's house at the time and he was there too, since they have the same mom. Anyway, this coincidentally happened a couple of times within 2 weeks or so and he thought I was calling SIL to check up on him. Another time, I was invited to a party at his mom's house. He was too, but he said he didn't feel like going. So I went. He was there and thought I went only because he was going to be there. I thought he wasn't going to go and I only went because it sounded like fun. Anyway, those are the reasons he thought I was stalking him. Word of advice...never date someone who is related to a family member.

 

[snoopy]

My favorite author, Jill Connor Browne, says men are like dogs when it comes to the chase. Dogs chase cars until they catch them, then they don't want to chase that car anymore. Men are no different, or so she says.

I tend to agree with ole Jill Connor Browne.

 

[CharlesTD]

I would love to be the one who is chased rather than doing the chasing for a change that would have been nice.

 

[luvmydogs]

...Her boyfriend thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world to actually have gotten her to date him (he was a little on the shy side). She just kept dropping into the feed store where he works part-time. She would stop in about once a week or two weeks. He started "helping" her find what she needed (they've been dating over a year, and we just got around to using the cat wormer she bought on one of those visits! LOL).

That's an adorable story!

 

[Cindyluwho]

You should really read the book "He's just not that into you". It will give you some serious insight into your and his behavior.

"• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out. "

Good luck!

 

[Papa Deuce]

I was only chased one time.... I rather enjoyed it!

 

[snoopy]

I was only chased one time.... I rather enjoyed it!

But did you still respect her in the morning?

Men say they like to be chased, but usually the one they marry is the one they chased. Or at least the one they think they chased.

 

[Papa Deuce]

But did you still respect her in the morning?

Men say they like to be chased, but usually the one they marry is the one they chased. Or at least the one they think they chased.

Well, I didn't do much chasing, either. I led a fairly unremarkable "love life". In fact, I was resigned to being a bachelor. Then I placed an AOL personal ad. I met my wife that way.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, sure a guy would have to be NUTS to actually say they would not 'enjoy' being the object of a woman's desire! Hey, it is human nature to be flattered and vain!!

But, having mentioned that, when it gets past that first 'thrill', I do NOT think that, in general, men are really 'into' being chased.

The words 'She's easy' have bad connotations for a reason!!!

Behind closed doors, men will definately categorize woman, using words like 'easy', 'needy', 'aggressive', etc.. etc... These are NOT the woman that they respect and love and desire to marry. These are women to love-and-leave.... Quick thrill... No strings... No future... Any mature, self-respecting, confident, man (or woman) does NOT like the feeling of somebody 'chasing' them, 'manipulating', overly depending on them, invading their space, etc.

IMHO, "Knowing what you want and doing anything to get it" is definately aggressive. It leaves no room for respect for the others involved. A relationship should be a mutually beneficial thing. Not simply about what YOU want. ( 'you' in general, not flaming the OP here..... )

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, forget to mention... even though he did not actively 'chase' me... (in the aggressive sense of the word) My DH was definately the CHASER... Or, at least that's the way he saw it!!!!

 

[princess pooh]

Just let them come after you. It's not as much fun but it's easier and more effective

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Thanks, everyone. I have a hard time playing hard to get, but my best relationships were when I did just that. I just have to remember that.