Woman was fired because of her little kids

[mjkacmom]

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

She had months to fix the situation, there are a bunch of essential employees who have been working out of the home for 4+ months. You said in the OP that you brought your kids to your doctors appointment. Why? I had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years, I think I only brought #1 to my OB appointments because it was family friendly (toys, books, and she was so easy). For all others I had someone watch my kids (my parents, paid sitters, friends). I got sitters as much as possible when I had to bring a kid to a medical appointment (ds17 was in PT twice a week for about 6 months as a baby). DH worked in NYC (10 miles away but an hour commute), he couldn’t just run home to help.

 

[LuvOrlando]

She had months to fix the situation, there are a bunch of essential employees who have been working out of the home for 4+ months. You said in the OP that you brought your kids to your doctors appointment. Why? I had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years, I think I only brought #1 to my OB appointments because it was family friendly (toys, books, and she was so easy). For all others I had someone watch my kids (my parents, paid sitters, friends). I got sitters as much as possible when I had to bring a kid to a medical appointment (ds17 was in PT twice a week for about 6 months as a baby). DH worked in NYC (10 miles away but an hour commute), he couldn’t just run home to help.

Kids don't go away after a few months and if it's unsafe to be at work it's unsafe to have a stranger with your kids.

How I raised my kids is not open to debate, and I don't think your decisions should be either even though it's plain you see it differently.

Again it is interesting that women's choices are always up for negative examination. Wonder where this comes from?

 

[GreatLakes]

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

The gender of the boss is irrelevant. Times are hard right now with two working parents and the kids at home yet somehow most people figure it out. I also find it hard to believe the boss would fire her over a few small issues or a meeting or two with a fussy 4 year old. I've been in countless meetings this pandemic with staff, vendors, representatives, and just about everyone else and there were lots of kids making differing levels of racket in the background. I have staff myself with kids and even grand kids and as long as they are getting their work done and the kid isn't screaming into the laptop during important meetings it really isn't a problem.

 

[Skywalker]

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

What difference does it make if the boss is male? People are so used to winning arguments by throwing out race, gender, what have you, even when not warranted. Pay no attention to the actual issue...be swayed because the boss was...a MALE! Was he white too *shudder*

 

[Hikergirl]

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

How can anyone read what she says and blame anyone other than her?
Her feelings got hurt, and she wants to use her being mother as a reason that she should be getting special treatment from her boss. He refused and expected her to do her job just like everyone else. Equality in the workplace.
She gives all working mothers a bad name.

 

[mjkacmom]

What difference does it make if the boss is male? People are so used to winning arguments by throwing out race, gender, what have you, even when not warranted. Pay no attention to the actual issue...be swayed because the boss was...a MALE! Was he white too *shudder*

I have my 22 year old son set up at my dining room table with 2 giant monitors and a laptop, DH just has his laptop because he didn’t go to his office to get his monitors. This is not an ideal situation, ds17 and dd17 are home too, but we all try to keep quiet when they are on calls, because even though they are men, they can get fired.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

I think you're reading too much into it. I didn't even pay attention to the gender of the boss nor does it matter to me.

This just doesn't scream to me as a situation that the employer took advantage of her specifically because she's a woman as well as she's a mother. Millions have been in similar situations during this pandemic.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Kids don't go away after a few months and if it's unsafe to be at work it's unsafe to have a stranger with your kids.

How I raised my kids is not open to debate, and I don't think your decisions should be either even though it's plain you see it differently.

Again it is interesting that women's choices are always up for negative examination. Wonder where this comes from?

Do you really think the situation would be different, if it was a dad that wasn't doing his job properly?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It's been months...way past time for her and her husband to figure out different arrangements for their kids.

Yup. People should have been thinking of a plan for when life started to resume with all the what if’s. They are going to have to figure out what to do with their kids. It’s been 5-6 months now.

We have a few people who still want to work from home because of childcare. Grandparents or another elderly pers their babysitters and they don’t want to expose them.

you know what they were told July 1? Figure. It. Out. You have to come back to the office.

 

[Colleen27]

Do you really think the situation would be different, if it was a dad that wasn't doing his job properly?

Devil's advocate: I don't think the issue arises nearly as often for men because in most households, even when both parents are home and equally available (or unavailable) the mother is presumed to be the primary parent. So Dad "making arrangements for the kids" is telling Mom to keep them out of the room. Mom "making arrangements for the kids" is trying to figure out how to find safe, affordable childcare in the midst of a pandemic and national shutdown.

I'm not saying it applies in the specific situation that sparked this thread, just pointing out that the experience of trying to work from home while simultaneously taking care of children is a gender-skewed phenomenon in our society.

 

[LuvOrlando]

The gender of the boss is irrelevant. Times are hard right now with two working parents and the kids at home yet somehow most people figure it out. I also find it hard to believe the boss would fire her over a few small issues or a meeting or two with a fussy 4 year old. I've been in countless meetings this pandemic with staff, vendors, representatives, and just about everyone else and there were lots of kids making differing levels of racket in the background. I have staff myself with kids and even grand kids and as long as they are getting their work done and the kid isn't screaming into the laptop during important meetings it really isn't a problem.

I think her point is that not all women are able to figure it out and that some bosses are using their status as mother to depict them as "less than"

 

[FlightlessDuck]

DH’s company was initially more tolerant with folks having to work from home, but by now they don’t expect family interruptions.

Your husband's company sounds like it sucks.

 

[LuvOrlando]

So all that is known for certain is she is female, kids are present without childcare and she was fired by a male boss - oh and she blogs about being a mom.

No-one knows her right, nor the boss, he could be an evil jerk but that's not even a remote consideration, it's all in her control and yet she is declared wrong by a majority. Sort of like she was asking for it

I just flat out don't agree & wonder how many parents will be penalized similarly.

 

[ronandannette]

If there is a quarantine isn't it contraindicated to expose your family by bringing a stranger into the house? Then it's not a quarantine

Taking sole care of two children, aged 1 & 4, is also contraindicated if you are obligated to be performing your full-time job.

Most interesting thing about this thread is the willingness to blame the mother and vindicate the male boss, it's surprising.

Oh for Pete's sake...I'm a woman department head. I'd have no choice but to terminate any member of my staff (male or female; there are 4 of each) that was letting their family obligations interfere with their performance.

I think her point is that not all women are able to figure it out and that some bosses are using their status as mother to depict them as "less than"

If their performance is hampered by their need to parent during work hours, they are "less than" an employee (male or female, mother or father) who isn't.

 

[LuvOrlando]

So all that is known for certain is she is female, kids are present without childcare and she was fired by a male boss - oh and she blogs about being a mom.

No-one knows her right, nor the boss, he could be an evil jerk but that's not even a remote consideration, it's all in her control and yet she is declared wrong by a majority. Sort of like she was asking for it

Do you really think the situation would be different, if it was a dad that wasn't doing his job properly?

Actually, I think this has nothing to do with the job I think this is because her "situation" is just unacceptable. As for if she were a dad, I think he would have been fired even faster, and it would still be wrong, I think primary caregiver dads have an even tougher time. If there are little kids there is no reason flex hours can't be accommodated since being home was not a choice the employee made, it's not a choice any human makes, it's the result of a disease and children take precedence.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Taking sole care of two children, aged 1 & 4, is also contraindicated if you are obligated to be performing your full-time job.

Oh for Pete's sake...I'm a woman department head. I'd have no choice but to terminate any member of my staff (male or female; there are 4 of each) that was letting their family obligations interfere with their performance.

If their performance is hampered by their need to parent during work hours, they are "less than" an employee (male or female, mother or father) who isn't.

But why do you assume it's HER who is wrong? Move the hours a bit, the end. I believe the employers inflexibility is the root cause.

When I was young and working in NYC a coworker had leave for 2 kids, after the second she was told by our boss, "OK enough with the kids now." Was he right because work was disrupted?

 

[mom2rtk]

Devil's advocate: I don't think the issue arises nearly as often for men because in most households, even when both parents are home and equally available (or unavailable) the mother is presumed to be the primary parent. So Dad "making arrangements for the kids" is telling Mom to keep them out of the room. Mom "making arrangements for the kids" is trying to figure out how to find safe, affordable childcare in the midst of a pandemic and national shutdown.

I'm not saying it applies in the specific situation that sparked this thread, just pointing out that the experience of trying to work from home while simultaneously taking care of children is a gender-skewed phenomenon in our society.

The truth.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Late-stage capitalism. Can't wait to see what's next.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Devil's advocate: I don't think the issue arises nearly as often for men because in most households, even when both parents are home and equally available (or unavailable) the mother is presumed to be the primary parent. So Dad "making arrangements for the kids" is telling Mom to keep them out of the room. Mom "making arrangements for the kids" is trying to figure out how to find safe, affordable childcare in the midst of a pandemic and national shutdown.

I'm not saying it applies in the specific situation that sparked this thread, just pointing out that the experience of trying to work from home while simultaneously taking care of children is a gender-skewed phenomenon in our society.

I totally understand that. I was a SAHM from the time DS was 1. At the time, I was making more money than DH. We moved away from family & decided we needed stable childcare. We discussed it & decided DH had the potential to make more, which would mean he would be working long hours. I was practically the only parent for many years. DS went everywhere I went. Sometimes you do what you have to do. That said, I don't think our situation would have been any different, if we had decided that DH would be the one to stay home. He would have been the primary parent & I would have been the one working longer hours.

To sum up my thoughts I think the boss would have fired a man in the same situation. It doesn't matter, if you're a man or woman. You can't work & baby sit at the same time, unless you run a daycare.

 

[LuvOrlando]

But babies aren't a thing you can opt out of, or is that a thing now?
When did that become a thing?

That's the undercurrent right, that she can opt out of it so if she hasn't opted into just grabbing whatever she can it's her fault, same goes for all parents.