Woo-Hoo!! DS got engaged NYE!!

[georgina]

Congrats! My DD will be getting married also, probably June 2016. They are both working and making good money, so we offered the same thing my parents did for us - we will pay for the reception up to a certain $ amount. They can handle dress, flowers, photographs, etc for themselves. She lives far enough away that I do not expect to be in on the planning too much, but will give advice when asked. I'm sure wedding costs are higher where she lives and will be married than they are around here. She already found a (new) wedding dress on ebay for a very reasonable sum. We raised her to be thrifty!

 

[wishesuponastar]

Wow! So many DIS weddings. We will be able to help each other through all the planning.

 

[pat fan]

Congratulations OP - my DH's oldest DD got engaged on New Year's Eve too. We're not exactly over-the-moon about the situation - they are both 37 and between the two of them they have 6 kids and 5 ex-significant others. It will be the first "marriage" for both though and we expect they may want all the bells & whistles. While DH would love to give his little girl her heart's desire , we've both decided that going with a specified lump-sum as a gift is wiser all around. From there we will go into "shut up and show up" mode, although if they decide to elope we'll be fine with that too.

So sorry about that

I guess the MOB got an appointment Tuesday for a cake testing that we are all going to, should be fun!

DS and I are not "thrilled" with the current venue choice for the reception (it changed from what they were first planning), but I am keeping my opinion to myself and DS said he wasn't thrilled but since they're paying for it, he'll live with it. I did nicely say he was the groom and could have an opinion, and he said he knew Maybe the place has changed, who knows! I can guarantee price was the factor in the venue change. The first place food was going to be $$$ and this place is, well....like I said, hopefully it's changed since I went there last! But either way, I'll smile and nod!

 

[Disney Doll]

I feel so bad for you that your MIL wore white. My MIL wore black and my daughter says that means the MIL doesn't like the bride.

I'm not sure that's the case anymore. Sometimes black is just a nice dressy look. My sister-in-law wore black to her sons wedding and she loves her DIL.

 

[leebee]

According to a variety of websites:

"Traditionally, the parents of the groom take care of a few of the expenses including: the marriage license, officiant's fee, corsages, boutonnieres, the bride's bouquet, rehearsal dinner, groomsmen gifts, liquor, and the reception DJ or band. And the bride’s parents pay for everything else."

I'm not saying that's how it has to be done, just what I am finding listed as traditional cost-splitting. As far as customs/traditions, while I don't think they MUST be followed, sometimes people are comfortable with knowing what is expected of them (even if they end up making different decisions of how to pay for things).

 

[pat fan]

I've been talking to my DSIL who has had two of her girls get married, and boy did the grooms families make out like bandits!

One groom paid for the rehearsal dinner himself and my DB & DSIL paid for everything else, and the other one, the grooms parents took just the wedding party to dinner at a restaurant for the rehearsal and my DB & DSIL paid for the rest.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Congratulations, pat fan, to you and your son, and your future daughter-in-law!!! Great news.

 

[AustinTink]

According to a variety of websites:

"Traditionally, the parents of the groom take care of a few of the expenses including: the marriage license, officiant's fee, corsages, boutonnieres, the bride's bouquet, rehearsal dinner, groomsmen gifts, liquor, and the reception DJ or band. And the bride’s parents pay for everything else."

Interesting. I like this list a lot. I would be happy to pay for all those things when my son marries. So, if I pay for the band (2-3k), the liquor (2-3k) and the flowers (2-3k)for the wedding/reception... what's left for the bride's family? Then they have the price per head for the food ($40-60 per head), the cake (no idea on the price), the dress (2-4k??), etc. Seems like a nice split.

I plan on throwing one heck of a rehearsal dinner too. I imagine he will get married 10-15 years from now. I had better start planning now.

OP, congrats to your son and your family!

 

[StephMK]

Congrats to everyone with children getting married!

 

[wishesuponastar]

Thank you so much! I can't believe my baby is getting married.

 

[disykat]

I've been talking to my DSIL who has had two of her girls get married, and boy did the grooms families make out like bandits!

One groom paid for the rehearsal dinner himself and my DB & DSIL paid for everything else, and the other one, the grooms parents took just the wedding party to dinner at a restaurant for the rehearsal and my DB & DSIL paid for the rest.

I don't think it's "making out like a bandit" if you aren't planning to help host your adult child's wedding. I've just been worrying about a future DIL wanting me to help fund a big wedding, I guess I have to add her parents too!

I got married 25 years ago. My parents gave us a financial gift that paid for almost half of our inexpensive wedding. DH's parents weren't financially involved. Both choices were valid. Both sets of parents supported us through our college years as much as they could. I think their financial responsibilties to us were over! They continued to give us emotional support and love, but money - not so much.

DH and I talked a lot about the financial arrangements for the wedding and made decisions together as part of combining our assets and starting our lives together. I honestly wouldn't want to take that away from my kids.

 

[pat fan]

I don't think it's "making out like a bandit" if you aren't planning to help host your adult child's wedding.

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to dis the other parents at all. It was sort of tongue in cheek. I do want to help the kids if they need it, I just know that we can afford X, which is what we planned on spending on the honeymoon, but if they want more cash for the wedding itself, I'm happy to give it to them for that instead.

 

[pat fan]

Thank you so much! I can't believe my baby is getting married.

Congrat's to you! Exciting times for all of us!

 

[JanaDee]

I've been talking to my DSIL who has had two of her girls get married, and boy did the grooms families make out like bandits!

One groom paid for the rehearsal dinner himself and my DB & DSIL paid for everything else, and the other one, the grooms parents took just the wedding party to dinner at a restaurant for the rehearsal and my DB & DSIL paid for the rest.

Interesting perspective. My feeling is as adults, they have a wedding they can afford without asking their parents for money, just like we did.

 

[pat fan]

Interesting perspective. My feeling is as adults, they have a wedding they can afford without asking their parents for money, just like we did.

My parents did pay for my wedding, all except the dress, which I bought. My in-laws cooked a very nice dinner for the rehearsal dinner, but we are in the position to "gift" our DS and his DF with "something" to make their day/honeymoon enjoyable, so we would like to. We want to, they didn't ask. I don't believe she asked her dad either, he offered.

And we're not giving them a million dollars or a trip on the Riviera or anything

 

[Coloradomom]

Our DD is getting married October 2015. Our only daughter and we have always planned for her to have (within reason) the wedding of her dreams. That said both she and fiancé have been very common sense. He has foster parents who are wonderful and are paying for the rehearsal dinner. We are paying for everything else (except the photo booth, we told kids if they want that they pay for it).
Honeymoon is partially covered as we are DVC and they are using points for a Disneymoon.
Right now my bigger stress is that DD asked me to be her Matron of Honor, so not only am I MOB I am MOH!

 

[scrapquitler]

I guess pretty much anything goes when paying for the wedding, and depending on the circumstances. I am the oldest child of 3, the only girl.

When DH and I got married almost 25 years ago, we had a church/wedding venue formal reception type wedding. My parents and my in-laws each paid for half of the reception. My parents paid for the flowers (they owned the flower shop, so no big deal), and DH and I paid for all the rest (including the rehearsal dinner). My bridal party paid for my shower.

When my two brothers got married (one two years after us, the other about 10 years after us), they both had backyard/picnic reception type weddings. And in both cases, MY parents (the parents of the groom) paid for the ENTIRE wedding (including the brides gown for one of them). My brothers and their fiancees were in different sorts of financial situations that we were in, and both of their brides had parents who were unable to contribute at all.

 

[NewRVLady]

Congrats MOG!!!

I am waiting patiently for my Unmarried son to do this

Whoo Hoo!! My son and girlfriend got engaged this weekend

He pulled off a little scheme to get her to a beautiful spot to do it

 

[NewRVLady]

duplicate post

 

[pigletgirl]

Congrats!!

I really like my MIL so I wanted her input with the wedding planning. She has 4 boys so I wanted her to have the chance to go wedding dress shopping, venue shopping, flowers, cake tasting, etc... I know that she enjoyed herself that much more.

My family paid for the wedding and they paid for the rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon.