Who here KNOWS how to BE a SAHM/parent???

[KimRaye]

After 4-1/2yrs+ as SAHM, I don't feel, heck I KNOW!!, I'm not SAHM quality. Should I look for outside work?

What exactly are the 'qualifications' I seem to be lacking?

If I had failed this miserably at a $$ paid job all this time, I would've been fired long ago!!

 

[DocRafiki]

what's going wrong?

 

[KimRaye]

Nothing in particular, just the usual I guess.

Tons of laundry to do. Lost on new meals/ideas to serve the family. House is a disaster (not a DISaster) .

Just a pity-party, for being inadequate, I guess.

sorry

I gave up being 'anal' about my house, etc. but, that seems to not fit me quite right, when I'm here all day!

I need a job, I think. I did better with my house when I wasn't here 24/7!

 

[DocRafiki]

That's how I am. Even though I'm barely working, my house hasn't been completely clean since I moved in over a year ago. The busier I am, the more I get accomplished. If I'm allowed to get lazy, I get LAZY.

 

[KimRaye]

LAZY for sure, that's me!! Guess that's my problem. Good intentions though. I didn't used to be lazy.

Anyone with a stick of dynamite... want to plant it under my butt?!

Pity party continues.....

 

[Ricola]

I'll make you a deal, Kim.

You come here and do my work. I will SAH.

I want to quit my job and play with my kids.

Maybe this is all just one of those "Grass is greener" things?

 

[Mermaid02]

How old are your kids Kim?? I have been a SAHM for almost 13 years (have had part time work here and there- when family or dh could watch kid/s ) it isn't easy.... sometimes it's busy busy busy- sometimes it seems boring boring boring. My youngest just started kindergarten.... amazing how much neater the house stays with him gone all day. I have gone back to school... and next year at this time I hope to have a job outside the home that actually PAYS something! Don't make any decisions after one bad day.....

 

[Cindy B]

Well, I was a SAHM for about that time, and I went back to work.

I was BORED.. I know that sounds horrible, I am with my kids, doing something that MANY can't do...

But it was with sacrifice. We sold our home, and scrimped and saved, and every year I would look into daycare/salaries, and realize how little would be left, and not do it.

Last year, though, I found a part time job, which was for me.. Yes, I got paid, but it was more of a break from the kids thing, than the money..(although the money has been the vacation fund)

This year, my baby is in kindergarten. I work about 25 hours a week now, and full time (30 hours at my employer), is right around the corner.

I am a better mom, when I go to work. I remember the feeling of what did I accomplish today? or Boy, I got two loads of laundry done, etc... I needed deadlines, and a place to be, to make me more productive.

Maybe it is time. Don't feel guilty about it. Its nice to feel needed in a different way at work, than it does at home. Yes, I am not doing rocket science, but it does feel great to be known for something besides changing diapers, and knowing the entire PBS Kids lineup.

Good luck deciding.

 

[Serena]

I couldn't do everything either. I did what I could and just kept going.
I don't know if this will help you. But I found this plaque and I've had it on my wall every since.

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact
that children shelter there;
Ours boasts of it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges on the doors;
I should apologize I guess,
For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children
And we played and laughed and read;
And if the doorbell doesn't shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to choose
The one job or the other;
I'd like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I'll be a mother.

 

[Mermaid02]

Here's a little rhyme that Serena's plaque reminded me of...

"Go away cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby-
And babies don't keep"

 

[Mamu]

Being a SAHM isn't as easy as it seems. I never worked until my children started college.

It easy to put things off until tomorrow, you arn't going anywhere. I think just like our children we need schedules in our life.

My children are all grown and on their own now. I sit 2 of my grandchildren 4 days a week while their Mom work. I enjoy being a part of their daily life, but I also look forward to work. I only work part-time at night now. Just enough.

 

[KimR]

Kim, I know exactly how you feel. Just this morning I was looking around my house in frustration. The mess, the piles of laundry that never seem to go away....I simply cannot get it under control. I am most definitely 'domestically challenged'. I'm not a SAHM, but I've only recently gone back to work (my youngest is 16 months), so I definetly know where you are coming from. I could use work as an excuse, I suppose, but things were no better when I was at home all day.

I don't understand how other moms do it. The kids take up so much of my time and how the heck am I supposed to cook, clean, do laundry with a toddler?!! If I start to clean up one thing, she messes up another. DH gets frustrated because I let her pull all the videos out of the entertainment center and strew books around the family room. But heck, that's the only way I can get dinner cooked, it keeps her occupied! And unlike most women, I cannot multitask at all; guess I'm missing that gene. It totally amazes me that some moms of small children are actually able to keep a house relatively neat and clean - I have absolutely no idea how they do it! I could just as easily perform brain surgery.

I've found that it's actually easier when I'm working because I'm able to take time off work to get the house in order, run errands, etc while the kids are at the babysitters. Also, I don't feel so incompetent because I know at least I'm good at something! Don't get me wrong, I know I'm an excellent mother and I'm confident that I'm doing a great job raising my girls; but I also feel like providing an organized home environment and good meals is part of that and that's where I'm failing miserably.


Kim

 

[snoopy]

I did it for a couple of months and quickly discovered it wasn't for me. I was about to go stark raving mad in that house, and found myself spending money like water.

I went back to work part time, 3 days per week, Wednesday through Friday. On Monday I work in my art studio while kids are in school, and then go pick them up after school. Tuesday I am a SAHM, I guess, although kids are in school so I'm staying home by myself. It works for me, gives me the best of both worlds.

 

[Claudia1]

Being a SAHM is the hardest job that I have ever done. I have a work history of administration/supervison, have published in professional journals, and worked on an advanced degree. It is sooooooo hard for me to find satisfaction in housework and to get myself in the "mommy" mode, even after 15 years.

..... and now I'm back in the caregiver mode again.......

Even though I have my candy business, I maintain an administrative role with only 4-8 hours per week during non-peak seasons. Those 4-8 hours are for the business end, which I do at home....... between the hours of 11pm and 2am....... while everybody sleeps. Every Christmas I vow to close my business because I just can't make it a top priority. My family always comes first and my business is not as booming as it should be. And every, January I decide to go for "one more year".

I advise that you find a short-term project (at church, school, in the community, etc...) that you can do without your children. It will give you a feeling of self-worth and you will enjoy the adult contact. 30 minutes of "me" time can get me through the remaining 23.5 hours of the day. Sometimes it is hard to get but I ahve learned that I am a happier person for it.

{{{hugs}}}}

Wish I could make you feel better!

 

[JAP]

Hang in there Kim. You have gotten lots of good advice.

I wish I could work part time! That would give me the best of both worlds. DH and I have talked about cutting back and saving over the next year so I could go to part time.

Really miss being with DD and DS. DD started Kindergarten this year and I really wanted to be there when she gets off the bus. I am getting used to it though.

I am one of the lucky ones that have the best sitter in the WORLD so it makes it easier to go to work in the a.m.

 

[Nancy]

I used to feel the same way..that's why I took a PT job at night. I was home with my kids and I still got out of the house 3 or 4 nights a week and had some p;aying around money. When things got financially tight (DH lost tons of overtime) I went full time overnights. It was hard, for 4 years I worked from 10:00 pm until 6:30 am, came home, got the kids off to school and then went to bed. I was here for them if they were sick, had days off and when they came home from school. I got a lot more accomplished around my house because I was so limited in my time. Now that I'm on days I have become very lazy at home. Today is my day off and I should be doing a million things, but I'm sitting here on the DIS!

 

[Jeafl]

I know exactly how you feel. It took me about 10 years to get myself in gear and get organized.

Structure is the key. What works for me is to try to stick to a schedule. Mondays, laundry and ironing, Tuesdays, I volunteer at a women's shelter, Wednesday, I run errands and volunteer at my kids school, Thursday I go grocery shopping, and Friday I clean house.

I have to be pretty structured in order to get everything done. Whatever time I have left over I do whatever I feel like doing. If I feel lilke spending all afternoon DIS-ing, I don't feel guilty because I know I got something accomplished in the morning. Just make youself a deadline and try your best to stick with it. Good luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

HEY KIM!!!

Can I join your party too!!! I know exactly what you are talking about. I can't ever have it together either.
When I do feel at my lowest I think about the SAHM up the street, she has a baby with special needs(almost 2) and another baby(8 mons)) and a 4yo. (Her house is perfect)
When I occasionally pick up older dd from middle school, I see the kids with special needs come out and greet their moms with smiles & laughter and then get put into the van in their wheelchairs, I realize that I need to put things into perspective. That does help me.
OK I am not the best cleaner or even the best organizer but I am home.
Also when my dd went to middle school I think to myself I ONLY have 7 more years with her. I do have a 6yo too. But that is when my house will be perfect, when they are gone.
Anyway that is how I cope with the "I FLUNKED THIS WEEK" syndrome.
Oh and the moms who have perfection...They throw most things away & decorate. They tell me that it makes them want to keep it clean when they LOVE their house. I am going to try that philosophy because I DO need to decorate and paint. I'll let you know if this is true.

 

[Pembo]

It's the hardest job I've ever had, because you never really get time off!!!!

I go on cleaning binges. Some days I just get so sick and tired of the clutter and dirt and mess that I turn into a cleaning machine. (My dh hates it when that mood strikes, he gets blamed for a lot! )

I'll join in your pity party...........

 

[Pembo]

It's the hardest job I've ever had, because you never really get time off!!!!

I go on cleaning binges. Some days I just get so sick and tired of the clutter and dirt and mess that I turn into a cleaning machine. (My dh hates it when that mood strikes, he gets blamed for a lot! )

I'll join in your pity party...........