Would I be a terrible person if

[1stluvispooh]

I didn't invite anyone over for Thanksgiving?

A little background. I am the youngest of 3 and the only one who "lives in town" Meaning live anywhere near my mother. My mother and i do not get along. If I call her to see how she is doing it get a "fine" and then am faced with silence for the next 5 minutes until I say I have to go. If she calls me it because she needs something, which is fine but it always has to be on her time frame which doesn't work for me so then a fight starts. My husband is 1 of 5 and generally we go to his families for Thanksgiving. My mother in law freaks if everyone isn't all at her house at the same time! This year how ever my in laws are taking everyone to a resort for the weekend in December as part of our Christmas present. Come to find out thtat this is when she is having Thanksgiving. Which is perfectly fine with me otherwise we would be going up to the in laws and or seeing them every other week for 2 months. (Just a lot of time on the road and taking up an entire day on the weekend when there is lots to do). So since my mother in law isn't having Thanksgiving on thanksgiving I will have to make Thanksgiving (Yeah I love to cook and I'm good at it!) So would I be a terrible person if I didn't invite anyone over? My mother usually goes to her firends house so she will have someplace to go and DH's family we will see in a couple of weeks so I don't feel like I need to invite them down if they aren't going anywhere.

 

[Mermaid02]

I didn't invite anyone over for Thanksgiving?

A little background. I am the youngest of 3 and the only one who "lives in town" Meaning live anywhere near my mother. My mother and i do not get along. If I call her to see how she is doing it get a "fine" and then am faced with silence for the next 5 minutes until I say I have to go. If she calls me it because she needs something, which is fine but it always has to be on her time frame which doesn't work for me so then a fight starts. My husband is 1 of 5 and generally we go to his families for Thanksgiving. My mother in law freaks if everyone isn't all at her house at the same time! This year how ever my in laws are taking everyone to a resort for the weekend in December as part of our Christmas present. Come to find out thtat this is when she is having Thanksgiving. Which is perfectly fine with me otherwise we would be going up to the in laws and or seeing them every other week for 2 months. (Just a lot of time on the road and taking up an entire day on the weekend when there is lots to do). So since my mother in law isn't having Thanksgiving on thanksgiving I will have to make Thanksgiving (Yeah I love to cook and I'm good at it!) So would I be a terrible person if I didn't invite anyone over? My mother usually goes to her firends house so she will have someplace to go and DH's family we will see in a couple of weeks so I don't feel like I need to invite them down if they aren't going anywhere.

No. Keep your plans to yourself and enjoy the day!

 

[bas71873]

- I'm subbing cause I'm curious as to what people's opinions are. I am sorta in a similar position, except it's my MIL that I do not get along with.

On the not having anyone over, I would say you might want to consider extending an invitation to your mom. I know you don't get along, but you said in year's past she's gone to friends, but that's because you have gone to the in-laws. Maybe she won't accept, but I personally might feel guilty for not inviting her? But that's just me

 

[golfgal]

We have spent many Thanksgiving's at home with just us because we decided not to drive the 3 hours to family and family not willing to make the drive to our house because it was "too far" or "who wants to travel on a holiday" .

DH uses the day after Thanksgiving to clear up a lot of junk at work now too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Relax, chill, make your food on your schedule and enjoy this Thanksgiving. It may be the only one you ever get like this!

 

[Jennasis]

I WISH we could do our own thing on Thanksgiving. I say GO FOR IT! Don't tell anyone what you are up to and if anyone asks LIE LIE LIE. I don't usually advocate lying, but in this case, I'd forgive you.

We always have T-day and Christmas at MIL's (my family is 500 miles away). But lately (as in th elast 7 years), MIL has become a complete MOPE and a total fun-suck. He house is dark and depressing. She refuses to allow us to turn on any lights, and the one that is on is on a dimmer. Then she leaves the television on all day (Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe or some random John Wayne marathon). It winds up being she, DH and I and DBIL staring at each other for a few hours.

I would so rather DH and I go out to dinner and then spend the day relaxing together. But for us to NOT go to her house would cause a war the likes of which has never been seen.

 

[MushyMushy]

Sounds like heaven to me! Last year was probably the nicest Thanksgiving for us. My dad had been invited somewhere else, and my son wasn't going to his girlfriend's until later, so it was just the four of us.

 

[MichelleVW]

Nope, not terrible, in fact it's what I would do!! I prefer holidays at home with my immediate family. I love my extended family but my immediate family is so busy that it's awesome if we can have a whole holiday alone together!

 

[minkydog]

I don't think you're terrible. We live a fair piece from our families so going home for Thanksgiving involves at least a day's drive. We usually stay home. BEfore we had kids I didn't even cook the dinner. We wouuld find some other place to have dinner and then go out for some kind of holiday happening. Very relaxed. Now that we have kids, I always cook the meal but I don't mind at all. DS24 lives in his own apt and looks forward to the tons of left-overs that i pack up for him.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Well I personally would opt to stay home. This year my DH and older DS will be off hunting. I will probably take other DS to my parents house. My brother and sister live too far away and never visit. My mom is a great cook so I may just go and help her.

If my MIL does something at her house I may attempt to show up but if it is at my SIL's then no I won't go.

 

[Deon.Newmankgyxc]

enjoy yourself first

 

[anniemae]

I would go ahead and do your own thing. If anyone asks, simply say you are just staying home and keeping low-key since you will be celebrating in December.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I would enjoy the time alone with your DH. This is not the "usual" and it is okay to do something you enjoy.

 

[Disney Doll]

I've done that...slightly different scenario though.

I had had a medical procedure which required me to be on mostly bed/chair rest... I could get up to eat and shower, but that was it. Because of the nature of the procedure, we did not tell anyone in either my family or DH's that I was having it.

My parents were invited to my brother's, so that was good. I told them I had to work anyhow (I'm a nurse, so working on the holiday was very plausible). Told in-laws the same thing, that I had to work. Couldn't go to in-laws and say "I have to rest" becuase they didn't know about the procedure.

So, we told all parents that I had to work. Mom & Dad went to brother's. DH went to his parents' and I stayed home with the dog and watched TV and napped. Oh, and I watched the parade.

It was a glorious day. DH came home with a plate for me and stories of how his one sister got all "beyotchy" with him and they had words and everyone jumped into the fray. Poor DH was actually kind of upset by the whole scenario, so I wish I had been there for him, but we talked it out when he got home.

Anyhow, for me, it was a great day!

 

[hereyago]

I would so rather DH and I go out to dinner and then spend the day relaxing together. But for us to NOT go to her house would cause a war the likes of which has never been seen.

I say do what you want. I don't understand how people allow other people to dictate what is to be done or the person throws a fit. Maybe it will light a fire under her butt that maybe SHE should start enjoying the holiday instead of bringing everyone down.

Years ago when I was a young person: my boyfriends father was very domineering, because people ALLOWED that. He would work out of the country for months then come back and expected everyone to do as he said. Well, the day came we wanted to have the families meet. But my DF played music the night before and didn't get home until early the next morning. Now, the BF's father knew this and knew my parents wouldn't be over until a certain time, but he kept making little comments. THe last straw was that why should HE have to wait and it was DISRESPECTFUL to HIM that DF wasn't there when HE wanted him to be.

Well, they saw a side of me that day. I broke him off a piece of information pie. And after that, he knew I wouldn't take his crap and even though he still acted that way with his family, because they ALLOWED it, he knew better then to try it with me.

 

[Imzadi]

You're an adult. You're even married. Time to cut umbilical cord. There is a line in the bible that goes something like, "When you join in marriage, you leave your (parental) family and cleave unto each other." Meaning you have your own family now, whether you have kids of your own or not. It's your life. It's your holiday. Celebrate it as you & DH wish. You don't have to check in and you don't owe anyone an explanation or an excuse.

I personally might feel guilty for not inviting her? But that's just me

That's YOUR guilt trip. No need to pass that misery onto the OP. She said her mom usually goes somewhere else anyway. She doesn't normally include her mom. Just because the OP's plans changed doesn't mean she the umbilical cord is suddenly reconnected. She has been an autonomous being for a while now.

 

[mamacatnv]

Nope not terrible. There is nothing that says because a day is considered a holiday one must endure it with family they don't like.

 

[Imzadi]

Nope not terrible. There is nothing that says because a day is considered a holiday one must endure it with family they don't like.

Exactly!!!

What is it about "Holiday" that means people are supposed to perpetuate a LIE? That a few days out of the year you suddenly have to pretend you have more regard, like or care about certain people than you do any of other days of the year? have you ever noticed, they don't act any better on Holidays? Some are deliberately worse.

If you (general you) truly understood how many days you actually have left in your life, would you really spend it cooking a turkey & feast for 4 hours for someone who shows you no more consideration on that day than any other day of the year? Or would you go & spend it with the people you do love & get along with? Would you really waste a whole day with these people if you knew how little time you have left? You can always spend one hour the next day doing whatever familial chores or obligations you feel necessary.

Celebrate and have peace & joy at the times you can. Squeeze what you can out of life. Those monents aren't guaranteed to you. You have less time on the planet than you realize.

Ask any adopted person or someone who's been abused and they will tell you family may have nothing to do with biology.