Why would someone say this???????????

[justaquestion]

My sister lost her husband very suddenly. He was in the hospital for something routine, and then during the middle of the night he died of a heart attack.
He had asked my sister not to call his family because it was a simple problem. But she did, and his parents came out the during the day before he died in the night, and his sister wasn't coming until the next day.

it's been over a year, but my sister went to his parents for Christmas. That night she went out for a drink with his sister, and she said to my sister "I blame you for me not being able to say goodbye to my brother."

My sister is so angry and so am I. She was devastated after he died.....how could she say something like that????

She has since apologized to my sister, but still....

sorry, I just talked to my sister and found this out.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I would have told her to **** off....end of story.

 

[binny]

that is horrible.

The only consolation I can offer is that grief makes say things you would never consider otherwise.



Im sorry for your familys loss.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss . My heart goes out to your sister. My DH has had several same day surgical procedures and so have I that we haven't bothered to tell our family about. We have eachother so there's no reason to unduly worry anyone else. It was the grief talking I'm sure. I doubt she would have come to see him if given the chance so she's feeling guilty about that.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

The brother's sister needs somebody to blame. Extremely insensitive and cruel of her to try to place that burden on your sister.

 

[KirstenB]

Ugh, I hope her apology was very sincere. That'd be a hard hole to dig your way out of. I'm so sorry for your sister.

 

[bettyann29]

wow.. I think she is just feeling hurt and leashing out at someone that she can put blame on.. for your sister.. That is horrible to have said to her.. Obviously if she thought something might happen she would have let everyone know.. unfortunately even with an appology words cant always be taken back..

 

[cheerful chickadee]

what a terrible thing to say to someone! I've learned that in life there are certain kinds of people who NEED to put blame or responsibility onto someone else to make themselves feel better, she seems like the type. Your sister shoulda told her to get a grip! I'm so sorry for your sister's loss (and the rest of the family), losing someone so suddenly is so sad

 

[Disneyland1084]

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm at a loss of words of what to say regarding SIL.

 

[dmslush]

Let me see if I got this straight: Even though DH didn't want his family notified before his procedure, you DS did anyway. Parents came day BEFORE the night that he had the heart attack, his sister, on the other hand was planning to come over the next day. How is this your sister's fault? Couldn't his sister have come over when his parents did?

Grief makes you do the wacky.

 

[DawnCt1]

As a sister of an only, younger brother, I can understand the hurt and pain that the sister felt. No one of course could predict that there would be an horrible outcome, but she saw that she was the only one that didn't get to see her brother before he passed and the only one that wasn't called and your sister was someone who could have called her. Of course, his parents could have called her as well. There is no way to measure who is hurt more. The pain of loss is terrible for both. Your sister lost a husband, his sister lost someone she had known all of her life. They both need to forgive each other and apologize to each other.

 

[disneydancer1969]

what the heck is her problem? it isn't her fault she didn't come out to say goodbye to her brother. **** her.

 

[justaquestion]

As a sister of an only, younger brother, I can understand the hurt and pain that the sister felt. No one of course could predict that there would be an horrible outcome, but she saw that she was the only one that didn't get to see her brother before he passed and the only one that wasn't called and your sister was someone who could have called her. Of course, his parents could have called her as well. There is no way to measure who is hurt more. The pain of loss is terrible for both. Your sister lost a husband, his sister lost someone she had known all of her life. They both need to forgive each other and apologize to each other.

She was called. She chose to come out two days later.
It wasn't my sister's fault and I don't think she needs to apologize.

I understand what you mean, and I am not trying to weigh their grief, but I think her comment caused my sister more guilt and pain, things she's been feeling since it happened.

 

[Allison]

As a sister of an only, younger brother, I can understand the hurt and pain that the sister felt. No one of course could predict that there would be an horrible outcome, but she saw that she was the only one that didn't get to see her brother before he passed and the only one that wasn't called and your sister was someone who could have called her. Of course, his parents could have called her as well. There is no way to measure who is hurt more. The pain of loss is terrible for both. Your sister lost a husband, his sister lost someone she had known all of her life. They both need to forgive each other and apologize to each other.

Why do you think the sister wasn't called? I think you read the post wrong. The sister decided to come the next day while the parents came before.


The wife has nothing to apologize for.

 

[Mermaid02]

The sister said it to hurt your sister. Period. She's had a year to think about it and she chose to say it out loud. She's not a nice person.

 

[Nancyg56]

She was called. She chose to come out two days later.
It wasn't my sister's fault and I don't think she needs to apologize.

I understand what you mean, and I am not trying to weigh their grief, but I think her comment caused my sister more guilt and pain, things she's been feeling since it happened.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your BIL. Your sister must have been devastated to lose her husband and then to hear that her SIL blamed her for something that was not in her control.

My first husband passed away many years ago, he was just 25 and I was 23. I can understand how your sister must have felt because my husbands older sister was pretty cruel to me after his death. I think that guilt played a big part in her behavior, just as guilt may be what is driving your BIL's sister to be so nasty. She is not able to accept that she made a decision that turned out to be faulty so she is blaming your sister. My SIL was never nice to her brother and was never able to accept that her relationship with him had nothing to do with me. It was all on her.

I'm sorry that your sister had to hear the cruel comments but at least she knows that she did the right thing. The SIL has to live with herself knowing that she missed her opportunity to say goodbye. Too bad she turned it on the wrong person.

 

[justaquestion]

The sister said it to hurt your sister. Period. She's had a year to think about it and she chose to say it out loud. She's not a nice person.

That's what I felt.

Thanks everyone!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

It was a mean and hurtful thing to say to the deceased's wife.....bottom line, it was her husband and she did everything possible to keep his family in the loop as far as his hospitalization was concerned. It was not her fault that his sister decided to come to visit later rather than when the parents came..

It was a mean thing to say and not one easy to forgive.