Why people are rude...

[MushyMushy]

A friend and I were talking tonight and we came to the conclusion that people are rude just because they can be -- those of us who have manners don't call them on it, and just let them get away with it.

Do you think they'd still be rude if others objected to their behavior?

Case in point: went to the movie today, a very crowded matinee. After it was over, everyone ran to the bathroom and there was a line of about 6-7 women waiting for at least 20 stalls (this is a bathroom with a long line of stalls and a sink at each end). This woman came in and breezed right by those of us waiting and went into a newly vacated stall. The rest of us just looked at one another with our jaws dropped, but nobody said anything.

I don't know, what do you think? Do you think someone like that would change their behavior if called on it?

 

[Disneyland1084]

A friend and I were talking tonight and we came to the conclusion that people are rude just because they can be -- those of us who have manners don't call them on it, and just let them get away with it.

Do you think they'd still be rude if others objected to their behavior?

Case in point: went to the movie today, a very crowded matinee. After it was over, everyone ran to the bathroom and there was a line of about 6-7 women waiting for at least 20 stalls (this is a bathroom with a long line of stalls and a sink at each end). This woman came in and breezed right by those of us waiting and went into a newly vacated stall. The rest of us just looked at one another with our jaws dropped, but nobody said anything.

I don't know, what do you think? Do you think someone like that would change their behavior if called on it?

Maybe the woman suffers from "problems" and couldn't get to a toilet fast enough. If not, yeah, she was being rude.

I agree that some rude people are rude just because they think they can be!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I agree people are rude just because they can be... for the most part. But you never know where that person's coming from. As mentioned, maybe the lady in question was having one of those moments where you get to a bathroom now or bad things will happen. Other things that we might consider rude could very well be cultural. Although, being cussed out by a parent because their child is over 2 inches too short for my ride (or having the parent engage in passive aggressive rudeness) is never fun.

On the one hand, it would be nice to call people out on it sometimes. On the other hand, most etiquette mavens agree, the person doing the correcting is more rude than the person engaging in the behavior.

 

[FireDancer]

Maybe the woman suffers from "problems" and couldn't get to a toilet fast enough. If not, yeah, she was being rude.

I agree that some rude people are rude just because they think they can be!

In many men's rooms this person would have been pulled out of the stall. I have seen cutting in front of people handled and not ignored many-a-time. "Problems" or not, you don't cut in line. If I have to wait you have to wait, too bad so sad.

 

[Free4Life11]

I don't think people are going to change if you call them out. And honestly, I wouldn't call anyone out these days because you just don't know what kind of crazy you are dealing with!

 

[smidgy]

I have to agree with the OP.. it seems like so many people are a lot ruder than in the past. It's almost like everyone is panicking. common courtesy is gone. whether it's "whose next in line", or every one is afraid that someone is doing to get something they're not getting.
maybe it has to do with the current economy, I don't know. I have found.. instead of A: letting them slide. or B; "calling them out on it" I try to make contact. eye contact. SMILE> once you talk to the person, you are not just another faceless "being". It's a lot harder to be rude to a real person than "one of the faceless others".

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I experienced major rudeness today. Our family was gathered downtown for Capt Mark Garners procession. We were parked in a bank parking lot (the town we live in made a statement that anyone could park anywhere downtown during the procession). All the local businesses agreed to this. We parked at a bank and a woman came out of the bank (she was in casual clothes, so I guess she was doing some work today. She comes out of the bank, locks it up and goes to her car, which we are sitting near. She made the comment " I have to get out of here, or I'll be stuck in funeral traffic" Then she laughes. It was completely inappropriate to say to a group of mourners who came downtown to see the procession and wanted to pay their respect to a Fallen Soldier. I mean, this man died for our country. I'm not saying she should have stuck around, but to make a joke about funeral traffic....it really ticked me off. I didn't say anything but I am still angry.

 

[NMAmy]

Mushy--I also had someone try to jump the line at the movies yesterday. For the concession stand, a central line is formed and people will go to the next open cashier. DH and I were next and all of a sudden, I noticed a man suddenly walking up out of nowhere to the next cashier as she opened up.

I said, "Excuse me, the line ends back there." He looked a bit shocked that I would call him on it but he did move to the end of the line. I think he just didn't understand that there was a central feeder line instead of individual lines.

I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt and will politely point out where the end of the line is. As long as I'm not being nasty to someone about it--I don't think it's rude at all to correct someone no matter what the etiquette folks say.

 

[agnes!]

...On the one hand, it would be nice to call people out on it sometimes. On the other hand, most etiquette mavens agree, the person doing the correcting is more rude than the person engaging in the behavior.

...I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt and will politely point out where the end of the line is. As long as I'm not being nasty to someone about it--I don't think it's rude at all to correct someone no matter what the etiquette folks say.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say "Excuse me, but the line starts back there." while standing there seeming to think that they must just not have seen the line. You're just not supposed to say something along the lines of "Hey, dumb-dumb, were you raised in a BARN?!? Get to the back of the line, you ignorant jerk!" while standing there radiating exactly what you think of the line-jumping fool.

I think pointing out a mistake is not necessarily a manners faux-pas, but pointing out exactly what you think of the mistake-maker is .

agnes!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

What is rudeness? That's the problem, eh? What is rude to one person, may simply be an oversight, or bit of unawareness by another person.

I once used a self checkout register at a local store. When I was through, a man made it very clear that I had "jumped" ahead. I was honestly startled. I did not realize that the small group congregated just beyond the self checkouts, and visiting among themselves were waiting to use the registers. A moment of unawareness, and I came across as rude.

Yes, the point of etiquette is to prevent others from being uncomfortable. However, that does not mean that there are no instances where a mannerly person can remonstrate with what appears to be a deliberate act of rudeness. Had someone come along at that time when I was approaching the register and pointed out that the group was indeed waiting, I would have immediately given up the register and apologized for not being aware of that situation.

We seem to have reached such a high level of disregard for etiquette in this society, that we now have instance after instance of discomfort being created by those who do not know, or do not care to know the social expectations of behavior in the public setting.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Yes, I do think part of the reason people are rude is that they don't get called on it.

And maybe you'll laugh at this theory , but I think people are learning a lot of bad behavior from TV. Reality shows seem to feature mostly people with antisocial and borderline personality disorders. And even if they perhaps don't REALLY have personality disorders, they are encouraged to behave outrageously so that ratings will increase.

If everywhere you look, people are being rude, and if you live in a family where rude behavior is encouraged or at least never discouraged, where in the world do you get a reality check?

 

[GeorgeG]

I also agree that people can be rude because they can get away with it. Apparently, they were never taught manners by their parents so maybe the general public should take over. Calling someone out on an act of rudeness can be polite or, if necessary, a little more assertive. It just might be time to take back our society.

Not to change the subject, but I'm reminded of an old phrase, "an armed society is a polite society." In other words, there is some incentive to be polite. Yes, we should hold people accountable for rudeness, hopefully without violence.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have to agree with the OP.. it seems like so many people are a lot ruder than in the past. It's almost like everyone is panicking. common courtesy is gone. whether it's "whose next in line", or every one is afraid that someone is doing to get something they're not getting.
maybe it has to do with the current economy, I don't know. I have found.. instead of A: letting them slide. or B; "calling them out on it" I try to make contact. eye contact. SMILE> once you talk to the person, you are not just another faceless "being". It's a lot harder to be rude to a real person than "one of the faceless others".

I really like how you think! I do think that's true -- you can really disarm someone by just getting a little bit personal so that they can see you're a real person. Look at how people get on the internet. People are so used to just interacting with a computer screen that they say things to others that they probably wouldn't say to their faces in a million years (and if they would, then ). Maybe it's a little like vehicle aggression. Cars are so impersonal, so we behave in ways behind the wheel that we wouldn't if we were out in person.

 

[AlleyKat]

We seem to have reached such a high level of disregard for etiquette in this society, that we now have instance after instance of discomfort being created by those who do not know, or do not care to know the social expectations of behavior in the public setting.

Amen!!!

 

[Ember]

I figure it's an unchecked sense of entitlement. Courtesy requires time and effort and I think fewer people are willing to put themselves out at all. Everything from holding a door open, to letting someone in when in traffic, to not using flash on a dark Disney ride, to saying "please" and "thank you." These all mean some small inconvenience. You need to wait a second or two, let someone else go first, not get the picture you want, or use a few extra words. And why bother, right? There's no law you can be prosecuted under if you are unmannerly.

My biggest pet peeve is weddings and couples that spend an inordinate amount of time choosing acceptable gifts for themselves and then ensuring they have informed all their guests what may be bought and where they may get it. It's commonplace now to include those horrible little registry cards in invitations. This says, "Please attend my wedding and bring me gifts from here!" You do not invite gifts to a wedding!! The receiver of a gift has one job, to politely say, "thank you." Of course, this type of person usually forgets that part...

Anyway, my point is that when it seems you can "get something" be it gifts or ahead of someone in a line it seems people will always throw manners out the window to act in a self serving way. Because, as I've heard over and over again, "It doesn't matter!"

 

[Liberty Belle]

Mushy--I also had someone try to jump the line at the movies yesterday. For the concession stand, a central line is formed and people will go to the next open cashier. DH and I were next and all of a sudden, I noticed a man suddenly walking up out of nowhere to the next cashier as she opened up.

I said, "Excuse me, the line ends back there." He looked a bit shocked that I would call him on it but he did move to the end of the line. I think he just didn't understand that there was a central feeder line instead of individual lines.

I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt and will politely point out where the end of the line is. As long as I'm not being nasty to someone about it--I don't think it's rude at all to correct someone no matter what the etiquette folks say.

Oh, I hate it when a new cashier opens and someone just walking up gets there before anyone who'd been waiting can. In this situation, though, I think the cashier is obligated to tell the person that there were other people before him. I guess sometimes they might not see, but I've had more than one cashier go through with his transaction and then apologize to me.

 

[Stitchfans]

In many men's rooms this person would have been pulled out of the stall. I have seen cutting in front of people handled and not ignored many-a-time. "Problems" or not, you don't cut in line. If I have to wait you have to wait, too bad so sad.

This is where I totally disagree. I nearly got into a fist fight with one woman at a concert last summer because I had "problems" what I ate didn't agree with me. The other three people ahead of me told me to go ahead seeing what distress I was in.

One woman refused. I ignored her and flew past her. There was some nasty name calling and me threatening her if she didn't let go of my arm, but after all that, luckily for me ended up okay.

Sometimes situations are out of our control and others should understand that. I would let someone go before me and as I said there was others who thought the same way. A little kindness can go a long way.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh, I hate it when a new cashier opens and someone just walking up gets there before anyone who'd been waiting can. In this situation, though, I think the cashier is obligated to tell the person that there were other people before him. I guess sometimes they might not see, but I've had more than one cashier go through with his transaction and then apologize to me.

You know what's funny, when a cashier opens up a new line, people from the backs of other lines rush to get in. But when the cashier says, "I can take whoever's next!" then the people nearest the front go. Does all common sense go out the window just because the cashier doesn't direct them to let the people in the front go next?

On another note, why does it seem that I always choose the slowest line no matter which one I pick?

 

[TangaroaTiki]

On another note, why does it seem that I always choose the slowest line no matter which one I pick?

Same here - I just expect it now, that way I'm never annoyed

 

[Sir Robin Hood]

I work front desk at a hotel. We get line-jumpers all the time. During the weekend of July 4th, I was in the process of checking-in a guest. This couple (middle-aged) walked straight to the front of the line. The woman sorta elbowed the man already checking-in and leaned right over him while telling me they had arrived and wanted a "quick check-in."
I pointed to the line of people who had already been waiting, and told her that we'd be with them as soon as we could. She turned, looked at the people in line, turned back to me. Her response was classic:
"We're from Indiana where people know how to do a speedy check-in, you slow a$% southerners can just kiss my toe!" Then she turned and walked out. My boss told me later that those types of people are better off staying elsewhere.