Why is this happening now.....

[garnet1240]

We just went through this in October. It's a tough one on the DD. We have two DDs that have brought friends when they reach their teen years, our treat. My youngest is a senior this year and has invited her cousin for the past 3 years. She was asked at least six months before the trip, was excited, loves going with us, but backed out 4 weeks before the trip saying she couldn't miss 2 days of school. (she's an A student, knew up front about the two days, long story here, I'll spare you, involves her mom, my SIL) Airfare was the killer for us to be able to ask someone else to go. It was triple what we originally paid.

DD was pretty upset and disappointed. I felt so bad for her! But what we find was another one of the benefits of DVC. Once she was there, she didn't stress she had to hang with the family a bit more and not with a friend. She knew there would be other trips and other times she could bring someone with her.


So I know now it's a big disappointment for your DD, but once she's there, she'll be fine...and leason learned for us, we will now have everyone pay for their own airfare upfront. If they cancel, at least I'm not the one out the cash.

Good luck and have a great trip!!!

 

[mouse]

This is a tough one. As the wife of a former coach and two daughters who participated in several sports, I can say that it is tough to coach a team when the players only show up if they don't have something better to do. I can remember when my husband coached a 9-12 year-old softball team, there would often be conflicts with birthday parties. There were times when there weren't enough players who showed up, and those that did had to forfiet the game. Some sports (swimming, tennis, etc) are as much individual as team sports, but if you don't show up for a softball game, you are letting the rest of the team down. When my youngest daughter played high school varsity softball, the "star" shortstop decided to go on a spring break vacation with her boyfriend's family. The coach was strict about attendance, but when she returned she immediately returned as a starter at her position. Not allowing her to play could have cost the team a playoff spot. So, even though this was not fair, punishing her would have been punishing the entire team. I know that her teammates thought that it was "selfish" of her to go on this vacation, but they were sure glad to have her back. I'm sure that this is a very, very tough decision for your daughter's friend.

 

[Inkmahm]

I have to say I thought about this after I posted my response about committment. Since the girl was committed to the trip first that is something that she needs to think about.

OP - I hope this works out for your daughter.

That's what I was going to say. She committed to the trip first. That's what she should be telling the coach.

 

[kikiq]

Very true. I was involved with varsity sports 20+ years ago and the commitment was not a small one. Daily practices...two-a-days during some vacation periods...obligations to travel to all scheduled games and functions. That's pretty much what the athletes agree to when they join the team. It's not fair to the coach or teammates if the kids decide to come-and-go at their own whim.

Hope this works out for the OP!

This is not varsity football which I think is an entirely different "animal' when it comes to playing high school sports, more like playing college. Too many bodies for the number allowed to play therefore coaches have a slight edge. Are we assuming that her friend is playing varsity hs softball? While our DDs understood their commitment to their team, we as a family made plans based on information given to us by the coaches. IF family plans conflicted with plans coaches set up at the last minute as in tournaments or additional practices, coaches didn't argue with us or made our DDs feel bad when DDs talked with them. The bottom line in this is her friend made a commitment that involves money as well as time. This is not a manner of someone deciding to come and go just because.

 

[florep1]

This kinda gives you an idea of the timeline for HS softball in Texas.
http://www.uil.utexas.edu/athletics/softball/
Without knowing your exact dates, I'm guessing spring break falls on the first or second week of March which would be either right before district play which is tournament time, or right in the middle of district play.
Hopefully, your dd's friend will decide on what's best SOON and not keep you hanging.

 

[Disneypirate85]

A few years ago my DS was on a Babe Ruth League (here in Indiana is a Teenage League) and his mother was taking my other 2 children out of town for the weekend, just so happened that was the same weekend as playoffs for the league. NOW before any of you think I'm "1 of those parents" I'm not, but I do believe in teaching my children responsibility. The important issue was not the game itself but that 11 other kids and coachs were depending on him to be there. He was disappointed in not going with his mom and was even mad at me for it but at the end of the weekend, with 3 wins under there bats, he finally understood just how important it was for him to be there. Hopefully when he looks back on that memory, THATS what he will remember.....
And vent all you want, thats what your friends are for here on the DIS

 

[slp87]

DD's friend is a freshman. They haven't been told what teams they'll be on yet. We asked her to let us know by tomorrow what the plans are. I can see that she's worried this will affect her 4 years on the team, so I don't blame her. The coaches have not painted a pretty picture if she leaves town.

 

[Sammie]

DD's friend is a freshman. They haven't been told what teams they'll be on yet. We asked her to let us know by tomorrow what the plans are. I can see that she's worried this will affect her 4 years on the team, so I don't blame her. The coaches have not painted a pretty picture if she leaves town.

I think you are being very kind and considerate to your DD's friend. It is a hard age for kids and many times they really are between a rock and hard place. I know you are disappointed, but hopefully all will work out for everyone and at some point she will be able to make a trip with you.

It is good you can communicate with the Mom.

 

[BroganMc]

DD's friend is a freshman. They haven't been told what teams they'll be on yet. We asked her to let us know by tomorrow what the plans are. I can see that she's worried this will affect her 4 years on the team, so I don't blame her. The coaches have not painted a pretty picture if she leaves town.

JMHO, but I think with that sort of feedback from a program I'm just getting into I'd probably be extremely turned off. Kids have been saying they're under more pressure these days than when their parents were in school and I'm beginning to believe them. Maybe this is why High School Musical became so popular. It struck a nerve with teens who are forced by adults to define themselves before they even have an idea who they are.

What's the poor girl supposed to do? Break a committment to a coach she just met or break a committment to a friend she's had for years? What sort of King Solomon test is that to put on a 14 yo?

Sorry but I just can't imagine taking a trip in your first year will ruin you for the next 3. I can understand if it was an annual committment, but this seems a bit extreme. A lot can change in 4 years to impact one's play. A sports injury, another interest, heck even moving away and changing schools.

Kudos to you and your daughter for trying to be so understanding. I'm thinking the coach needs a talking to by the girl's parents. At least so everyone understands the ramifications of the lessons being taught here.

 

[tjkraz]

This is not varsity football which I think is an entirely different "animal' when it comes to playing high school sports, more like playing college.

Actually I was referring to basketball...but most HS sports have similar routines these days. Daily practices in-season are a given. Gathering 2x per day over long vacation periods was typical (morning intense practice plus low-key shootaround in the evening.) These days many sports have become nearly year-round commitments with summer leagues, traveling teams, etc.

 

[wulfekamp]

I know this is going to sound bad BUT. We took my DD friend a few years ago she is really sweet girl BUT I will never take anyone again. WDW is a special family time for us. We spend more time together in 9 days than any other time of the year. Right now we are home but not together. We found Disney is a truly magical place for us because we are truely together. Having someone else on the trip prevented that family bonding. Sorry if it sounds mean.

 

[backyardponder]

Much has been said about what coaches want and do. Reality is we are talking about team sports here. The coach is doing what is best for the team. Using my kids as an example...One of our son's was a high school springboard diver. Although sometimes his points affected the team standings, his decisions really only affected him. Another son was a high school soccer goalie. His decisions affected all 20 kids on the team.

Whether it is a freshman team or a varsity team, it is a team and team dynamics need to be considered. On the other hand, as a freshman, the impact is probably less than at the varsity level (unless she's a super star and will be on varsity as a freshman).

Whatever the case...good luck. I'm looking forward to hearing what the outcome is.

 

[mouse]

I don't see this as letting her coach down. I see it as a choice between letting her friend down and letting her teammates down. Many of her teammates are probably also her friends. Long gone are the days when it was OK to miss practice or a game because "they are just girls". Girls love their sports and are as dedicated as the boys. In our area, local college coaches do attend high school games because the college softball season usually ends around the end of April or early in May (unless the team advances to the NCAA playoffs), whereas the high school season goes on a few weeks longer. Also, in high school there are generally tryouts for many of the teams, so some other girls may be "cut", while your daughter's friend may make the team. On the other hand, the coach may just say "GO, and have a great time!" You never know.

 

[kikiq]

Much has been said about what coaches want and do. Reality is we are talking about team sports here. The coach is doing what is best for the team. Using my kids as an example...One of our son's was a high school springboard diver. Although sometimes his points affected the team standings, his decisions really only affected him. Another son was a high school soccer goalie. His decisions affected all 20 kids on the team.

Whether it is a freshman team or a varsity team, it is a team and team dynamics need to be considered. On the other hand, as a freshman, the impact is probably less than at the varsity level (unless she's a super star and will be on varsity as a freshman).

Whatever the case...good luck. I'm looking forward to hearing what the outcome is.

This is not boy's football or basketball, this is not a rec team or travel team.
Softball is a team sport and if you really think all hs coaches are doing what is best for the team, then go right ahead. I've seen too many high school softball coaches do what is best for THEIR win/loss record. Face it, a winning record with minimum parent complaints, they keep their jobs, get plenty of kudos for being a great softball coach, and they do not even mention the outstanding players they had the opportunity to coach.

Please remember we are talking about high school softball. Not any other rec or club sport. There are good high school softball coaches, but let's see if these coaches are going to be understanding that these plans were in place BEFORE they set out their "rules". Her DD's friend didn't just decide this week to go to WDW. This is not about this 14 year old not being a team player when she isn't even on a team yet. It is about a commitment to a friend and standing up to coaches that are less than understanding about what real commitment is all about. Show them the plane tickets and reservation forms to let them know this was not frivolous decision. And understand that even if she's the best girl for the position or lineup, she might have to sit out a few games and be a team player from the bench.

I said previously that I have too many years of rec/hs/travel softball. I'm sorry, but we are not talking about a young girl on an established team going to the district finals or a national championship. This is how girls get burned out from softball.

To the OP, I completely understand your vent. Sorry for the long post again.

 

[WOW]

That is a tough one.......these coaches really put a lot of pressure on kids playing sports these days!!! You would think they were the Olympics!!!! I think it is wrong, but the coach can really take it out on the child....I have seen it happen.

I think you should just chalk it up to experience and move forward, since the child is really in a no win situation.

 

[kikiq]

Sorry but I just can't imagine taking a trip in your first year will ruin you for the next 3. I can understand if it was an annual committment, but this seems a bit extreme. A lot can change in 4 years to impact one's play. A sports injury, another interest, heck even moving away and changing schools.

Kudos to you and your daughter for trying to be so understanding. I'm thinking the coach needs a talking to by the girl's parents. At least so everyone understands the ramifications of the lessons being taught here.

YES!!! and maybe even a change in coaches.

 

[slp87]

We just got word that she's not going on the trip. The search begins.....

I'll keep everyone updated!