Why people are rude...

[fiveforall]

I work front desk at a hotel. We get line-jumpers all the time. During the weekend of July 4th, I was in the process of checking-in a guest. This couple (middle-aged) walked straight to the front of the line. The woman sorta elbowed the man already checking-in and leaned right over him while telling me they had arrived and wanted a "quick check-in."
I pointed to the line of people who had already been waiting, and told her that we'd be with them as soon as we could. She turned, looked at the people in line, turned back to me. Her response was classic:
"We're from Indiana where people know how to do a speedy check-in, you slow a$% southerners can just kiss my toe!" Then she turned and walked out. My boss told me later that those types of people are better off staying elsewhere.

I am a Southerner who is married to a wonderful man from New Jersey. His family still lives in the North and most are all very sweet, gracious people; however, one brother in law asked me one time if my brain was as slow as my speech. I just remember being too shocked to have a clever retort. Thankfully, my mother in law remarked, "She's got a master's degree. What do you have, John?" (The name has been changed to protect the BIG MEANIE!)

 

[mrsklamc]

What a great mother in law!!!!

I hope this doesn't step on the 'religion' rule...but I'm in a Bible study right now where we're talking about the similarities between today's culture and ancient Babylon. The Babylon mentality was "I am, and there is no other." (no one matters but me.)

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

My all time favorite line that I am proud to say I use all too often is when I do something for others, like hold a door, pick up the item you dropped, allow you in front of me in line, you get the point, and they dont acknowledge it or say thank you. I, in a louder then normal tone of voice say "your welcome" usually the person will then say thank you and see that they were rude but the best is when they look at me and say "but I dident say anything" then I reply "yeah I know" or "oh im sorry, I thought you said thank you"! its funny to see the look on their faces.

 

[MushyMushy]

Same here - I just expect it now, that way I'm never annoyed

Never go shopping when you're in a hurry! It will never fail to annoy you or make you late.

 

[Disney Doll]

People are rude because for some reason most folks have decided that they and their needs are more important than anything else.

And the special snowflakes...the 20-somethings whose mommies and daddies all told them athat were the most imporatnt special little people who ever lived...well, now they're grown up and in the working world. And they still think they are special...

 

[Nie0214]

Have you ever seen Bridezillas on tv? People can call someone else out 'til they're blue in the face, and it won't do any good if the person fully believes they aren't wrong.

 

[ols386]

Rude people aggrevate me, and there are times when I will say something to them about it, but most of the time I try to ignore it. And as another poster mentioned, you don't always know where someone is coming from, and the other thing is, you never know how someone (especially if it's a stranger) will react.

 

[fey_spirit]

Which in my opinion is pure bunk.
It's the naked Emporer all over again.

Though I do think there are more polite ways to address rudeness.
For example the OPs example, I would have very gently said something to the effect of "Excuse me, I'm sure you didn't realize - but the end of the line is back there." and act as though the whole thing was a simple misunderstanding. That way, the issue is adressed - but the perp has all the room in the world to save face.

I agree people are rude just because they can be... for the most part. But you never know where that person's coming from. As mentioned, maybe the lady in question was having one of those moments where you get to a bathroom now or bad things will happen. Other things that we might consider rude could very well be cultural. Although, being cussed out by a parent because their child is over 2 inches too short for my ride (or having the parent engage in passive aggressive rudeness) is never fun.

On the one hand, it would be nice to call people out on it sometimes. On the other hand, most etiquette mavens agree, the person doing the correcting is more rude than the person engaging in the behavior.

 

[fey_spirit]

They might not change if you address the situation, on the other hand I can guarantee they wont if nobody every addresses it.

I don't think people are going to change if you call them out. And honestly, I wouldn't call anyone out these days because you just don't know what kind of crazy you are dealing with!

 

[fey_spirit]

Not to mention pointless and dangerous...
Provoking can do nothing to make things better for anyone - and it wont teach the person c omitting the rude act anything - they'll be too busy being angry and defensive.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say "Excuse me, but the line starts back there." while standing there seeming to think that they must just not have seen the line. You're just not supposed to say something along the lines of "Hey, dumb-dumb, were you raised in a BARN?!? Get to the back of the line, you ignorant jerk!" while standing there radiating exactly what you think of the line-jumping fool.

I think pointing out a mistake is not necessarily a manners faux-pas, but pointing out exactly what you think of the mistake-maker is .

agnes!

 

[fey_spirit]

See I have no problem with wedding registry's...
They're like Christmas Lists - or telling someone what you want for your Birthday.

It helps those who want to buy a gift for the occasion have a better idea what you want. Which actually makes things easier for the gift giver.

I think most of them are also set up to help you know what others have already bought - so you cut down on multiples of the same gift.

I figure it's an unchecked sense of entitlement. Courtesy requires time and effort and I think fewer people are willing to put themselves out at all. Everything from holding a door open, to letting someone in when in traffic, to not using flash on a dark Disney ride, to saying "please" and "thank you." These all mean some small inconvenience. You need to wait a second or two, let someone else go first, not get the picture you want, or use a few extra words. And why bother, right? There's no law you can be prosecuted under if you are unmannerly.

My biggest pet peeve is weddings and couples that spend an inordinate amount of time choosing acceptable gifts for themselves and then ensuring they have informed all their guests what may be bought and where they may get it. It's commonplace now to include those horrible little registry cards in invitations. This says, "Please attend my wedding and bring me gifts from here!" You do not invite gifts to a wedding!! The receiver of a gift has one job, to politely say, "thank you." Of course, this type of person usually forgets that part...

Anyway, my point is that when it seems you can "get something" be it gifts or ahead of someone in a line it seems people will always throw manners out the window to act in a self serving way. Because, as I've heard over and over again, "It doesn't matter!"

 

[fey_spirit]

I suppose we'll agree to disagree on this one.
I don't see a problem with this - it's not like you're cutting in line - they were there first in the old line - this is a new line.
I figure the same rules apply as when two people approach a line at the same time - first one in gets it.

I might feel differently if someone could explain the logic of being first in the new line being rude...

Oh, I hate it when a new cashier opens and someone just walking up gets there before anyone who'd been waiting can. In this situation, though, I think the cashier is obligated to tell the person that there were other people before him. I guess sometimes they might not see, but I've had more than one cashier go through with his transaction and then apologize to me.

 

[fey_spirit]

Hmm was that supposed to be the original use of that line?
I just ask, because it could be interpreted to mean "We are all one - so there is no other"

What a great mother in law!!!!

I hope this doesn't step on the 'religion' rule...but I'm in a Bible study right now where we're talking about the similarities between today's culture and ancient Babylon. The Babylon mentality was "I am, and there is no other." (no one matters but me.)

 

[C.Ann]

Yes - there is a lot of rudeness in the world today.. People can't even manage a simple "please" or "thank you" - and I think it has a great deal to do with the "entitlement" mentality..

As for correcting others - or calling them on it - if it can be done in a polite, non-confrontational way, I'm all for it.. Handling it in any other manner is stooping to the same level of the person who doesn't have any manners..

However, I think the best way to "nip this thing in the bud" is to start with our children.. Start to teach them good manners from the time they are old enough to talk and hopefully that will stick with them throughout their lifetime..

 

[dogluva]

My all time favorite line that I am proud to say I use all too often is when I do something for others, like hold a door, pick up the item you dropped, allow you in front of me in line, you get the point, and they dont acknowledge it or say thank you. I, in a louder then normal tone of voice say "your welcome" usually the person will then say thank you and see that they were rude but the best is when they look at me and say "but I dident say anything" then I reply "yeah I know" or "oh im sorry, I thought you said thank you"! its funny to see the look on their faces.

I do things like you mentioned because I want to and it was how I was raised. I don't expect a thank you but, yes, it is nice. Most do say thank you. However when they don't, I chalk it up to bad manners and leave it at that without confrontation. I find what you do to not be very polite.

 

[dogluva]

I suppose we'll agree to disagree on this one.
I don't see a problem with this - it's not like you're cutting in line - they were there first in the old line - this is a new line.
I figure the same rules apply as when two people approach a line at the same time - first one in gets it.

I might feel differently if someone could explain the logic of being first in the new line being rude...

Yes, but if the cashier opening up the new line says "I will take the NEXT person in line", it means the next person, not the last person. I don't think it is polite for the last person to do this. The cashiers usually roll their eyes or remind the person what "next" actually means. If a cashier opens a register and just yells "open on eight", then who ever gets their first is first.

 

[fey_spirit]

Maybe it's where I shop but most cashiers around here yell out "open on 8" or just open and don't really say anything at all =)
I don't remember the last time I head someone say "Next in Line"

Yes, but if the cashier opening up the new line says "I will take the NEXT person in line", it means the next person, not the last person. I don't think it is polite for the last person to do this. The cashiers usually roll their eyes or remind the person what "next" actually means. If a cashier opens a register and just yells "open on eight", then who ever gets their first is first.

 

[dogluva]

Maybe it's where I shop but most cashiers around here yell out "open on 8" or just open and don't really say anything at all =)
I don't remember the last time I head someone say "Next in Line"

Well, then you are good to go. I guess it is fair game. I wouldn't run up, however, I would ask the person in front of me if they want to go because it really is the polite thing to do.

I find that in supermarkets they just yell out they are open. In other stores, like Marshalls, TJ maxx, or CVS, they usually say "next in line". But you have those that feel entiteled and walk up from the back. Oh, well.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I guess I should clarify. If it's something like line jumping at an Amusement Park or a check out line, I will (and have) politely point out where the end of the line is. I don't consider that calling people out on rudeness, rather informing them. It's things like walking up to a complete stranger and yelling at them because they dared to wear a hat inside a casual dining restaurant (somebody on the DIS posted this exact situation.) That is rude.

The saying "you're welcome" thing to me is just as rude as the person not saying thank you. I'm a 20 something and *gasp* do hold open doors and other things like that. Many times people don't say thank you but I just shrug it off and go on with my life.

I guess I feel that way because I clearly remember somebody saying that to me once. I was 17 years old and a waitress at Denny's. I thought I was being polite to the man. I smiled, took his order, and told him that I would have it out as soon as possible. He screamed "You're Welcome" at me. I guess I was supposed to thank him for bestowing his order upon me. I have never heard of this, and cannot recall a time a waitress has thanked me for giving them my order. I actually thank the waitress after she takes my order! This guy ended up screaming me out in front of the entire restaurant because things apparently did not meet his exact standards. It was so bad that another person's table gave me a tip because they saw the whole thing. Whenever I hear people say "You're Welcome" like that, I think about that man and they are far more rude to me than the person who forgot to say thank you.

If you do something for others, do it without the expectation of being thanked. Then if you are it's like a treat!

 

[Axel]

I get rude by the ton at work. I'm an ice cream girl and whenever I don't have a particular flavour or whatever, people always take it out on me.

Today, I had the most wonderful experience. Every Monday, my soft-serve machine goes down for three hours to be cleaned by my boss. I had a lady come in today right after my boss had put it back together. Now, to explain, ice cream in a soft serve machine takes close to a half hour or forty five minutes to actually cool and be mixed into soft serve--it goes in liquid. Well, I explained this to the lady and her response was: "Forget it, *****. I don't want your gross ice cream anyway". Word for word. I couldn't believe it!