Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[chloelovesdisney]

The five most successful adults I know personally all had moms that worked. Strangely enough, the least successful adults I know had moms that stayed home. It doesn't matter in the long run whether you work or stay home in terms of raising well educated, successful adults, it's the value you place on education at home and the values you teach them. My best friend has a law degree but chooses to stay home with her two kids (special needs). It works for her family and no one thinks less of her for it. All of my other close friends have gone back to work, but then again, we all had moms that went to college and worked so it's the norm for our group.

 

[Nancyg56]

The question was asked "Why do some people find daycare a negative" and I answered because I don't understand how people can have children and dump them in daycare 10+ hours a day-simple question, simple answer. It wasn't a matter of what worked best for DH and I but what works best for the KIDS.

Okay, we know what worked best for your kids. I respect that. In your family daycare is not an option. Now is that the best option for someone else's kids? I don't know and neither do you. The only people able to make that determination are the parents in that family.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

There's no one right way to parent...no one right answer. The sooner we start standing behind and supporting each other in our personal decisions the better.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't understand why anyone is so defensive. The OP wanted to know why YOU (all of us) think daycare is a negative. People answered. Some think it is a negative because a parent should take care of their own child. Some think it is a negative because caregivers have low wages. Some think it is a negative because kids shouldn't be dumped off for others to handle. Some think it is a negative because how can you want a child with the intent on rushing back to work while someone else takes care of your child most of the time? Some think it is a negative because if you are working just so you can have a Volvo and LV bags then you are selfish.

The point of the question was to ask what your opinion was about it. It wasn't an argument about justifying your own choices. If you like daycare then you don't have anything negative to say about it. If you don't like daycare then you do a negative opinion about it. I am a SAHM. I am not a fan of daycare but realize some people need it and some just want it and that is their choice. While I don't care what others do as it is their choice it doesn't change my own opinions about daycare. I feel lucky that I do not need to utilize daycare. I will say though that I always thought that I would be a Mom that went right back to work and my Mom would watch my kids. Once I got a glimpse of that baby there was no way I was leaving to go to work if I didn't have to. Everyone is different.

While I don't worry about what others do I still have my opinions as does everyone else. That is what the OP was looking for.

 

[Christine]

I don't understand why anyone is so defensive. The OP wanted to know why YOU (all of us) think daycare is a negative. People answered. Some think it is a negative because a parent should take care of their own child. Some think it is a negative because caregivers have low wages. Some think it is a negative because kids shouldn't be dumped off for others to handle. Some think it is a negative because how can you want a child with the intent on rushing back to work while someone else takes care of your child most of the time? Some think it is a negative because if you are working just so you can have a Volvo and LV bags then you are selfish.

The point of the question was to ask what your opinion was about it. It wasn't an argument about justifying your own choices. If you like daycare then you don't have anything negative to say about it. If you don't like daycare then you do a negative opinion about it. I am a SAHM. I am not a fan of daycare but realize some people need it and some just want it and that is their choice. While I don't care what others do as it is their choice it doesn't change my own opinions about daycare. I feel lucky that I do not need to utilize daycare. I will say though that I always thought that I would be a Mom that went right back to work and my Mom would watch my kids. Once I got a glimpse of that baby there was no way I was leaving to go to work if I didn't have to. Everyone is different.

While I don't worry about what others do I still have my opinions as does everyone else. That is what the OP was looking for.

Opinions are just that and you stated yours above respectfully and in such a way that you didn't try to negate another's choice.

Once the word "dump" is used, it becomes so much more than an opinion. It becomes a judgement on the motivations/attitudes of the parents who either choose or must use daycare. I mean, really? What percentage of parents "dump" their kids. Dump? Such a nasty term. The other judgemental "opinion" is that of some who think that people choose a Lexus over their children. Yeah, I guess there are a few working people who do that--probably the same ratio as the bon-bon eating stay-at-homes.

So, the thread didn't overly stay on course by listing negatives of day care institutions, per se. It became target practice for those who think people who use day care don't really love or want their children enough.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Opinions are just that and you stated yours above respectfully and in such a way that you didn't try to negate another's choice.

Once the word "dump" is used, it becomes so much more than an opinion. It becomes a judgement on the motivations/attitudes of the parents who either choose or must use daycare. I mean, really? What percentage of parents "dump" their kids. Dump? Such a nasty term. The other judgemental "opinion" is that of some who think that people choose a Lexus over their children. Yeah, I guess there are a few working people who do that--probably the same ratio as the bon-bon eating stay-at-homes.

So, the thread didn't overly stay on course by listing negatives of day care institutions, per se. It became target practice for those who think people who use day care don't really love or want their children enough.

See here's the thing. I think that there are plenty of parents who dump their kids at daycare. They can't be bothered parenting because it is too much "work." They can't wait for school to start and camp to begin because they need "time" for themselves. I don't understand not wanting to be with your own child. Not that I don't let my kids have activities but these are what I consider moaner parents who are just lazy and want to carry on with the life they had before children. They don't want to make any adjustments for their children at all. I will admit that I roll my eyes when I hear them whine. Yes- my opinion.

In the same vein plenty of people make a million comments about SAHM's. Guess what? I don't care. Call me what you want. Make all the comments about me having so much time and I eat bon bons and if you were home you would just be "bored." Assume I have no education and have never had a job. I even had some tell me "This is the way business works" They should only know my work experience and education! Think that if you were home your house would be spotless all the time (mine isn't) and that I am just lazy. Think that I need a life. Whatever. I don't care. We made the choice for me to stay home. I feel very lucky to be able to do so. If we couldn't afford it then I would work of course but this is where we want to be. I don't need anyone to validate it for me. I don't care what others think. They can have their own thoughts just as I have mine. I don't get why people should have to support other people's choices. I don't need anyone but my family to support my choices because it directly effects them.

 

[badcramps]

Like I said, I just don't understand having kids and dumping them in daycare at 6 weeks old. Yes, there are some people that have to work but most that have 2 incomes could get by easily on one if they had planned ahead. If my DH had died when our kids were little, no I would not have had to go back to work because we have enough life insurance on BOTH of us so we could have stayed home with the kids. Divorce is different--you don't PLAN on that but to have kids with no intention on staying home with them is just something I don't understand why anyone would choose to do that, simple as that.

Well you and your DH were not/are not *both* SAHPs right? So how could you not understand how someone would chose to have kids with no intention to stay home with them--didn't your DH do exactly that? If you want to understand how he did it, just ask him--why did he agree to produce children when he did not intend to stay home with them and he leaves them for 8+ hours a day with someone else when he goes to work?

My guess is the reasons why your DH is not a SAHP are very similar to the reasons why many parents in dual-income couples are not SAHP. I assume he still feels like a fine parent and thinks it was worth having kids even though he is not with his kids 24 hours per day. And he probably trusts that the person (his wife) who does spend that 8 or 10 hours a day with them when he is not there is not is doing a good enough job caring for them. And he probably knows there won't be any bad effects on the kids if he is absent from their lives for 40ish hours a week. And maybe he likes his job too much to give it up or at least he feels that given the economic lifestyle you and he finds acceptable, it would not be financially feasible for him to not work.

It reminds me of a quotation about atheism I've always found amusing:

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."

When you understand why your husband (or really any spouse of a SAHP) is not a SAHP then you'll understand why the parents in dual career households aren't SAHP too.

 

[golfgal]

Well you and your DH were not/are not *both* SAHPs right? So how could you not understand how someone would chose to have kids with no intention to stay home with them--didn't your DH do exactly that? If you want to understand how he did it, just ask him--why did he agree to produce children when he did not intend to stay home with them and he leaves them for 8+ hours a day with someone else when he goes to work?

My guess is the reasons why your DH is not a SAHP are very similar to the reasons why many parents in dual-income couples are not SAHP. I assume he still feels like a fine parent and thinks it was worth having kids even though he is not with his kids 24 hours per day. And he probably trusts that the person (his wife) who does spend that 8 or 10 hours a day with them when he is not there is not is doing a good enough job caring for them. And he probably knows there won't be any bad effects on the kids if he is absent from their lives for 40ish hours a week. And maybe he likes his job too much to give it up or at least he feels that given the economic lifestyle you and he finds acceptable, it would not be financially feasible for him to not work.

It reminds me of a quotation about atheism I've always found amusing:


When you understand why your husband (or really any spouse of a SAHP) is not a SAHP then you'll understand why the parents in dual career households aren't SAHP too.

No, actually I won't. There is a HUGE difference between having a PARENT of your children taking care of them vs someone you found in the yellow pages. My DH would have stayed home with the kids without question if it was economically feasible for that to happen. Again, MY OPINION is that it makes NO SENSE to have kids only to dump them in daycare for 10+ hours a day. You do what ever the heck you want with your kids but I never had my kids cry because they woke up and found me at home with them but every kid I know cried at some point and time being dumped at daycare.

 

[curious3069]

No, actually I won't. There is a HUGE difference between having a PARENT of your children taking care of them vs someone you found in the yellow pages. My DH would have stayed home with the kids without question if it was economically feasible for that to happen. Again, MY OPINION is that it makes NO SENSE to have kids only to dump them in daycare for 10+ hours a day. You do what ever the heck you want with your kids but I never had my kids cry because they woke up and found me at home with them but every kid I know cried at some point and time being dumped at daycare.

I have to ask...if your children someday have children and decide to take their children to daycare, would you say that they are senseless parents who "dump" their kids at daycare?

"Dump" is a very inflamatory word, by the way, that you seem to love to use. I hope you thank your lucky starts that you have the OPTION of staying home with your kids. Some don't get the luxury of that option.

 

[golfgal]

I have to ask...if your children someday have children and decide to take their children to daycare, would you say that they are senseless parents who "dump" their kids at daycare?

"Dump" is a very inflamatory word, by the way, that you seem to love to use. I hope you thank your lucky starts that you have the OPTION of staying home with your kids. Some don't get the luxury of that option.

We didn't have luck or luxury, we made a CHOICE to live off one income.

 

[DeniseinNS]

I think it depends on the family, what may be right for one family may not be for another but there really is no right or wrong.

I personally have not and will not ever use daycare, mostly because I want to be the one that is home with my kids during the day because I feel like I don't want to miss out on their firsts and I would miss them too much being away all day. Once we started having kids we rearranged our schedules so that my hubby works days (mon-fri) and I work 3 evenings a week after he gets home and a few hours during the day on the weekend so that we don't need babysitters. This is what works for us because we both enjoy the one on one time of each having the kids to ourselves and one of us being at home with them at all times, plus we don't have to pay any childcare expenses.

 

[Christine]

We didn't have luck or luxury, we made a CHOICE to live off one income.

Oh, here we go again. The "choice" to live off one income. Yes some people can manage on one income and some can't. I'm glad you were able to have that "choice." Not everyone's one income allows for that flexibility.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh, here we go again. The "choice" to live off one income. Yes some people can manage on one income and some can't. I'm glad you were able to have that "choice." Not everyone's one income allows for that flexibility.

Especially these days. People die, people divorce, and people lose jobs. Being smug doesn't prevent any of those things from happening.

Thought it might be interesting to see how many who suddenly find themselves single without any income coming in would "choose" to either dump their kids so they can find work or "choose" to go on welfare.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

The five most successful adults I know personally all had moms that worked. Strangely enough, the least successful adults I know had moms that stayed home. It doesn't matter in the long run whether you work or stay home in terms of raising well educated, successful adults, it's the value you place on education at home and the values you teach them. My best friend has a law degree but chooses to stay home with her two kids (special needs). It works for her family and no one thinks less of her for it. All of my other close friends have gone back to work, but then again, we all had moms that went to college and worked so it's the norm for our group.

What is your definition of success? "Success" is highly subjective.

 

[*Meagan*]

I haven't read any replies but honestly, I don't understand why anyone would want children and then dump them in daycare, no matter how wonderful the setting, for 8-10 hours/day. That is just my personal feelings but we didn't want someone else raising our children, which is what happens when you see them for 4 hours a day and someone else takes care of them for 10 hours. I just don't understand that thinking, not a criticism, argument, just can't get my head around doing something like that.

I was waiting for a reply like this... so ridiculous.
Soooooooooooooooooo people can not have children and work?!

Your children go to school for 7-8 hours a day for atleast 17 years of their life... no?

I do not have any children. but Im pretty sure when I was little and went to daycare/preschool my parents did not just "DUMP" me there..

 

[NMAmy]

Ah, yes, the famous DIS Mommy competition. Who loves their child(ren) more? My choice is obviously the only CORRECT choice for anyone in the whole wide world and any other Mommy who does things differently is wrong, wrong, wrong and just beyond my comprehension.

Thank heavens my dd is all grown up and has no clue how I ruined her life with my crappy, bad Mom decisions. To all the moms out there who are feeling insecure with their decisions--you're doing fine. It's not a competition and the only prize we receive is a child who becomes a healthy, happy, independent adult. And frankly, that's really the only prize I wanted. It would be nice if moms could support each other but it doesn't appear as that will ever happen on an internet bulletin board. I'm grateful for all the great moms I know IRL who support each other.

 

[*Meagan*]

Also adding to that both of my parents worked and still work and I appreciate them so very much. I think they made the perfect life for us as a family. We ate dinner as a family every night, did homework together, did tons of fun stuff on the weekends, in the evenings etc. Although I am the only child my parents always made time for me and I never ever resented them for sending me to day care (I also went to grandma/grandpas a lot too and I LOVED IT! I miss those days!!!).. I loved daycare/preschool. I also went to day camp in the summer (when I was a little older) but I think those things helped me to become very outgoing and social along with my parents..they made me who I am today. I do not think there is anything wrong with being a SAHM or sending your children to day care.

I do not have any children right now (hopefully soon) Right now my DH schedule and my schedule are completely opposite to one another so we would not need daycare. But as our children got older I would love to have them go to day care/play dates/preschool etc.. maybe once a week to have a social experience and to be around other children.

 

[GJM]

I really do appreciate the replies and to see each view -

Again, MY OPINION is that it makes NO SENSE to have kids only to dump them in daycare for 10+ hours a day. You do what ever the heck you want with your kids but I never had my kids cry because they woke up and found me at home with them but every kid I know cried at some point and time being dumped at daycare.

I think this is kind of harsh - there is no way we "dumped" our DS at daycare, as most parents that do use daycare, they research. I didn't pick a place out of the yellow pages, it was recommended by a friend. And we did go to a few daycare's before picking a place.

For the posters that think it is awful for a child in daycare, what should a parent do it they are a single parent. My sister was a single parent with 1 year old twin girls, they both went to daycare, just graduated HS and are going to college. So my sister had to work - do you still consider her kids as being "dumped" in daycare??

 

[sunnyday123]

Ah, yes, the famous DIS Mommy competition. Who loves their child(ren) more? My choice is obviously the only CORRECT choice for anyone in the whole wide world and any other Mommy who does things differently is wrong, wrong, wrong and just beyond my comprehension.

Thank heavens my dd is all grown up and has no clue how I ruined her life with my crappy, bad Mom decisions. To all the moms out there who are feeling insecure with their decisions--you're doing fine. It's not a competition and the only prize we receive is a child who becomes a healthy, happy, independent adult. And frankly, that's really the only prize I wanted. It would be nice if moms could support each other but it doesn't appear as that will ever happen on an internet bulletin board. I'm grateful for all the great moms I know IRL who support each other.

Thank you! Very well said. I stopped reading by page 2 because I got annoyed. My DD was in daycare-I read to her, I fed her, I read to her, I spent time with her and I took her places. NO ONE else raised her.

Because of the wonderful in-home daycare she was in, by age 2 she knew her alphabet, could count to 20 ( ok, she called it 10-teen but still ) knew her colors and her shapes. She had one of the most extensive vocabularies of any 2 year old around-largely due to the fact that her day care provider talked, non-stop all day long. At 2 1/2 she switched daycares and until she left for school they always assumed she was at least 1-2 years older than she was, and would have to catch themselves from moving her up to an older-aged room.

On the flip side, I have a friend who feels daycare is Satans Den, yet is in a state of panic because her 6 year old, who has stayed home with her since birth, isn't ready for Kindergarten.

When it all comes down to it, it's how you parent. Quantity of time doesn't always equal quality.

 

[Robinrs]

Ah, yes, the famous DIS Mommy competition. Who loves their child(ren) more? My choice is obviously the only CORRECT choice for anyone in the whole wide world and any other Mommy who does things differently is wrong, wrong, wrong and just beyond my comprehension.

Thank heavens my dd is all grown up and has no clue how I ruined her life with my crappy, bad Mom decisions. To all the moms out there who are feeling insecure with their decisions--you're doing fine. It's not a competition and the only prize we receive is a child who becomes a healthy, happy, independent adult. And frankly, that's really the only prize I wanted. It would be nice if moms could support each other but it doesn't appear as that will ever happen on an internet bulletin board. I'm grateful for all the great moms I know IRL who support each other.

Amen!!!!

The ideal is the result. Everyone has they own opinion (and BOY do they have them here) but I enjoy the HECK out of "kid" day at my office. My co workers have the most AMAZING kids, loving,respectful, adorable and smart as whips. ALL of their parents are working parents. Mine is the oldest and they're all kids we are proud of. On the other hand, our kids are proud of US, also. My son loves the fact that his Mom is the boss at home and at the job!

Women will never get our acts together until we learn to respect each other and our choices.