Will we ever go to Disney without my parents?

[HenDuck]

We just came back from one week at Disney, with my parents. We have taken DS to Disney several times, each time with my parents.

It has become obvious to me that we no longer travel well together. My parents expect to stick to a schedule. My DH and DS move VERY slowly and like to stop and smell the flowers. I also feel like my DM tries to compete with us for DS' attention both on these trips and in the rest of our lives.

I won't go into all the details, but let's just say, the best day of the trip was when I told my parents to go ahead without us and we caught up with them later.

Problem is, my DM is always trying to push another trip on us. She was already conspiring with my DS for another trip before we even got home from this last one!

I long to travel without them, but don't know how to break it to them.

(They do go on other trips without us, and we have gone on small trips without them, but never to Disney by ourselves).

Just looking for ideas, advice, and anything anyone has to offer...TIA!

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't have any advice, except, sometimes going with your parents can be "stopping to smell the roses". For years my mother went with us. We loved having her, she kept up with us, enjoyed what we did and sometimes babysat in the evening so DH and I could go out without the kids. The saddest trip to WDW ever was the first one we took without my mother. One of our last dinners was at Ariels and I was almost relieved to see it closed. I can remember 10 years later where we sat, what she wore, etc. Just a bit of perspective from the other side.

 

[TEENEE]

My parents and my aunt & uncles used to take my grandmother with them on vacation every summer. My mom and her sister would always complain about how my grandmother slowed them down and drove them crazy at times. One year they told her that she couldn't go with them. One month later my grandmother was killed in a car accident. My mom and aunt now live with regret. Try to enjoy the time you have with your parents, you never know how long you have with them.

 

[jfulcer]

We used to vacation with my inlaws. Never again, but for different reasons than this.

One of the best things we did for ourselves was buy into the Disney Vacation Club. Previous to that we were in the 'cram as much into a vacation as much as possible as quickly as possible' group. The 'Stop and Smell the Roses' attitude that we now have with the knowledge that we have a built in Disney Vacation at least once a year is QUITE refreshing.

Our last visit we didn't make it onto Test Track because either we didn't make it there, it was down/etc. Hey! No biggie, we'll see it next time. It makes for a much more relaxing vacation I tell ya. We don't have to take a Vacation from our vacation anymore.

Don't be afraid to tell your parents that you want to take a trip on your own. It's your right, and isn't going to end the world. Be as honest with them as you were with us. Honesty is the best policy!

 

[chrissyk]

Grandparents can be wonderful, but you need time for your family unit. That includes vacations spent just with your immediate family (you, your spouse, and your child(ren)). My grandparents were always present when I was growing up. I loved them, but I resented the constant intrusion into our family life. Our immediate family never gelled as a unit as a result. It is a shame. My parents should have set some boundaries with my grandparents, but they never did. I think it's OK to take occasional trips with the grandparents, but I would not make it a regular occurance.

 

[OhMari]

Grandparents can be wonderful, but you need time for your family unit. That includes vacations spent just with your immediate family (you, your spouse, and your child(ren)). My grandparents were always present when I was growing up. I loved them, but I resented the constant intrusion into our family life. Our immediate family never gelled as a unit as a result. It is a shame. My parents should have set some boundaries with my grandparents, but they never did. I think it's OK to take occasional trips with the grandparents, but I would not make it a regular occurance.

This happened to my family when me and my husband got married. We had children right away and my in-laws were only in their early 40's. Sometimes the line got crossed who was the parents. It took many years to break away and not answer the phone Sat. & Sunday. They expected us to spend almost every available minute with them. We never did any vacations, we never had the money when we were first married. They did though.

 

[Kahana-ri]

Sounds so familiar. DM too loves to be the navigator on trips. Even when she is visiting us, she loves to dictate where and when. If it we don't move fast enough, she reminds us she is on 'her' vacation. Even the competing for attention. All too familiar with my DM. We finally do not travel any where with her. I told her we may be going back home for Christmas next year and she tried planning a family get-away. I avoid the topic and I am very clear about doing was is best for my immediate family, DH & DS. DM travels around the world twice a year on three week vacations. She expects everyone to move at her pace. My only suggestion is be firm, polite, and honest. Start to think of your family first, they deserve it. Good luck.

 

[bicker]

...live with regret.

This is the biggest danger I see in this situation. I don't remember where I read it, but I remember reading something that referred to certain bonds, such as that between parent and child, as "prisons made of gratitude." It is very important to make the decision not to regret "missed opportunities", because it demeans the memory of anyone who truly loved you and wanted you to be happy. To address this, when arranging "together time," it is important to match the contexts with the people.

We spend time with my mother (and her husband) during major holidays, when there's lots of children around, food, and people are generally able to just rest. We spend time with my father (and his wife) at museums and other places where we can take in something intellectually challenging and share what we think about it with each other. We spend time with my brothers (and their families), other than those major holidays, by taking them to WDW every four or five years. However, that leaves us two or three of five years at WDW to spend with just each other (very important), or with friends. Family and major holidays go together; for all other aspects of life there are many constituencies beyond just family.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Wow! I'd just lay it on the line and say you're planning a trip for the three of you when the time comes.

My FIL wanted to be involved in everything with DH and me. Eventually, we moved to a different state, thank goodness. Families need to gel together without others butting in all the time.

I have never "planned" details of a trip. Just can't do it! I'm one for doing things a minute at a time when something pops up, when I feel like it, when I get a thought...like selling a home and moving to another state. I've been that way for years and cannot stick to a schedule!

Good luck! I hope you get your own trip to Disney soon.

 

[Disney Doll]

You either need to lay down some "ground rules" for travelling together, or you need to be comfortable with telling your parents that for the Spring 2007 trip (or whenever), just you, DH, & DS are going.

We travel to WDW every January for Marathon weekend with a LARGE (and it seems to get lerger every year ) group of people. The first rule of the trip is no one holds anyone back or tells anyone how to spend their vacation. If DH & I want to go to the MK, and everyone else wants to go to MGM, then we go off and do our respective things and meet up later for dinner or at the pool or whatever. If we're at Epcot and some of us want to ride MS and TT, and some want to "wander" the WS, we do our thing and meet up later. Cell phones have probably been the greatest thing for ease of group touring in WDW, because you can get in touch with people if last minute plans change or you run into a glitch. No more pressure of "we told Bill & Sue we'd meet tham at 4PM in Germany, but the line for Maelstrom is longer than we thought, so we'll be late, and they'll be waiting". Bill & Sue won't be sititng in Germany getting resentful because "darn it, the Mary & John are never on time".

If Mom & Dad like to tour "quickly" and your family is a "stop & smell the roses" type, then you and Mom have to come to some sort of compromise because it's everyone's vacation, not just hers.

 

[safetymom]

I would love to still be able to take trips with my parents. They have both died and some of the best family memories were when my parents and my sisters and their kids and my family all went together on vacations.

Maybe you could arrange a little more alone time for yourselves while you are at WDW.

 

[tkd lisa]

I think the biggest concern here is that she's basically promising your son the vacation, so you feel you have to take it.

Can you suggest that they take your DS on a vacation without you? That way your DS isn't disappointed, and you don't deal with the friction?

 

[John VN]

Cut the cord and go it on your own, you will have the best of times. I have very special memories of being at WDW with parents and grandparents but memories with my own family are extra special.

Even is there were to be no more trips with your parents, you still have all those memories. Start making even better ones with the 3 of you.

John

 

[aprilgail2]

Couldn't your parents take their grandchild on a vacation with just them and him and then you could take your vacation with just your family and no grandparents, this way you all get to vacation with your son just seperatly. I know my daughter loves going away with her grandma and no mommy!

 

[MsLeFever]

Our last WDW trip was with my parents and I overscheduled a "commando" trip. We all had a great time - BUT - there were moments of tension. We decided that next time we'll stay on the monorail route so that when anyone gets tired (ok - when the grandparents get tired) they can just zip back to the hotel and meet us later.

Of course now they are planning a Disney cruise for us all in a couple of years whcih may be the BEST solution for traveling together and doing different activities!

 

[Kimberle]

A lot of good opinions/advice here. I tend to agree, before you start planning your next trip, sit down with your parents. Or, if you're closer to Mom or Dad, sit down, just the two of you. Tell them/him/her how much you enjoy spending time with them, however you need a bit of "family" time too. Come up with a schedule that agrees with all of you. Don't "assume" everyone is going to be together 24/7.

They could take you child one late afternoon/evening. That would give you & dh time to have a bit of couple time and your parents to "spoil" their grandchild. You could say, meet for breakfast each morning, or dinner at night. Schedule times to be together, and time for them to be alone. Maybe you & your Mom can go for manacures, etc at one of the wonderful spa's, and the Men can take your child. I'm sure your parents, too, would like a "special" adult evening, nice dinner, Circ show, etc.

It sounds like your family gets along well together. I can't see how anyone would be "offended".