Why do I bother?

[totalia]

As many of you know, I'm getting married at some point soon in the future (long story why we dont know when and I will leave it out). I've been visiting wedding web sites to get ideas. I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering why I even bother.

The sheer selfishness and cruelty that I've seen come out on these web sites astonishes me to no end.

The most recent that shocks me is that some woman wants to exclude a family member from even being invited to the wedding because they have HIV.

How cruel. Excluding them because they are sick? Thats horrible. Whats she going to do, stand at the microphone and announce to the whole place that the girl has HIV and to stay away from her? Most people won't even know if she just keeps her mouth shut about it.

What next.. exclude someone because they have cancer? Because their child is mentally ******** or worse, just because they smoke?

This is getting out of hand. How can people do these things to each other....

 

[Otimon]

Try not to worry about things you have no control over. So many things go on in people's lives and families that cause them to do the things they do. I guess one can't know unless they've walked in that person's shoes.

Plan and enjoy your wedding day however you both wish it to be.

My best to you.

 

[kaylajr]

i would say ignore what others are doing
especially if it bothers you
plan and enjoy your OWN wedding

can't imagine excluding a family member
but everyone is different

 

[powellrj]

I have to agree with you. It may be your day, but that doesn't give you the right to be out and out hateful and hurt people. Its a day of joy and you invite people to celebrate your day with you.

 

[MsLeFever]

Yikes that is terrifying! Why would anyone think that "their day" = "their day to be awful"?

 

[Amberle3]

I've discovered that The Knot is really good for using the planning capabilities, the tracking and the articles. Stay away from the discussion boards - it's like talking to a bunch of 13-year olds. Which frankly yes is an insult to most 13-year olds. It's like talking to a bunch of 13-year olds that are intentionally trying to be nasty/disgusting. Example: I went to the planning forum to ask a question about 2 weeks ago to discover that the main topic of discussion? Placentas. And not in any kind of natural or constructive way, or any way that had to do with weddings.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That is awful!

I've heard some other brides posting here about the bridezilla websites.

 

[totalia]

I stopped going to The Knot based on those 13 year olds.

Sorry, I just had to unload last night after I saw that post. I was just horrified. It's morally reprehensible. I guess if the mods decide to boot me from the site for saying anything then they can just do so. It's just a truely horrible thing to do.

I have such problems with the bride's on bridal sites. They all just seem so selfish.

After all the wedding web sites I've been to, most of the bride's tend to annoy me. This is the first time I've ever gotten personally angry over something I saw someone post on the internet. Of course, this is the first time I've ever seen someone ask what the etiquette is to not invite someone just because they are ill. For that matter, I'm surprised the person thought it was ok enough to even ask about it.

I agree.. just because it's your day doesn't mean it's your day to be horrible.

Thank you for listening to me. I was just so angry. I even went to bed last night thinking about it. So far, planning the wedding hasn't been fun at all. It's more like a giant headache. Long story as to why but things like this are only the tip of the iceburg. I'm to the point where I just want it over.

 

[luv2nascar]

personally I thought planning my wedding ended up being a pain in the rear
I would do it completely different if I had to do it over again
beautiful wedding, lot of money spent, and much drama prior to the actual day
I've learned to eliminate drama from my life. I used to think you could make everyone happy and made everyone miserable. Now I make myself happy and hope others are happy also.
good luck.

 

[Kimberle]

I know someone who didn't invite any "fat" people because she was afraid they might get into the pictures. Marriage lasted less than 2 years.

(fat to her was size 12 +)

 

[Hippychickali]

Totalia,

I feel your pain. I, too, am planning my wedding for July and very quickly found out that the internet was no help because of these monster brides. They seem to miss the entire point of a wedding. (i.e. concerned about getting married in a certain church because it's a pretty building, etc.) My advice is to avoid them. Do your own thing.

Ali

 

[Rootskate]

Totalia, I also know where you are coming from. I have seen the 'Me, Me, Me" mentality on these wedding sites and I too am disgusted by it. I never realized how stressful all of this would be. Our "simple" wedding has turned into a constant headache (literally), and a very expensive one at that. (We are paying for the whole thing.) I just said to my Fiance this morning that I am to the point where I cant wait for this to be over with so everything can get back to normal.

 

[LadyyRedd]

www.etiquettehell.com
This has got to be one of the funniest websites I've ever read. It not only has stories about bridezillas, but about all different kinds of breach of etiquette. Take a few and peruse!
Kimya

 

[EltonJohn]

What next.. exclude someone because they have cancer? Because their child is mentally ******** or worse, just because they smoke?

This is getting out of hand. How can people do these things to each other....

Actually, I would have absolutely no problem with not inviting a smoker to my wedding. Why? Because smokers smell, my mom is allergic to smoke, and I really don't want to have a pungent smell to deal with when and if my Big Day arrives.

 

[Hippychickali]

Actually, I would have absolutely no problem with not inviting a smoker to my wedding. Why? Because smokers smell, my mom is allergic to smoke, and I really don't want to have a pungent smell to deal with when and if my Big Day arrives.

I don't smoke and I don't like smoke but I really don't think that a smoker is going to stink up the whole church or hall or whatever. It's not like they would be smoking during the wedding.

Ali

 

[EltonJohn]

I don't smoke and I don't like smoke but I really don't think that a smoker is going to stink up the whole church or hall or whatever. It's not like they would be smoking during the wedding.

Ali

lol you don't know my sense of smell-I can smell a smoker from a mile away, and I don't want to smell any pungent odor on my Big Day-when and if that day ever comes *crossing fingers*

 

[Hippychickali]

lol you don't know my sense of smell-I can smell a smoker from a mile away, and I don't want to smell any pungent odor on my Big Day-when and if that day ever comes *crossing fingers*

In that case, you better enforce strict showering and deodorant rules to all your wedding guests.

Does this mean that you would demand that someone quits smoking in order to come to your wedding? Even if it's the mother of the bride, for example?

Ali

 

[HayGan]

I've discovered that The Knot is really good for using the planning capabilities, the tracking and the articles. Stay away from the discussion boards - it's like talking to a bunch of 13-year olds. Which frankly yes is an insult to most 13-year olds. It's like talking to a bunch of 13-year olds that are intentionally trying to be nasty/disgusting.

OMG, the knot was like that back when I started planning my wedding 8 years ago!!! It was terrible! I was getting so worked up over the things would say that my DH said he would cancel the wedding if I kept going to that site!!!

The best advice I can give you is enjoy the planning and most of all enjoy the day!

 

[Aimeedyan]

I post on the Knot alot (newlywed boards, now) and if you stick around, you find which boards are helpful and which aren't. For the most part, the posts like you described are trolls stirring up trouble - very rarely are those people real. The Knot is a haven for trolls, and you'd be amazed at the posts. You just ignore them and go on.

I've found consistently good advice on my local board there, and also some of hte Newlywed boards - and now the Nest.

Just trolls... don't feed them, and go on =)

 

[EltonJohn]

Ali,

This is the final post that I'm making in this thread since I don't want to get into a huge debate about something that is in the far off and distant future .

I don't want to have to deal with the smell of a smoker when my Big Day comes-it's that simple, and I don't have to explain my reasons. When making that guest list the only other opinion that I would consider would naturally be the groom's, and the only person that I would compromise with would be the groom as well. A few exceptions could be made at the groom's request. Compromise is what marriage is all about right?

My point being is that the Bride and Groom can invite anybody they wish and exclude anybody they wish for any reason whatsoever. This is especially true if they are paying for the wedding themselves, and it is true for anybody throwing a party of any sort. Furthermore, hosts don't have to explain their reasons for not inviting someone to their party.

If a host doesn't want to invite someone for X reason-then that is really nobody's else concern. You get the final word when you pay