Working mom vent

[bunny]

No try doing that after working all day. But in terms of staying home, admittedly twin babies would be tough. I don't envy you that.

 

[Mom2Nick]

I work full time at home - with a corporate job. I have 3 kids, one with special needs. When I first started my kids were all home and when I had 3 I had all 3 here while I was working.

I do absolutely every single thing the SAHM's do - plus I have a demanding career which I am fortunate enough to be able to do from home most day. If all I had to do all day was the "mom stuff" - life would be a breeze.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I have been both a SAHM and a working mom. If meetings in the day are more convenient for most of those participating, then it doesn't bother me. I do not consider it rude. If I'm really interested in what's going on I would get a contact phone number of the chairperson.

TC

 

[Mkrop]

Can I ask an honest question? Is it not common that the daycares provide homework help to the kids? I know our school personally has the kids do their homework at afterschool care, so the parent really is only checking it. And I have talked to a few moms who use private daycares and it is the same deal.

I guess I most be doing something wrong bc when I worked it was much easier than dealing with kids day in and day out, the same stuff, different day. I went to work I accomplished a task, people appreciated what I did, I got to joke around, I got to run errands on my lunch hour without dragging little ones into a store. I wasnt constantly cleaning to only turn around and have the entire room trashed again. I liked going to work, as a break from the kids. Now the only stressful time I found was dealing with the sick days, my employer at the time was not understanding at all.

I admire teachers and daycare workers bc they do what a SAHM does, deal with the kids all day everyday, I dont have the patience for that some days, although I do it and love most of the time ,

 

[DVCLiz]

In my opinion, and from my personal experience, being a stay at home mom of school age children with a generous financial situation is the easiest. Being a full time working mom of any age child outside the home, with a tight financial situation, is the hardest. Everything else is on a spectrum between those two extremes. As far as the Mommy Wars go, I wish we could all realize that everyone is on a spot on that spectrum at any given time. Sometimes you move to the left and sometimes you move to the right, but everyone is dealing with three variables - time in or out of the house, money, and age and attending responsibilities of children.

If we could appreciate the fact that another mom is dealing with her own personal set of circumstances and be supportive of her options, instead of trying to make sure everyone knows how much better OUR decision is, we'd all be a lot better off.

Anytime a SAHM implies her situation is better because:

1.It's what she was always meant to do
2. She and her husband agreed before they were married that they would have a parent home
3. She couldn't imagine anyone else raising her baby

She guarantees herself a skirmish in the Mommy Wars. Because none of those things are absolutes in how to raise a happy family. They are perosnal choices and one is NOT better than the other. By the same token, any time a WOHM says:

1. She couldn't imagine being cooped up with her kids 24/7
2. She needs the interaction of other adults in the workplace
3. She doesn't want to be dependent on anyone else for income

she does exactly the same thing.

NONE of those options are absolutes. EVERYONE has to figure out who will be with the chidlren and for how many hours a day. EVERYRONE has to figure out how the money will be earned. NOBODY has a lock on which of these is the best method.

There. That's my opinion of the Mommy Wars.

 

[ChrisAlli]

As far as the Mommy Wars go, I wish we could all realize that everyone is on a spot on that spectrum at any given time. Sometimes you move to the left and sometimes you move to the right, but everyone is dealing with three variables - time in or out of the house, money, and age and attending responsibilities of children.

If we could appreciate the fact that another mom is dealing with her own personal set of circumstances and be supportive of her options, instead of trying to make sure everyone knows how much better OUR decision is, we'd all be a lot better off.

Anytime a SAHM implies her situation is better because:

1.It's what she was always meant to do
2. She and her husband agreed before they were married that they would have a parent home
3. She couldn't imagine anyone else raising her baby

She guarantees herself a skirmish in the Mommy Wars. Because none of those things are absolutes in how to raise a happy family. They are perosnal choices and one is NOT better than the other. By the same token, any time a WOHM says:

1. She couldn't imagine being cooped up with her kids 24/7
2. She needs the interaction of other adults in the workplace
3. She doesn't want to be dependent on anyone else for income

she does exactly the same thing.

NONE of those options are absolutes. EVERYONE has to figure out who will be with the chidlren and for how many hours a day. EVERYRONE has to figure out how the money will be earned. NOBODY has a lock on which of these is the best method.

There. That's my opinion of the Mommy Wars.[/QUOTE]




Well said, everone does what works for their family. It may not work for you, but it works for them. We should support each other not be against each other, we're all mom doing the best we can!

 

[declansdad]

Has it occurred to you that maybe the same parents help over and over because others are made to feel unwelcome? I have been to functions where all the SAHMs know each other and they make no effort to include others. In fact, I have felt at times that they purposely make you feel unwelcome and not part of their group. I have tried to offer my time but am not going to subject myself to their junior high behavior.

As a working dad who would love to help out more at my son's school, I must say I agree with you completely. The times that I have managed to go into the school for anything, I quickly saw the cliques and was not made to feel very welcome.

 

[koalababy]

For all three years of my son's school we've had the party planning meetings during the day. That's what's easiest for the person who's been in charge. As far as I know, no one's ever complained. If you want the time to be different I'm sure you'd be welcome to be in charge next time.

ETA: All the PTO meetings are in the evening.

 

[Robmom]

I didn't read all the posts, but as a working mom, I always felt like an outsider at my DD's school. The SAH moms had their cliques, and I wasn't part of them. It made me feel very guilty for working, but I just don't have any other choice. My DS will be starting school soon, so I'm sure I will be going through this feeling again.

 

[mickeyboat]

Our PTO meetings are in the evenings and child care is provided. If PTO was during the school day, how could teachers attend?

Our PTO is begging for people to participate. They would welcome anyone who was willing to help.

For the record, I am a full-time WOHM and it is hard.

Denae

 

[EMom]

Why is it that only the working moms have a chip on their shoulders? How come when a SAHM says that it's harder to stay home with kids, they aren't the ones with the chip on their shoulder? It goes both ways.

I wasn't saying all working moms have a chip on their shoulder. I was saying that one in particular seemed to have a chip regarding the position of some SAHMs that being a SAHM was harder/more stressful. My position is that "what is harder" depends on too many factors to be able to come up with a precise formula. One woman will tell you being a working mom is hardest, the woman next to her will swear being a SAHM is the most difficult.....And BOTH are being truthful. It might be as simple as their temperment. Maybe it's how hard their job is, how much/little money they make, whether they have a spouse/family support, how easy/hard their kids are, etc.

Personally, I wouldn't want to work outside the home when my children were little/less than school age. For me, I'd be too worn out after work to give them what they need and I'd be miserable away from them. I don't think my job would get my best work. Lucky for me, DH makes enough money that I've been able to be a SAHM. If he didn't, I'd have had to suck it up like the other women in my family.....who are also miserable away from their kids, but have no choice except to work...., get a job and do the best I could at juggling a job and parental responsibilities. I have a choice that few of my relatives enjoy and I know how fortunate that makes me. I don't look down on anyone who works. I'd love for all women to have the choice, but that's not reality. I thank my lucky stars daily that I'm in this position. If I had to answer, I'd say being a working mom would be harder FOR ME. But that's just me.

 

[koalababy]

Hmmm...not for nothing..but I have worked full time and as a SAHM. The SAHM job is 10 times harder and busier then a full time office job. Just my .02.

Really, I'd love to know how. Because I'm sitting here at 9am drinking my coffee playing on the computer. When my coffee's done, I'm going to play Lego Indiana Jones with my son. Then we're going to Kindermusik and out to lunch. I'll throw some laundry in between there. Might even go to the park today.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound braggy, but I just don't get the SAHM job is sooooooooo much harder than working. Please. If it's that hard, then go back to work. I happen to like where I am. I know some people like to work (believe me, sometimes I would love to) and some people have to. I don't think anyone is better than any other.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

[.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

What about moms who work evenings? What about single moms who don't have a husband to watch the kids in the evening while they attend a meeting?

There is no one time that is going to work for everyone.

I agree.

And, when I did work part-time, my working days were the easy ones...the kids were in nursery school/day care, and my house stayed clean and uncluttered. Just sayin'.

Mare, a "scary" SAHM (For the record, all our meetings were at night.)

 

[java]

I think people are grouping sahm with PTA involved cliques. Not every sahm is in that clique either. But I don't let them impact my involvement. There are plenty of sahm's that also feel like outsiders of the "controlling clique" and quite frankly I don't want to be in that group. So I don't let it bother me. I'm not in the school for recognition or friends, I'm there for my children.

 

[mjkacmom]

Really, I'd love to know how. Because I'm sitting here at 9am drinking my coffee playing on the computer. When my coffee's done, I'm going to play Lego Indiana Jones with my son. Then we're going to Kindermusik and out to lunch. I'll throw some laundry in between there. Might even go to the park today.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound braggy, but I just don't get the SAHM job is sooooooooo much harder than working. Please. If it's that hard, then go back to work. I happen to like where I am. I know some people like to work (believe me, sometimes I would love to) and some people have to. I don't think anyone is better than any other.

I think a lot depends on how many children you have at home. Right now, I only have 2 five year olds home (they do go to kindergarten under 3 hours a day). However, there was a time when I had 4 kids home full time, with 3 in diapers - not a pretty picture. After school, there are many afternoons when I have as many as 10 children here (6 at the very least). I feel that I spend a lot of my day making meals, cleaning up meals, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning - not fun.

 

[mytwotinks]

There are cliques everywhere. That isn't because these ladies are sahm's. I would say that I know a lot of ladies who stay home because they do love the social part of it as much as being with their kids. They seem to "find" each other and become good friends. I don't know if it is really a clique. I guess what I see is a group of people who have a lot in common.

At our school these are the ladies who make a big deal over every holiday and make up tons of reasons to have special parties (HSM2 premier night, Halloween, Easter, start of school, end of school, etc.....). I was just talking to a mom last night and I told her that if I was going to have an Easter party it would be for my family, not my 9 year old's clique at school! I'm not really into that, so I don't participate. I guess I just don't see it as being left out. I'm just different than those ladies.

I know very few families with 9-5 dad and sahm. It seems like nowadays people are getting more creative to make things work for their family. I stay home, but I sew to make some extra money sometimes and my husband works a crazy schedule as a paramedic/fireman. I have tons of friends who consider themselves "at home" but very few who don't do something, even if it is small, to contribute.

I just don't see the point of the competition. Some of my days are easier because I stay home and some harder. I don't keep a chart, so I wouldn't know which would be easier to tell you the truth. I do know that I haven't worn pantyhose in 10 years, so I'm pretty sure that I'm sticking with what is working for now!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I think its so sad the way we women often point fingers and second guess each other. Being a SAHM is tough. Being a working mom is tough. There are a million variables in every woman's life, regardless of where she physcially spends her time, that make her situation unique, challenging and hopefully rewarding. Its really hard to know someone's situation. I had a another mom tell me once "you are so lucky, only two kids and you stay home". Of course what she didn't know was that I was taking care of my mom through the last years of her struggle with both Alzheimers and cancer. So yeah, I wasn't working, but I wasn't laying around watching the tv all day either. I would see her young, healthy looking mom at school functions and picking up her kids sometimes and think, well luck is in the eye of the beholder.

It just makes me sad when these debates get started. The breastfeeding ones are even worse. To me all moms are working moms. I don't know many women who don't fall into bed at night exahusted after a long day. And I don't know many moms who don't try their absolute hardest to do right by their children.

There is guilt thrown to the opposite side, by both sides. And I think mom cliques have full rosters on both sides.

OP: I am sorry you were made to feel that way. But in the end, if these women were doing the party, they needed to do the meeting when it worked for them. When Christmas rolls around, I am sure you will do the same. But I think Mom2 could have worded herself a lot better.


I also agree with mytwotinks that many women who "stay home" do something on the side to help out. For example, for years when my kids were little, I was a SAHM, who during preschool cleaned houses to earn extra money. I didn't really advertise that too much to the other women at pre school, some of whom worked and probably thought I just went home to relax during those three hours. And sometimes those SAHM "cliques" are really more like support groups. If you don't have daycare in place, you need other women who can watch your kids when you have a doctor's appointment etc. You need an adult to talk to sometimes. When a working mom goes to lunch with a co worker is that a clique? A lot of women worked for years before becoming a mom and they miss that social interaction they had when they worked. So they find other women who do the same "job" they do. I am sure that at times that comes across cliqueish and sometimes it probably is. Just like sometimes working moms have their cliques and probably don't realize they come across that way to others.

I just always try to see both sides of it.

 

[disykat]

Well, how do you get the people involved, if they can't go to the planning meetings? If they can't go to the planning meetings, they can't be involved, so then the people AT the meetings thing "why hold it during a time others can be here, since they aren't involved?"

Awful circle.

*******

Seriously? The OP was talking about a committee meeting for one event. How many people do they want? You sign people up for a committee and then the people on that committee decide when to meet. Again, it's not rocket science. There are enough committees to go around. The OP stated she is on a different committee.

Of course you need to have general meetings at various times to get everyone involved, but the idea that you have to have every little committee meeting for every little party or whatever outside of "normal working hours" so that people who aren't on the committee that might hear about it won't feel excluded is nuts.

 

[bunny]

After school, there are many afternoons when I have as many as 10 children here (6 at the very least). I feel that I spend a lot of my day making meals, cleaning up meals, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning - not fun.

Even though I work, I am still at home in the evening. Last night my son's friend was there when I got home. So working moms do all the night stuff too. On top of that, I still had to do most of the stuff you had done during the day.