Who wants to discuss their long distance relationships?

[DisneyBride'03]

Another one with a happy ending....LDR are not easy!

DH lived in San Fran, CA...me Chicago...met in San Diego in 2000...LDR went on til Dec 24, 2002...married at Disney in June 03...celebrating our 5 yr anniv next month!


It was expensive flying back and forth...both IM, emails and phone calls got us through!

The longest period of time we endured apart was from Oct til the end of December...tht was tough!

Good Luck everyone!
*We met in San Diego...after meeting on line.....sshh!! lol

 

[SweetAmy31]

I guess what I'd say about LDR's is that you really have to look at what you want in a relationship that has come to full fruition. Is the LDR a temporary stage until one of you moves? Do you have a game plan for reaching the next step of your relationship? You just have to think hard about what you are attempting to accomplish with an LDR.

Ok. I agree, but what about when you make a plan and one person backs out, changes their mind? Do you just walk away? I have a really hard, stressful, and dramatic life. I try very hard to avoid drama but like a llama it follows me everywhere.(im stalked by the drama llama ) I'm not sure if my DBF is freaking from the drama, having his own commitment issues, or is just done with me. How do you know when to walk away? He wont answer my questions so I have no answers, so now what?

 

[MagiKitty]

DisneyBride---congrats on your happy ending! You made my day.

SweetAmy, the issue with your BF isn't about the distance or the moving. If he's not talking with you right now, he's not respecting you. I think there's a time to give him space, but you ultimately have to decide what is acceptable for you. It may come to pass that you have to walk away, because as a partner, he's not giving you the chance to participate in your relationship. And since there are children involved, you do have to think how this will affect them.

I can only tell you what I would do in your situation. I too am one of those people who need a "breather" to really figure out what I'm feeling and what I want to say. But anything longer than a week for me is just procrastination. I think about how the other person must be feeling, being in the dark about my feelings and perspective. I know that something MUST be said, and sooner is always better than later.

Let him know that you are waiting to find out what he's feeling and going through, but that you will not be waiting forever. I know its horribly painful, but don't drag out something unnecessarily. If he did want to be with you, he would be working on it with you, whatever reservations he may have. Give him some space and respect, but let him know that you deserve the same in return.

I hope this helps you a little bit. I'm offering an ear and a shoulder if you need one. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck and be strong!

 

[DisneyBride'03]

Thanks

Do want to add, I know its a difficult thing this type relationships!! I know I chimed in...at the end...but if I would have found this thread years ago, who knows what I would be writing! lol
I recall, many lonely nights and days....thinking, I wish he was here for this....for that.....communication is key...and when that is ALL you have...it can build a great foundation for the future....cause many relationships do not have that important foundation of communication.
I had been married before...had kids, so this worked out...that my children built a relationship with him, and someone just wasnt in the picture all of a sudden.

I am blessed it worked out

For everyone else ...please be hopeful and look to the future

 

[SweetAmy31]

Magikitty - thank you so much for the honest heartfelt advice . I think I'm going to see him tonight, no kids, for a chat. So we'll see how it goes. fingers crossed, please!

If he doesnt open up and tell me whats going on im gonna give him a week to do so and then move on if he still doesnt. It will hurt all the kids, but I really cant just stay with him in a one side relationship for the kids. I tried that, it was called the last year of my marriage and it didnt go so well.

Thank you for your advice, all of you . Its appreciated more than you know . Of course if I'm single, maybe I can find me a pirate who plays poker and loves disney!

 

[Keneke]

Ok. I agree, but what about when you make a plan and one person backs out, changes their mind? Do you just walk away? I have a really hard, stressful, and dramatic life. I try very hard to avoid drama but like a llama it follows me everywhere.(im stalked by the drama llama ) I'm not sure if my DBF is freaking from the drama, having his own commitment issues, or is just done with me. How do you know when to walk away? He wont answer my questions so I have no answers, so now what?

That is a tough spot. As a quintessential guy, I can tell you that sometimes conflict-avoidant men (women too, sometimes) often just disappear instead of solve their problems, if disappearing is easy to do. And living apart means disappearing is VERY easy to do. Maybe approach him and ask for some more quality time - without saying how much you miss him, cause its obvious you do already.

 

[SweetAmy31]

That is a tough spot. As a quintessential guy, I can tell you that sometimes conflict-avoidant men (women too, sometimes) often just disappear instead of solve their problems, if disappearing is easy to do. And living apart means disappearing is VERY easy to do. Maybe approach him and ask for some more quality time - without saying how much you miss him, cause its obvious you do already.

Honestly I dont miss him as much as I miss him missing me . If you know what i mean... I miss the txt msgs with cute things for no reason other than he missed me, or showing up on my door step at 8pm on a weeknite, cause he couldnt wait for the weekend even though he'd have to get up at 4am to make it work the next day.

I want to make sure its him I miss thou, not just the actions, I shouldn't need those little things to make the relationship work, but for some reason I feel a real loss that they are gone without reason. When I ask him he just says, "well arent we pass that, we're use to each other now." or "Im not going to do things just cause you tell me too, that ruins it."

Thanks again for the advice guys . I'll let you know how it goes if I make it down to his place to talk tonight!

 

[SweetAmy31]

I didnt make it down there last night...i stayed home and scrapbooked my Disney trip!

I'll see him this weekend thou...with kids. I'm gonna have to wait til Saturday nite after the kids are in bed so as not to cause any scene in front of them. I know hes not the type to wake them up and leave in the middle of the nite.

I'll keep you posted, and thank you again for all the warm hearted replys and advice.

 

[Keneke]

"well arent we pass that, we're use to each other now." or "Im not going to do things just cause you tell me too, that ruins it."

I heard a quote once: "Love is not gazing at each other. Love is gazing outward at the world as one." I bet you one of us guys wrote that quote.

 

[SweetAmy31]

I heard a quote once: "Love is not gazing at each other. Love is gazing outward at the world as one." I bet you one of us guys wrote that quote.

I'm sure a man did write it! Unfortunately us ladies like the man looking at us longingly . Heck, why do you think it takes us so long to do our hair, make-up and pick out the perfect outfit? Do you think those red stilettos heels are comfy?

 

[jennytablina]

Another LDR here

Been dating my fella for almost a year now. I live in England and he lives in Michigan, USA. We met online and were friends for a while. During the time we became friends I was dating another guy who lived close by. It was kinda hard on me because I was crazy about my ex. Though I did a lot more for him than he did for me

Though during this time, he was a good friend to me and also had some stuff of his own which I helped him with in turn as well. He started making sure he was online when I was online more often and after sometime we fell in love~

People are sceptical here too, but in all honesty I'm quite happy this way. We get on great and thanks to the internet, we can still do things together. This week I've been introducing him to Eurovision, thanks to an international feed of the events online and we've been having a great time watching the semis and waiting for the final tomorrow.

We'll finally meet for the first time in July at Florida and gonna be doing Disney for 2 weeks then hes coming to England for 2 weeks as well. I'm so excited

 

[SweetAmy31]

Another LDR here

Been dating my fella for almost a year now. I live in England and he lives in Michigan, USA. We met online and were friends for a while. During the time we became friends I was dating another guy who lived close by. It was kinda hard on me because I was crazy about my ex. Though I did a lot more for him than he did for me

Though during this time, he was a good friend to me and also had some stuff of his own which I helped him with in turn as well. He started making sure he was online when I was online more often and after sometime we fell in love~

People are sceptical here too, but in all honesty I'm quite happy this way. We get on great and thanks to the internet, we can still do things together. This week I've been introducing him to Eurovision, thanks to an international feed of the events online and we've been having a great time watching the semis and waiting for the final tomorrow.

We'll finally meet for the first time in July at Florida and gonna be doing Disney for 2 weeks then hes coming to England for 2 weeks as well. I'm so excited

CONGRATS to you two!!! I think that is wonderful! it really proves that its best to be friends first as your lover should also be your best friend!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!!!!

 

[MagiKitty]

Hi there Jennytablina! Welcome to our little club....call me an incurable romantic, but I just beleive that with strength and determination, you can make anything happen.

The best romances start out as best friends.

Congrats on your meet in July!

SweetAmy....good luck this weekend! I'll be thinking of you!

 

[SweetAmy31]

It's done. I'm back to singlehood....again. He didnt want to even discuss things, as soon as I tried he just said "lets be done. I'll get my stuff and we can stay friends." Thats it. No tears, no arguments, just walked away like it never happen.

Thanks for the advice all. In some ways I feel a lot better now. I know I made the right choice, I'm just really going to miss his daughter! I'm sure I'll see them again, after all, his best friend is engaged to my best friend. We introduced them. Its just a little hard today!

I'm gonna spend the rest of my weekend on my couch watching sappy movies and eating ice cream. Have a good holiday!

 

[sand2270]

It's done. I'm back to singlehood....again. He didnt want to even discuss things, as soon as I tried he just said "lets be done. I'll get my stuff and we can stay friends." Thats it. No tears, no arguments, just walked away like it never happen.

Thanks for the advice all. In some ways I feel a lot better now. I know I made the right choice, I'm just really going to miss his daughter! I'm sure I'll see them again, after all, his best friend is engaged to my best friend. We introduced them. Its just a little hard today!

I'm gonna spend the rest of my weekend on my couch watching sappy movies and eating ice cream. Have a good holiday!

Wow...well it sounds like you are handling things ok. I would definitely take you out for some drinks and some fun if I could I know nothing I say will make you feel better, breakups are just hard. Just know that in this little cyber community of ours we are all supporting you.

 

[jpringle]

I have just got home after dropping my girlfriend off at the airport (Blondie7 see earlier posts). She is going back to Toronto after being here in the UK for nine days. The next time we will be together is October at WDW, it is going to be very hard.

James

 

[MagiKitty]

SweetAmy! I'm so sorry to hear that it ended for you. He seemed pretty resigned from the way you described it. Move over on that couch, I'll be there with you. Take the time you need to think about it and move on when you're ready. I'm so so sorry, but you can't make him want to try.

jpringle...sorry to hear that you'll be separated from your girlfriend for a while. It is very hard. It just makes me appreciate the time we have together that much more. I try to distract myself when I'm apart from my BF by planning extensively for our trip to WDW in September. I keep thinking about how I can make those amazing memories together.

Again, while I wouldn't necessary recommend an LDR, I also wouldn't deter someone from trying it. It just takes a different type of commitment and strength. I wouldn't trade the happiness I have for a more "traditional" relationship. And it won't be forever! Its just a milestone in our relationship.

Happy Holiday to those who will be enjoying it!

 

[CoMickey]

Welcome! Have a wonderful time at WDW! I met my LDR DBF at WDW a year ago July 4th and we will be going back to celebrate our one year 'meeting' anniversary! BTW - I live in Colorado and he lives in California. Not a lot of miles between us but even one mile seems too far when you can't say good night or good morning in person.

The distance is difficult at times but the rewards are so worth it!

Another LDR here

Been dating my fella for almost a year now. I live in England and he lives in Michigan, USA. We met online and were friends for a while. During the time we became friends I was dating another guy who lived close by. It was kinda hard on me because I was crazy about my ex. Though I did a lot more for him than he did for me

Though during this time, he was a good friend to me and also had some stuff of his own which I helped him with in turn as well. He started making sure he was online when I was online more often and after sometime we fell in love~

People are sceptical here too, but in all honesty I'm quite happy this way. We get on great and thanks to the internet, we can still do things together. This week I've been introducing him to Eurovision, thanks to an international feed of the events online and we've been having a great time watching the semis and waiting for the final tomorrow.

We'll finally meet for the first time in July at Florida and gonna be doing Disney for 2 weeks then hes coming to England for 2 weeks as well. I'm so excited

 

[CoMickey]

SweetAmy - I am sorry to hear about your break up. My ex BF and I broke up almost two years ago after being together for a year and a half. When he ended it he wouldn't even talk to me about it and we had not communicated for almost a year, nada...nothing! Then out of the blue this past December he IM'd me and said he was ready to talk about the real reasons he broke it off and blah...blah....blah! At that point I had so moved on and really didn't care what he had to say. When he broke it off, I really thought I would never get over it nor find anyone like him again but I did, in fact I found someone so much better. It's heart breaking I know...take this time to take care of yourself and your boys.

Sending good vibes your way during this difficult time.

It's done. I'm back to singlehood....again. He didnt want to even discuss things, as soon as I tried he just said "lets be done. I'll get my stuff and we can stay friends." Thats it. No tears, no arguments, just walked away like it never happen.

Thanks for the advice all. In some ways I feel a lot better now. I know I made the right choice, I'm just really going to miss his daughter! I'm sure I'll see them again, after all, his best friend is engaged to my best friend. We introduced them. Its just a little hard today!

I'm gonna spend the rest of my weekend on my couch watching sappy movies and eating ice cream. Have a good holiday!

 

[Keneke]

My condolences, SweetAmy. I became single in Dec, so i feel your pain a little, still. *hugs*