Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[Andy B]

I don't think you should say this for someone else's birthday. Say it for yours but not for your DD. and if gifts are given they are given to her and you should not donate them away as they are not yours.

Remember the act of gift giving is a social function for both parties and many people feel good giving.

 

[aprilgail2]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

totally agree!

I was always taught never to return an empty dish. Good rule, I think!

Never hear or experienced that rule--only hear it on the Dis.

I took my child to a birthday party once where there was something stated in the invitation that all the gifts were going to be donated to charity. The birthday boy opened all of the gifts, but didn't get to keep any. It was kind of sad for him, but I guess the parents were using it as a teaching moment for the child.


.

Why was it sad?? Maybe it was not the parents choice, but the childs choice. My daughter had a party when she was 7 that she donated all the gifts she got and SHE requested that we do it that way. We work for a childrens chariety and she sees first hand how little these children have and she KNOWS how much she has and will be getting for her birthday in Nov and Christmas in Dec from just family, neighbors and friends..she could very well spare those 20+ gifts coming from her birthday party. It made HER happy to go down and donated all those gifts....she also loved opening them seeing what she was giving.

 

[ICF]

just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

indeed!

 

[formill]

Well DD has presents from last birthday that have never been opened or played with, presents from Festivus 2008 that were never played with or opened.

If you cannot understand it, I won't bother explaining it to you. The party is her gift and having her friends spend a special girlie day with her are part of that gift. We don't need material things to show we care for a person or that we are cared for.

DD will be getting plenty of gifts from DP and I and we see no need nor we want gifts for our child. We are not about to say please donate to this charity. We happen to believe donation to a charity is a personal choice and we will not presume what charity is important to us is important to another.

I realized many years ago the gift thing for children's birthdays was getting too crazy. ( many times a big exchange of cash and gift cards no gifts at all) So we stopped it when my daughter was maybe 9 or 10.....she no longer had "birthday parties" but had a "pool party"....no mention on invites of it being for her birthday. She still got friends, cake and good fun. A couple of her closer friends would bring a birthday card with cash. This year I tried for my twins joint party for turning 7......I put on the invites please feel free to give them one small joint gift......EVERYONE brought not only a joint gift but a gift each....the living room looked like a tornado went through it was CRAZY the amount of stuff. I had several packages of barbies to go to donation bins for Christmas- there is no way they could possibly play with that many barbies in their lifetime!

 

[mickeyplanner08]

My kids go to a small, rural school. The last 2 "parties" we've had have both had "no gift" requests in the invitation. I worded it something along the lines of DD is very excited for you to come, but we would like her party to be her gift, so please don't bring a gift. Only one child came with something, and it was a homemade card. It was great-I'm so mean that I don't think my kids need a whole bunch of stuff that they won't play with and I'll have to clean up anyway!

 

[OceanAnnie]

No, but I have a hamster you can lease in the good old U S of A.

 

[BelleWDW]

Well DD has presents from last birthday that have never been opened or played with,

presents from Festivus 2008 that were never played with or opened.

If you cannot understand it, I won't bother explaining it to you. The party is her gift and having her friends spend a special girlie day with her are part of that gift. We don't need material things to show we care for a person or that we are cared for.

DD will be getting plenty of gifts from DP and I and we see no need nor we want gifts for our child. We are not about to say please donate to this charity. We happen to believe donation to a charity is a personal choice and we will not presume what charity is important to us is important to another.

Its sad that parents can dictate that their kid cant get presents....if this thread is "for real...

Festivus is a made up Holiday from Seinfeld.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus

From this brand new posters other posts, I'm beginning to think "troll"

 

[testifyoncruises]

I am 90% sure your DD is the one who drinks entire glassses of wine at dinner

Since you are so good at taking notes, you should go back and read. I said one OUNCE of wine. Never did I say entire glasses of wine. Nice how things get distorted in the telephone game of the DIS.

 

[Darsa]

If I got an invite that read "no gifts" (which I've never received, I guess kids around here are either not as blessed with mountains of gifts, or too greedy to not want gifts, who knows) I would most likely send DD with a card, and I might or might not (depending on how well I know the kid/family) slip a gift card or something in the card.

I certainly wouldn't consider someone "rude" for bringing a gift... that thought is pretty ludicrous IMHO.

And in regards to the "Festivus" thing, I think (I hope!) that the person in question might possibly feel hypocritical celebrating a (what is supposed to be) religious holiday when they have no religious bent, hence adopting the Festivus thing. Just my thoughts, YMMV

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I still think it is rude to mention gifts on your invite. I also think that requesting that you donate to a specific charity is not my cup of tea. I donate to where I want to and some of the ones mentioned on this thread I would not want to donate to. I agree with the OP that donations to charity are a personal choice.

 

[pyrxtc]

I never got the "no gift" idea for kids. I don't bring kids a gift because they lack the ability to get them on their own or from their parents but to show them that we like them and thoguht they would like this. I try to get personal in any gift I get. Sometimes I have a gift for a psecific person in my home for months before the birthday just waiting to give it to them.

2 yrs ago, my DS was invitied to a no gift party. I knew the birthday was coming up and we had already shopped and got something we thought he would like. We didn't bring it to the party, we gave it to him later and he loved it as much as we thought he would. Was something his parents hadn't thought of giving him.

I would never have a "no gifts" party for my child. They are not lacking anythig either but opening up and receiving gifts from your friends and family on your birthday are part of the fun of a party.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Since you are so good at taking notes, you should go back and read. I said one OUNCE of wine. Never did I say entire glasses of wine. Nice how things get distorted in the telephone game of the DIS.

Actually, I even said I do not take notes on posters ("I am not one to take notes on posters, but you post such outlandish stuff I can't help but remember it") andsimply remembered your posts becuase they are so over the top. Sorry I remembered the amount of wine incorrectly. I know that I, someone who thinks the US drinking age is a mistake and awlways offers her kids a sip or small glass of the adult beverage being consumed, and has a DD13 who does drink a small glass of wine at dinner once in a while, and is really quiet accepting ofserving alcohol at meals to minors came awa yfrom that thread thinking you seemed to waaaaay past me on the liberal scale ofhta issue and I am generally all the way over into liberal landcompared to most.

Even without the wine post, the strip tease dance (you only said the one that the little girl does at the end, but that is what it is--it is a great movie BTW) and the making money by doing things with your DP for a webcam from a new poster are enough to make me think you are playing with people. I apologize if I am wrong about that--but perhaps you should rethink what and how you post otherwise as it gives a pretty bad impression (perhaps unintentionally). Given the level of personal information (of the top which generally shocks people) you have posted and you have only been on this board since this year, if you are not trying to rile people up and are for real, please listen to an "old timer" and slow up on the amount of controversial topics you are throwing out there Not that this thread is controversial (though your second or third post in where you throw in limo rides for a 7 year old's birthday and then a trip to Switzerland could come off as showy--again just a tone you may not realize is comming through and probably did not mean).

So, I gave you a goodlist of reason WHY a parent may bring a gift to the party (as per your original question). Would you care to comment on that--or just on the mistake in how much wine your 6 year old drinks? BTW, I do not b;ame you for not wanting more gifts. However, if my child were invited to such a party they would probably arrive with a homemade card and a small, personal gift. If it was a close friend, then like a PP we might have already bought the "perfect" item months ago and stashed it away. My children LOVE to find just the right thing and gift it to a friend--none of us intend to offend or be rude by thinking of someone we care about.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Not that this thread is controversial (though your second or third post in where you throw in limo rides for a 7 year old's birthday and then a trip to Switzerland could come off as showy--

Sorry but how is talking about a birthday party or a trip any more "showy" than posting about a trip to WDW. It is factual not "showy". It is our request that our child not receive gifts for reasons we have stated and felt no reason to respond to all of the reasons one feels a gift must be brought. We have been to other no gift parties and the only people out of place are the ones who brought gifts when none were requested and most people had honored the written request.

BTW, there were people here who didn't even realize it was possible to lease a cow for a season! That is not being showy either but factual.

 

[VillageMama]

From this brand new posters other posts, I'm beginning to think "troll"

That is what I thought as soon as I read the bit about still having presents from Festivus 2008. Everyone knows that giving presents to children is not one of the tenents of Festivus.

Feats of strength... airing of grievances... but no presents.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sorry but how is talking about a birthday party or a trip any more "showy" than posting about a trip to WDW. It is factual not "showy". It is our request that our child not receive gifts for reasons we have stated and felt no reason to respond to all of the reasons one feels a gift must be brought. We have been to other no gift parties and the only people out of place are the ones who brought gifts when none were requested and most people had honored the written request.

BTW, there were people here who didn't even realize it was possible to lease a cow for a season! That is not being showy either but factual.

It was the tone you used that came off as possibly showy--which I said was probably not what you intended. I meant it as a friendly heads up that you are possiby getting yourself an unintended reputation here (your newest thread further cements my hunch that it is inteded though).

WHY ask why people would bring gifts if you plan to ignore all of the reasons given

Editing to add that part of why it could come across as showy is that you going on vacation to Switzerland and having a cow there is not really relavant to why you do not want your DD to get gifts. Most people would just say something like "we have enough and do not need more" or talk about the amount of stuff overflowing their cupboards or what not, not bring up a trip. it is okay, but it does come across as somewhatover the top is all. When I started reading that I thought you were going to say you were MOVING to Switzerland and could not take much with you, which would be relevant.

 

[luvmy3]

That is what I thought as soon as I read the bit about still having presents from Festivus 2008. Everyone knows that giving presents to children is not one of the tenents of Festivus.

Feats of strength... airing of grievances... but no presents.

OMG, this almost made me spit coffee out all over my screen

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

So our DD is definitely not for want.

Gifts are not given because the recipient is lacking.

 

[luvsJack]

No, but I have a hamster you can lease in the good old U S of A.

When we have had a party where gifts are not wanted we have asked that everyone bring 1 canned food item or 1 can of pet food (or bag of dry food, or chew toy) and then donate to the local food drive or to the humane society. That way everyone actually does bring a little something. When you are raised to believe its bad manners to come empty handed it is very hard to get away from that and I think there is always the fear that the other kids will bring something and your own child will be the only one without.


Little advice OP, if you don't want to come off as a troll; quit posting little digs about the amount of money you have; or wish you have as the case may be.

 

[MM27]

I would never go to a party without bringing something, even if the invitation said 'No Gifts'. I think it's tacky to show up empty-handed. I would probably get the person a gift card or something and put it in an envelope. This way, I was giving them something without others, that maybe didn't bring a gift, not feeling bad or guilty if they brought nothing.

 

[mum4jenn]

WOW!! Aren't there needy cows in the US that could be "leased"????? YOu know the old let's take care of our own before we take care of non US!!

I bet the folks in Switzerland are laughing like crazy at the Americans who have now proven will do anything to try and prove they have money to throw away.