Wish me luck, meeting at son's school

[Chim Chiminy]

I am not very good when it comes to dealing with anyone and an issue involving my son.
He has had a diagnosis of ADHD and bipolar disorder since the age of 5. He is now 12.
When first diagnosed the school we were at had a team in place to help him and help guide us through all the jargon and paperwork. They were working on his IEP when we moved, due to military.
The new school district heard the diagnosis and immediately, without reviewing his records, wanted to place him in a special school for developmentally challenged students. We protested, DS had been in regular classroom settings up until then. His psychiatrist wrote a letter stating that he should be in a normal class as well, DS simply needed some adaptations to the classroom. (Allowed to move freely if he felt "wiggly", have a safe place to go if he felt emotions getting the best of him, etc. )

They placed him in a normal classroom but never implemented any of the recommended adaptations.
We fought for a while but were repeatedly told he didn't need an IEP because he was a straight A student.

Move again, thank goodness, to where we are now. DS is in the 7th grade and we have watched as his grades fall lower and lower.
I have requested twice, in writing, to have him eval'd by the school with no response. The teachers this year were never informed of his diagnosis, despite our being told that the info is shared from year to year.

What brought this meeting about?
He failed DARE! This is a required and graded course in the district. Two weeks ago DS came home very upset because the DARE teacher, a police Detective, had sent him to the VPs office. Why? Because DS's table had been reprimanded for talking and DS told the teacher that he had not been talking, why is he in trouble.
The teacher called him a wiseguy and ordered him to the VPs office.
We were never called by the VP, never contacted by the teacher and at his midterm progress report DS had a B in the class. We were never informed of his grade dropping so dramatically.

I was fuming when I saw his report card last week. This teacher gave him an F and the worst mark you can get for behavior! Every other teacher gave him the highest mark for behavior and several wrote notes praising his behavior! What is going on???
DS by all accounts is a quiet, unobtrusive kid. He doesn't like being in trouble and tends to keep to himself during classes, he is very shy, only hanging with friends at lunchtime.

We called for a meeting with the Detective, VP and the guidance counselor. I hope I am going in well armed and can keep my cool. DH may have to take over because I get so emotional when dealing with issues concerning DS. (I have the same diagnosis and remember all to well how I was treated in school and how many times I was allowed to slip through the cracks.)

I have copies of his diagnosis, guidelines printed from the Juvenile BiPolar Research Foundation website, sample IEPs, list of illness symptoms, list of possible drug side effects.
What else do I need, other than a stiff drink and a lawyer??

 

[tw1nsmom]

You need to demand, in writing, that they evaluate your son. Are you saying that he's never had an IEP or 504? Remind them that they have only sixty days from the date of receiving a parent referral to have the evaluation, have a meeting determining his eligibility and impliment the IEP.

If he doesn't qualify under an IEP, he should definitely qualify for a 504. Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

Oh, and Good Luck!

 

[Hannathy]

I don't understand why his diagnosis is coming to play in this scenerio. Stick to the facts at this meeting. Isn't this about why he got an F? Don't try to solve all the issues in one meeting . Unfortunately some teachers are on a power trip.
Do you have his assignments and grades for this grading period. Ask how much of the grade is dependent on class behavior. Make the teacher show how he came up with the letter grade. If he did his assignments and passed any tests I think the teacher will have a hard time getting away with this with the principal. Is the F based on one incident?

Before I get flamed from the teachers I was a teacher and there are some real jerks out there. My daughter had one give her an unsatisfactory in math because she finished before everyone and would read a book. Did the teacher let her go ahead or give her harder work no everyone had to do the same at the same time. Luckily this was only one teacher and now she is in a Math class 3yrs above her gr. and getting A's. But according to her 4th gr. teacher she was terrible in Math.

Stay calm, know what you want before you go in and be ready to spell it out.
If it isn't resolved to your satisfaction ask what the next step would be.
Don't try to save the whole world in one meeting. Schedule another meeting to discuss your other issues.

 

[SnowWhite33]

I just wanted to wish you luck. I know how hard it is, especially emotionally when dealing with your child. I went through some very hard times with my own ds and many times wound up an emotional wreck. Best of luck and prayer and pixie dust to both of you

 

[jennyl772003]

Is this meeting an IEP? It doesn't sound like it is. You need to just stick with the DARE thing for this meeting, and you need to request an IEP. As a parent, you have that right. The IEP is what is going to get things changed.

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Thanks everyone. Now I can breathe, and I left feeling a little better.

The teacher found an assignment he had previously thought had not been turned in. Based on that they changed DS's grade, which I am happy about but that is not why I wanted the meeting.

The behavior as explained by the teacher, who is the schools Resource Officer and a Detective, was this.
The table was being disruptive and got reprimanded. DS said kind of under his breath "I wasn't talking."
Teacher asked him to go sit out in the hall for being disrespectful.
After a few minutes he went out to get DS and told him he could re-join the class.
DS was in the hall crying, with a rage filled look on his face.
Teacher said "What is your name?"
When DS didn't answer immediately, he sent DS to the VPs office.

Now, knowing DS like we do, of course he didn't answer right away. When he is in that rage filled moment, you have to give him a few minutes to compose himself. So what the teacher took as attitude was really not, it was simply DS trying to maintain calm over himself so he would not get in further trouble.
And I said as much.

The teacher and VP both said they were suprised at DS's reaction, that it was not typical.

I asked why we didn't receive a phone call and was told they do not call for incidents like this.

When I stated that he has these diagnoses, the guidance counselor and VP were both stunned. They had no idea and I said isn't this in his school file? Shouldn't you know, afterall not only did I submit a request in writing for an eval twice last year, but when we moved in here I talked at length with the 6th grade guidance counselor giving her copies of diagnoses from his psychiatrist at walter reed?
I also personally informed all of his teachers last year and was told by his advisor that any new teachers would be informed by the school.

I was very disappointed to hear that the information didn't carry through to this year, the guidance counselor had no idea that I had submitted requests.
He said he would get the ball rolling, I didn't need to write a letter because he would personally see to it. I said, well I have two copies of a letter right here, and I handed those to him as well as two copies of his official diagnosis.

He said DS's teachers will probably be surprised to hear of this because DS does not typically show any associated behaviors in class.
I said that he manages to hold everything in until he gets home, then he explodes.

He asked if there were specifics I wanted addressed. Yes, memory problems for one. Also DS has a fear of approaching teachers with questions. So if he misses what the assignment is, he is so afraid of getting in trouble that he won't even ask.
That is a carryover from the last school, which was so horrible.

The guidance counselor told us that we can expect a call from the special ed department by next Wednesday.
So, if we don't hear back they will be hearing from us.
DS's psychiatrist is one in the area who often is called on by parents to advocate for their children.
He is on our side and said that he would be happy to step in and help.

 

[cepmom]

glad to hear that everything went well today. I know how that feels to get yourself all worked up expecting the worst...it's nice when things actually go your way. It's too bad nobody ever carried though in telling his teacher's etc this year, but at least the VP and the guidance counselor aren't fighting you on this now. Good luck with everything!