Why would someone say this?

[The Mystery Machine]

It sounds as if you are gathering your strength. I will think good thoughts for you to move forward with confidence.

 

[fran99999]

Go see a lawyer. I live in one of the Blue Law states so I went to a lawyer and found out in my state, I could divorce him and get Spousal support, child support and keep the house, as He was the one that abandoned us. Yes cheating is abandoning. I then sued the Other woman HMMM i forget the words the Lawyer used. It was great. He ended up with No house. I did let him see the kids for as long as they wanted to. Lasted 3 years then they saw what a jerk he was too. The girlfriend dumped him to avoid the law, and paying me. He lived in a cheap room as I had the $$ taken directly out of his check after the first 3 months of non-payment.

Yes he is now married and cheating again. His new wife is calling me for advise. NO kids. Ya like I am going to let her get some of the $$ I get for my kids college fund. If she gets spousal support it will come out of my kids $$ as there is a cap on the $$ he has to pay. I told her get a lawyer. Sorry I dont want to get involved.

 

[VSL]

You guys have NO IMAGINATION!!!

You see...if I were in this situation I would let mr. cheater go be with his hoochie. And while he is gone he would be coming back to papers and his stuff in storage.

This is like a perfect opportunity in my book!!!! Once I knew things were set I would probably send the two flowers & champagne with a note and keys to his stuff in storage.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Get a lawyer first thing in the morning (today being Sunday). I'm in NJ too and we have no shortage of them.

Do not tell Coward (that's my name for him) that you have a lawyer. Gather all your paper work, and this current trip info. This is money that he is taking away from your child. Go over this with your attorney ASAP. Before he has a chance to change any card numbers or hide the proof.

And in the meantime to you.

But do it ASAP.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I then sued the Other woman HMMM i forget the words the Lawyer used.

It's called alientation of affection and in some states it can really be to your advantage. He usually doesn't have to be the one to actually move out or initiate the divorce to use it if you have proof, and it appears you do, that this was happening before the time of seperation.

 

[clm3]

My Ex left when I was 3mo pregnant, he was cheating and my DS has a half sister 6mo younger than him. I kicked him out and am MUCH better for it. If your worried about your DS and how he'll handle it, I think you'll be suprised. My DS has very little to do with his dad, (his "dad" is my DH who came into the picture when he was 3yrs) He is 13 now and understands everything that went on ... you have to be open with them (to a point).

Good Luck ..... It does get better I promise ..... Going on 10yrs with great 2nd DH.

 

[Tiffann4k]

My Ex left when I was 3mo pregnant, he was cheating and my DS has a half sister 6mo younger than him.

Been there, done that. My Ex ( not husband..I never would of married him..lol) got his ex ( at the time) pregnant the weekend I left him( when I found out he was cheating). My DD has a half brother who is THREE MONTHS younger than her Needless to say she hasnt seen her sperm donor in over 7 years and has never met any of her half brothers or sister( My ex boyfriends other children). Doesnt bother me one bit, my husband is her REAL dad

 

[tinker&belle]

As hilarious as the idea of re-routing his return flight is (maybe siberia? how about a desert somewhere in Africa that only has a flight out once a week?), I think that when this issue comes to court, it could reflect you in a poor light. However, if he does go in the trip the delievering the papers to the hotel is a good idea. You could use that weekend to take everything out of the house that was his and move it to storage and send him the bill, or just leave it in the driveway. I think talking to a lawyer is the most important thing. Trust me, from having a bf in the past who was very manipulative and even when he cheated it was somehow my fault, I know that this is a hard situation, but once you are out, you will feel great. Maybe not right away, but get rid of him, get a new haircut and killer outfit, take your DS to disney and begin enjoying your newfound freedom. Also the greatest thing about getting out of a relationship like this is...so many possibilities. You will have the freedom to imagine yourself in a life that will make you feel whole. I know you said he is using the 'you made vows for better and worse' thing. My response is he made vows to be faithful and care for you! He broke the most critical so you not 'accepting' that he has a gf is absurd! Keep telling yourself that! I know that people like this can be very manipulative, but you are right! Keep telling yourself that! Sorry for such a long post, but I think it is important for people in relationships with people who are manipulative to know there IS a way out, they are NOT wrong about wanting typical expectations, and YOU ARE SPECIAL! Never forget that!

 

[kristen821]

As hilarious as the idea of re-routing his return flight is (maybe siberia? how about a desert somewhere in Africa that only has a flight out once a week?), I think that when this issue comes to court, it could reflect you in a poor light. However, if he does go in the trip the delievering the papers to the hotel is a good idea. You could use that weekend to take everything out of the house that was his and move it to storage and send him the bill, or just leave it in the driveway. I think talking to a lawyer is the most important thing. Trust me, from having a bf in the past who was very manipulative and even when he cheated it was somehow my fault, I know that this is a hard situation, but once you are out, you will feel great. Maybe not right away, but get rid of him, get a new haircut and killer outfit, take your DS to disney and begin enjoying your newfound freedom. Also the greatest thing about getting out of a relationship like this is...so many possibilities. You will have the freedom to imagine yourself in a life that will make you feel whole. I know you said he is using the 'you made vows for better and worse' thing. My response is he made vows to be faithful and care for you! He broke the most critical so you not 'accepting' that he has a gf is absurd! Keep telling yourself that! I know that people like this can be very manipulative, but you are right! Keep telling yourself that! Sorry for such a long post, but I think it is important for people in relationships with people who are manipulative to know there IS a way out, they are NOT wrong about wanting typical expectations, and YOU ARE SPECIAL! Never forget that!

 

[mylilnikita]

A little bit when my ex left, he and his++++ moved into low income housing, she also had 2 little girls-sweet huh. She was a crazy person and she called me, because he had given her my home, cell numbers and my email address_which I later used to my advantage and was running her mouth about he was their father now. Well, I called the rental office and was like, I dont think ex is on the list of people livign in the apartment, but his name is also on the answering machine greeting, well poof, after months of hiding him, they had to go live her parents. He still has no car, livng with some guy until he can finish working on girlfriend number 5.
I don't think your soon to be ex would catch on if you got eblaster, he thinks you are dumb and you would never do something like that, plus it doesn't have any trace of being there and you could buy it with his credit card. Guys think with their little friends instead of their brain, so use that to your advantage. I wish you well and the best of luck. You and your DS will be just fine, it may not feel like it right now, but take it from me, I get his girlfriends calling me-imagine that-trying to hunt my ex down, and think to myself, how I don't have to cry and call around like they do. I say cancel the return flight, how would he prove you did it? Airlines make mistakes all the time-lol And just know that one day, his +++++++ will be going through the same thing you are right now and realize she wasn't as special as she thought.

 

[TDC Nala]

Because, for whatever reason, they want YOU to be the one to make the decision.

 

[Nancyg56]

The funny thing is everyone thinks he is a jerk now - they keep telling him "what are you doing".

I guess that is it, that he doesn't want to take the responsibilty for his screw up and then it falls on me. Or it makes it easy for him, if I tell him to leave.

I have copies of EVERYTHING - it is all kept at my sisters house. I even saw pictures of him and the other person on his computer and emailed it all to my sister.

He knows too much about computers for me to install something on it.

The credit card is a card that he uses and is sent to his work address, I have the number and even the security number on the back. I'm thinking I may use that for when me & DS go to FL and book our tickets on it.

Thanks everyone, at least I know I'm not the only one that has gone thru something like this.

You are not the only one in this boat. Before you do anything, I would consult an attorney. Some states penalize the person who leaves, it is abandonment. That may be why he refuses to leave. If the card is in his name, think twice before you use it if you are not an authorized user. He may be able to use this against you. Make sure that you have all of your finances in order, and make sure that you have information regarding his if it is possible. He may try to hide some to keep his responsibility low.

You hung in there this long, so let a lawyer guide you now so that you are notaken advantage of because you are hurt and ready to strike back. I wish you the best of luck and I wish him all that he deserves in this life...as well as his new "friend". One thing that "the other woman" should learn early is that married men make lousy husbands.

 

[GJM]

Thanks everyone - I have been trying to stay strong all weekend, now I just feel like a "basket case" I just want the pain to go away -

 

[GJM]

We are actually going to Disney in May - I don't even want DH to go. I am really looking forward to the trip to get away. It will be just me & DS.

 

[mylilnikita]

Well hopefully by May, the last thing on his mind will be Disney, he will be thinking of how to worm his way out of things. I think they to some secret school for this

 

[VSL]

As hilarious as the idea of re-routing his return flight is (maybe siberia? how about a desert somewhere in Africa that only has a flight out once a week?), I think that when this issue comes to court, it could reflect you in a poor light. However, if he does go in the trip the delievering the papers to the hotel is a good idea. You could use that weekend to take everything out of the house that was his and move it to storage and send him the bill, or just leave it in the driveway.

And change the locks to your house..

 

[tinker&belle]

And change the locks to your house..

Ooh...good idea...also the more I think about it, leaving the things in the driveway may lead to more confrontation than the storage option. But I would definately change the locks! (Maybe even go away for a short time so if he comes banging on the door you and DS aren't subjected to it.)

 

[lilostitch]

I don't want to be harsh. I agree with getting a lawyer asap. Why does your husband keep cheating and treating you this way? The answer is...you keep putting up with it. He has NO incentive to stop.

He wants you to tell him to leave. No sir, you have made your own decision, and you chose another woman over your family. When you decided to cheat you decided to leave, goodbye.

 

[VSL]

Ooh...good idea...also the more I think about it, leaving the things in the driveway may lead to more confrontation than the storage option. But I would definately change the locks! (Maybe even go away for a short time so if he comes banging on the door you and DS aren't subjected to it.)

The only thing I'm worried about though is will it go against her in the future (the changing of locks, kicking him out thing)?
I would hope that it wouldn't, but you know how unjust the law can be (in both the UK and the US).

 

[tinker&belle]

The only thing I'm worried about though is will it go against her in the future (the changing of locks, kicking him out thing)?
I would hope that it wouldn't, but you know how unjust the law can be (in both the UK and the US).

That is why the lawyer should be priority #1. I am sitting here in my living room, a teacher who has never been through a divorce, so my advice should be taken with a grain of salt (as should the advice of anybody you chat with on the internet.) However I think that the most important priority (especially if it were me) is to get a lawyer and ask him these questions: can I change the locks? Which day did the marriage end? Is cheating abandonment? If he gets violent and I leave what are my rights? I think getting a lawyer will be your first step in empowering yourself as a woman and as a mother who can protect her son.