Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[crashbb]

I bet it's my favorite breed of cow too ... a Brown Swiss.

Are they the ones that give chocolate milk??

 

[Andy B]

Andy B--thanks for the full Santa story. We have a handmade felt Santa tree topper that my grandmother gave me when she was dying of cancer. I was 7 at the time. She told me (and wrote it in a letter she gave me with it) that it had been on every one of her Christmas trees and her mom made it for her the year she was born. I always kind of wondered how that could be since she was born in the 20s. Stupid me I did not think to question the "common knowledge" about Coke and always just figured she had little to give her only granddaughter at the time and may have exaggerated a bit. BTW that red felt Santa with white trim has been on the top of every tree I have had since--it is one of the few belongings I brought overseas with me.

You are most welcome but it is only part of the whole story but I think makes the point.

 

[mrsv98]

We got around this be asking for donations. DD wanted a bug class party but she DID NOT need 24+ presents. Instead, we asked for either an item off Save-A-Pets wish list or a monetary donation to a horse rescue (both are very important to DD). It was fabulous! The parents were wonderful, we had lots of compliments about what a great idea it was and DD was really pleased.

For thank you notes, I had DD sit on the couch surrounded by all the donations and took a pic, then made them into cards. DD wrote everyone herself. We then spent a Sat taking the donations to the shelter and DD visited every single dog! Another Sat we went out to the horse rescue and dropped off the checks.

IMHO, this is a great way to get around the "No Gifts" dilemma and encourage empathy at the same time. A couple of her close friends did bring her little gifts too, but most people followed our request. I would consider the ones who didn't "rude" at all, just sweet that they cared for DD so much.

 

[Dancemom03]

Silly! Why would the kid want gifts? She got a Swiss Cow!

*wipes diet coke off monitor... again*
Count me in the 'surprised you're all still here today' crowd too. Gotta hang around to see where it goes next...

 

[crashbb]

We got around this be asking for donations. DD wanted a bug class party but she DID NOT need 24+ presents. Instead, we asked for either an item off Save-A-Pets wish list or a monetary donation to a horse rescue (both are very important to DD). It was fabulous! The parents were wonderful, we had lots of compliments about what a great idea it was and DD was really pleased.

For thank you notes, I had DD sit on the couch surrounded by all the donations and took a pic, then made them into cards. DD wrote everyone herself. We then spent a Sat taking the donations to the shelter and DD visited every single dog! Another Sat we went out to the horse rescue and dropped off the checks.

IMHO, this is a great way to get around the "No Gifts" dilemma and encourage empathy at the same time. A couple of her close friends did bring her little gifts too, but most people followed our request. I would consider the ones who didn't "rude" at all, just sweet that they cared for DD so much.

This brings up an interesting point. What if I, as the guest, don't like charity you are asking me to donate to? People can have issues with seemingly benign charities, so it isn't a matter of just not choosing "controversial" charities.

I see that you wouldn't consider it rude if the child brought a gift instead, but what it were adults? Or you were the type that would consider if rude if I brought a gift? And, would probably also consider me rude if I brought neither a gift nor a donation.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You are most welcome but it is only part of the whole story but I think makes the point.

It means a lot to me to know that the little bit of felt I treasure really was likely made by my Great Grandmother when my grandmother said it was. That is one of very few memories I have of my Nana and I love knowing this bit of Santa history to g owith it.
Yes, it also makes a valid point on this thread

IMHO, this is a great way to get around the "No Gifts" dilemma and encourage empathy at the same time. A couple of her close friends did bring her little gifts too, but most people followed our request. I would consider the ones who didn't "rude" at all, just sweet that they cared for DD so much.

OP made it clear that she (he?) does not want to ever be asked to donate to certain charities for a party. Hard to win with this OP, sigh.
I think your DDs party sounds nice and I appreciate that you did not see the little extra gifts as rude

 

[Dancemom03]

The therapist is going to have his hand full some day with these kids coming to terms with their childhoods because of what their parents believed.

Oh, you betcha!

Maybe they should all start asking for gifts of "cold hard cash" so they can start saving now for the bill...

 

[NYPDwife]

First of all, going to the Melting Pot, yummo! Very fun.

Can you donate the gifts to a womens' shelter? There are always children there & the gifts could go to a girl in need. Just a thought.

Why not just take the gifts given and give them to a shelter yourself? It might say no gifts, but I know I'd feel rude showing up without a little something. If you like, put "all gifts will be donated to ______" on the invite so they know you'd like to donate them.

 

[testifyoncruises]

This brings up an interesting point. What if I, as the guest, don't like charity you are asking me to donate to? People can have issues with seemingly benign charities, so it isn't a matter of just not choosing "controversial" charities.

This is why I won't suggest people give to a charity on an invitation. There are certain charities, well known, that I will not support in any way whatsoever.

I see that you wouldn't consider it rude if the child brought a gift instead, but what it were adults? Or you were the type that would consider if rude if I brought a gift? And, would probably also consider me rude if I brought neither a gift nor a donation.

I do think it rude not to honor the wishes of the invitee and others consider it bad etiquette.

For Festivus 2009, my child ended up with with less presents than year's past. She also did not get everything she had asked for. However, she did not throw a fit unlike one of the girlies across the street who literally had a screaming crying match because she did not receive some AG accessory.

My child does not desire as many material stuff as other children. Believe it or not, she enjoys the enrichment of the experience like visiting a cow, or a limo with her friends more than just STUFF. I'm sorry it is so hard for so many of you to comprehend.

We have talked about unplayed with, unopened toys from celebrations in the past and she gets it in her own way.

So yes we believe if you receive an invitation that indicates "no gifts" and you bring a gift anyway, you are being somewhat disrespectful and rude. So many people say that THEY would feel some way if they did not bring a gift. Those people need to realize that the party is not about THEM.

 

[crashbb]

This is why I won't suggest people give to a charity on an invitation. There are certain charities, well known, that I will not support in any way whatsoever.


For Festivus 2009, my child ended up with with less presents than year's past. She also did not get everything she had asked for. However, she did not throw a fit unlike one of the girlies across the street who literally had a screaming crying match because she did not receive some AG accessory.

Upthread, you said that everyone was told not to bring gifts for your daughter, but they did anyway. How could your child have asked for anything?

I do agree with you about not asking for charity donations. There are charities that people think I *should* support, but I don't. I'll give my reasons when pressed, but generally just say that I am unable to donate. I think it is rude to press for more once I've said that, but it doesn't stop someone people.

 

[itchin2go]

by posting something you know they will run to post about and have fun at their expense because they bought something hook, line and sinker.

I think we're the "yukus" and testifyoncruises is "tweaking" us ....

 

[testifyoncruises]

Upthread, you said that everyone was told not to bring gifts for your daughter, but they did anyway. How could your child have asked for anything?

You are confusing a birthday party where there are invites to celebrations in December where children normally make a list. Our DD is not going to miss extra presents believe me and we have told her if we do this party she wants, there will be no gifts requested nor will we give any. The party and the TRIP are her gift.

 

[crashbb]

Our family is blended in that we have different customs and religions in which we were raised. One involves a Christian religion, one involves a Jewish religion and now we follow certain aspects of other beliefs as well.

We refer to the celebrations in which we participate as Festivus. We know what they are called and do call them that, but to others we follow others and refer to the whole celebration in general as Festivus. (We do have a pole for because we can)


This is not a party, but we have told them no gifts, please for several years.

You are confusing a birthday party where there are invites to celebrations in December where children normally make a list. Our DD is not going to miss extra presents believe me and we have told her if we do this party she wants, there will be no gifts requested nor will we give any. The party and the TRIP are her gift.

Nope, not confusing anything. You stated that you have told your family NO GIFTS for Festivus for many years.

 

[DWGal210]

I just have to say that before I post my comments, this thread is a HOOT! It's really helping to pass the time on a slow Tuesday.

So now onto it...

A family I know does something which I think is very neat. When their children get gifts for birthdays, Christmas, etc they go into their roooms / play areas with Mom and Dad and look at their toys; those that they might not play with anymore and that are still in good condition, gently used and not missing any pieces go to the local Goodwill. For example, if Susie gets 5 presents, she gives 5 of her good-condition toys to a child in need. Then two things are being accomplished: 1) The children are learning the value of giving and helping those in need and 2) Their house is not cluttered with years of toys they no longer play with.

Now, of course, there are those toys/gifts that hold sentimental value (the teddy bear from Grandma, for example) that you wouldn't want to part with. But I just love that they do this; I've even started doing it in my home. I don't have children, but my new rule is that each new thing that comes in my house, something else leaves. I've done this with clothes, kitchen items, etc. If something is in good condition, not broken and not missing pieces, I donate it.

I am not saying this to get pats on the back; just presenting it as an option to the OP. If you decide to indicate no gifts on the invitation and recieve some anyway, perhaps this would be a good way to deal with that situation.

 

[DWGal210]

I don't know about most people here, but the icon I celebrate at Christmas has been around a lot longer than Santa Claus, LOL. Santa is just a silly thing to add in there and not the main reason most people celebrate Christmas. He was probably created to give people who don't believe a reason to celebrate, as well as selling merchandise.

I have been to parties that asked for no gifts, and brought a card with a sincere message inside. Noone has ever seemed upset that I brought a card. If it were a kids party, I would probably have my child give the child their gift at another time. That way I would be honoring the request of no gifts at the party, but still honoring my right to give someone something special on their special day. To me, it isn't about whether they NEED a gift, its about showing the person you were thinking about them enough to go and pick out something special for them.

JMHO though. I would never say "No gifts" on an invite. I'd just donate the gifts to a shelter if my child had too much.

Marsha

MTE, Marsha. Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Nope, not confusing anything. You stated that you have told your family NO GIFTS for Festivus for many years.

I am sorry I am not understanding your point? Family tends to get a pass, but they ignore the no gift request all the time and we do think it quite RUDE.

DD makes a list for Festivus and for her birthday? Not sure of your point again. DD has received enough non played with toys in her life that we know what is best for our child.

 

[diznygirl]

How in the world is this thread still open? I'm baffled.

This is why I won't suggest people give to a charity on an invitation. There are certain charities, well known, that I will not support in any way whatsoever.


I do think it rude not to honor the wishes of the invitee and others consider it bad etiquette.

For Festivus 2009, my child ended up with with less presents than year's past. She also did not get everything she had asked for. However, she did not throw a fit unlike one of the girlies across the street who literally had a screaming crying match because she did not receive some AG accessory.

My child does not desire as many material stuff as other children. Believe it or not, she enjoys the enrichment of the experience like visiting a cow, or a limo with her friends more than just STUFF. I'm sorry it is so hard for so many of you to comprehend.

We have talked about unplayed with, unopened toys from celebrations in the past and she gets it in her own way.

So yes we believe if you receive an invitation that indicates "no gifts" and you bring a gift anyway, you are being somewhat disrespectful and rude. So many people say that THEY would feel some way if they did not bring a gift. Those people need to realize that the party is not about THEM.

For someone so open-minded, you also sound very stubbornly close-minded.

You seem to have a circle of people around you who you shouldn't even be associating with because of your beliefs. I can only hope that you find the Nirvana you are looking for, despite being surrounded by a bunch of First Class Dolts. Good luck to you sir.

 

[crashbb]

I am sorry I am not understanding your point? Family tends to get a pass, but they ignore the no gift request all the time and we do think it quite RUDE.

DD makes a list for Festivus and for her birthday? Not sure of your point again. DD has received enough non played with toys in her life that we know what is best for our child.

I'm not sure how you aren't getting my point, but let's try it again.

If you are telling people (friends AND family) not to bring your daughter gifts, what possible use could a list be? Of course she didn't get everything on the list - no one was supposed to bring her anything.

Writing a wish list and asking for no gifts SHOULD be mutually exclusive.

And, my other point is that you seem to be forgetting what you are saying on this thread. At one point (as I showed you) you say that you tell family not to bring gifts for Festivus. At another point, you tell me that I am totally confused and the only "non gift" event is her birthday. It helps us understand if your story stays consistent.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is why I won't suggest people give to a charity on an invitation. There are certain charities, well known, that I will not support in any way whatsoever.


I do think it rude not to honor the wishes of the invitee and others consider it bad etiquette.

For Festivus 2009, my child ended up with with less presents than year's past. She also did not get everything she had asked for. However, she did not throw a fit unlike one of the girlies across the street who literally had a screaming crying match because she did not receive some AG accessory.

My child does not desire as many material stuff as other children. Believe it or not, she enjoys the enrichment of the experience like visiting a cow, or a limo with her friends more than just STUFF. I'm sorry it is so hard for so many of you to comprehend.
We have talked about unplayed with, unopened toys from celebrations in the past and she gets it in her own way.

So yes we believe if you receive an invitation that indicates "no gifts" and you bring a gift anyway, you are being somewhat disrespectful and rude. So many people say that THEY would feel some way if they did not bring a gift. Those people need to realize that the party is not about THEM.

Gifts for "Festivus"? I am not even going to address that at this point.
As for the "girlies" (which is a ridiculous term imo) having a fit- well I don't know any kids who have ever had a fit at any holiday because they didn't get whatever they asked for. Maybe the fit was because you keep calling them the "girlies"?

Oh- and as for your child not wanting "STUFF" she is not some special snowflake. Many kids don't ask for tons of stuff including my own. That doesn't mean that they don't appreciate it when they do get things that they haven't asked for from people who took the time to get them something special. They appreciate that someone thought of them. Believe it or not.

 

[testifyoncruises]

It helps us understand if your story stays consistent.

My story is consistent, but I won't waste any more time with you explaining it.