Whyyyy?!? Chapter 2 at post #15

[china mom]

Why does no one ever want to come see me when my house is clean? My house needs a good vacuuming and the kitchen is absolutely filthy. We will not even discuss bathrooms. DH did NOT clean before he left town and the woman who raised my adult kids failed society by not teaching them to clean (it's me. I'm the problem, it's me). I am non-weight-bearing and can do almost nothing.

Yesterday, my neighbor called and asked me if I wanted her to bring me eggs. I said yes and had her come in through the apartment. I yelled for her to leave them in the kitchen and follow my voice to the bedroom. Well, she walked all the way through one kitchen, the not dirty one - apparently not even noticing that it was a kitchen - and into my filthy kitchen with spills on the counter and a disgusting floor.

Now, my supervisor wants to stop by tomorrow to go over my evaluation and pick up some work I am doing and I am appalled.

But when the house is sparkling (OK, it is never sparkling) or at least passable, no one ever comes over.

 

[Lumpy1106]

You have two kitchens?
They are not going to care that your kitchen is dirty. If they really cared, and really thought it was a problem, they'd help you clean while you are incapacitated.

BTW, I'm using this as an excuse from now on;
"I am non-weight-bearing and can do almost nothing."
Say it loud, say it proud!

 

[china mom]

You have two kitchens?
They are not going to care that your kitchen is dirty. If they really cared, and really thought it was a problem, they'd help you clean while you are incapacitated.

BTW, I'm using this as an excuse from now on;
"I am non-weight-bearing and can do almost nothing."
Say it loud, say it proud!

Yes, two kitchens. I have a full apartment attached to my house and I have been living there while recovering. It has been a godsend.

The neighbor just had a total knee replacement a few weeks ago and I stopped in to visit her just before my foot surgery. her house was in its usual immaculate, magazine spread. Of course, she raised her child and husband right.

 

[nw6675]

Don't stress! On one hand, we are often our own worst critics. On the other, visitors should understand your plight and if not...well, poo on them.

I completely understand what you mean except in my case my mother was/is an OCD clean freak. Their house is like a pristine museum every day, all day. My sister and I...we have pets and kids. Our houses will NEVER look like that. I hate for people to come over!

 

[mrodgers]

I completely understand what you mean except in my case my mother was/is an OCD clean freak. Their house is like a pristine museum every day, all day. My sister and I...we have pets and kids. Our houses will NEVER look like that. I hate for people to come over!

My mother will never step foot in my place. She would immediately start blatantly inspecting every nook and cranny and would vocalize her distaste.

She has no filter at all, I am getting ready to ask her next time I see her if she is so offended and disgusted by my not getting my hair cut and shaving, why does she even contact me to come over. Oh, I know why. She needs something.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My mantra on guests is: "They're here to see me, not my house."

 

[LuvOrlando]

Chinamom, people who know you are alone all bandaged up will expect a messy place. When I was recovering from surgery I was utterly helpless, anyone who has ever been there would know this and not judge, try to accept the well wishes and stop the self loathing

Do you know anyone who would clean for you, maybe hire someone via Nextdoor? Can you bribe your kids to clean for you? I am ok to share that I am not above a level up bonus with my children, as adults you get a bonus for good job and noone bats an eye so that's what it is in my head, a level up bonus .

 

[jo-jo]

Don't stress! On one hand, we are often our own worst critics. On the other, visitors should understand your plight and if not...well, poo on them.

I completely understand what you mean except in my case my mother was/is an OCD clean freak. Their house is like a pristine museum every day, all day. My sister and I...we have pets and kids. Our houses will NEVER look like that. I hate for people to come over!

Years ago, on a visit to MIL, we were eating breakfast and I was using the washer/dryer in the apartment house laundry room. The washer was done and I went to change the clothes....came back and my breakfast was gone and dishes washed and put away. To her , if it's not moving, it's going to be cleaned.

 

[ronandannette]

Nope to the boss coming over - just nope!! You can zoom the meeting and one of the others in your household can drop the work off at your office. No way would I put myself through that.

 

[dez1978]

I ask myself that same question. And why, when my hair looks good do I never see anyone important?

I apparently also am the problem in my house. I am admittedly sort of a slob. Not intentionally, just my ADHD kicks in and if I set something down somewhere, I forget about it and never get back to it. I think I'm the husband everyone complains about in my marriage, and he is the wife complaining lol.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I feel that! You arent alone, it's like the universe plots to shame me when I'm slacking! And then when my house is clean I can't get anyone to visit me.

 

[Karin1984]

For the same reason that when you vacuum, your floor is all clean and you have put away the vacuumer... then you will see the place where you've missed a spot. When you've turned on the laundry, you will find a sock hiding in a corner.

Next time keep in mind, and that goes for more people in this thread: your brain probably doesn't register when the house is clean and people come over. Your brain registers this only when something is wrong (in your mind). There will have been dozens of times that went by unnoticed when your house was clean with other people in it.

And second: You probably don't know how they feel about their own kitchen. Maybe their kitchen is the same, or even worse. What you call filthy, might be their normal.

 

[china mom]

Update: I decided that the house was "clean enough" with the counters cleared but the floor unmopped. Had a whole plan to have her sit on the family room couch and use the coffee table for out paperwork. I decided to focus on me... you know, not stinking and with not greasy hair. Showering is an ordeal when you can't get your leg wet or stand up. But I did it. I was ready. I smelled great and looked pretty good too.

She texted... she couldn't make it...can we do it tomorrow (which is today). Another day, another shower. But I don't stink and my hair looks great.

The kitchen counters are no longer clear but I can't care. Unloading the dishwasher on a knee scooter is exhausting.

 

[Turn the Page]

Yep. DH has been out of town the last couple of days and DS4 and I have both been a little under the weather, DD12 has softball practice after school at a very inconvenient time, DD16 is, well, 16, and I have to make sure everybody is fed and run to school and back home and everywhere else they need to go and yesterday my brother texted me letting me know he had dropped his dogs off at my house.

Cccrrrraaaaaaapppppppp.

The kitchen was a mess. Now, granted, it took a grand total of about 20 minutes to clean it up but I have a small kitchen so it doesn't take much to make it look like a dumpster. I had focused that morning on getting dinner in the crock pot rather than putting dishes away, taking out recycling, etc. It was fine. But.......yeah.

 

[china mom]

Chapter 2:

DH is back in town but has a little bit of "taking acre of everything" fatigue. He is still doing a lot but didn't come home from travel and clean the house or anything.

I went back to work 3 days a week on Monday. Yesterday, I was home and, I will be honest, I didn't shower. I threw my greasy hair into a pony but didn't even look in the mirror. I dressed in my most comfortable (not flattering) T shirt and shorts and proceeded to binge watch old episodes of The Good Wife. I was on the one where Will Gardner was killed and I indulged in some ugly crying. My face was red and puffy. And then there came a knock on the door....

One of my closest friends, who I never see because he moved across the country, showed up on my doorstep with is fiancé to surprise me.

After a rather nice visit, they were saying goodbye and he initially went in for a hug but then aborted about halfway in and I am thinking "Oh, you noticed I stink, didn't you"

I am never opening my door again.

 

[_19disnA]

We don't only clean the house when we are expecting company, so I don't have the issue you seem to have.

However, someone showing up from across the country unannounced is tacky on their part. Who knows if you were even going to be home, working on a home improvement project or perhaps about to leave for a doctor's appointment? If someone shows up unannounced, there is no requirement you entertain them in your home. You could tell them now wasn't a good time and they should call before showing up again.

 

[china mom]

We don't only clean the house when we are expecting company, so I don't have the issue you seem to have.

However, someone showing up from across the country unannounced is tacky on their part. Who knows if you were even going to be home, working on a home improvement project or perhaps about to leave for a doctor's appointment? If someone shows up unannounced, there is no requirement you entertain them in your home. You could tell them now wasn't a good time and they should call before showing up again.

I like to think that for the most part, our house is always reasonably clean - at least the public spaces - but, remember, I am non weightbearing on a knee scooter) and my husband was traveling when I had my first visitor. The house was extra unkept.

My friend is young (27, and fiancé is 24) and was raised by wolves (as my mother used to say). He grew up, literally, on a boat, raised by a single father (not disparaging single father's but his did not prepare him for life). I can forgive his lack of etiquette. I would rather curse my luck than close the door on him.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We try to do the basic stuff if we know company (which is usually just family) coming over but our house is a lived in house. It has dust because that's what happens, it has cat hair that finds its way all over (though we do use a chom chom to get it off the furniture before company comes), it has mail on the counter and receipts as well. We do a quick clean of the toilet and hand towel (replacing it with a new one regardless), etc. We'll use a swiffer dry cloth if it's bad enough. If I'm already like "okay it needs vacuuming" then I'll do the rugs downstairs (entryway, kitchen, by garage, bathroom) but otherwise nope. I vacuum most areas majority of the time once a week.

It's a lived in house. It's not a show room. However, I do understand wanting to make something much more spiffy when it's a boss although surely they would understand and not think anything of it knowing your delicate condition with your recovery and limited mobility. Sorry the intended day didn't work out that's just a frustrating feeling regardless of how one feels about their home.